Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin
I wish i could just rip it off
And breathe again
Its so tight
Im suffocating
I wish I could just
Change

Lost
And found
But then lost again

I was found
and I was free
I was happy
I am Happy
And
Confused
The lights fade
And Im wandering lost
Searching for someone
To grab my hand and hold me close
Lead me out of this darkness
Show me where the light switch hides

But A part of me feels lost again
Someone found me
I was meant to be found by them
But were they really meant to find me?

I have always been scared to be alone
So tell me why now
All I want is to crawl into my closet
Close the door
And fall apart
In utter silence
The only sound
Is the mute thud
of my pieces falling
to the carpet
Till the last one falls

Lifes like hills
They rise and fall
You will be at your highest
Then life will bring you back down to hell

Anything thats real
Cant fade
This is real
We are Real
What this is..
It cant be broken
Take my eyes
And your face will still be all I see
Take my ears
You voice will be the only melody that wont fade
Take my lips
I dont care
Words mean nothing when all I long for are yours
They may be freedom for this world
But your freedom for mine
You are mine
I am yours
Us is ours

I was walking down the street
I saw someone
Something
on the curb
Looking down
Eyes
like ice
Hair
Rosy red
I came over
No movement
Stopped at the edge of the bubble
Then took the step into his world

It was cold
People were screaming
My chest hurt
My eyes burned
The boy was rocking
His thoughts Pleading for relief
Too look away
from the face staring back

I decided to draw today
to let her out
my demons been getting restless
The words I long to say
they just
Wont come out
So now
Im turning to a visual
Spill of words

That puts everything aside
Disconnecting everything in my brain
Letting my hands take control
The pencil
To freely dance across the page
To let out whatever needs to be free
That I cant see

Letting the thoughts
The pictures
The words
That I have never seen heard or felt
to come out
Be free

Is a stranger
Still a stranger
Even when
they have made a impact on you life
Even when
They saved you from the dark
Even when
You know them
What they want to do with their life
What makes them happy
What makes feel free

Makes one wonder
What makes a person a stranger?
Is it that you havent seen their shell?
Is it that you cant be sure you can trust them?

If this is the definition of a stranger
Then I could consider half of my family
As strangers
Half my "friends"
Are Strangers

The google definition of a stranger
"a person whom one does not know
or with whom one is not familiar."

If this is the case...
A Stranger is really...

A potential Friend
         or
            A potential Enemy
                     or
                        Maybe
                           A Potential Love

You follow light with willing desire
With no fear
No worries
Why
~~~
A silly mouse
A confused cat
You follow without question
You trust in something
with blind eyes
Why
~~~
Desperate are you
Lost
Confused
In need

I cry and worry in your stead
Wait
For a sign of safety
But none

They keep telling me
To open my eyes
To the world
To Reality
The cliff I will be dropped from
Society
The monster lurking in the darkness below
ready to swallow me whole

But
I will never live that life
I wont be pushed off that cliff
I cant say I will be prepared though either

This life though
Its mine
The world is simply what I want it to be
My reality will be A lot of what this world isnt

My reality love isnt free
but it doesnt cost pain, Only time
My reality theres no such thing as a bad person
Only someone who makes bad choices
My reality the cats talk
My reality stars tell you stories and the wind kisses your nose

Me
My reality
My thoughts
My wonders
They may seem childish
But whos to say its wrong?

A broken heart
But a toy to someone who was bored
You need to put those pieces back together
Sweet little doll
Sad little soldier
those piece will get lost if not fixed

I will help
I will sew those broken pieces together
Using the faiths string
And I will use gallons of glue
To fix the cracks that cover your sad eyes

Those scars will heal
Just as glue drys and stitches are forgotten
But I cant promise someone wont do it again
Girls play with boys hearts as though they were puppets
Boys play with the girls as though they were dolls
  
                             These hearts arent toys
                       And they arent a easy fix

7:00
Wake up
Im awake
in a b--- No
My bed
Warm

7:30
Get up
Stand
Cold
dizzy
Jamie...
Where is-- Who?

