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The time to be proud of yourself
Is now
Understanding life is difficult for some
Easy for others
Different journeys, different destinations
Different strokes for different folks
Knowing that others might seem happy
When you seem sad
Is a natural part of human life
Your happiness
Is a key
To the door of success
The battle is yours to be won
You've made it this far
You can make it much further
Ignore the doubt the doubters bring
Relish in hate
Thrive in hardship
You can do it
Whether they believe in you or not
1.1k · Feb 2021
The Father
So you're happy now
with another man
at home with our son
I will always be his dad
you told me
and I thank you

Just so you know
I never stopped loving you
I never stopped being ****
but I never stopped loving you
when your skin is liquid
and your teeth rattle in your skull
I will still love you

When the earthworms
use your eye sockets as tunnels
and when all men have either forgotten
or are too scared to speak your name
I will still love you
you deserve to be happy
and you are right to move on
if you feel as though your dreams with me
are truly dead and gone
just know that I still love you
love the father of your son
Late night drives
always help me think
the farther away from home I get
the further I see in to my future
dazzling lights
blur on the speckled windscreen
then starburst through the dust
I can never seem to get off my specs

Don't wanna turn around
not feeling the need to go back
the closer I get to home
the more memories that come back
of a life I've lived, of one
I could never get on track
the road is wet I should slow down

The steering wheel my punching bag
my microphone, my audience
a place to rest my head when I'm sad
empty seats are empty
just like empty me without the envy
and
I can't see the street signs
'*** I don't care to
.
.
Drive safe
1.1k · May 2017
To my Former Self
Another day starts
another night gone
where did the time go?
where did I go wrong?
missing my former self
like a long lost friend
but I wish him good health
can only reach him by pen
I haven't slept yet
there's one letter I gotta send
can't look in the mirror
too tired, when is it gonna end

a thousand questions no answers
why the **** am I like this?
a life is built on little chances
maybe it's genetic, fantastic
if I had kids and they got this
if I had a mind then I've lost it
if I can't bare the pain myself
how can I share this sadness?
but I already do
because it's madness for two

to my mother, I love ya
to my father, I love ya
to my sisters, I love ya
to my girlfriend, I love ya
to my friends, I love ya
to the meds, I love ya
to my docs, I love ya
to my former self, I love ya

to the thing I am
to the man I was
the pressure is pressure
and I'm a hairpin trigger
something hard yet soft
like my wasted brain
when will I go off?
every suicidal thought
has got me caught off guard
nobody said it would be easy
never said it would be this hard
feel like I'm watching my life
end from afar, everyday is
an outer body experience
restlessness got me delirious
and I just thought about death
again so this could be serious

Can't see a way out today
chemical imbalances are not okay
stopped taking my meds
want to lose the fight my way
**** what the doctors say
it's all well and good to say
it helps to talk to someone
but I can't find the words today

to my mother, I love ya
to my father, I love ya
to my sisters, I love ya
to my girlfriend, I love ya
to my friends, I love ya
to my meds, I love ya
to my docs, I love ya
to my former self, I miss ya
1.0k · Sep 2016
Will you still love me?
Will you still love me
When I'm old and grey?
Will you still want me
If I go my own way?
And will you still need me
At the end of days?
When you have everything
Will I be a part of that?
972 · Apr 2016
Charming... Really.
No longer can I see the sunrise
or enjoy the sunset
A blinding iridescent glow
coruscating in my eyes is all I get
Nothing tastes the way it did before
and music doesn't evoke happiness
I don't feel like living anymore;
life and it's tasteless tackiness
Perception
965 · Sep 2016
Here's To The Day We Meet
To my friend,

I haven't met you yet
You should know that
What you see is what you get
I am not a liar, perhaps just
Brutally honest but
I will sprinkle compassion
On your morning coffee and
Comfort you day and night
In the dark times to come

I don't have anything to give
Except my own company and
A whole lot of love
Hopefully that's good enough
I'll never be perfect but
None of us are, so hopefully
You'll enjoy my company
Better than I do at least

