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Allesha Eman May 21
In time,
The swollen heart
Becomes a symbol
Of crossing borders

And when you find the unspoken words
Of your sleepless soul
You’ve found the bordering nation of freedom
That when met against your dreams
Melts into your boundaries
And two become one

And in time,
Your past fades into the seams
Of your reckless ambitions
And your blood pours down towards
your ankles
Preparing you to kick off your feet
And fly towards a future

Where you are found to be free
From your own shackles
and someday you’ll smile
As you look back at what you’ve left behind

And you’ll find
That in time,
You’ll be free from your fears
for my addiction, i'd run a thousand miles
my addiction was very versatile;
sometimes found in a vial,
most of the times, juvenial
ALWAYS considered a lifestyle
DM Jones Nov 2019
Send me your love in an envelope,
Send me your dreams in a kiss,
Send for my heart when your lonely,
Each night when its me that you miss.

Hold onto hope when you find it,
Hold onto smiles if you can,
Hold tightly my hand and just never let go
Please love me like no other man.

Don't shout at me if I make a mistake,
Don't threaten to leave me alone,
Don't raise up your fists to frighten me,
I'm still a child, although I'm fully grown.

When I'm hurting, I'll cry, when I'm scared I may push,
When I feel you don't want me, I'll become quite aloof.
If I'm worth it, cherish me, If I'm not, let me go,
I am broken and damaged but in love, I could grow.

Send for my heart if you want to be loved,
Send for my heart, I plee
Send for my heart and put it back in my chest
As I pray upon bended knee
Nadia Aug 2019
Her voice, sweeter than buttercream
- Salty words won’t pucker her song,
Honey bees follow her adoringly -
The kindest person ever to come along

Her legs, thick with gorgeous muscle
- A tornado couldn't knock her down,
Tree trunks turn green with jealousy -
She's the strongest person in town

Her eyes, alight with warm welcome
- a blackout wouldn't dim her glow,
Lesser stars shrink away in envy -
She's the friendliest person to know

She’ll protect anyone who needs it,
Forgive the most egregious slight
Faced with anger, she won't feed it
Full of grace, she’s everything right

Sadly, he won’t go the way of Earl
But who wouldn’t cheer his self-demise
He who siphoned power, stifled song
And stole the laughter from her eyes

Somehow, she’s still tornado strong
The bees know she’ll sing once more
Her trust might need a little time but
When she’s ready, glowing, she’ll soar

NCL August 2019
Alyssa Brianne Jul 2019
When I was fifteen all I ever thought about
Was killing myself
And how I was in love with my best friend
But she didn’t love me back
It’s been six years and I’m so happy
I no longer feel a need
To drain my veins
I can take my medication without counting the number of pills
I no longer grow my nails out
To drag them across thin skin
And maybe I’m struggling right now
But I no longer want to die
So I guess I can call it a win

On nights like these I find myself glancing longingly
At harsh pink scars
Wishing they’d hurry up and disappear
So I can officially close that chapter of my life
But recovery is hard
Staying clean is hardest
And I’ve never wanted more than to erase that part
Of my past

Recovery is not all meditation and green juice
It’s itching skin and irritability
It’s wanting to expose your veins for no reason at all
But needing to remind yourself you don’t do that anymore
It’s accepting the acts you did to yourself
No matter how ashamed you are

I’m proud of six years
Even if sometimes I itch to feel the sting of metal on skin
Even when I find myself digging my nails into my palms
I know that six years ago I could barely make it six hours
So I’ll acknowledge that recovery is hard
I deserve to be proud of how far I’ve come
No matter what anyone else may say
pt Jun 2019
my heart is continuously transitioning from an icy blue to a happier and fuller sister of red: yellow.
not just any old yellow, but the one that makes your heart rate steady; the soft one. the yellow that lays you down in a field of luscious pink flowers beneath a baby blue sky sprinkled with dusty white cotton ball clouds. she may have even packed a picnic of painfully sweet fruits and a bottle of crisp rosé bubbly. she's the yellow that smells of warm, clean air, and is comfortably cold in your lungs as you gently inhale the heavens, and exhale the weight of the world.
the yellow that feels familiar in all sorts of ways, but you cant quite tell what it is. she can wrap you in her arms as you cry, wiping away the salty stains left by twofold tears as they fell from your harp strings of eyelashes.
come, place your hand over my heart and let me transfer waves of my color to you.
may we be blessed with warm bodies in a cold, cold world.
mars May 2019
I sit down with a pen in my hand
after months of wordlessness
to tell you where I’ve been.

I have not written about you in awhile
or had any dreams where you’re there
you haven’t vanished from my life,
I still think about you everyday.
but I’ve found other things to occupy my mind.

The last letter you received was after you
were confronted.
Since then I have been a mess of emotions and
confusion.
I am back on medications for my episodes
but i have not experienced one in 4 days.
It’s funny… i used to believe i was unloved-
because that’s how you made me feel
but last month i looked up and found myself
surrounded by people that love me.

I was crippled with fear last summer
where everything was difficult to do-
I couldn’t live with it.
Now, it’s like there's every opportunity, choice,
decision in front of me.
it’s a lot to handle sometimes.

I’ve told you how I wanted to end my life
that i’ve been planning for years.
I couldn’t see a few months ahead of me,
I knew I would be dead before Christmas.
I don’t know what’s going to come next,
or what will happen to me.
but I’m planning to be there for it.

You sent a lawyer after me.
Which i expected, but it still surprised me that you would.
I hope your lawyer shares pictures of me living
and being happy. Free.
How does it make you feel?

I write letters about the hard times,
not many about the good.
I’m trying to change that.
letters to massachusets
zero May 2019
My memory fails me.
My head cannot contain these
faces anymore.
People tend to look more and more
the same every single day.
Sometimes I don't even recognise myself in
the mirror.
My face sags down at the cheeks.
My lips no longer full or pink.
My eyes grey.
No more green.
Not anymore.

My world is in this room.
The odd ornament brings
me back- I think.
These brown carpets.
These blue dressed nurses.
These white sheets.
This room is no longer my home.
This world is too confusing.

My family don't visit anymore.
Even if they did I wouldn't remember
what they looked like.
What they smelt like.
The way it felt to hold them.
My hands can't touch as well
as before.
They shake and spill.
I cry.
I don't know what's happening to me.

My mind doesn't work anymore.
Once I was lost I turned up here with
a suitcase I didn't pack and
a promise of weekly visits.
They forgot one week.
They forget the next.
They forget the next.
And they forget the next.
I can't remember what it was
like to feel loved anymore.
I can't curl up in bed.
I'm too stiff.
I'm simply too old.
Please visit the elderly. Sometimes being alone is the hardest fight.

-Dilon.xo
The Red Woman Apr 2019
i could make lines somewhere else

but i'm too persistent

and a little too proud

so i'll just type a little harder
Rachel M Apr 2019
You think you’re smarter than everyone else
But you’re not
Nice try though
It was a cute thought

You say anything I can do you can do better
Maybe that’s true right now
But I’ll show you
When I return better than ever

What I will take
And what I will show you
Is not to underestimate me,
You’ll get the clue

When I’ll be on top of my game
And working so hard
You’ll be dizzy thinking about
How I came this far

Watch me
Watch me
Watch me
You’ll see
I’m not doing this for you
I’m doing it for me
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