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Martin May 24
My calendar is empty, June to December,
Ingesting synthetic Alzheimer's, ‘til I can't remember,
All the days in my life, all the days in the year,
Rejecting all the advice, that I can't even hear,

I can cater to longing, I can cater to needs,
But not to my future, and not to my dreams,
I pick the poison I deserve, to get the push and the shove,
That I need to run away, from all the things that I'm sick of.

I am made of oil, my worlds made of water,
In can never connect, but as I grow hotter,
My body and mind, they bend with straits,
The currents of life, they crush me like weights,
I bubble, blend and break, I float and I sink,
I can't stop drifting apart, so all I do is drink,
Bits of me are scattered, all around me, it seems,
But I couldn't hope to get them back, I can't see through the seams,
Of the novice sewing job I've made of my connections,
The knots of my relationships sick up in every direction,
But all I do is float here, and watch them unravel,
My thoughts suddenly idle, like feet kicking gravel,
I can kick scream and cry, about my inaction,
But I can't bring myself to fight, I'm lost in abstraction,
Of the things in mind, conjured from quiet,
But I can't stomach it all on this ***** only diet,
All I hear is the fan in my window, and the fountain outside,
I feel the heat on my skin, and the wound in my pride,
The wind whistles in the treetops and the frog croaks persist,
But it doesn't matter now, nothing outside this room exists.

I can chase it with comfort, I can chase it with love,
But that won't let the hope in, the light from above,
Lost among my stupor and the hypnotic vapors,
All these things I can't help, tears seeping into paper.

All these things i've forgotten, all the times that are gone,
All the things I've put forward, all the things I've withdrawn,
I can cater to longing, to all the little things,
The words slide from my thoughts, water off a wing,
I'm dying, dissolving, rotting away,
It's dictating all my movements, I don't got any say,
This dysmetamorphosisis is unraveling me,
Every step is stagnant, I just couldn't foresee,

My tongue feels thick and my words won't stop slurring,
Everything is vivid but my vision is blurring,
My mind lags behind and my body moves slow,
I feel free at last, but deep down I know,
I'm killing myself, slowing as possible,
Nursing on poison, So I'm not responsible,
I can't think anymore, the words just won't come,
I scream and I cry, but my mind is still numb,
I can feel everything slipping, just what I needed,
What I crave to numb the wounds I've left untreated,
I can't muster the words, or the strength or the will,
To do what it takes, to finally distill,
My wants from my needs, my comforts from addictions,
To break out the haze, to break out of my fiction,
But for now, I am safe, swaddled in the embrace,
Of the things that will **** me, what I dare not erase,
I'm already here, why leave so soon,
It's alright, I can stop, I'm immune.
They will only criticize
They won't sympathize
So don't make yourself paralyze
Do something which makes them surprise
But don't disguise
Keep it real and revise
Give yourself advise
Don't you ever compromise, minimize, apologize
Come with some real **** which synchronize
Something which characterised
You can Immobilized
Your power, your trust, your belief with no curse
Just memorize, organise, realise
Please don't pressurize
You can make your life harmonize

It implies
With timewise
Don't bribe the life
It wil galvanize
You can't resize
Your effort, belief, courage only your tries
So stay, stay with god
He won't do fraud
You believe
You'll achieve.
Light my fuse
I won't refuse
when drowning in hues of blue
Don't accuse
this ain't a ruse
just diffuse this abuse
I will unloose
from this slipnoose
get rid of your flimsy excuse

-Esther L. Krenzin-
I have been unmade and made anew
bolts loose, screws askew
metal stitches holding jagged words abrew
Light a match, no make it two
don't smile at me
I know its true
don't construe my issue
with you
respects not owed and its not due
don't feed me lies
my trust you blew
spooned shards of glass
masked subterfuge.

Don't cast me out
don't look away
I'm a stowaway
what makes you think I will obey?
I know the face that I portray
like I'm asking to be betrayed
but cut some slack, bits of leeway
I'll scrounge for scraps
don't make me pay
you cut my tongue, I won't soothsay
the odds for me will soon outweigh
just watch I'll drop this masquerade
and I'll cutaway
to counterweigh
this disarray
this wordplay
display of
'cause I'm a stowaway

