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I wear false armor against a darkness that I profess to have pushed
Into a whimpering corner where it coils into itself and dies,
But really waits,
Yellow eyes muted in temporary resignation,
For chinks to appear in the illusion of hardened steel
That is actually feather light webbing around my heart
Painted swiftly in the silver
Haze of hope.

I call upon a greater light to solder these strands into something
Fearless that can
Take flight
And never again be caught by the claws of a black night,

But every time
This armor shows a hidden *****,
A careless gap,
And like the weakness near a dragon’s heart
Depression finds the space to shoot that all too familiar

Once again,
Curled up against the door,
Megaphones of violence, screaming,
“Don’t you know you’ll never be more than a false warrior
In false armor,
Destroyed on the bathroom floor?!”

And I just don’t give a **** anymore,
And I almost give up, every time.

But this is not a poem about dying.

Beautiful soul, pick up your armor,
Paint it as steel,
Paint it as gold,
And breathe into it your own pure, unadulterated,
Inner light
That every time
Can make fragmented things

I wear this fragile armor with pride. It is not as strong as I
Sometimes pretend it to be, but each time
I sew the pieces back together with my own light,
It becomes more beautiful to me.

You are all more beautiful to me.

Stitch along the seams of your brokenness and heal.
The pressure cooker blew up.
Grease and fire spread throughout the kitchen and house
I just stand there, not afraid
No feeling-just emptiness
Alive im told -such a surprise
I should be thankful that I didn’t die
What if I did it
A girl walking through tired and gloomy
While I am high and tidy
Worrying about electronics
While she worries about feeding her family
Looking in her direction remembrance  of the past
Reminding  me that nothing really last.
Say anything, let me know what you think.

Deep within my mind
Deep within my soul
I can’t seem to find
This heart’s gaping hole

And my hope’s leaking
I hear it drip drop
So I plug my ears
But it just won’t stop

The sound, it haunts me
It rings in my ears
It puts a voice to
All my greatest fears

Because what happens
When the last drop falls
I’m terrified of
Where my heart will crawl

To the depths of the seas
To addiction’s pull
Drowning in emptiness
Desperate to be full

And still it drip drops
It’s ghastly refrain
Dooms my soul
And tortures my brain

I miss the old days
Back before this life cut
Gaping holes in my heart
And bleeding wounds in my gut

But drip drop drip drop
My time is running out
My last days with hope
Soon I’ll live without

I’ll learn how to breathe
With my lungs void of air
Who ever said that
This life was fair

So I’ll listen in pain
Because my fate was sealed
The moment I realized
This heart can’t be healed

I want to be your hard to breathe
A defenceless embrace
The precious might have been
Sunlights glance
Upon your skin
Your inconsolable tears
The falling petals
picked from a daisy
An everything
The nothing
At risk of never
The wait forever
Asuzx Jun 4
I died today...
and it felt real.
Nothing's left now
all came clear.
Day by day
we try to show
we're still alive but
...we both know.
Both know how
the past is endless.
Both remember
life is reckless.
and dreams?..
They all go shades,
black to white, are
same old gates
that keep us far
from one another.
Since the fall
we can't recover.
Those dreams...we ****
them one by one.
The more we dream,
the more are gone.
Everyday the
same you dying.
Everyday we
fake our trying.
See, it's useless,
just give up;
it's overdue
what you called "luck".
SomeOneElse May 28
No one to hold
Or cuddle with
And no one to
Share this life with
No one to laugh
Or to talk to
And no one to
Come running to
No one to touch
Or be touched back
What I long for
I really lack
I'm falling down
And can't get up
How I wish i
Could just give up
Growing bitter
With every day
I'm like a ghost
And all is gray
No one to hold
Or cuddle with
And no one to
To just be with
Where I am and how I feel right now at this point in my life
Rose May 18
Makeup, the effort, I've discarded with age
Instead the worries paint my face
A smile and powder can't mask them
The glazed stare, the longing in the eyes
I am 6am, the day's newborn babe
****** into the world before, even, the sun
Cold without comfort
Guts protruding harder with every cough or cry
Left screaming for things lost
Like warmth and dreaming and ignorance
This morning I dropped a quart of tomato bisque onto the kitchen tile where it exploded. This was 5 minutes before I had to leave for work. I don't want to do this anymore
At the far moor past our own sight
With tousled hair against wind's gush
Dazzled by the moon of the night
Quiet, my love, keep yourself hushed

When moments last forevermore
Together under dawn's sweet blush
When your eyes pierced through mine, you swore
Hurry, darling, we need to rush

Black waters surround our pained souls
Seeking comfort as our hearts brush
Switch roles as the camera rolls
Quiet, my love, keep yourself hushed

A rose's stalk buried in her chest
Bleeding red in slow, steady flush
And with her sanity undressed
Hurry, darling, we need to rush

Bare foot sinking down the green bay
With shards of glass, shattered and crushed
Take thy hand and go run away
Quiet, my love, keep yourself hushed

A meadow where despair fosters
A safe place for the foolish lush
A betrayal, how improper
Hurry, darling, we need to rush

Greed succeeds, so does treachery
And so it begins, jeopardy
Hurry, darling, we need to rush
Quiet, my love, keep yourself hushed
When the mind bleeds with negativity, let it pour on paper and create something beautifully deranged instead.
Tiara I S May 13
its bubbly- it bubbles- it builds
the insurmountable urge to quit- it all
soft- whispy- sweet- a toxic treat
it is in the gaps my health falls
i wish I could up and combust
so much to do- so little fuel
its bubbly- it bubbles- it builds
the insurmountable urge to quit-
it all
my suicidal thoughts tend to be so soft and coaxing- such sweet temptation
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