Maybe when we're together
We can go see a movie
Or you could come for a drink
With me and my girlfriend
I just know you're going to love her
She's everything to me and you'll
Get along just fine I know it

Did I mention my family is big?
I have five sisters but it's not
Even half as insufferable as you'd think
They're just like me in a way except
Better suited to girly stuff
My parents are great and my dad
Gets on with near enough everyone

I hope to meet you soon mate
It's lonely without you here
I can be your right hand man
You can be my comfort zone
Here's to the day we meet
Be patient buddy, it can't be long now

Much love from
Your soon to be best friend

Finley x
.
.
Everybody needs someone.
959 · Mar 2016
Unintentional Wish
As I look into your eyes
I know this feeling,
This moment,
Could be misinterpreted
By the both of us
As love.

Even the curious eyes
That watch us eagerly
Like some tacky
Reality TV show
Are passively hoping
Unintentionally
Wishing
That this,
Means something.
poetry at work
953 · Aug 2016
Warm Waiting
being with you is like being
where the sea meets the sky
if you wake up one day gorgeous
to find that I'm gone
know that is where I am
in the sunlight
keeping warm
waiting
for you
945 · Feb 2021
Sleep
It's 7:27am
and I still haven't slept
it's probably for the best
even when I sleep I get no rest
I wake up in sweat and out of breath
if sleep was really the cousin of death
I'd be inclined to get more of it
wakefulness is stress but sleep
sleep is something else
sleep is torture for the depressed
sleep is something you tell yourself you need
when your world comes crashing down
when you see no need to get dressed
sleep is what you fall in to
when there's no more stimulation
no more coffee, no more elation
something you do post ******
usually from *******
if you could see my dreams
you'd think of Stephen King's
The Shawshank Redemption
except without redemption
just the seeping hateful retention
936 · May 2016
Everything I've lost
I've always been scared to lose the things I love
Everything I've lost
I loved
Or losing them would have been no loss
I ask myself stupid questions
As if they have a right answer
Is it lost if it can be found?
With loss comes sadness
But the sad find things
We avert our eyes from what's ahead
Look down in self pity
With that contemplating look
Sometimes finding the strangest of things
Unwanted, forgotten and withering things

As if this poem was a sick joke
Not to be taken seriously
Like an obvious hoax
I have made it rhyme here
So I can cope

I'm painting a sad picture today
I found myself then lost my way
When two roads lead to the same destination
Do we take the shorter route
Or take a journey through the grounds of recreation?
The longer it is the more to see
The more we find
The more we will be
Forget the things things that can't be found
Resist depression
Don't look at the ground
931 · Nov 2016
Numb
Living with a numbing
lack of feeling has me wondering
where the sensations have gone
what door I left the feelings behind
and what key in my mind
could possibly unlock it
927 · Mar 2016
We were Inseparable
Incomprehensibly inebriated, I stood up
Whether I walked, stumbled, fumbled or
Even crawled; I need not know or care
I struck you my friend, my best one too
Never did I deserve such company anyway
Pity, six of the best and hardest years spent
Mostly with you by my side and I by yours
Knowing what's best for someone is hard
A two way curse I say, whilst it may be best
It mightn't be what is wanted or needed
For arguments sake, we'd squabble
In the name of fun and youth we'd dabble
To be cast aside and know you deserve it
Friend, it hurts but the damage is done

Incomprehensibly inebriated, I threw
Six of the best, hardest years away
They say boys don't cry but we did,
When they said we couldn't attend our
High school prom because we didn't
Behave or act in a way that proved we
Wanted and deserved to go, although it
Wasn't for lack of trying, I remember
Those phone calls, Those late nights
I remember the successful appeal we made
How we both attended the prom, delightful
How your date was drop dead gorgeous
How mine kind of, wasn't?
You laughed Because she wanted to sleep with me and
You could tell I wasn't keen, funny times