8:00
Breakfast
Eggs
Bacon
Toast
Milk
Mmm

9:00
Stoll
Trees
Sun
Flowers
I miss being a flower
So beautiful
So free
Flowing with the wind
I wont forget that

10:30
Seeker
Told her what i know
Yet apparently she knows my human
Better than the one inside
We should just **** her, save some time
wait
what?

12:00
Comforter
"These feelings I have never felt hatred
I dont like it
but I cant let it go
being here even I just Hate It"
Souls are pure
Flowers were perfect
Calm and peaceful
This alien body is just a ticking bomb
A killer

2:00
Thoughts
I just want to sleep
But
I miss him
Who
Theres a wall
whats wrong with this body?
Was it damaged?
no Healer Ford wouldn't have let me in it
but why I cant i see this over this wall
I want to see

I walk this path
Yet I feel lost without her
My Demon
She was there for me when no one was
She was there when I wanted to fall
She was there for every lie
Shes always there when I cry
Shes always there when the darkness wants to take- no
Save me
From the light that burns my skin
Because even in a million years I could never deserve it

Remember when we were curious why people hurt?
She says
Want to understand?
Yes
Well doll, Seeing is believing. You will understand if you see you hurt too
Will I?
Yes
Hmm
Scared?
Yes
Do I dare ask why?
Curiosity killed the cat
Ah but satisfaction brought him back
So you say but what if im not satisfied with what I find
Whos to say you wont be?

Every human being
has had that feeling
The clocks finally stop ticking
The birds finally stop chirping
The Sun finally flies away
And left darkness
in its place
Little speckles of light
Hold up tight
against the blank the canvas

Another falls
Another legend
Another life
barely lived
lost

Drugs?
Health?
Shooter?
Suicide?

Im tired
Waking up
seeing another life
that couldn't be lived
looking to find a day of light
But all there is
Clouds of grief

At least
legend
your finally free

I love art
It expresses a world beyond this one
Art can show me a life
A possibility
A desire
Anything
I can feel
I can hurt
I can express

My pencil dances on the page
A magic flowing from my pencil to the page
Finally free
People can finally understand
They can finally see
From my eyes
                                     Art

I watch them
captured by
their bodies the narrator
A beautiful story is now being told
A love
so deep
but so painful
a silent scream
                                   Art

That instrument
Speaks
This may have been Beethovens
But not anymore
This
Is now theirs
This
is beyond words
                                  Art

Theres always more behind the words
Stories
Secrets
Wishes
Confessions
Everything
A poem can tell the world what cant be said
                                  Art

People seem to think
the hardest part is making the choice
But actually
The hardest part is sticking with it

Its not set in stone yet
But it needs to be

Im ready
Ready to give up
Ready to stay broken
Ready to stay on the ground
Ready to not get up
To let God push me back into my place
Ready to stop

Just kidding

I ready to fight
Im ready fall for what i believe
Ready to live
Ready Cry
Ready to Smile
Ready to scream
I wont give up
I have fought to long
Im not ready to give up
                                          Not to myself

In search
for something

A Map
A light
An Angel
A demon

Something

In these trees theres gotta be something
You cant hide a tree in a forest
I guarantee I will find it
Someway
Somehow
One day

I will find it
in my search
for something

If i stare hard into the sun
Will i see you?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will i feel you?
If Lay in the field of wheat where the wind blows
Will i hear you?

If i stand on the highest building
Will you see me?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will you feel me?
If i cry my prayers
Will you finally hear me?

