That feeling you get when you try giving up being a pessimist.

Why is it that I can still not look forward when those who left me have never even glanced back?

If I told you I love you, that I care for you, maybe even desire you... would you have me arrested?

Forty thousand dreams that have come to sudden unexpected end.
Yet millions more tainted by fears with which they must contend.
Who will dream those dreams now that they have gone their way?
Can we hope to dream as we did before when tomorrows pass away?
For now my dream is simple and my hopes and motives true.
When nightmares are over, there are better dreams for me and you.
But if by fickle fates hand my dreams should perish too...
I will hold until my last breath that good dreams return to you.

She was once my beautiful damsel and I was once her knight....
Then we went to twice a knight and the universe seemed alright.

Nightly I dream of you, an image so bright and clear,
the warmth of your breath, in closeness there upon my ear.

Silk gown neck open, revealing a shoulder bare,
perfect pale flesh, draped by the tresses of your hair.

Arms reach for each other, as we draw into embrace,
a vision of splendid wonder, the beauty of your face.

Eyes that link as one as we look into the others soul,
until our lips are joined, and we become a spirit whole.

Each night I dream this, as it plays out just the same,
as you rise to go out, through the door by which you came.

How strong my heartbeat pulses, each and every night,
to give way to lonely heartache as I wake to mornings light.

I see the beauty of you such as no other woman holds,
Cast in radiance and uniqueness by natures precision moulds.

And though others may not see you as my eyes perceive the view.
I live for the grace and the beauty that my dreams perceive in you.

My eyes are drawn to beauty's smile written there upon your face,
like a touch of heaven when we join in love's warm embrace.

I feel my heart skip to match the rhythm of your gentle sigh,
the softness of you near me forcing my every sense to high.

Your sensuous, delicate lips that I am so longing to know and kiss,
where my soul yet sings aloud to make a moment such as this.

I am captivated by every soft curve and all of your alluring charms,
sure my heart will know completeness with you there in my arms.

Two souls content by touching, set on lighting passion's hottest fire,
ignited by the bond of two lovers totally consumed by deep desire.

Feel of naked flesh pressed upon my own bodies now made as one,
with universe as if vanished, all else but us seemingly now gone.

Unified realm of heart, mind and soul's most contented place,
as we lose ourselves to loves inspired intoxicating embrace.

Caught and bound by love's true bond each for the other one.
who knows if one day I will find it, but until then, I dream on.

A God all alone in empty total dark,
had thought to start up creations spark.
To build upon that black empty view,
all those things his thoughts made anew.

Where and with what should he begin,
with only darkness there to keep it in?
Mechanics drawn from rigid Physics laws,
so time would carry out evolutions chores.

Only God alone right there at the start,
hydrogen made as if from some godly ****.
Clouds that swirled and time then congealed,
until mass and gravity his plan then revealed.

Ignition of that first ball of gaseous light,
that brought an ending to the longest night.
Deep in that furnace new things were made,
a realm where matter and time both played.

Changing substance and the shape and form,
by the passing of time and by cosmic storm.
All elements to make every building block,
of galaxies, liquids, gases and every kind of rock.

So the plan moves on at his chosen godly pace,
filling all of time and all corners of outer-space.
Ever changing all things into something more,
God all alone knowing what its all been for.

In a foreign land,
over two thousand years ago,
there lived a man,
whom the world would come to know.

Raised out of Nazareth,
his humble place of birth,
tasked with spreading words of love,
and of peace throughout the Earth.

Many were his deeds,
and so timeless and true his word,
that he changed the shape of the world,
for those who saw and heard.

He challenged the authority,
of those who then held sway,
by telling common people that through his Father,
there lay a better way.

Challenged by his word,
and fearing influence on the wane,
by deceit and lie,
they sought to take control back again.

Despite his deeds and truth,
evident in what he taught,
by deception, lies and betrayal,
he was rounded up and caught.

In a trial that found no arguement,
to undermine what he had said,
he was sentenced to crucifixion,
nailed on a cross until he was dead.

I am sure you know the rest,
of how on the third day he did rise,
and you have seen our world still battling,
against the hate and all the lies.

On this very weekend, remember,
this man from long ago I beg,
for there is much more to this remembrance,
than the chocolate in your egg.