Now we're 20 and we don't really speak
I know it's only been three to four weeks
Since I irreversibly ****** up, it's just
It feels like a long time now, I think a lot
About how I'm not friend material because
I hurt people, emotionally and physically
I'm a lousy drunk and cynical too
I've been this way a long time, nothing new
I have problems buried down deep
Even demons too, but I fought them
With others, I fought them with you
I miss my friends
926 · Nov 2015
We Are All
We are not all travellers
Though we have all traveled
We are not all growing
Even so, we have all grown
We are not all wanted
Yet we are all wanting
We are not all sad
Knowing we all have sadness
We can't all be touching
Like we can all be touched
Just like we can't all be felt
Cruel
As we can all feel
We are not all loved

That said, we are all loving
Not all loving but everyone

Loves
924 · Nov 2016
My Safe Place
When I realised
just how much I loved this woman
and that she felt the same
my best friend, my safe place
I crossed happiness off the bucket list
.
.
I always think about you gorgeous.
920 · Sep 2016
A Man Possessed
Cold rain falls
Patters on my head
I look to the sky
My eyes turn red
Flickering pupils
Dilated so wide
I tear off my shirt
Embracing skies tide
I open my mouth
To catch some raindrops
Tasteless liquids
Nothing makes the pain stop
Collected water boils inside
My mouth once dry
It's now a simmering ***
The demons inside me
Make everything hot

Deep inhalation of fresh air
I understand why I'm here now
I'm no longer scared
Steam streams out of my body
My hands are on fire, my lips tingle
I look to my left, a lamppost glows
I turn to my right I see people mingle
Outside a late night cafe, their life simple
A bus stop ahead with two people there
A man and woman, he touches her hair

I place the palm of my hand on the lampost
Just to lean and wonder how I'm here
The shade bursts and sparks fly
The woman at the bus stop screams
"Nooo I don't want to dieeee"
As the fluorescent lights fizzle and pop
The man she's with falls to his knees
Grasps his head "no please make it stop"
The small group of people freeze
Outside the cafe they violently fit
I don't know what's happening
I assume it is me doing this
I try to let go of the lamppost beside me
Pulling my arm with the other hand

I finally break free
I too now fall to my knees
Getting up is hard
My joints creek
With mechanical movements
I go over to see
The couple at the bus stop
The girl lays on the floor now
I shake her but she is surely dead
Her eyeballs have melted to red goo
The man still firmly grasping his head
Looking at him I don't know what to do
He chants repeatedly in words unheard

The people outside the restaurant
They're all still fitting
People are with them now from inside
I step backwards in to the bus shelter
Fear surges through me again
My conscious spirals a helter-skelter
Trying to hide from the people outside
Hearing sirens now my eyes dilated wide
I'm clueless as to what has happened
Panicking I run past the lamppost
Glancing at it as I pass
A dark black hand print is melted in
.
.
.
.
.
I have never written anything like this.
Your criticism will be greatly appreciated.
894 · Jun 2016
To the Reader
I don't write poetry
I write emotions and experiences
interpreted as demented delusions
heartbreak and heartwake
mindsets and trivial stories
from the past, present or a predicted future
deciphered in to something meant to explore
it's all the same without a brain
to make the words written more than words
a poet only does half of the work
your emotions, your experiences,
your delusional interpretations,
your heartbreak, your mindsets
your past and your personality create the poetry
what you take from it is unique
a little piece of someone else
just for you
my dream was so vivid
hauntingly so
two old best friends and I
causing mischief
in a shopping centre
just like the old days
I haven't seen them both
in so very long
I can't help but wonder
how they are
despite the fact that
they both hurt me
very badly
I still feel the pain today
not often but the scars
are certainly still there
naturally I kept waking up
trying to escape the agony
of my prominent
but less illustrious past

everytime I fell asleep again
I found myself in the same dream
exactly where I left it
only to then wake up
hot and cold at the same time
thanks to night sweats
the strange thing is
in my dream I was happy
enjoying the company
of two old friends
despite the fact that
I kept waking up saddened
horrified and alone
I can't forget my past
I don't even want to
it made me who I am
I just don't want to relive it

