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Dawn Anderson Jan 2017
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To let people run over me
I have a tendency,
I'm a doormat off sorts
With bristles that are coarse
And the personality to match,
What catch.
...
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
...
And then there was me
A **** up
A mistake
A pile of them in truth.
So why do I still try to stand tall
Try to keep my head up
When I know they can all see through it.
Why do I treat others bad
Make people feel like ****
When I know how much it *****.
Why do I bother with life
Why do I bother…
I don't know why I even try
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
I hope
That she
Will not
Have to
Deal with
The burden
Of a trouble
I caused
I hope
That it
Will all
Be thrown
Unto me
So that
I have
To carry it
Why do I always **** everything up?
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
What would you like for Christmas?
A smile
Well why would you want that?*
Because it would make my day better
If I knew I made someone
Somewhere
Smile
In a weird place right now
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I close my eyes
they almost feel like
they wont open
ever again

I breathe
in
out
deep breaths

Everything will be okay
I tell myself
but it doesn't
seem to stick

You can't do this
A voice
in the back if my head
calls to me

And I listen
I let the anxiety
take me
far

Far

Away.
I hate anxiety
Dawn Anderson Jan 2017
The air is cool.
I breathe in, and immediately
The smell of pine fills my lungs,
I breathe out,
Leaving a cool
Almost peppermint taste on my tongue.

Past the pine trees,
That stand as tall towers,
Past the deep green color that paints the dark brown branches.
I see, a once bright blue sky,
Has become a grey white shade.

All I can hear is the wind,
The soft whistle of air moving quickly past me
It pounds while doing so,
Pounds on the drums of my ears,
Loudly.
All of this accompanied by flecks of
Pure white.
The soft snowflakes landing on my skin,
Each one with its own unique shape,
I finally feel at peace.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I know I'm awful
And I hate my choices
And I hate myself
And you should hate me too
But that doesn't justify
You using me
As a place holder
A side ***
I'm not someone
You can just have
So you can say
you have someone
I will not talk to you
I don't like your voice
Not anymore
But I need you none the less
Because without someone
I feel like I am alone
And being alone
Is the worst thing in my world
So I do need you
I need you
To deal with me
To break it apart
So I don't have the choice
Of putting it
*Back together
I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT MY LIFE IS AND JACOB IS A ***** THAT CAN GO DIE IN A HOPE BECAUSE I HATE HIM SO MUCH AND HE IS ULTA MY FRIENDS AND HE MAKE THEM FEEL BAD AND I CANT DEAL ANYMORE WITH THAT *** THAT THINKS HE'S WORTH MORE THAN ME BECAUSE IF ANYTHING HE IS SHALLOW AND ONLY LIKES ME BECAUSE IM CONFUSED AND DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING SO WHY CANT HE JUST BREAK UP WITH ME HE SAYS HE LOVES ME NO NO YOU DONT YOU'RE 14 OKAY? YEAH I KNOW YOK CAN SIT HERE ALL DAY AND EXPLAINABLE TO ME WHAT LOVE IS BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I DONT LOVE YOU SO DONT ESPECT ME TO SAY IT! AND WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU ABOUT ANXIETY DONT SAY "just don't think about it" YEAH I ******* KNOW IM TRYING NOT TO BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT U CANT STOP AND THATS WHY I CANT BREATHE YOU SUFFICATE ME AND TAKE MY AIR SO THAT YPU CAN BREATHE BETTER! YOU LIKE THIS OTHER GIRL AND YET YOU ASK ME OUT BECAUSE YOU KNOW I AM TOO WEAK TO SAY NO! THATS A ******* MOVE! AND GO A HEAD DONT TALK TO ME FOR A WEEK SEE IF I GIVE A ****! IM NOT THE ONE THAT NEEDS Constant ******* ATTENTION!!!!! I'm sorry for the rant
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
"I messed up"

Every

"I'm sorry"

Word

"I need to fix this"