Why is there only light at the end of the tunnel? Dont you know there are people lost in here?

When someone tells you not to worry.... "it may never happen".... you can be pretty sure they have never had the same bad **** happen twice.

Once you lose respect for a persons right to be wrong you are always wrong and if I am wrong that's my right.

Respect.... give it to get it.... if you don't then you shouldn't be surprised at what you get in return.

Once again the sobbing of my heart,
drowns out thoughts of laughter.
And still the ache of loneliness tells,
there is no sign of what I am after.

Through ache of the soul and a pain,
deep in my damaged spirits broken core.
Everything I am and all of my being,
just longing for someone to adore.

There is someone for everyone,
I have heard people often say.
So why this dark lonely space,
my head cant make go away?

When you have love to give,
and there is no one there.
Until all your body can feel,
is darkness and empty despair.

How can you hang onto dreams,
or even make effort to cope.
Abandoned by love and alone,
knowing each day there is no hope.

A pain so deep and this endless ache,
so much love to give it cant be wrong.
Through hearts cry and souls pain,
Somehow I am meant to stay strong.

I can't

I survived the broken heart just fine.
It was the collateral damage to my mind that killed me.

Life gives birth to optimists.
Then raises them to be pessimists.

To dream, to love, to hope... is to live.
To be without dream, love, hope is to merely exist.

A view of this world distorted by eyes now welled with tears.
More broken and alone than at anytime in all my younger years.

No sign of reason and nothing to sustain progress to a future way.
Just the futility that lays ahead as I face yet one more pointless day.

Scream out to the deafness, in pain so deep, of the peril that I am in.
Resolved to the reality there are no ears, and I have no way to win.

Long has been my fight since I fell to this most desperate place.
Knowing an escape by my own hand will not even leave a trace.

To end my continual pain and this life of lonely deep despair.
And with certainty just knowing, no one knows I was even there.

No one left to notice or care how far I fall.
Any path without this pain again a very welcomed call.

Do you see your purpose as accumulation of wealth?
Do you make such things your social standings health?
Is it what drives you and gives you all your worth?
Is it what you were told gave purpose so shortly after birth?
Do you live each moment trying to add another buck?
Were you taught when very young you cant rely on luck?
Do you seek more property to add comfort to your plight?
Do you check the market for profits won throughout the night?
Do you count and tally all the notes that you can hold?
Do you calculate all you've traded, paid for, bought or sold?
Do you know the faces on every type of bill?
Is the pile getting ever higher and climbing higher still?
Do you make money from the lowly when they are forced to fight?
Do you really call this purpose and see it as your right?
Is your life for paper with a slogan proclaiming "In God We Trust"
I'm not alone in praying, one day God will send you bust.

Has my path been random or has it been ordained?
Did I make the choices that led me to this life so strained?

Some would say I was tested and it was always the path ahead.
Every choice and word predetermined, all destined to be said.

I always believed I was independent and making my own way.
But I have come to doubt it, I am so less certain of myself today.

Every choice I made has led me here to writing this today.
Less certain than before, less belief in all the words I've had to say.

Confused by life and doubting in just who the hell I am.
Always predetermined, cosmically intended to fail at the exam.

There is no sense to it if I was always meant to fall.
And there really was no purpose to testing me at all.

So even if its random and has all been by my choice.
The failure has been even greater and I am just an empty voice.

Long and arduous had been the climb.
Fifty years or so in the making.
A pinnacle claimed but unseen for what it was.
Was it folly or push that became my past, present and future.

Falling was but a blink in the making.
No anchor to hold me and foundations removed, abandoned, lost.
Successions of ricochets from jagged rock to jagged rock.
Carved to the core by granite hard betrayal and failures.

By chance did my fingers gain purchase to slow the fall.
More of a roll downhill than the plummet that near killed me.
But still trending down into the chasm of who I have become.
The place I am, the present, the bloodied remnant of who I was.

Limbs askew and misshapen-ed, bones shattered and core exposed.
Total vulnerability to even the meekest of creatures with ill intent.
Cowered, afraid and alone in and darkness still falling.
Momentary reprieve as fingers strike stone but too torn to grasp.