or miss it
.
.
.
I am sad to say that I think I miss them.
I don't have a therapist
883 · Nov 2016
A Quarter hour of Madness
We have fun
maybe too much fun
innocent until proven guilty
and I wouldn't trade
this madness for sanity
not today or tomorrow
mine forever
the uncertainty of what I,
what we,
have right now is
positively mental
at least we'll remember these days
until we die
or at least until we're old
and unable to conceive
hopefully able to appreciate
what we created here
five minutes of mayhem
a quarter hour of  madness
and I embrace this
like it was pure joy
careless
and free
883 · Apr 2016
Powerful Words
Keeping positive is hard for me
I do what I'm good at not best at
A shadow of the man I used to be
I say what I think, not mean, I get that
Words are powerful things to see
Hear, ignore, twist and use to interact
I'm not worthy of my vocabulary
Wasting away talents I didn't choose
My life is like this poem, not necessary
Off track and has no real use
...
"If my life was a piece of tapestry, words would almost definitely be the threads to form this picture."
Quote is my own.
878 · Mar 2017
Yummy Rum
Was having so much good fun
only just a short hour ago
where did the night go wrong
laying in the taxi waiting zone
must have been the yummy ***
no battery left on my phone
the lampposts spin my tummy's done
"look at this ******, what a mug"
"yeah yeah, whatever rude word ya mum"
before I sober up think I'll take a punch
no hangover's complete without concussion
here comes what's left of my lunch
must have been the yummy ***
868 · Feb 2021
Jono Lancaster
It's 7:17am
and I haven't slept
I've been playing chess
and watching videos about people
probably perceived as less fortunate
one man had a condition from birth
that left him without cheek bones
and his parents rejected him
after 36 hours in the hospital
when he was growing up he worried
"I thought I'd never be intimate with anyone."
he explained and went on to mention
that he hated being stared at
he recalled his first love
her name was Beth
she wore skinny jeans and liked the same music
and eventually left
I felt the pain he felt at reading his adoption notes
how his parents were horrified by his appearance
and felt no maternal or paternal connection to him
when he was just a little bundle of love
I almost shed a tear myself
when he told of the time he wrote to his parents
then in his 20's he felt it was time
they replied with a letter
that said they did not want to hear from him
and that any future attempts to make contact
will be ignored entirely
858 · May 2016
The (sh)city life
Lonesome and stressed
Derived
From pure hopelessness
A plague
Of misery and loss
This populous city
Is endemic at best
As if gangrenous
Hands would caress
The eyes of the unknowing
Whilst the eyes themselves
Pierce through hearts and minds

...Everyone is welcome
Where no one is wanted...


Man's guile swallows me
Like a plume of smoke
He's suffocating on diesel
She's getting high on two-stroke
Light headed and confused
Sickening and well, just samey
A commuter on life support
With a twisted ankle
A mother on the school run
With a ****** nose
Surreal.
Something new for me. Dare I say a 'weird' style?
850 · Sep 2016
I Simply Need You
I don't want fake happiness
I want you
I don't need pills or therapy
I need you
I don't want to be medicated
I want you
I don't need help
I need you
I simply need you
I don't need you simple
I need you in full
Full bodied
Full flavour
Rich and exquisite
As I know you are
Complex and intense
Too much for most
Just enough for me
Yet
I can't
Get
Enough
Of you
I love you gorgeous
.

for my sweetheart
I can keep it all to myself
the things you said to me
the things you did
it's mine forever
it's mine alone
the things I wish I did
the things I wish I said
I should have put a bullet
in your pretty little head
I can keep it all to myself
the things I said to you
the things I did
the things I thought
it's mine forever
it's mine alone

Instagram was a graveyard
of memories that came to pass
until
my ex shared a picture of our son
on the backseat of his car
with their hands touching
whoever "he" is
I wonder if he knows
all the nasty **** you love to do
the ****** up thoughts you keep
the thoughts that keep you
so very far away from me