You

"I can help"

say

"Let me apologize"

Feels

"Don't be like this"

Like

"I will understand"

A

"Trust me"

Knife

"I will find a way to control you"

To

"Talk to me"

The

"I love you"

*Gut
*sigh*
Dawn Anderson Jan 2015
Listen,
Some people in the world
Are really blind
And by that I mean
If they shut you out
Or make you feel bad
It's because they can't see
How much of a great person you are
How much you care
So **** the blind people
Because I sure as hell **can see
People's opinions only hurt you if you let them
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
As it comes
will you hold me
hold me tightly
rock back and forth
swaying your body with mine
and make it okay

Darkness
it is here
and you are not
so I rock myself
slowly and sadly
body shaking as I sit
it's not okay

Light
when it comes
will you love me
teach me how to survive
on my own
so I can be okay

Light
is here
and I walk
head high
alone
and okay.
Okay.
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
We're drowning
Together at least
I try to move for the surface
But you pull my hand
As if to say it's too far
And for all I know
It might be
So I rest at the bottom
Right next you
I feel the air almost gone
And then you go
You betray me
You push me to boost yourself
Looked me in the eye the whole time
And I always will remember that look
Not sadness
Not regret
It was more like anger
Like you had won
And while you swam to the top
I watch you
As my air
Is completly
*Gone
.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
You first met
on the playground

She wanted to play
a game

You suggest
rock
paper
scissors

She abides

1
2
3

You throw rock
and she throws paper

She wins

Again and again you play
she wins

And you don't mind.

You see her there
standing

Not that girl anymore,
not the ******* the playground

But a more beautiful woman
and she holds a baby

Yours.

You admire her for a moment
before the squels and cries

She holds out a hand
rock
paper
scissors

You hold one out too

1
2
3

You throw rock
and she throws paper

She wins.

And you don't mind.
Idk why but I like this one... comment helpful revisions???? You don't have to
Dawn Anderson Feb 2016
Do you really think I'm that dumb?
That I wouldn't notice?
Well I did.
And I don't usually talk to liars
But I just wanted to say
You're really not that good at cheating.
I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW I CANT EVEN PUT ALL OF IT IN TO WORDS!  SHES A CHEATER AND A LIAR AND I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY THINK I MIGHT EXPLODE
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I want to be happy
really
actually
genuinely
happy

And for
the first time
I am.
WHAT
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
A boy
His green eyes harsh and focused
Hair a light brown and cut short
It is messy and flat
From a hat that's held in his hand
A girl
Hair cascading to her shoulders
In a river of golden blonde
Eyes an ice cold blue
But have a soft look
They stand in a crowded room of people
Yet they only see each other
They are far
They are separate
They are strangers
But a connection is created
Their eyes meet for barely a second
And time stops
The rest of the world put on hold
For a simple glance
And there it lies
A black and blue bruise
Covering one of his blissful green eyes
It is swollen too
The boy takes the hat from his hands
Places it on his head
And pulls it down to hide the bulge of an eye
Nonetheless the girl saw it
No matter how long the look was for
She remembers
She's intrigued by it
She curious as to how he got it
What his story is
Why he is hidding it
Why he let her see
Even if it was only for a second
But while all this runs in her mindo
The boy has broken the intense gaze
He has moved on
Continued on his corse
Leaving the girl only to
Imagine
Work in progress
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
In the end
We're all dead
So I mean
Whats wrong
If I get there
Just a little
**Early?
Not necessarily about myself
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
'The sky
is the limit'
that's what they all say
but I believe
You
and I
can go far above
the sky
so the expression
should be
'there are
no limits'
You can go above the sky for sure.
Dawn Anderson May 2015
I can't believe it.
I never have felt this
love
that is.
I have never fallen in
love
so naturally
I never knew
how much it would
**hurt
hmph
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
"Nobody loves me."
My lovely
Don't lie to yourself
It won't help you
And if you truly
Actually
Believe that
Nobody loves you
I don't know
What you think I am
A brick?
Dumby
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I yell
And scream
And cry
Because you call me crazy

