I went to the park
To stop thinking about you
It was my mistake
because everytime I try not to
I always do

Don't be tricked by the boy who has a thread of sentimental words pouring out of his mouth
Don't be a fool and fall for his kindness
Don't believe the deceitful excuses he makes up
Promise me you'll never ever trust the boy whose in love with every other girl he sees
I made that mistake
I'm still fixing myself because of it

You
with your intriguing, snakelike lies
your cocophanous ragings
You
with your overused words
apparently I wasn't the only one
You
with your arrogant charm
making everyone feel special
when in reality
it's all a joke
a play
my oh my,
you were one of the best **** actors I've ever seen

Caught between
asking too many questions
while dreading the answers
or never asking questions
& letting the fear of ignorance take over

But between life & death
What's the contrast, my dear,
In life, we have death
And in death, we have new life

I'm having writers block
& it's all because of you
I'm having writers block,
the words are leaving me,
and so are you,
you're the ink going out of my pen,
used to drip so passionately,
It's now empty, once again,
While this writers block has twisted my mind & jumbled my soul,
So have you,
and my heart still yearns for writing,
but I can't think clear thoughts with my suspicions of you,
so, I'm slowly letting you go,
my heart is peaceful,
my words are true,
writers block doesn't have a hold on me,
and neither do you

Like an arrow shot in the sky
the world has become a pool of obsolete people and danger
With nothing but useless words
bouncing back and forth

Let me go
Don't pretend you're holding on
when I see you are in love with her
You've already broken my heart
Just let me go

There was something almost tragic
about the way you pretended you didn't care what people thought of you,
some sort of relinquished magic,
and in your actions,
I could tell,
although wondrous flowers grew inside of you,
poisonous roots did as well,
These vices of fear,
or fake fearlessness,
helped to create
a grand, humorous mess
and watching this,
watching you,
was like watching the summer sky at noon,
what a spectacular view

I said you were a weakness
I said you were a drug
And you could cure a lifetime of sadness with one of your hugs
I said that you were different
I said you understood
But now I see, you never could
I said that you were truthful
You said you wouldn't let go
But even with that promise
I feel you drifting farther so
I fear that I must go
I don't do little heartbreaks
I do full on emotional lakes
so I take back what I said
every single word
I can move on within time
I'm independent
I'm self assured
Haven't you heard?

Overcome by debt,
Which my Heavenly Father paid
by hanging with my sins and sorrow
on a rugged cross

I pushed the nails into His hands as passionate, red blood flowed out
and I pulled down the crown of thorns farther into His head with every selfish deed I committed

By my regressions He died,
and when He was gone,
so was a part of me too,
for I was His & made brand new

When the cave could conceal Him no longer,
He rolled the stone aside,
He's alive! He's alive! He's alive!

By strength in him,
my stone started to move,
the sunlight began to appear,
I was dead no longer,
and I was alive in Him

This earth is a car transporting me to a joyous adventure
This place isn't my home
Not now,
not ever

You can't sit there
and tell me
there's nothing more to life than
strife
        confusion
            & falsely happy days

You can't say that you don't feel
an ache
in your
soul
for something out of this world

You can't possibly believe that life is just this
m
   e
s
   s
e
   d
up
puzzle
where we find love and happiness and build success only to have all it be with nothing and for us to go into a dark, dust surrounded coffin in the ground
forever and ever

You can't tell me
you don't get the
goose-bump forming,
spine tingling,
earth shattering feeling
that there is something more than us all
greater than we could EVER fathom

for I have seen the Lamb of God,
and he's opened my eyes,
and I can't wait to receive my Heavenly prize

With every pressing question
my heart seems to leap out of the confined bounds of my body
So many things to ask,
So little courage to ask them,
I now see why curiosity killed the cat

midnight thoughts
shifting with the clock
closer & closer to the rays of sun
but mostly clouds stay in my mind
somehow strangely keen clouds
with your name written in delicate raindrops all over them
I see your greenish eyes flashing in the shadows of my mind like lightning bolts breaking through these clouds
and I hear your somewhat deep voice rattling my brain which, you should know by now, I'm going to compare to the thunder in my head
And this clashing, triumphant storm slowly subsides as I drift off to visions of you and my crooked blinds