Now Instagram is a nightmare
a collage of everything
that makes me sick to breathe
it's where my dreams died
and reanimated
as someone else's
and that's ok because
in a way
they are still mine forever
his and mine alone

If we ever touched again
that would be
our very own cosmic Hiroshima **** up
I wonder how many souls we'd stamp out?
I wonder how many dreams would die?
mine are at the forefront of my mind
the dreams I had of us together
as the happiest three man band
the world has never seen
834 · May 2016
A Poet.
I was once told by a work colleague
I am living proof that romance is dead
Ha.
Well look at me now
A poet.
Not a fleshy headstone
833 · Apr 2016
Fearless in Love
If I told you
I'll have to die to forget you
Could you walk away and pretend
I never met you?
She was always beside me
Whispering in my ear
pull the trigger
...
"If to forget her is to meet death
then there's nothing left to fear"
Be fearless in love.






Quote is my own.
An old piece I posted on facebook five years ago today. Found on my memories and Re-edited for Hello Poetry.
803 · Feb 2016
Prologue
I never could have known
Although I am so grateful
That the most painful
Significant and
Distasteful moments
In my life
Would become

Me
The things that make us
782 · Aug 2016
Negativity Sucks
I don't need doubters in my life
I already have every other kind
Of negative energy in it
Coming at me from all directions
Left right and centre
At work and in the street

Negativity effects us all
It is ripe and abundant
So,
If you don't believe in me
Then I won't believe in you
I'll shut my eyes and cover my ears
"Lalalalalalalalaaalaaa."
I can't hear you over all of this potential

Here's a ticket to never land
Now please kindly *******
If I say I'll do something
Best believe I'll do it
Hell,
I get off on this proving you wrong stuff
I can do it all day
Confessions, confessions
everybody wants to learn the lesson
but nobody ever wants to pay attention
real world problems and such? Nah
they're just analysing the regressions a touch
don't think on it too much
or your head might just feel a little bit

So, attention! attention!
before I forget my digression
I've been meaning to lay waste to
the lies and oppression but
as this world that we live in
rather than fate would have it
I'm just another voice amongst screams
inaudible, lost, the sound of mania and fiends
or just not worth a listen it seems

Sugar, **** and cream
outdated music reverbed and rewritten
old films on new screens have me smitten
just keep feeding me that good stuff
I don't do politics; I'm living the dream
I thought I was in 2016, but now this,
this is cartwheels and  back-flips

In a favourite song of mine a lyric goes
"wise men wonder, while strong men die"
with age came the realisation that was a lie
wise men don't wonder they already know why
it's the strong men that tell boys not to cry
then wonder about the epidemic of male suicide
which is the leading cause of death for men under 35









Just keep feeding me that good stuff
767 · Oct 2015
Concerned Friend
Still sleeping with Ms. Placed Trust
"That's not healthy bro". -Yes I know
I know, I know, I know
Just let it be, leave it alone
It takes time to mend, time to grow
"It's gone forever, it won't come back,
save yourself get your life on track
this love is a sickness please see that."

Well this is me and this is you!
This is my life and your point of view!
I don't need your opinions, I need your help.
"Then take a step back and have a look at yourself.
She's bad for you man, she's bad for your health!
The more you love her the more you hate your
life and everyone else."
When your friends tell it how it is.
767 · Sep 2016
Let's Take A Walk Gorgeous
step out in to sunshine darling
it can be cold in the shade
I want you to feel warm inside
forgetting all your pain
hold my hand gorgeous
let's take a walk together
little time to get to know each other
appreciating our differences

have a nice hot shower baby
you've had a pretty long day
I want you to feel relaxed and fresh
ready for whatever may come next
rest your head on my chest darling
I can be your pillow tonight
I want to be close to you cuddling up
as I sleep and dream of you
Never felt I was a sad soul, though I carry sadness
Nor do I feel like an anxious man, though I tremble
So why should I concede to the weight of my madness?
When my thought process is that of circular ensembles;
Simply just not comprehensible in my feeble mind
If I feel heavy today does that does that make me fat?
When in carrying another's weight you could see me kind
Feeling out of place today, could this not be my habitat?
When feeling is one thing and being is another
Returning to my former self will be my endeavour
And I see no other reason or purpose to wonder
Otherwise I'm wasted, an empty vessel forever  
   Just a sad slave to the hysteria trying to find a place
   Just another lost soul, an exterior that can't be caged
a poorly written sonnet
759 · May 2015
None existent words
None existent words describe emotions I thought were long extinct

