You're dead

there was so much we could have done
so many streets we could have walked down
but now we can't, we never will
because you are dead

I told you I loved you
and you said you loved me too
but you're dead
and now you are in a vase on a shelf
surrounded by pictures of the good old days

We could have walked hand in hand
up mountains and through forests and up and down hills
we could have seen it all
there is so much more to do

there was so much more to see...

but you're dead


and I hate it

The gun went boom
and left a hole in my chest
the blood came out in waves
gushes of hot and sticky red
I fell to my knees and looked down
and the sight of it freaked me out
because it isn't everyday you get shot
and I haven't read any books about dealing with such a thing.
so yes, it freaked me out.

pure organic 100% all natural freak out

I fall on my back.
My skin is starting to go cold
and my breathing is becoming shallow
I'm fading little by little
like an uncharged phone.
Please plug me back in
I need a ******* outlet, ASAP

But it's hopeless
everything is lost
I was shot in the heart
and this is what happens .

I fall down a well
the old wet stone bricks fly past me in a blur
faster and faster and faster
the damp air pulls on my hair and
smacks my eyes until they cry

I shouldn't have leaned over so far
I shouldn't have ever been so curious
but I did and I was...
and now I'm falling down a well and
there's nothing I can do
besides wait for the bottom
hopefully it's not dry

It hurts
losing
anything
and
everything.

my wealth
and my health
are gone

i have died
a million
and one
times.

i have lived
a million
and one
lives.

but I've lost
it all,
all over again
this time
again

So It's been a while, folks
since I wrote a poem
I've been busy with work and life
passing time, days and weeks and months and years
kept me away but here I am
back to basics
back to what fits
writing a poem for everyone to see
It's like coming back home from
someplace far, far away

Ever curse in front of a priest?
It's awkward to say the least
especially when you let it slip
Jesus Christ, *******.

cry baby, cry
all the world was in front
all the past was behind
and you dropped the ball.
it fell right out of your hand
and for what?
don't say it was for love
because that would be a crying shame.
this life is not a Shakespearean play,
the ebb and flow just isn't here and
there is no rhyme, and there is no reason
and the grammar is bad.
so cry baby, cry
you let everything get to you
you cut off your nose to spite your face
like standing on the tracks to catch the train.
it's such a drag
maybe you should go back home
and leave those fiery, gun powder dreams behind.

now where do I begin?
The beginning? Nah.
How about I start at the end?
The door that was slammed in my face.
The shouting and name calling and cutting, bruising words?
You know, the kind of thing that can't be taken back.
Yeah, let me start there because
everybody likes a sad story
and our story darlin', ours is the best.
It has love and love lost.
It has tears and ripped up love letters and "Get the **** out's"
It has me begging like a dog and you putting your fingers in your ears
Yeah, let's start the story at the end
because everybody likes a sad story
and ours is the best.

I hear you dancing in our favorite song
a melancholy, slow dance
that was once a pillar of love
but now just a memory that
I remember with my headphones on

no thumbs up????
***!
I posted this because I need the affirmation!
I need to feel known! Out of a zillion people who are interconnected
I wanna be recognized. I wanna be validated!
please. any response will do.
negative or positive.
ROFL or ****
LOL or ***** or U ****
anything!
ughhhhh
If I was a cat I'd play piano
If I was fat i'd sing a techno song
and flail my arms!
I feel so alone
in a world so full of people
please respond
please reply
please? anybody.
I'm alone.




anyone?

anybody out their?

no?

no one at all?




(logs off )

What if this isn't real
and we are all just sleeping
with interconnected dreams
and dying is like waking up
one by one
and heaven is like opening your eyes
for the very first time
and everyone is there
and we do it again

and so I left
with a bag full of clothes
and head full of dreams

the setting sun
lit my way in gold
a warm breeze on my face
helped me put a smile on

No map or phone or gps
no direction and no care
forward. just forward
and forward still

and forward still

One day
we will
be together
forever and
we will
not notice
the lines
of age
spread across
our smiling
faces.

Imagine a dark room.
No widows. No doors.
You can't get out.
Your arms are spread out before you.
You scrape the walls. You stumble around.
All you have is what you brought with you.
Memories. Your beating heart.

How did you get here?
You don't know.
You can't stop and think.
The panic sets in.
You're freaking out.

You aren't a man of god but you call His name.
Please get me out of this! I will be good I swear!
Nothing. No flashing light . No burning bush.
You are alone.
If there is a God,
he doesn't know your name.

You think you're being watched
the hairs on your neck stand up.
A squeak. A scurry.
Something walks across your toes.
Furry. Small.
And it happens again.
And again.