If a hat is a hat for sitting on one's head, what makes a hat a hat, and not a cap instead?
Those things compared may seem silly, but the differences between lust and love are incomparable, really
Lust is a dog with a bark for rotten meat
Love is the hound who shares his savory treat
Lust is a naked tree on a bare winter's day
Love is the comfort on a fragrant, warm spring day
To be serious, lust can make one quite delirious, a want for flesh and passionless ***, but love, love conquers all,
as Jesus, our Savior, took our fall, that's the greates example of all

In an odd way,
I'm glad you broke my heart,
and left me wondering,
because it made me realize the past is not to be lingered on
I'm living for today
and I'm moving on without you

I can't believe I spent wide awake nights thinking of you
I can't believe (I still don't) that you didn't feel the same way
I can't believe how utterly blind I was to think that you were "different" (what does that even mean?)
What a mess you made of me
Left me wrecked like a tornado
And it's all becoming clear now
I can't wait to find someone who puts you to shame
I can't wait to find someone who fits with me better than you ever could've

Only fools speak that life is solely about being happy
for if life was for personal happiness,
no one would actually be happy
Life is about connections,
meeting strangers in odd places,
eating Chinese takeout while reading your favorite book at 2 in the morning
It's hard working days and sleepless nights
Sad days spent by yourself
The love of two broken people
God and his promise
The fresh smell of the first day of spring
Life is happy and sad
But in the end, it isn't half bad,
For these torn-up moments make us into who we are
You've come so far

If we were soldiers
and our "love" the war
Why, there was nothing we were fighting for
Just empty air
and shouted threats everywhere
with awkward, distant stares

My heart is a melting *** of emotions
Oh boy, don't get me confused with those flakes
and their brash mannerisms
I'm a snow globe with messy thoughts covering every inch of my brain
My eyes are car headlights leading me down a beaten path through welcoming views and dreaded ones
And my lips,
they're a clock,
searching for the right time to say or do anything
these things make me invincible

Angel in the garden
Won't you come and play?
Help us here to see more peaceful days
Send us up with illuminating flowers
Let harps ring in our heads for hours and hours
Be kind, dear, sweet angel
Release us from this morbid world
let us be free
in the place that reigns with love and grace

In a far off land,
with a prince who kissed my hand,
he gave me roses with black & white petals
and showed me how to steal priceless metals
he made me walk on a tightrope on the moon
and took me for a ride in his spaceship pontoon
and while I've no truth to what I've said,
I think I have more adventures while I'm in bed

Last night at what seemed very late
I went on a quite grand date
with a boy on the moon who took me fishing
which we ended up ditching
to go see a queen with loads of hate
who wanted our heads served on a plate
then we fell up for what seemed like hours
and landed near a very familiar tower
with hair draped down the side
and a voice hurrying to hide
after all the help we thought we could give,
we ran away just to live and wound up
caught in a witch's lair
who had an apple
and a princess with short, black hair
she seemed to be dead,
though we couldn't quite tell,
until a prince came and kissed her and began to yell
that she was more than alive,
more than alright,
with just a small but of poison left behind
and the book closed at that very late time
for I'd danced with the past
and God only knows, that never lasts

After the storm, when the clouds are spiteful and vengeance has been taken
Breaking character at play practice for a moment of pure ecstasy and humor
Catching colds, leaving an imprint of sickness and annoyance on one's face
Dodging the curious stares of ex lovers with a feeling of relief
Envious emotions towards the summer when you're left with chills and bare trees
Frozen faces in shock of the aftermath of that day back in September
Gracious arms stretched open wide by a Savior who has nothing to hide
Helplessness left on the man alone in the street with nothing to eat
Ignorance comes with the guy who thinks he knows it all (but really knows little at all)
Jokes are thrown left and right coming straight for the girl in the corner who's feeling depression
Kindness shared between two strangers hopeful that soon they'll be more than that
Lovers share a softened gaze and a touch of hands producing electricity
Moms crying for their kids first day of school, tears of joy
Nasty boys with shallow minds give over everything they have thinking they have real "love" for the night
Open-minded people uniting in the world to feel a sense of community
Pretentious celebrities showing a carefree attitude for the camera, but heartbreak behind
Quaint and quiet simple minded people read their simple books and live in a state of simple happiness
Red cheeks flushed brighter than a firework in July
Static on the radio playing really low, a tune really slow, with a sad tone
Tucked in crop tops, high waisted jeans, & converse lending a helping hand with nostalgia for the 80s
Under said phrases and over said words shouted on the rooftop with remorse and bitterness
Vertigo left her in a state of constant anxiousness
Watery eyes dried by pruned fingers in the salt water pool mixed with salt water tears
X marking the spot where she caught him with her
Yellow, stained pages and the peaceful smell of antique books
Zealousness for life shone in her eyes, almost like a musician when their fingers brush calmly and excitedly over their instrument

