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You do it again and again and think it'll be different
That you'll be different
But its just a monotonous path of indifference
And resentment
It's hollow inside
Surprised it hasn't died
Shattered from those who lied
Every breath echoes, "Against the tide"

Empty, lonely, but producing love madly
Pumps so slowly
heart hardened, coldly

Its life began without instruction
This heart was broken then weakly constructed
The fear and panic, the final destruction

Waiting for that moment
That all sins will commit
a heart, too late for atonement
i should have never left that place
that place where i didn't feel so abandoned
yet what hell i lived despite the good
and what life i led despite its promise
i ****** up and had to go
my choice, my fault, and nothing more
with heavy lids i open my eyes
your gentle hums bring butterflies
i hold you close, bone to bone
together, we are no longer alone
all memories dance within our brains
fascination and obsession pulse through our veins
drifting to sleep, in tranquility
_     _______   _____   _
your heart beat whispers to which i wake
i smile and turn to see your face
and once again i start to cry
seeing the empty place where you used to lie
need to be alone now as I walk up the steps,
make my way through book stacks heading to the back.
there, there's a hidden staircase, just barely within view.
i travel up quietly, hope returns anew
but voices from around the corner tell me I must move on
climbing up more flights, becoming more withdrawn
silently searching for something not quite so loud.




Close my books and pack my bags
Shoulders and eyes begin to sag
It's 12 o'clock at night
as I wander away from the lights.
to a place that touches the stars
that little space off the charts.
where heaven meets earth is where I'm bound
but I cannot reach it unless I am Found.
its a lonely day as I walk around the lake
some passerby's
no place to hide

its raining now, but only a mist
speckles of droplets land with a kiss
the sun's not shining, the clouds mourn
leaves wisp away, trees take on a new form
of dancing men that reach for the sky
their helpless goal, to the ground they are tied
I want to feel disappointed
I want to feel like I have failed
But the feeling I feel most often
Is feeling impervious to things that should bother me most

I know what I should feel
unease, disheartened, and anxious
But all I feel is placid, empty, and slightly annoyed

So I sit on my bed at 2 am and wait for something to fill me
Fear, determination, or irritation
so I can fill out the papers next to me
even with the knowledge of its utter importance
I still couldn't give a ****
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