As much as I love you
I'd rather a cigarette right now
Because even though it could **** me
It never grabbed my throat
And squeezed
Only filled my head with smog
And lungs with tar
And my mouth with a taste I could never forget
Unlike you
So yes
I'd rather a cigarette right now
As much as I love you

I'm not the kind of
                                 sick
                                              that can be fixed

So they cut
These words
Like the blade that sung your melody
As you cast it from your razor
Or your plethora of phrases
Come backs
Snarky remarks
And stainless steel
Like frost bitten angels we wail
And spit words like knives
If insults could sever arteries
We'd be less
Left
For dead
So we cut
With shaking hands and quivering jawlines
We cut with our moms good sewing scissors
And bitter cusses
And self defecating tunes
To save our souls from being cut by someone else
We are our own
Worst enemy

Wind up that music box
Listen to it ****** away
Pass me a mink blanket
And all night I will stay
Play with my hair
What little I have of it
You don't need to do much
Just hold me, come, sit
Pass me a pen and paper
You know the deal
Listen to the music box
It teaches me to feel
Kiss my forehead soft
And stroke my arm slow
For these are the comforters
That help me when I'm **low

You could convince me to **** myself
You don't care because it'll silence the voices
You can bring me to tears at pulse of a heartbeat
Like right now
You will force me to smile in the most grim situations
You tell me it's all gonna be okay
Then go and say I am a horrible creature
You are my best friend and my worst enemy
I hate you almost as much as I need you
You do this to yourself
You do this to me
You are my own brain
The conductor of emotions and controller of my every move

Why are women so ******* beautiful?
They lead men to their deaths like sirens
They bring them back to life with a kiss
They take on beautiful shapes and sizes
They have the most softest skin
And kindest eyes
They can make someone and break someone
With just a smile or a tear
Women are powerful, spiritual, sensual creatures
They create life, hell and heartbreak
They build people up and tear them down
They are wild beings that curl up in laps
They go out of their way to love you
Or avoid you completely
Women are advanced humans spinning webs
In every direction with such complexity
I am a woman and I can't understand them
But I want to love them
All of them
As much as any fool-hearty man
Would absent mindedly do
To love a woman is to love everything
We don't understand...
And then some

We weep far too much
Tears can't mend our broken hearts
Only deaths warm touch

Watch them pass the roll of grass
As they fall...  
                         down on their ***
Let them sit and take a hit
Even though it smells like ****
I want to be a different kind of free
Where I can just be me
And dance in modest pants
To a song of romance
"It's not my crowd"
I say out loud
"I belong on the ground"
Far from the **** and tar
Out of the clouds running far
To a place bound in lace
*As pretty as my face

I watch myself in the mirror
Falling apart with every tear
I wish I could get high
Like my friends
Without crashing so **** hard
I wish I could take pills
Like my mom and step dad do
But they always make me throw up
Even after one or two
I wish I could lose myself in games
Or books
Or ****
But they all bore me or only make me
Uncomfortable
I don't have a fix so I relieve myself of thoughts
By taking the blade of some scissors
And driving them into my thigh with force
It helps only a little because there's only so much
One can do
I'm depressed and stuck because I'm so different
To all of you
Nothing works but I'm willing to try
Writing used to be it
So was dancing and singing
And playing piano
And talking to my friends
But I'm older now and not as gifted
As the child I used to be
And no one wants to listen to a nutty chook you see
So now I'm alone with my thoughts
And they're slowly killing me

Bouncing bubbly kooky
A bat was my teacher
Her hair all shades of fiery red
The most distinguishable feature
She would cling to Mr Russell
And giggle like a kid
He could only sit, uncomfortable
Every time she did
One day she came to class
With a cross look on her face
And cursed and muttered to herself
About the human race
We all just sat and stared
At our teacher in disgrace
While she crawled under the desk
Despite our love for her,
Mrs Christian is a shocking case

He liked the way her skin moved
Against the blade of a knife
He would often like to lose himself
In the blueness of her eyes
He would paint her body scarlet
With the blood of her life
He loved so much to watch her
The way she'd jolt and writhe
The blade so finely sharpened
Every incision was precise
He liked to think she giggled
Every time he took a slice
Her flesh was soft and thick
He ate it all, which was nice
And downed it with some cider
And a heaping bowl of rice

Hitting the grindstone once again
Aching regretting pounding ringing

Words pages lines and letters
Chewing mashing crunching swallowing

I left you lonely in your bed
Sleeping easing dreaming wheezing

To come home to you later
Driving bussing going speeding

And make love to you
Writhing releasing hearts beating

Only to fall asleep
Slowly softly warmly with me

And rise again to repeat the cycle

You bounce about in peoples faces
Like some kind of advertisement
Flicking your hair about
And beaming through resentment
You are far too pathetic to be considered
An adult or even a responsible creature
You pile makeup high on your lips
The deemed favourite feature
You throw yourself at every man woman and being
And smother them in compliments
They'd never return
In hope that you are everything
They shouldn't be seeing
You could never love again
You are not worthy of the kisses you steal
You cry at night and cut so much
Disappointment is your favourite meal
Please please save yourself
Stop desperately seeking our approval

Funny how we've made the choice
To die even before we are born

Funny how many attempts we can make
Before we finally fall

Funny how long it takes for the blood to run out
And leave us for once and for all

Funny how much your body can handle
When you don't want to deal no more

Funny how gas can make you laugh and cry
When you're locked in the car and don't even care why

Funny how many pills your system can take
When death is the option you've already made

Funny how long we can hang in the balance
Between the length of a noose and the floor

Funny how hard our dreams can hit us
And with the car we could never afford

Funny how heavy water can feel
When its welling up in your lungs

Funny how the ones who aren't afraid to do it
Are the ones you'd never guessed would jump

Funny how people start paying attention
When you're holding the gun to your head

Funny how our own thoughts eat us alive
Aren't we all just better off  **dead?

We all have a story
Your friend who died last night
Has published his
The least you can do is read
And acknowledge it
The authors achievements
The boy who got dumped
Feels a pain
Just as great
As you did when your father
Beat you half to death
We all have different thresholds
So never tell someone
They don't understand
Because in some way they do
The scars are all the same
On the inside

Do you honestly have nothing more to do
Than make multiple accounts with the last name stephani,
and contact every ******* person on hellopoetry?
trying to scam or spam or whatever the hell it is you do
To try and manipulate good people who don't even know you?
Take your blessing and shove it up your ****
If you really liked our profiles you'd follow us
Instead of being
The most pathetic creep on hellopoetry.
Sincerely,
not today, not ever
Not hellopoetry

Ready and itching
Everything is too far out of reach
Struggling to get further
Telling them all I want out
Losing my ******* mind
Everyone infuriates me
Struggling to get anywhere
Stuck