***** you
for making me think you would stay
(It's been over a year and I still miss you)
***** you for not checking up on me
(I desperately wish you would've talked to me)
***** you for flirting but never taking action
(I think you know it was more than that)
***** you for breaking my heart with nostalgic memories
(Every time I think of last year, you always seem to be in the picture)
***** you for staring at me the way you did
(Your eyes changed me and now when I see them I just want to run away)
***** you for holding back your feelings for me
(I thought for sure you would've done something by now)
***** you for messing with my heart
(Hearts aren't made to be broken, no matter how much people say they are)
Ha and for the curtain call
***** you because I still like you
(Ignoring me and all)

So you left
and I grew out my hair
and you grew out the distance
and it stayed that way for a while
until I cut my hair
and the memories came back
and the distance didn't seem too far at all

I found myself a haven
between the wooded trees
there was no craze for technology
just me, myself, and my fantasies

I saw a flying bear & a time machine
floating in the air
when the clouds passed by
without a single care

There were no chaotic distractions
no messes to attend to
just walking down the sun-lit road
looking down the bend

There in my little haven
I realized that's what I wanted to be,
what my point of view should be,
imaginative, serene, happy, & carefree

Walking through the hard, cold doors
Stepping on the hard, cold floors
with bare feet
and a silk gown
feeling as if in The Twilight Zone
or atleast way, far out of town
the nurse tells me to lie down
and she'll be right back around
with the
sterilizer
tranquilizer
poison
mind killer
thought thief
universal conformer
or simply
shot
with a monotone, passionless voice,
she tells me it'll all be over soon,
and I'll be just like the rest of them,
no free will after the injection
I try to scream and protest
but nothing comes out
I don't want this idiocity
oh why won't she hear me
why won't she listen
I'm not like the others
I can't be
I think
I read
I feel
It's against everything they believe in
Running down the halls
faster than their fake faces can
out the paper thin, mirror doors,
leading to a courtyard of
plastic trees &
plastic benches &
plastic people
doing plastic things like
looking in the many mirrors placed everywhere &
talking with no end
I refuse to be one of their barbie dolls
I'll go where my feet take me
and never stop
running
or thinking
or reading
or feeling
or going against them
because what a wonderful thing it is to have a vivid mind
they can't take that away
not now
not ever
my mind is my vice
leaving me vulnerable, yet powerful
But if it's wrong to have a mind,
please let me die along with my injustices

Growing up
we were all frightened
with "monsters" &
goblins that kept our energy
heightened
fear of the dark
& of things unseen
but what lay ahead
was far more obscene
bodies intertwined with
meaningless ***
fear of love
and commitment
was the apex
seductive hellos
& deceitful goodbyes
stuck in the middle
of ***** sheets
with all the pain & lies
fears are compromised

Society is a paradox
body shaming those who are
"too thin"
or
"overly thick"
Everyone lives behind a
plastic bubble
known as social media
lacking authenticity
& practicality
*** is nothing but a "game"
and dormancy is encouraged
while being fit & healthy is the ultimate title
If you believe in something you are told to proclaim it
unless it's not what the world wants you to say
Are these really social norms?

With an outstretched hand
and an open heart
You make your mark on what you know
You'll take your mind
and a steady body
and create a life from the dust

Though there's wind outside
and a crackle in the sky
the fear that lurks is of a different kind
You tell me softly
with a quiver in your chin
that your fear of love keeps you hidden in

You say one day soon
when the clouds roll away
and the sun begins to shine
you'll love me that day

With a brain
deeper than the sea
the blue waters can't compare to what's inside of you
I know your pain
and your reason for shame
but I will hold on this wavering ground

You say one day soon
when the clouds roll away
and the sun begins to shine
you'll love me that day

And the flowers in the field they call
take my hand and sit with me
they cannot take away the thoughts you have
keep them locked away
keep them locked away
keep them locked away

You say one day soon
when the clouds roll away
and the sun begins to shine
you'll love me that day

With beady,
lurking eyes
they pass judgement
looking for just one
"fatal flaw" to mock
Regurgitating false statements
giving them absolutely
no hope
for a future
ah, they say they have
but a single care
in the world
to provoke
to harass
those with substance
which they so evidently lack
what a world to live in
It's rather childish,
don't you think?