Mind operating in fragmented, distorted jigsaws of thought.
No box top picture remaining to focus the picture I am meant to be.
Too many pieces in different shapes to be who I once was.
Uncertain of enough pieces to make myself a semblance of whole.

Still endless the fall and the darkness.
Creature or granite strike constantly feared.
Cowered, alone, afraid and defeated.
The darkness and fall are who I have been made.

Have you faced a fear and known the power of its defeat?

Did you find that your new fear is the not fearing it no more?

Replaced now by a fear of the known roads that lead you to be that brave again and the knowing that you can?

I have drawn back from a world where those roads are where I am compelled by choices not my own.

Instead through isolation I choose not to defeat that fear again. Along that road I know the destination that awaits.

I fear those roads and those who would lead me there.
And as with you and your fears... it is from them that I hide.

I know my own bravery and the point at which I break.
That road for now best avoided and the one way sign well marked.

Have you felt the darkness in the middle of the day?
Have you felt the brush of ghosts you just cant keep away?
Do you know your value or just wonder at your worth?
Do you wish for somewhere else other than this Earth?
Have you felt your weakness and hidden it inside?
Have you been so low that there is no form of pride?
Do you feel you stand alone and have nowhere left to go?
Do you sense there is no end to the depths of your own woe?
Have you lost the path and felt a falter in your stride?
Have you seen your dreams desert you to vanish as they've died?
Do you know this darkness of which I choose to tell?
Do you know the pain of it and the never ending hell?
Have you groped the dark for a hand you hope is there?
Have you fumbled in the dark for a ghost with time to care?
Do you know the emptiness of this unforgiving space?
Do you feel the staring eyes and so choose to hide your face?
Have you seen in shadow others as by random they pass through?
Have you cowered in the dark understanding they cant touch you?
Do you, as I do wish a light could reach you there?
Do you know the shape of light to bring an ending to despair?

When someone tells you that you have wounded their soul you can't mend the wounds by denying or arguing you didn't.
Their soul, their wound... your conscience.

There once was a very fine cat called Flick.
A more respected cat there has never been.
Well groomed, very proud and much admired.
Flick was well educated and some would say both wise and smart.
So well admired and trusted that even fish looked up to him.
Now Flick ran a local school which offered very specialized classes.
Adult fish would drop their hatch-lings off to learn from Flick.
So many hatch-lings were trusted to Flick's care.
For many years and generations hatch-lings came and went.
Flick's prestige and adoration growing as the years passed.
Then one day....
A former hatch-ling... much older and somewhat troubled by life,
spoke out aloud of his time at Cat Flick School and of how the Cat Flick upon the hatch-lings was Fed A Pile.
By any standard all the fish agreed... such is a Cardinal sin.

So long ago was the wonder turned to real by the Eagle flying by.
A child in awe I watched that miracle outside of Earth's blue sky.

In grainy black and white the world united in an up turned gaze.
To dream a unified dream for all, in those long ago heroic days.

A dream for all of mankind and your words they called it so.
Joint in belief of great achievement of how far our species could go.

You carried the heroes of a decade that paved a road up to that day.
You caught the minds of others and set new heroes on their way.

There was Mike and Buzz and you and yet others there would be.
Who would follow that first footstep that you left upon the sea.

Forged by one's own hand so sharp a blade.
Cast by the universes strongest powers.
A forge so intense in heat and fire.
Bonds as strong as any smithed steel.
No artery immune to it's strikes and piercings.
Vulnerability at it's every mortal ******.
Yet still we choose to love.

I want to learn to forget things the way they have forgotten me.
It seems a fairer way to live....

Cant you see the world is dying as we bake it with our waste?
The only world we have and it can never be replaced.
The forests that are still standing are burning to the ground.
We all stand by and watch it and don't even make a sound.
The oceans choked with plastic, that are chemically changed.
But we just go about our business which surely is deranged.
So many forms of life that no longer roam the lands.
Once fertile soils frying, turned to sunburned desert sands.
Rivers that no longer flow out into the plastic seas.
Unheeded were warnings sung by frog and disappearing bees.
Through greed and lies our politicians plead an economic case.
Will they hang up the closed sign when we come to shut the place?
They pictured it would be yet generations before the price was due.
But we already see the early terror greed has made for me and you.
Yet still they burn the fuels without regard for the planets health.
And sell to you that its okay because you prosper in the wealth.
When you draw your last breath or watch your children die.
Choke on every dollar that you took from turning your blind eye.

