I have this horrible habit of not feeling my feelings
I don't know if its because I'm scared or if I even do feel
Maybe in the moment I don't; feel
Maybe those emotions just throw themselves into the ever spinning ball of feelings swirling in the catacombs of my mind
And they just sit and fester

Maybe all this is true:
But where do they go, you ask.
Well its a damning thing it is
That one small, tinny, most insignificant event can release months worth of anger, despair, and fear and hate
The tiniest thing can unveil the truth
The curtains which hides my eyes lifts for maybe one moment
But I already see it and I begin to cry
Because what I see, I don't like
What I see, I hate

So I sit here clamping my teeth so hard they might shatter
Holding my breath so in my throat sobs gather
Worthless tears that don't even matter
I threaten myself, I threaten, my heart
I threaten I'll beat me until my skin parts
Yet, nothing will happen
I'll probably forget the one day that I felt
And I'm ashamed to tell you why
Because what I do is wrong:
I just walk away
I make no changes
I once again feel no more
Why?

Because I'm scared out of my ******* mind
I'm scared, and I can't tell anyone
Because if I do its real
And if its real
Then I'm ******

he stared at his hands with his knees held close
his arms hugging his folded legs
the water ran red that night
his clothes providing an infinite pollution
as they held fast to his weakening frame
the mop upon his head fell in strands around his face
the deep crimson falling by his gaze

she always complained about his hair
how the dark veil covered his crystal emerald eyes
he now struggled to keep from whimpering
as the pipes shifted he involuntarily remembered:

the sadistic snickering, the suffering screams,
he tried to stray his thoughts but it just became louder,
the ghastly scene which had laid out before him
the numbness of the mind the freezing of a breath
and a frail, innocent bird broken on the ground

he saw it all
how he lost her all
so he killed them all

And all he ever saw was red; that was all

Please don't ask such silly questions
Don't believe society's lies
For the truth is:
No one knows
And if one claims so
Then grows his nose

For man just drifts and drowns
Sinking sorrow then surrounds
Falling fastly to the ground
Where your screams make no sound
As you plunge down
Never to be found

It was that kind of sadness that made you sick
A disease of disaster developing within
But this was the kind where your stomach feels barren
Choking on everything but the air breathed in

A dry-heaving war between the lungs and the heart
A force of a thousand men tearing you apart
The pressure, within, goes all to your head
Where reason is madness, like the evil man said

But there was no reason, no reason at all
And they ask and you say, "Well, nothing I recall."
There is nothing worse than nothing, nothing at all
For the cure sits beside you but your reach is too small

once you know the truth there is no going back
you cannot unsee it
there is no longer a choice to stay oblivious to the unknown

all these answers you search for cannot be found for a reason
watch the show
stay in front of the curtains

don't look behind
for ignorance is bliss
and wisdom is prison

I was selfless person
Afflicting all the pain and anger I felt towards others onto myself
But the scars, they cover my body
All of spaces filled up
No more room for the lies, the screams, or the fights

Before, I was at fault
But now I see
And we're not kids anymore
I have nothing to lose
And now I can choose

i can't explain what happened
the air above blackened
where people fell and flattened
the crunch of bones imagined

i can't describe the sound
when the Son of Satan crowned
the cheers and laughter abound
the noise of protest drowned

i can't describe the sight
when Satan's tribe did smite
the Son of God in white
just as John did write

i can't describe the smell
of those in locked up cells
their heads and arms they fell
refusing to go to hell

i can't describe the taste
of all the human waste
bodies all defaced
none of them were traced

i can't describe the feel
to see the weak kneel
the touch of burning steel
the real Achille's Heel

I have no face or name
No family to blame
No friends of flesh
No heart in my chest

I have no age or date of birth
With all this, you'd think I'm cursed
But no fear comes of what I do
For I have nothing I can lose

And I have never been so depressed
As when my hope is not oppressed
Floating in the sky
Too **** high