He finally remembered the song
that song that called Persephone to his Cold sunless world
That spoke the words he couldn't say
The song of love

Hades remember?
That love you felt for Persephone
The feeling that the world was in your arms
All weight lifted from your shoulders
All there is and all there ever was
                      
                                      ­                   Her

A blanket of light
warms me
As i glide through the waters
with my selkie friends at my side
darting through the water
and teasing me for letting my thoughts get the best of me
I remember

He saw me
His eyes the color of the forest
His hair the color of fire
We fell for each other
And the string on our finger pulled us like magnets into each others arms

We spent so long together
And i loved him
More than life
I loved our daughter
More than my sea

But the pull
It tugged at my heart
At my mind
my skin
My soul
I couldnt resist its call
i tried
and tried for years

but i couldnt fight a match that had
never been possible for me to win in the first place
I couldnt fight my home
My very being
The beholder of my soul

I know they will forgive me one day
Our tight knot can not undone

Not even when
                                  Fate cuts my string

Cheshire cat
Make up your mad mind
I know that i am mad
but you are beyond comparison of madness
You love one way within those mad eyes wild with craze
and i only follow in your mad, mad ways

What is this
I feel an unknown force
its enclosing my heart
making it hard to breathe

i have to gasp for air
Why?
Why does my chest hurt
I feel as though im trapped in a bubble
this pressure on my chest
its so..so..
What is it?

It feels like no one understands
but they tell us someone will

It feels like im falling apart
They say im dramatic

It feel like im all alone
even with people all around me
They say im a attention seeker

I like school
They say im a nerd

I not a skinny beauty
so im fat

I change to the skinny beauty
So im anorexic

I like rock music
Im a Emo

I like wearing black
Im Goth

Im made one mistake
And im a idiot

I like showing off my body a little
so im a ****

Labels consume us...
No one can be who they are with the
Labels
Telling them who they are

Im tired of watching
life fly by
like i havent lived
to my full extent
if im going to die
it better be for something
crazy amazing
and worth it
Such as
sky diving
finding a online friend that i NEED to see
just once
Saving a puppy from being run over
taking the bullet for someone i love
I think these would be worth it
Not to the loved ones
that hide their worry
but still

It funny
The weird positions that your bad choices
put you in

Im dead
but
at the same time
Im slightly more alive

Almost found
yet still completely lost

no one can save me from the depths of darkness
that eat me alive
And it will
until im reunited with the life
I wanted
and I made

Bad choices will always
come back
karma
she loves to make sure
you pay the price
for what you wanted
so i hope it was worth it

My lips brush upon your cheeks
tasting the salt of your tears
i wish i could take the burdens you bare
banish them from your shoulders
the pain of watching you hurt
the guilt that burns my very soul
to a crisp
knowing i caused this
the sad tears falling from your broken eyes
the weight keeping you from standing
its all because of me
Whyd i dare speak those three words
"I love you"
they felt so true
but...
im sorry

I dont know why
i barely knew you
But living without you
Hurts like hell

Each day
a new scratch
Soon theres going to be a big hole
beyond patching

But i will be okay
I always am
Its just going to take time
A long long time
But hopefully i
...
No
I will
I will bare this load
No matter the pain
No matter the tears
I will
i have to...
                                         I will try..

Why
They come and go
What
could possibly go wrong
If they just
stayed

You said you were my Guardian Angel
That you would come back
10 years time
Im so naive

I dont need you
I know i dont
But i sure as hell want you

What is love?
A emotion? is it a want or a need?
is it something everyone meets somewhere in life?

What is love?
A problem? or  dream come true?
I guess its all in how you look at it

I see it as a opportunity
You could accept it or deny it
                     Everyone sees it differently

I never once felt so trapped
              till i came back to my cage
With a door that never open
               Where the dark never fades
And the fear never ends

They say they understand
that i can leave when i please
that im free


     What kind of lie is that

Do you even see me?