I hit
And kick
And fight
Because you say I'm violent

I am only
What you see of me
It may not be the real me
But its how I am preceived

And how people choose to see me
Determines how I see myself.
What
Dawn Anderson Mar 2015
Why do you let people tear you down
Rip you apart
Then stomp on you
?
Why don't you see love
Or the people
Who care
?
*I
Don't
Know
.
I feel dead
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
"You could never get mad at me"
Honey
Don't say things
You know aren't
True
"I've seen you mad, it's not that scary"
Oh darling
You haven't seen
Anything
And you
Have a big storm
Coming
*sigh*
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I try to fool you
to hide my scars
but somehow
you know
know when I
can't take it
know when I'm done
and you see me
you help me
you know me
when others may not

So my darling
will you please
stay up all night
to save me?
I don't know what my life is
She
Dawn Anderson Feb 2015
She
She lies there
So beautiful
So peaceful
Nobody would call for her
Not while she was in the tub
The music loud
Almost too loud
It sounded more like incessant banging
But she didn't mind
And didn't care if others did
Warm water up to her chest
Only getting colder
She's been in there for an hour
Or two
When usually she only stays for half
Her family,
Beginning to worry,
Bangs on the door
They wonder if they got a response
And just couldn't here it
But no
The girl said nothing
So the family enters
To a sight of pure
Horror.
I look past the deep
Bleeding cut
That goes long ways down her arm
Past the old scars,
Already a pale white,
That cross her arm
And I look at the family
Their faces
Their eyes
Not full of tears
But shock
And it occurs to me
That I am her
And she
Is me.
When you don't know what your life is and you just  _           _
               \(○-○)/
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Poetry
a simple world
of release

I write
until
my fingers are numb

To out way
the
pain

But others
they write
a happy song

And I enjoy
I try
to sing along

They bring my hopes
To a new
high

And I pretend
I try
to sing along.
what?
Dawn Anderson Jan 2015
Everything was fine
Until I realized
He broke up with me
For someone
Else.
Idk why this hurts so much but it does BECAUSE WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH ME EVEN IF I DIDNT KNOW WE WERE DATING IT STILL HURT! HE WAS PROBABLY ALREADY PLANING TO DATE HER AND THATS JUST ******* UGHHHHG I HATE HIM
Dawn Anderson Jan 2017
My body refuses to breathe,
I heard her words but they won't register
Instead I am left here without air.
I'm so sorry
No, this isn't real
My vision is turning black.
I know how much she meant to you
Why won't I breathe?
This is wrong.
But everyone has to leave at some point
I feel wrong
The funeral is tomorrow
She's gone.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
In motion
     Always in motion
Life
     S   W   R   L   S
Around me
    And all I want
Is for it
    To
S
T
O
P
I feel tired
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Smile
okay
a real one
sorry
about what?
this is the best I can do

what happened to the happy girl
I honestly don't know
why are you always so distant
I think
about what?
everything
what is wrong with you
I don't know...

Be happy
okay
actually happy
sorry
about what?
*this is the best I can do
):
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Her heart beats
like a drum