The Magician comes packed
As torment sparks at contact
Unaware where my feet are at
I didn't mean to do that
I never mean to do this

its that feeling of lightening
crackling through your veins

a sense of urgency and restlessness
gritting teeth, jaw clamped shut

trying to stifle a scream, deep within
muscles flex, knuckles turn white

head in hands and hair in fingers
verging a threat to the roots clung tight

"you can't change or progress"
"locked away in the corners of your mind"
"no happiness or sadness"

stagnate and still
while rotting away

It was a quiet whisper among the trees
A beam of light through the leaves
The moon above smiles in bliss
The sweet smell of a stainful kiss

Swaying gently below the stars
Tired eyes sparkling with Mars
Night hums to her little nest
Dancing, softly in a drunkenness

You bat your eyes to keep awake
But your knees below begin to quake
One blink opens your heavy eyes
Darkness surrounds, hearing your cries

You foolish child, heart broken in two
For dreams never really do come true

And I loved you

Not for your hair, face, body, or talent
Nor for the mask you wore for the sinful world's malice
But because you were you and I was me
And the sun it shone so beautifully

Through the trees, on the flowers
We lie together through the hours
Whispering secrets, dreams, thoughts, and sadness
I would stay here if it drove me to madness

I'm sorry I left
But please don't go deaf
For I whisper though those trees:
"I will always be with thee"

For the forests that have less brush
The fog around these rush
Giving all dwellers its shadows
So they can come close and not be exposed

i have seen hell,
and its not what many believe
for the sickening screams and ghastly gore
the melting of men and the definite damnation
are the suffering souls' torment
but no pain comes from the skin
instead they are numb

the mouths are sowed shut and the lungs are collapsed
cannot feel a knife plunged into a head
cannot feel sympathy for those around
no anger or sadness
no happiness or love or hate
the only thing felt is loneliness
completely alone forever

the horror and shrieks come not from pain of the flesh
but from the loneliness of the spirit, heart, and mind
for loneliness is fear, confusion, and hopelessness

only minds can process such
and only hearts can feel such
only souls can remember
these are the instruments with which the screeches come out
for the mouth is sowed shut

most of you might think this is a story, a lie
you have never been alone
for those who know are very few
because most do not survive

alone
it is the worst punishment of all
there is no other that causes greater misery
or reduces man to such madness

I have always been amazed
At the people who turn their heads away from the dead

I feel like its dishonoring
Just as the Father turned His head from His Son

And this is why so many people get broken
By not looking at their loved ones
They don't accept the truth

Holding onto an unreal version of what could've been
Which breaks the heart everytime the veil of fantasy slips away
When the memories are far more happy and true

When it all happened
No one knew why
But now everyone knows
At least those who are alive

To know a child
Its laughter and love
To cling to it tightly
As if it were a dove
The feeling is joy
Peace, smiling, and hugs
But forced from it's life
Time erases as drugs

It was silent for some time
But the darkness breached my mind
Shrieks of laughter and smiles unkind
Come you spirit intertwine
For you and I follow no signs

Darkness comes before the Beast of Hell
It floats in the blackened crimson cell
From its presence, began tortured, chilling screams
from each and every child beams
Their innocence and their joy
The beast now begins to destroy
Murderous affliction
Without any restriction
Their lack of guidance
Allowed manipulation by the tyrant

To the darkness I go
To rest my soul
And see no light
No end in sight

It blows and claps
limbs begin to crack
It smokes and cries
the water can't be held back

It shakes and groans
the hills implode
You cry and scream
the place which was once your serenity

I stand in this field
with tall waves of grass
And I breathe in nature's aroma
peace at last

Run to the mountains
Escape Eternal Fountain
For it is not true
And they have no clue

When the Earth ceased its motion
The volume muted the commotion
It all was pain and suffering until
The day the earth stood still

Revenge is such a grueling game
Hatred, darkness, and sorrow, such passionate pain
It will turn you into something you're not
Seeking vengeance is something taught
And once this pursuit is at it's end
The result is death whether you lay or you stand