How can life move so slow
and so fast?
It's as if time goes
and then doesn't pass
Seems like all the time to be had
is yours
but before you know it
death comes to your door
and the time you had is left for the world

Humans are brick walls
putting up a front
hard, yet not impossible, to break down
but if one gets it down
they've opened
a whole new world

The loud ring of the phone
brings him back to the
most important
day of his life;
his marriage

He doesn't know why
that memory was
triggered, but it's
all he can see

He longs to be back at that time
Falling, falling
The sweet tune of
"Here Comes the Bride"
plays in the back
of his mind

He sees the ground below him now
as he sees his wife walking
down the aisle
Closer & closer
Flirting with death

Near to the ground now
She's at the foot of the altar
She made it
So did he
"Till death do us part"

There once was a girl
& there once was a boy
and that is how I'll begin this story
The girl had high hopes
As did the boy too
The girl wanted love
But the boy wanted truth

With love comes pain
With truth comes lies
But the boy knew these things could not be disguised
He sat & he waited for that one special lady
And when the girl passed he immediately went crazy

She was everything accompanied with true love
The pain, the tears, the emotions, all of the above
So he said to that girl you must be different
from these ****** around here who stand on the corner
The girl replied oh honey I am
and I'm yours for more than a night

So they loved & they loved & they loved all the time
As the boy gave compliments like he was writing a rhyme
But then it came down to it & the girl was in love
But the boy, the dear boy, seemed to be afraid of her love & her need for him

So he left

You said that I was different
You'd never felt what you felt with me
You'd wait for me forever
And to think I almost believed you

Irony is perhaps the greatest figure of speech
The way you smile that fake smile when I know you aren't happy
Just like the Titanic was said to be unsinkable & look what happened there

You're a fool if you think true love isn't real

You're one for
solid hellos
easy goodbyes
nervous chuckles
whispered lies
slow smirks
long glances
useless questions
many chances

The most perfect form of silence
is the one where everyone is asleep
& the only noise is the faint train off in the distance
with the wind rushing back & forth
and the stars shining so bright you can almost hear them twinkle
and the soft sound of rustling sheets
and everything is peaceful
but maybe not so silent after all

I'm tired of waiting & letting life pass me by like a busy street with a neon road sign
I don't want to waste another day
Because these foolish infantile games are getting harder to play
No more sitting in front of the screen
I'll be working on my goals, if you know what I mean
Life's not a game for the weak or the sad
If you think of it that way, you'll end just as bad
So tonight I make my plans to start anew
(But who knows, by the time morning comes they may have fallen through)

Sleeping beauty waiting for her kiss
It's been what seems like years she's waited for this
You don't seem to care
You don't seem to want to be there to save this girl with your selfish affair
She may be unconscious
But her mind is upon us
She's broken
& hopeful
& she realizes in her hazy curse dreams
A man can't save her
She can only save herself
And with that,
she's awake

Moral of the story
Life's unfair
We all die
Don't trust everyone
People aren't who you think they are

On the flip:
Life can be good
Make life positive
Change people
Let negative things turn you into a better person
A smile goes a long way
Life isn't all that bad when you think about it

Some say karma is evil
but I believe jealousy is much worse

Oh darling,
you'd never be able to understand a mind like mine

I'm not one for boys who whisper sweet nothings into my ear & pass another girl & do the same thing,
I'm not a package
You can't ship me away when you get tired of me

Happiness is
the warm feeling of seeing the one you love after a long time
the uncontrollable laughter you get around your friends
the smell of multiple candles lit at once
singing in the shower, rain, or even your room
a good book
a garden full of flowers
pursuing your goals
sitting under a shady tree in August
worshipping God
cuddling cute animals
holding hands
watching the sunset
watching the sunrise
drinking a cup of tea
traveling the world
Happiness is more than I can describe

Tell me it's ok
Tell me that no matter what, life goes on and that soon I'll begin to see rainbows around every corner again
Tell me the broken glass shards of pain won't last
Tell me my heart will sprout wings again
Tell me that you won't ever let anything happen to me
Tell me to **** it up & smile
Tell me that everyone has rough patches
Tell me it's the strong who can get back up
Tell me it's ok

How beautiful the earth You made
and Your life You freely gave
all for our souls to save
and all the pain we deserved,
You mercifully took away,
What a price to pay,
Creator of life,
Giver of grace,
the King of Kings,
my Savior,
Peacemaker,
You rescued me,
so that I could be free,
how heavenly