But the feelings still linger on

In mind and soul

No one can truly know what you're thinking

And even you may struggle to understand how you're feeling

Just know that others have been there

It's been done

So always remember

You're never the only one.
Sometimes you're the only person that can make you feel better.
752 · May 2017
All Good Things
All good things must come to an end
that goes for jobs, good times,
relationships and even best friends

Don't let it drag itself out
or wait for something to fix itself
be kind to yourself, the situation
and everyone in it

I'm tuning out, I'm turning off
getting ****** in is problematic
so blow out and break free
751 · Jun 2015
How Could They
I wonder if they thought I would ever care
Sometimes emotionally dormant,
I live my life like a mannequin
Still in every way...
I wonder if he thought of me or only himself
I wonder if she knew how I would feel
I've made my mistakes and now I'll make a few more...
Try to be okay
Try to be okay
I deserve myself, I served me well
I miss my friends, the ones I would die for
I desire no revenge, I'll dig no graves
All is fair in love and war and
Try to be okay
...so the mind was made for torture
Back track. Remember. Stop. Time pass quickly.
Tears run down the cheeks of the sky,
Grazed by the anguish of the sun
If I could go back in time I wouldn't change you,
I'd change my mind.

I'm weak and can't love what has ruined me
...and can't hate what has all but made me
My mind is sick I made it so
Through lies and misplaced trust I have lost myself
I miss myself, how I used to be
The ones I care for just don't see
I found a love I can not keep
When you realise what I am
You might begin to understand
I'm lonely and sad in the company of the man I think I am
The ability to make people feel how you want dies with time the more you use it
When your emotions fade and you no longer believe in what you say
They see straight through you
People see lies as much as hear them
I am my own worst enemy
I hate myself for my strengths as well as my weaknesses
None of you feel like friends right now
Some of you betrayed me
Even let me down... You could've put your **** in anything.
Yet twice you you took a piece of my puzzle
Singed the edges and deformed its curves
And now it can never be complete
I think that's my fault
Somewhere down the line I let someone down again
This hurt.
I still sleep with misplaced trust.
I've got a lot on my mind so can I say my piece?
then I can just kiss my teeth
now I've made my peace
I've got a job, I'm the police;
self righteous justice
If killing time ain't good enough
then well, just **** this

I'm ******* now,
I cook a hand grenade
throw it to a crowd, explosive;
that's my sound
my life is darkness;
like in a shroud
am I too loud for your ears to handle?
Well then lets take a gamble
get the ******* my cloud
I'm shoutin' proud from here to Blackpool

Let's have a party
yeah that's cool, so where's the pedestal?
I'm like a statue frozen in motion
action shot, I'm not posin'
but I'm proposin' if we cut the ****
and get them flows in
and everyone is bouncin'
then we can turn this house in
Inside out,
it's about,
the beat,
the love,
the flow,
that steals,
the show,
if you don't know what I've been told
then I suggest you let it go

"Where is my invite? I think i missed it"
well despite the fright
you may have given yourself
I didn't send one girl, just look at yourself
In this life it's all about perfection
****** protection
affection and nation wide elections

I like to fly so high
in the sky and I do it with pride
I'm not a drugs kind of guy but
happiness is synthesized and if that's a crime
then I guess I'm crooked!
but I'm always lookin' for a way out
so if you won't let me in then I stay out
I feel I'm down and I'm definitely out,
so I guess I should pray now