You scream like a girl.
Things crawl up your pant leg and
across your shoulders and down your shirt.
Squeaking. Furry. Small.
Scampering. Biting.
You spin and jump and cry,
things squash under your feet.
You scream and scream and scream

And then you wake up.
Your sheets are tangled and ran through with sweat.
You need a minute to regain yourself.
It was only a dream
It was only a stupid, stupid dream
The memory of it fades.
It fades to nothing.

you close your eyes.

And you hear a squeak

I'm a hamster in a wheel.
Where am I going?
Nowhere. I am going nowhere.

Thirsty...
I **** on the tube of warm water.
Hungry...
I eat  dry pellets of god knows what.
And I rely on you.
For nourishment. For my little life.
I need you.
You keep me alive.

You bought me a home-
A little cube with see-through walls.
A cell with no bars.
You gave me a bed-
A pile of scented flakes.

And through the walls I see the outside.
I see freedom.
A half inch away
But a half inch too far
The walls keep me in.

I hate you more then anything.
I despise you.

But I need you.

For water.
For food.
To clean my ****.
I need you.

I'm a hamster in a wheel
I'm a hamster in a wheel
And I'm going nowhere
nowhere at all.

summer is coming
fill the pools with green hoses. mow the lawns. wack the weeds.
spend some money on bathing suits and
bikinis and sun tan lotion and burn cream.
sprinklers and slip and slides
folding chairs and beer and umbrellas
cheap plastic kiddie pools
sweet lemonade and wonderful ice cubes
stock the outside bar. dust off the grill
hot dogs and hamburgers and burnt chicken wings
clams and steak and more hot dogs
kids laughing. adults laughing
kids dozing. adults drunk.
spend the night outside
the snap and buzz of electric bug traps
hushed voices
crickets. owls.
millions of stars
full moon. bright moon.
silence
and sleep....
sleep....

and dream

a summer serenade

Ride the rails
Far away from here
No destination
No where specific
Just pack what you need
and leave the rest behind.

Tommorow will come
The sun will set
The moon will rise
That's a guarantee
That's for sure

Ride the rails
Wherever they lead
On and on and on
Past cities and fields and water
Beyond familiar places

Ride the rails
Ride
And ride

-

           Let's write our names in the sand
and build a dam against the tide

Beyond the bend in the river
Past the mountains and the seas
Far away from the ice sheets that make us shiver
Through the whatevers and the what will be's

There is a place of light and sound
Of good vibes and beeting drums
Where down is up and squares are round
And the slow are fast and the smart are dumb

In this place you have no face
Nobody judges and nobody cares
We are blind to color. We are blind to race
Nobody whispers and nobody stares

In this land so different from our own
We will live in perfect harmony
People are free to search and roam
And whatever will be will be

In The Land of Whatever
-

Close your eyes.
Do you see it?
Those little lights?
You are almost there.
Almost.

I am a ghost
I am not here
When the sun goes down below the hills
and when the dead leaves on the dead trees
rattle like snakes in the cool breeze
I appear

My tombstone is blank
No flowers
No tears
I am a ghost
I am not here

I will haunt you
Your dreams will be a horror show
screams from hell below
"No" you scream. "No"
Yell as you wish but I will not go

And the sun will become meaningless
Your eyes heavy but you mustn't sleep.
You mustn't .
Your thoughts are mine.
Mine.
Mine to keep.
Weep. Weep. Weep.


I am a ghost
I am your fear
I was once a man
Now I am not here

someday I will see things for what they really are
the essence
the outside of everything.
past the tears and smiles and blushing and winks
and words and laughs and yells and snorts
the meaning of what goes on outside the self.
the world beyond the mind.

someday I will know the truth
masks peeling off
facades crumbling
reality as it is. reality of the real.

who are you? what am I?
a thought? a dream? something in between?
a truth? a lie?
can it be known at all?

someday.
one day.
when I cross the line.
to world outside the mind.

Cats are evil
Dogs are good.
Pigeons are winged rats.
Pigs are food.
Cows just stand there
except when it rains
Crickets are annoying
And goldfish lack brains
Mice are cute
Rats are not
Bears are fat and lazy
Deers are shot.
Polar bears seem lonely
Wolves work in a pack
Foxes are silent
Parrots talk back
Rabbits eat your garden
Termites eat your home
Turtles win the race
Buffalos roam
Hippos will **** you
Panguins can't fly
A hen is a girl
A rooster is a guy
So many creatures
Each so unique
If I was to write them all
This poem would last a week!