All lives matter!!

Life is sure to cost you whilst on the path you choose.
And there will be heartache from things that you will lose.
A greater pain you may encounter, at a far greater cost,
is to no longer see a value in things that once you lost.

My heart remembers there is more than this.
It recalls there being something warm and infectious.
When the beat had purpose beyond mere survival.
A throbbing and pulsating that gave power to emotion.

My mind glimpses a past that held joyous moments.
It recalls there being sensation and a fire in my core.
When every dream and hope had shape and form.
A memory made and cherished immune to times' flow.

My body longs for the thrills it once knew when young.
It recalls the dexterity lost through its aches and pains.
When pleasures could be made through another's touch.
A yearning for something that ageing stole in the night.

My soul cries for the sake of heart, mind and body.
It recalls the strength of being someone made whole.
When joy, happiness and love were something real.
A time when life was all and ending was so far away.
Fragments I am become,
heart,
mind,
body,
soul...
Dismembered by life and time.

How can I feel the extreme pain of loss and deepest dark despair,
from something that reality affirms was never mutually there?

I loved you and my heart stands witness to every lie you told,
yet it is I who loved for real that is left to feel the frigid cold.

You made me feel both my very best and my very worst,
leaving my mind torn by memory that is both loved and cursed?

If it be that all the world is a stage and we are but players?
If its okay with the producer and director... can I just help paint the set!?
Someone else can have my role in the show.

When you stand in darkness and choose to hide your face.
Know that you are not the only one who hides in such a place.
When you are at the edge and feel its pull is getting near.
Know that you can reach back and you can find me standing here.
When you feel the need to use the solution of your choice.
Know that you can call out to me and I will hear your voice.
Its true you do not know me and may think there is some cost.
I would rather you called out to me than to know that you are lost.

When the positives just serve to remind you of how badly you have failed. When the negatives become the norm and the expected. When tears are a constant companion. When self loathing is your reaction to a mirror. When hope and love become just four letter words.
You will know my logic.... you will know my life. You will understand the futility....
I never want any of you to understand. I couldn't wish understanding on you.

Of darkest obsidian like sharp shards the guilts upon my soul.
Deeply cut the wounds I carry that now make me less than whole.
By choice and deed I know who it is that I have hurt and wronged.
Through consequence of choice I made, my torture has belonged.
A price I paid and yet payment can never recompense.
As soul is tattered in self loathing and I am bereft of all defence.
There is no way to make amends or make a penance for my deeds.
My life has no more meaning and my soul eternally yet bleeds.
I cannot ask forgiveness and of salvation there is none.
For all the things I chose in selfishness, will never be undone.
Maybe priest or God will absolve me by the offering of some chant.
But despise my heart and soul, to forgive myself I cant.

How fragile built a world,
where each thought and chosen attitude,
Lies safe, secure and constant,
on foundations built upon some platitude.

How to deal with life,
to face its tumultuous ride.
To see every obstructive hurdle,
as if from some brighter side.

To see not what life holds,
but some glass measure of its fill.
To somehow look beyond the quality,
to let quantity somehow shape your will.

To heed not the dark storm clouds,
when horizons fade to black.
To see only silver linings,
somewhere beyond fates latest attack.

How glorious it must be,
to hold onto some distant hope.
To blind yourself just enough,
to enable strength enough to cope.

My world seems no more stronger,
though on platitudes I cant rely.
For as life has shaped and taught me,
forever so, to be the pessimist am I.