-Esther L. Krenzin-
Claw apart my flesh
to reveal a bleeding heart
Peel me open
to show what is falling apart
Stoked flame burns
brighter than trampled coals
Turn me to ashes
to crumbling charcoal
Once drowning
now buried in storms
A star shines brighter
fractured light reformed.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
Esther Krenzin Jun 2018
A whisper floats into my ear
So soft that I can barely hear
Tearing me apart deep down inside
I just want it to end, and peace to reside
It offers power and darkness to me
How lost I am I just cannot see
Part of me begs to again find the light
But the greed overcomes and darkens my sight
I've lost who I was to fear and hate
And now I'm trapped and think its too late
Tears spring to my eyes as I lift them high
Seeking wisdom and answers that aren't based on lies
The mask fades, the lie I built
To block the pain and heart wrenching guilt
Looking at the cracked reflection of my face
All I see is a failure and a disgrace
A monster that I myself have created
Is now the very person to be hated
The choices spin around in my head
As I stand here now wishing I was dead
Could I give it all up and run away?
Or lose myself to evil and stay?
I let go of the light and embrace the dark
Crushing the old me leaving not a spark
The ember in the ashes eventually dies out
Leaving an empty shell full of doubt
Clutching my weapon I scream
Wishing it all was a dream
But it is real, I am real
And I just want it all to heal
Instead I stand here, taking deep breaths
No friend but my shadow who hasn't yet left
Inside it hurts but outside it sleeps
So I'll stand here again as it silently reaps

-Esther L. Krenzin-
I wrote this poem for Kylo Ren, because I feel bad for him. He's gone through so much, and is so conflicted and sad. I wrote this so that I, and others can understand him better.
I hope you liked it.
Peace out,
Esther Krenzin Jun 2018
(For Eric Killmonger)
A little boy stared in the clouds
Forgotten tales screaming loud
His word small and nothing wrong
It all shattered after too long
Stories of cities that touched the sky
Clans of people untouched by time
Hope soon filled his boyish dreams
But not everything was as it seemed
One night he came home and saw
His father dead, struck down by claw
Weeping over his fathers head
He begged him to stay, not leave him instead
Shattered dreams and shattered hopes
He held the myth achingly close
Alone, no one there to guide
He locked his humanity deep inside
Battling for a way to free them all
Seeking power and in deaths thrall
The world had taken everything away
And all in one single day
So he would take everything away from it
His soul a star no longer lit
Now he lay there quietly dying
His enemy close, no longer fighting
The world it seemed would take him too
His glittering eyes full of rue
There was nothing left for him here
Breathing ragged and full of fear
Finally he took his very last breath
And slipped away as his life left
And as the sun left the sky
The night descended with a sigh
The little boy was dead and gone
His life a sad and weary song.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
I loved this Eric in the Black Panther movie, and I felt so bad for him.
His whole life he believed in a dream.
His whole life he believed that he could make a difference, and fight for those who are oppressed.
He just wanted to help.
Esther Krenzin Aug 2018
A little girl danced to a song
her world small and nothing wrong
And in that instant she knew that she
a dancer she would always be
Her dream since the tender age of five
she knew that she must work and strive
Stumbling, falling, she fell to the ground
hurting herself severely she found
Years later it was all just a dream
everything went back to normal it seemed
And then one day she hurt it again
but still she pushed on and didn't let it win.

For long months she endured and toiled
the pain refusing to be foiled
They all tried to make it heal
but it wouldn't, and her fate it sealed
Keeping it hidden from everyone close
even the ones she loved the most
For she was scared and very angry
didn't want to lose her dream you see
When it was all too much to shoulder
she caved in and the world turned colder.

They told her she would have to quite
her heart a candle no longer lit
She stopped breathing as the world froze
blinking numbly she arose
Sitting backstage as her music played
mutely staring as the future was made
And then the music ended
and all the dancers ascended
As she sat thinking, "is this real?"
"Why God? I just want it to heal."
Tears frozen in her eyes
as she desperately wished it was lies
Picking up a flower from the floor
all that was left of what was before.

Holding herself alone at night
the crying girl a broken sight
Losing her dream was the hardest thing
her voice she found no longer sang
What would she do now that its gone?
a uncaring façade she would have to don
All that was left was memories
she wished the unending pain would just cease
The poor little girl learned to soon
that the world was harsh and full of gloom
The hardened girl still remembers
a life she had, now ashes and embers.

She'll never forget but she will let go
telling her precious dream farewell
To this day it still hurts
but she's stronger now when it wont desert
I know this girl very deeply
because you see
its really
-Esther L. Krenzin-
The bravest thing I've ever done, is continuing to live when I wanted to die.
The hardest thing I've ever done, is telling my precious dream goodbye.
Esther Krenzin Dec 2018
My story is filled with blotted ink
from the tears that so freely fell
Ensnared behind my closed mouth
words form and then rebel
Hands bleed with the need to write
but the pen has long been dry
Sometimes I wonder if
it has always been a lie
Then what is this
that flows through my veins?
Forged from silver
held back by chains
I do not see blood
only unformed murmurs
Mere fragments of the thoughts
buried beneath the armor
And if you tore me open
all you will ever find
Is blank paper
torn pages
and ink run dry.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
Do you ever long to write yet no words form? To put down on page what feels so powerful yet so
Stars fall like dreams
that have lost their shine
Collecting like dust
in the distant skyline
From afar they glow
with iridescent light
But sputter and wink out
when brought close to sight
Molten silver
more precious than gold
From the stars that fell
mere fragments of old.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
I think the stars may be what I hold dearest in this world.
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