Stay up late with me
and we can watch infomercials
about vacuum cleaners and miracle cures
and holy water.
And maybe if we are lucky we can
catch reruns of I Love Lucy and Happy Days
because those seem like better times.
Or just talk to me.
even if it is just nonesense.
I want to hear you talk
until I fall asleep.
Tomorrow we can go to the park and sit on a bench
in front of the lake and feed the ducks with
stale bread.
I like the picturesque and the late day sun
and the small things
because they aren't so small after all.
Not when you are with me.
How about we take a ride my old rusty car and
tune into the AM channels about politics
and ancient jazz and opera.
Let's brush off the cobwebs
and find what we are looking for.
It's the small things that are the biggest things.
Those moments in time that seem
like nothing.
They mean everything.
We gotta make it last because
forever isn't a thing.

tonight we ride!
we shall band together and raise our swords!
to hell with 'em! they don't stand a dust mote of a chance!
follow me!

show no fear! we are men!
this day is ours!
on the morrow we will return home rich with glory
and our names will be sung in songs!

swines! beasts in men's clothes!
feel the kiss of cold steel!
savages! all of you!
dine with the devil in the land of hell!
we take no prisoners! We yield only to death!

tonight we ride!

We see what we want to see
happiness and pain and good humor
everything is condensed
packed tight in the weird place behind our eyes.
visions of grandeur and echos of past times
people who came and people who went
yesterday. the present. dreams of tomorrow. and so on.
memories live beyond the time when they were created
and end when we sleep the last sleep
but until that happens the world is ours
our own
our creation
whatever we make of it
and it is packed tight in the weird place behind our eyes
brain matter

When was the last time you took my breath away?
Was it when you said you loved me?
Or was it when you punched me in the gut?

When was the last time you made me shout your name?
Was it when we were making love?
Or was it when you were walking away?

When was the last time you held me tight?
Was it when we were in your bed?
Or was it right before you let me go?

When was the last time you thought of me?
Was it just now?
Or is it never again?

She kicked me in the *****
And I came crashing down
Next time I will wear metal underwear
And we shall see who falls.

Mwahaha!
(Twiddles fingers like a ******)

If I had a dollar
for ever time I wanted a dollar
I'd have lots of dollars!

"I, sir, challenge you to a duel!"
(Man shoots himself)

We are our own worst enemy.

I see the universe
          Spread out before me
                          Shaped like stars
                                 Poking holes in the dark
Little lights of eternity
                  Floating in infinity
                          For ever and ever
                                        And ever more.

Sunny days
Lose to rain
Like peeling a Band-Aid
leads to pain
And using bleach
makes a stain
Two sides to everything
Yin and yang

This is a stick-up
Everyone on the ground!
Now!
Put your hands where I can see 'em
Don't try anything!
I'm not ******* around.
No funny business!
You!
Stand up...turn around...slowly.
I said slowly!
I'm not asking twice.
Slowly.
See the bag?
Put my heart in it!
I'm stealing it back!
If you do what I say nobody is gonna get hurt!
This is a stick-up!

Hurt
What a bad word
Worse then ****
Rip my heart out, it bleeds anyway
I'm gonna pack my **** and go
Down the road. To a place where a man can drown his woes.
The fluorescent Bud sign shines brite tonight.
I walk in.
Gimme a shot
And another.
Maybe one more.
I wanna see double and feel nothing
Cause I'm full of hurt
I'm torn apart
and that black hole in my chest is spinning
I'm sllluurriing my words
The ground feels crooked. Its at an angle.
I catch myself from falling
People are staring at me.
Don't look at me like that. Who the **** do you think you are?
You can all go to hell for all I care
Just as long as I got something to sip on
Or some hole to feel warm in
Or some stranger to wake up with.
I don't care.
I am full of hurt
I'm gonna take my **** and go
And on to the next one.

The queen toward above me
In her high and mighty chair
"Off with his head, I want him dead"!
I had but a moment to spare

Charm can save a man in distress
A smile can win a fray
I spoke words so sweet they hurt my teeth
But the queen wasn't listening that day.

And in walked the smiling headsman
He raised his axe so high
He let it drop and I heard a chop
I bid the world goodbye

But something strange did happen then
As my head rolled on the the floor
It did not stop, I kid you not!
It rolled right out the door

I lost my soul
to a needle and a spoon
I gave up my virginity
Alone in my room
Put a lighter under it
A flame to boil out the cut
Sizzle
Bubbles
Inhale
Push
Exhale
Slowly it fades
In my dreams I am still a child
Wait
No rain clouds
No rain
Slowly it fades
Stay with me
Please, God!
Fade with me.
Gentlt
Gently
I dream I am happy
Never wake me up

I love you
I love you
I love you divine
Gimme your bubblegum
'Cause your sitting on mine!