A meeting place for souls.
A place long yearned for.
Where voices of souls can be heard and faces do not matter.
Perceptions long seen voiced out aloud for the first time.
All have voices here, telling and hearing things in whispers and shouts. Confronting, supporting, abrupt and with passion.
Exploring ideas and taking thought to word... sharing, caring, provoking, prompting, inspiring.
Even the darkness exposing hidden corners and giving illumination not just to those who dwell there.
Through different eyes to view and to see things as others do.
To challenge worlds and thoughts and deeds and to be challenged.
Strengthening spirits in common bond and causing them to touch.
Opinions challenged or affirmed, shared, exposed, familiar and the alien.
An expansive view that even Everest could not provide even at its peak.
Horizons expanded, explained, witnessed and encountered.
A world so wide that time would not allow a single soul to travel its vastness and to be witness.
A place where love and hope, fear and sadness through words can take on forms we all can see.
Inspiration, excitement, challenge, discovery and kindred spirits all reside here.
I like it here among these souls with voice and thoughts and ideas.
Too numerous to "like" them all but "like" them all I do.
Beautiful things can be seen for the first time and the eyes of others give me the eyes to see.
Veiled expression of things I have never seen giving hint and glimpses of scenes with meaning to others. Reminding me I will never see it all.
But here I see more than I have in so very long. Sights of laughter, sadness, despair and joy in a mixture so deep. Beautiful souls live in this place and I feel good when among them.

Are the bandages put away?
The stitches removed?
Has the scar healed over?
Has your mind reconnected?
Does your heart beat with regular thump?
Have tear ducts stopped erratic behavior?
Yes?
Then you are ready to fall in love again... good luck.

Over countless months by design,
a great firework he did make,
Constructed from lies and deceits,
and by turning all truths to fake.

Honest men of morals that believe,
that truth by righteousness will always win out,
By established rules and ethic as tools,
seek to quell the falsehoods shout.

They believe the pyrotechnician,
a fool of doubtful mind.
For they cannot see the plan he holds,
hidden by deceit of such evils kind.

Divided is the great citadel,
where once truth had walked without fear or care,
To become the protected sanctuary,
to the lies that now thrive in there.

He buys the time for his plan,
that has not altered not one bit.
While good men go on as before,
thinking they have hold of it.

All of this by his design,
since from too many days ago.
He has cast you all as characters,
in this his fatal show.

When martial law is imposed,
by the power you afford him still.
Remember that you had the chance to choose,
for truth's flag to fly steady upon the hill.

Its only those you trust with the keys who can destroy your soul.
Everyone who broke your heart you gave that power to.

I thought to write a poem about the town where I do live,
a brief poetic description is what I had hoped to give.

I thought it would take but a minute, so very little time,
but I ran into a problem because Whyalla has no rhyme.

I thought to tell its history of ships and iron and steel,
but Whyalla hasn't got a rhyme at least not a word that's real.

There is an old story told of how Whyalla got its name,
it tells of two Afghan's asking their god why they even came.

I could have told of the bush that surrounds the whole of town,
But Whyalla not having any rhymes just really let me down.

There is nature in abundance and some very scenic coast,
but you cant rhyme Whyalla so I didn't stand a ghost.

It isn't everyone's idea of a cultural oasis or a hidden jewel,
I could have told you good things if poems had no rhyming rule.

I would encourage you to visit Whyalla, if you have the time,
it is really quite an amazing place, even if it doesn't rhyme.

It's just a small country town just part of South Australia,
but to sell its attraction via a poem can only end in... failure.

Through the journey of life,
I followed where my nose has led.
A majority of my story,
on pages now turned and read.

There is a change in me,
a need to seek some other guide.
For my nose at times has led,
to so many places where I cried.

So short the time remaining in my book,
I want to follow my own heart.
To smile and laugh again,
and let love and passion play its part.

Somewhere out there,
there must be a lover that feels the same.
Yet I don't know where you are,
and I don't even know your name.

I hold a passion and a love for you,
so vast it would cover all the sea.
My heart cries out for some reply,
who and wherever you may be.

I am both a repository of unused love,
and so very much all alone
So whomever you may be,
find me soon, life is pointless on my own.

When I was young life came at such a pace that choices were often ill-considered.
Now I am older the pace is easier but the important choices are all made and they can only be made to change by actions ill-considered.

Where there is a will there is... a dead relative.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... but no one has ever seen it.

Every cloud has a silver lining... the gold ones have already sold.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to see it... the loggers make a killing.

It costs an arm and a leg... but its way cheaper than getting married.

You can lead a horse to water... just follow the stink of dead fish.

Is your glass half full or half empty... then hurry up its your round.

If the shoe was on the other foot... you would look pretty stupid.

Better late than never... especially if you only met her/him once.

