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You'd think 4 years would be enough
I longed for control and then I lost it
In this cruel cruel cycle

Binge
1000's of calories
guilt
shame
bloating
I feel control when my stomach hurts
I feel comfort

Restrict  
10's of calories
euphoria
shame
grumbling
I feel control when my stomach rumbles
I feel beautiful

This cycle is meant to be a form of control
but here I am
bingeing and restricting
until I can purge this hurt
Kai Schultz Mar 10
flesh over fat
no muscle built
up and down the stairs
huffing
gasping for breath
after only going up then down twice.
silly girl!
don't quit now!
soon they will all adore
if you just keep away from the kitchen.
now hurry!
mother will be here to pick you up soon
get back on those stairs!
Amaris Feb 20
ana
I know two siblings; I'm closer to one
The younger is more forgiving
You can't have your cake and eat it too
So I chose the older; seems more loving
She comes by at least three times a day
Sometimes stays for hours or more
I love and admire her, she gives me control
Myself I despise down to the core
People tell me she's not one to call friend
But I thrive on every time she checks in
She urges me to surrender at every turn
I'm fighting a battle I don't want to win
Kendall Jun 2018
Rules are meant to be followed.
Work is meant to be done.
With work and rules and P R O P E R discipline there
W I L L be results.
And here I am
Once again
Planning my destruction

Today I stop
I stop the medicine
I stop eating and drinking
I stop sleeping
I stop socializing
I stop lying to myself

And today I start
To cut
To purge
To drink
To lie
To cry
To write
To save

I start saving pills
To stop my chills
A second chance,
To change your focus,
To repair the fragments of your mind,
To find a new solution to life,
To redesign your soul,
And restart your heart,
To forget the past,
And erase the scars,
To believe in love,
And trust in friends,
To restrain your hate,
Restrict your pain,
And fill the emptiness behind your eyes,
This is the chance not of one lifetime,
But of two,
Don't waste it.
Amitav Radiance May 2014
A gilded cage may look inviting
It still imprisons freedom*





© Amitav (Radiance)

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