Then god tells me
life is predicaments and resolutions
promoting solutions and twisting
the truth in constitutions
changing pace in relations
and pretending we never took welfare
out of the equation
.
.
I wrote this as a young teenager.
I intended it to be a rap song and it sounded pretty good at the time.
(At least I thought it did...)
I've spent some time editing it to make it something of a spoken-word poem and I'm smiling ear to ear right now. I crack myself up, is that sad?
I'm happy I stumbled across it because it reminds me how much fun I used to have when I wrote songs and poems back then. Which is one of the reasons I am so passionate about writing now. Sometimes I think I should learn from younger me and loosen up a bit.
My sense of humour is a bit dark but so is most of the United Kingdom! With that said I hope you enjoyed it and I didn't offend anyone.
723 · May 2017
Poet's Orchestra
When writing is an ominous task
you should do it anyway, the results
can be nothing short of spectacular
heart-wrenching, heart-warming,
eye opening gifts to so many
and most importantly yourself

For me the most difficult poems to write
are the ones you need to get off your chest
but can't find the words
no matter how hard you try,
you're at a complete loss
nothing matches up with how you feel
so much so that the feelings are a burden
and the weight might become too great

So you paint a picture for yourself
and all who read your work, in such detail
using all of these words that seem so
insignificant alone but work together
in harmony like a beautiful orchestra
and tell your story in such a way that
your own voice couldn't even attempt
as the words don't tremble on paper

Poetry is my therapy,
my go-to-guy
I've learnt a lot about myself
in trying to write about myself
like how when I write sometimes
I'm just stalling for time
one poem can even be an excuse
to not write another poem
because I'm not quite ready
to come to terms with the subject yet
my poetry can hide me away
create a bubble that keeps me sane
it can also be my wake up call
my long overdue pinch in the side
and expose me to the elements
the fire, wind and ice of my life
714 · Sep 2016
Revelry
when I'm a wealthy man
I'll spoil you baby
every night we'll drink wine
I'll smoke my favourite cigar brand
we'll isten to to our favourite songs
upon our balcony that overlooks
the beautiful world in which we live
a party every Friday night
friends family and neighbours
will get down on our marble floor
and they will call us the king and queen
of revelry
I've got these hands
bony, scarred, dried and cracked
and they can do great things
or so I'm told
but have you ever tried to
pick yourself up?
I mean really pick yourself up?
when you fall flat on your face
when you're **** out of luck
that requires a strength
I sadly do not possess
couldn't drag myself out of the mud
if I waited for it to freeze over
before I fell in

I've got these eyes
light brown, they're more of an amber
especially in bright light
gifted with sight and minor impairment
or so I'm told
I myself don't care to look at them
I can get lost in them though
for all the wrong reasons
but have you ever tried to
actually see yourself?
I mean really see yourself,
not the image manifested
instead, what you truly are?
I think I have but then again
I have a needed aptitude for deceit

I've got this heart
this heart that that beats
fast when I'm excited,
fast when I'm scared,
faster still when in love
and it's a big lump of muscle
or so I'm told
I guess it must be
I won't argue with that
it's heavy inside, that's a fact
but have you ever tried to
wear it on your sleeve?
the phrase is an idiom
I'll explain what it means;
to be overly sensitive or easily hurt
and have no control over emotions
or show them too readily for people to see

despite my deceit, my heart it still bleeds
that's the only reason to be careful
when you shake my hand

I've got this secret
this secret that eats its way through me
secrets are bad and we shouldn't keep them
yet everyone has secrets and we need them
or so I'm told
and I don't even know what mine is yet
though I suspect that it's that I'm sad
sad when I shouldn't be
lonely when I needn't be
but have you ever tried
to tell a secret and get it off your chest?
feel it come up from inside, make its way through you
and as it's about to come out just suddenly stop
as a gassy lump in your throat so you choke
as you swallow it down?
I have and I can tell you
it's not the taste that gets you
it's the texture
.
.

spoken word is life
You're fine, son
I'm worried
You should be
relax
I'm scared dad
It's okay
I don't want to lose her
You might not
But
You need to stop doubting
I can't face this
If she has the heart you think you've found
You need to be what you speak of and keep it