Have you ever sat until some part has gotten really numb?
It happened to me yesterday to the left cheek of my ***.

At first I didn't notice until I tried to up and stand.
What should have been so simple didn't go exactly as I planned.

Initially I rose ***** without any feelings of being sore.
But that changed quite abruptly as my nose impacted the floor.

I don't think I was down too long as the hurt still felt quite new.
Initial pain was somewhat lesser from the grogginess as I came to.

The doctor says it isn't broken and the redness will fade away.
I hope it is so tomorrow as it isn't feeling any better so far today.

For those there to witness much laughter was enjoyed by some,
as I crawled into the ambulance to avoid walking with half a ***.

Have you ever felt that need,
for someone to hold and kiss?
Have you wandered through the day
and felt something is quite amiss?

Have you felt it on empty days,
that cry of a heart's endless lonely pain?
Have you fought the thoughts aside,
to find loneliness still fills your brain?

Have you longed for that someone,
who can make the days worthwhile?
Have you wondered if some day,
once again you will recall how to smile?

Have you had those thoughts,
of someone to hold and touch?
Have you cursed you heart and mind,
just for wanting it so much?

Have you had loves good things,
seen them leave or pass you by?
Have you felt love's pain,
until all you have left is to cry?

Have you ever told yourself,
after all those times you cried,
that you don't need or believe in love.
Where in heart and mind you know you lied?

When was it that I got old and all of the joy was faded away?
Why didn't I notice my hair all over was turned gray?

When did all my excitement all seem to fade and get sick.
I know from all of the candles it didn't all happen that quick.

Why didn't I observe my youth all quietly, unnoticed slide away.
When did the word "cool" become something that old guys all say?

Why is my six pack now sitting much nearer the top of my leg?
Why do I now resemble someone struggling to carry a keg?

Why is it I go to the bathroom while the world all sleeps at three?
And find that I have to sit down, too tired, even just to go ***?

Oh the girls, how we would make love through dawn until six.
The image just in memory nearly kills me recalling such tricks.

Parts that don't work or sometimes ache that cause me to pause.
Long ago after the rescue giving up attempting to sit on all floors.

I need to put on glasses to read as without I am half blind.
But they take more than half a day if I put them down, to re-find.

I'll finish this gripe with whimper and no raucous call out....
I know I'm still writing but I have forgotten what the ****** about.

Have you ever faced the dilemma of knowing that only love can save you and then had your mind ask you if that is your motive for the relationship you are in?
If your motive is to fall in love can you ever find the real thing?

I feel the turning once again of this world on which I stand.
I feel the steady cosmic motions and ponder if it is planned.

Do you stop to think, as I am on occasion inclined to do.
To speculate if plans and turning are meant for me and you?

So short the time we witness the revolving of the world.
Seemingly too short a time to see purpose in any plans unfurled.

Do you know a faith that assures you of what tomorrow brings?
Or have you come to question any meaning in religious things?

No one has ever truly known if it was made to turn for me or you.
I know the world keeps turning endlessly no matter what I do.

The flow of time and its expanse argue against a mortal plan.
At least in terms of one centred upon the species we know as man.

Why so big and why so long and why be here at all?
Why believe ourselves important when we so obviously are small?

So short the time we play our piece in what a plan might be.
And so far the plans horizons... too far for our small minds to see.

And yet my mind is caught in the fact that we are small...
Why something seemingly insignificant witnesses or thinks at all?

Born in the age of free love and still paying off the debt.

I think back on the good times and the memories that we made.
And in my quiet moments those great times are all replayed.

I remember the laughter and tenderness of the time we shared.
briefly feeling less alone remembering that once you cared.

Of course there is a melancholy sadness in knowing it has passed.
But we built so many memories that the warmth of then will last.

Do you recall those moments when we shared intimacy and fun?
Or are they all your past and in memories, time made you none?

I think often of the passionate warmth, of you entwined with me.
And feel again the excitement of how those times could be.

Always with some loss, but too an overwhelming sense of pride.
When once you were my lover, our bodies laying side by side.

I keep selfishly those memories that you and I have made.
Musing, what I could have done, to ensure that time had stayed.

I think of you often now in that wider world out there.
To hope you keep one good memory as proof you once did care.