The constant frown that will never
turn upside down
not without my Angel
That cant touch me

How could you understand this
The fear
It suffocates me
***** the air out of my lungs
how much longer till i die here

Im tired of being afraid
Afraid you will ban me from my Angel
From my school
From my life
What i worked so hard to mold into what i want

Im getting so close
And you want to destroy it
Its not finished
Its not pretty now
But soon it will beautiful
smooth
and straight

Soon
         I wont feel the need to stray from path
                               The need to find the love i seek
                                                   To enjoy this short life
                                                                ­              To Feel


Dont worry
Soon
I will be fixed
You wont have to worry about
Me misbehaving
Breaking your rules

Soon my legs will rust to a stop
So i cant run anymore
From your constant desire
to protect me
When you are the one putting me in danger
from what i have to do
to learn

But dont worry
soon enough
I will stop
No more banging again the bars
screaming
im almost done
Dont worry

Im to point to where
i have to make choices
Decision
BIG ones
That could change my little teenage life

What high school do i want to go?
Should i break up with him?
What do i even want to do with my life?
Are they someone i want to keep around me?
Am i to the point of needing help?
Where should i work?
Should i start saving now for a car?

Then theres those questions that have no reason for existing
Will i make it?
Am i good enough to be here?
Do i deserve this?
Can i even do that?
Will i ever be able to do that?
Is that possible for someone like me?

These questions eat
like worm eating a apple
Eating to my core
my center
When i started and where im going to end
The main part of who i am
And it eats and eats till theres almost nothing left
Of what little i had

Theres so many walls
to overcome
in order for it to stay strong
Differences are always the biggest

You dont want to change
Who you know you are
or want them to
Because it would be a lie
And it would hurt

There are so many walls
Opinions
Goals
Religion

You shouldnt let differences
change you
change them
nor keep them between you both

so they say

and i agree
but there are certain walls

i will never know how to meet in the middle with

drilling a hole through it
will take more than time
it would take change

certain changes im not willing to make
not even for you

It would all
be
A Lie

Because i cant change that much
not without losing who i think i am

When you give them that ring
Your promising them
A love
That would never end
A love
Thats just for them

Your giving them A Ring
Your giving them A love
Your giving them a lifelong friend and more
Most of all
Your giving them a piece of you
That you plan to let them keep

Your showing them
You want them around
For the rest of your life
By your side

I dont mean this
to scare you away
I mean this
To show you what it means
At least in my eyes
to give them that ring

That ring will bind you and your love
As one
A whole
Yen and Yang
Day and Night
Darkness and light

Thats just how amazing it is
To give someone
                                      The Ring

I once had friends that would guide me through the night and we saved each other from the scary parts of life.
But
Then
Life just happened
Came on a bit strong
to where we were left
searching for new friends
New guides
That we could help and they could save us from the scary side

So i found some new friends
And it was great
I had someone to help when life got rough
and i could help them too!
Although, i began to realize
when certain of my new friends were around
it became
harder to breathe
the air
seemed thinner
And they aura...
Different
They always needed something
I tried to help when i could
but
I cant save everyone by myself..
Sadly i had to learn that the hard way...
I still want to try

Each day a new part of what i had left
consumed

I tried to escape
but i was holding myself back
with guilt of not being able to help them
Maybe if i say the right words or give enough of my time and love
everything will be better, Right?

I gave in to it
Everyday more and more gone
i was running out of me
Running out of ways to keep me remotely okay

It couldnt give up
I need to save them
its my job

I cant help thinking though
Are they even trying to get out of the darkness?
Do they actually want to get out?
Or am i just wasting what little i have left

Left
Right
Black and white
through eyes
Light deformed
Creature taken flight
Eyes colorless
lost
broken
nothing
nothing
Nothing but Nothing

Empty

My friend
Someone i trust
Someone i love
Someone i could never live without
The reason im here
The one who has never given up on me
The one who will always care
The one that helps me find my way in the dark
The one that encouraged me to do the things i love

               The one that taught/ teaches me the ways of life
The rights and the wrongs
The Goods and the Bads
The needs and wants

So many qualities i cant even say them all
Creative
Caring
Lovable
Weird
Silly
Amazing
Wonderful

                                              
                                  My Mother

You know those moments
that you do something that seems
Justifiable and fine
that is
in the moment
but then
you realize
That was
Really
Really
          Really
                                    Stupid

Teenage love
Is when
your just so in love
with
the idea
of being in love

And quote on quote
¨that feeling you think is love
is just a mixture
of Lust
And attraction when your a teenager¨