I Kiss
     Your lips
         Because I can
I hold
      Your hips
         Because I can
I touch
      Your ****
         Because I can
I wrote
      You this
         Because I can

         Because I can

         Because I can

Have you ever felt alone?
Like you are the only one in a crowded room?
You have hopes and dreams tucked away,
in a safe deep inside. And you just stand there and vegetate.
You hide in the corner and sip your drink
while everyone converses about stupid things.
There is a girl who looks at you.
Maybe she is the one you dream about,
the one who can open that safe and let it all spill out.
Your eyes meet. She is everything you need.
But you look down and bite your lazy tongue.
Because you are lonely. Because you are no fun
The walls close in on you.
What did you do?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.

If you have the sensation of being torn apart
If you feel like you lost the race from the very start
If love made you feel stupid instead of smart
If you feel any of these things give me a heart

Follow me
Wherever I go
Up mountains so high
Down valleys so low
Past rivers that wined
Along untold roads
Through forests so dark
that you can't see your nose
Beyond oceans and seas
On untrodden land
We will slog through snow
We will sink in sand
You will be amazed
by the things you will see
If you take my hand
And follow me

I am embarrassed to say
that I fell head over heels
for a psychopath.
This girl had a smile that melted my heart
and a knife that stabbed me in the back.
She had warm lips that kissed me
And sharp teeth that bit me.

Did I mention that she was nuts?

She was a sociopathic, multible peraonalitied, souless harlot
who ****** out my soul and **** me out.

....but she was pretty though

If true love is blind
how can it find its way?

The night calls
And we come
In the dark
The lights turn on
The music starts
Its our song
And we dance
You smile
And press against me
Time slows
And slows
And I whisper in your ear
Two word
A lovers incantation
"I love you"
You say "I know."
And we kiss
We kiss

Let the sun forget to rise

Friday
You were in my sight
Yesterday
I said hello
Tonight
I hold you tight
Tommorow
I let you go

Don't waste your time.
Please?!
You know you can't get her, right?
She sees right through you,
like you aren't even there.
She is the all knowing goddess
and you are her fool.
First impressions are wasted on her,
for your first impression will also be your last.
Don't approach her! For her sake
and yours lest your heart pleads to ache.
But no! There you go striding to your finish line.
Chest out and arms moving.
You are on a suicide mission!
And look! She turns away!
What did I say to you?
My warning hit deaf ears. And off she goes.
Off she goes into the blue.
How foolish is your heart that you acted against reason?
How disabled is a man blinded by beauty?
Severely.
Now your head is down.
It's a long cold walk back to being lonely.

Oh how we danced
In the flashing storm
Wind swept hair brushed my face
Scented like lilies
Rouge lips pressed on and against my own
The rain came then
Soaking our bones
And we smiled
Yes. We smiled.
In each other’s arms
Lost in love in the
flashing storm

God! How we cheated Death!
How we laughed at his face!
With reckless, wild abandon
we came into the night
and the natural world played for us a cacophony of sound
a storm symphony
of clattering branches, of tapping rain
The thunder roared in a baritone.
We smiled and we danced
and we were free!
nothing mattered
In the flashing storm

I jump in puddles
I catch snowflakes with my tongue
I build castles out of blankets
I still feel young
I play with my food
I get muddy and wild
**** jokes make me laugh
I am still a child
We live on borrowed time
We have to use what we got
Who wants to grow old?
I certainly do not!

Her eyes
Her filthy eyes
see everything.
She knocks down my walls,
the walls that I have spent a lifetime building
"I see you", she says
I tell her to **** herself
She blows me a kiss
and I swat it away like an annoying fly
A normal person would be hurt
by my utter lack of tact
by my blatantly careless demeanor.
But not this girl
Oh, no. Not her.
She dives into my soul
with reckless, wild abandon.
and swims around in my head,
around and around she goes
making me sick and dizzy .
she is like poison in my blood
like some incurable sickness
and I need her love like I need a toothache
Not at all!
She persists like a relapse
like a tornado on a plain
Her eyes
Her filthy eyes
see everything
and I can not hide.

Stars
Too many to count
I've tried
But I lost track
I start with one
and become discouraged
Why would god make so many?
Too many.
Billions of stars and
Trillions of plants
Thousands of galaxies
and me. just me.
Looking up into Space
Counting stars.

In the valleys of hell, in the land of the dead
The furnace is hot and the coals are red
And the hungry cry out and they beg to be fed
But they eat ash instead of meat and bread
And they sleep on nails while they dream for a bed
“Please God let me go to heaven instead,
Of the valleys of hell, in the land of the dead”