*** ***

You heard it
and stole it

*** ***

You hid it
and fit it to your liking

*** ***

She saw what you were doing
knew the whole time

*** ***

And she
wasn't pleased

***

So she left
went far away

***

And her heart
is no longer a drum

*...
What
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I see her
she stands
with natural beauty
but she chooses
not to see it
and I have
to show her
to prove it
to make her
understand
that she is
in fact
the fairest
*of them all
I wish you could see through my eyes
and see your beauty.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
In a world of
Darkness
I will see the
Sun
Even if it takes
a thousand years.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Where do I draw the line
that runs between
happy
and sad?
I wish I knew
but to tell the truth
it is a difficult task
to ask yourself questions.
So where does the
line stand?
Or does it
even
**exist?
?
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
For when will you see me
When will anyone see me
The real me
The me that deserves to be seen
The me that hurts people
The me that hates people
The me that is always late because she barely has the motivation to get up
The me that has let go
The me that's tired all the time
The me that can't stand mirrors because she can't stand herself
The me that can't see beauty in the world
The me that only sees the pain
The me that has nervous ticks
The me that is terrified of almost everything
The me that pushes you away because she's afraid to cause you pain
The me that the world would hate
The me that the world should hate
The real me.
I don't know anymore
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I made a wrong choice
I miss him
I'm jealous
I want him
I need him
I only want to talk to him

He makes me smile
He makes me laugh
He makes me happy
He doesn't love me
He can't anymore

I left him
I made a bad choice
He doesn't care
He made the right choice
I'm not okay
He's not in love
We are apart
Forever.
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
Her hair
Like a black silk
It flows to her shoulders
And stops abruptly
Her eyes a brown like dark chocolate
Hidden behind rectangular glasses
Her face a yellow tan
Her hand on a keyboard
Typing up poems
I never could
Describing people
In a light of beauty
Telling stories
With unexplainable expression
She paints
With her heart
And draws
With her soul
She plays a piano
Like she speaks
Fluently
Proudly
And powerful
But it is not a matter of the things she can do
It is a matter of who she does them for
It is not a matter of how well she does them
But a matter of her trying
So I see her
And I do not envy her
Because it is enough to know her
That I don't want to be her
Rah
Dawn Anderson Jan 2015
In order to protect myself
I built a wall away from you
Hid behind it

In a way of defending myself
I cursed and yelled and kicked
So you wouldn't touch me

But I have failed
You get to me
Your words hurt

Everything ******* hurts
Even things you don't mean to do
They all hurt me

And even with my attempts
To stay strong
To be happy

**I have lost all control
Whatever
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
I feel alone
But don't know why
I don't even know if it's feeling alone
Or the frustration of not knowing
What I'm
Feeling
People always saying things like
"You look sad"
"What's wrong"
"You just aren't being yourself"
THEN WHO THE **** AM I BEING?
Because I act like myself
And no one likes it
Then I act how you want
And everyone loves me
Then there's people's actions
A gift meant for me
Given to another
I hug I need not ask for
Not given at all
So maybe I feel this way
Because I don't know who I am
Stuck between two worlds
Two lives
Only to be ripped apart
By the people I'd like to call
'My Friends'
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
What if?
life
is just
a game
that we
all play
to
win.

And what if?
the game
never really
has a
**winner.
Hmm?
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
The scars
On my legs
Are now white
...
And I'm
**Glad
Bleh
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
As the wind blows
I stand
My hair waving with it
My clothes stretching from my body
But I myself
Am still
Like a rock
In a flowing river
The wind goes around me
Does not move me
It only makes a soft breeze
Not hurting
Not helping
Just there.
What
Dawn Anderson Dec 2014
I wish upon stars
To keep you off my mind
And by the time it's day
The stars are gone
But my thoughts are not
Idk I just thought this up
Dawn Anderson May 2015
I gave you everything
including my words.
Beautiful lines of letters together
combining into a lovely melody of
pain.
And you,
you twisted them.
You took the beauty
and shaped it into your
own dream of evil.
You saw the only way
I knew how to speak my mind,
how to share my thoughts,
and you burned it.
Crushed it
Crushed me.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Hurt
is inevitable
But what hurts you
is all your choice.

So take these words to heart
I love you.
Put the blade down.
You're worth it.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
Don't tell me
your sad too.

It hurts
Too much

I want you to be happy
I need you to be

If your sad too
I don't know how to go on

And I want you to continue
in life

While I stay
Here

In the
darkness.
Dawn Anderson Nov 2014
I know
it sounds bad,
But every time
you smile
it kills me a little.
Sorry for weird topics, just in a weird mood.

— The End —