I know she loves me
but she has a hard road ahead of her
You know what, perhaps she doesn't?
Perhaps your worries are your own
Yes they are dad, mine alone but
Then don't lose her by hiding away!
deep breaths

But dad, what about mum?
My mother is sick
683 · Nov 2016
Am Lonely
Am lonely
only rarely alone
but surely lonely
down to my last friends
lately making them is hard
harder to keep them still
everlasting sighs at
exasperation from idiocy
mine own idiocy

Am very lonely
in mine own lonely way
my beautiful girl
is my closest friend
but even she can not
fill this hole inside of me
when dreaming
I grip her shoulders tight
and cry into her *****
she is so dearly loved

Am so very, very lonely
missing a friend
who lives overseas
he means so much to me
across the pond
his light can't be seen
he is the lighthouse
for this way off-course ship
and he shines bright
but the fog is too thick
mate, it's real thick tonight

Am the loneliest I've been
my dad sits in the next room
he is so dearly loved
makes me feel loved
like there are no parallels
unique and cherished
yet this feeling is indifference
no concern for myself
the words to make him comfort me
don't pass my lips
my trembling quivering lips

Am desiring compassion
resentful of pity
am wanting of sympathy
guilty of concern
am capable of empathy
sensitive to misfortune
am lonely
so very lonely
674 · Dec 2016
Time I Went Under
It's the exasperation I float on
the way I take a deep breath in
through flared nostrils
after a tiresome sigh
as the sour and almost
sweaty air fills my lungs
I am lifted
head above the water
barely staying afloat
day after day
week after week
year after year
maybe it's time I went under
Alone at day and night
Comforted by his madness
Bewitched by his own fright
Disturbed and distracted
Addicted to chemicals mixed
A breath of fresh air
A rush, a sudden fix

The boy is sick, can't you see?
It's obvious to me and blatant
I can't understand why he's alone
Surrounded by his friends
Helpless and silent, yet screaming
A consistent lack of feeling and
I'm thinking somebody throw him a rope

We're all here thinking it
Behind closed doors
The boy is sick
I mean really, sick
We watch in horror as he spirals
Furiously out of control

For the love of all things
Neither holy, nor good or evil
For the love of the unbiased
For the understanding of sanity
For the boy that cries to us all
And receives no help

In the name of the thoughtful
Let us not reject a patient
We can't ignore the subject
Illness is illness
Poor health is body and mind
And soul....
Addiction is addiction
Physical dependence and mentality
Are real as cancer, as defiant as gravity

When it takes him
That pain that lasts a thousand years
And his mother cries a million tears
It will be too young, too soon
Too awful...
665 · Dec 2016
Persona
Crunchy outer shells that hurt the gums
the unpalatable goodness that soothes us
664 · Sep 2016
Same love, Different dreams
I so badly want to fit in to you
Be apart of your life
Because I love you so much
And you love me but love
Was never enough

We have different dreams
Yours are glamorous and admirable
Mine are modest and never true
My dreams always tell a story
Of a life of success with me and you

I don't see how I fit in to your dreams
We're raised so differently
We want different things in fact
I just want you and me
You want the scary life of fame
Champagne and big cities

I would live in your shadow
Without hate or jealousy
I'd father our children and love them so
We'd teach them the best of us
A bit of both and a lot of love
That is my fantasy

But I was meant for more than that
I really think I was
I don't want to carry your briefcase
Yet live separately in our minds
I've been hurt before and know
It's only a short matter of time
655 · Mar 2017
My little Superstar
Nothing in this life pleases me more
than seeing you're smile and
hearing you laugh in the evening
even when you're laughing at me
and how ridiculous I can be
you could laugh at me on my deathbed
I'd die a happy man I can tell you that

I feel like lately I live to see you happy
when I should be living for our happiness
so that you can see me happy too
you need to know something darling
if not from me then from anyone
genuine enough to say it because its true
you are one of the most determined
and straight forward thinking people
I have ever had the pleasure of knowing

You will get where you want to be
maybe not today or tomorrow
or even a few months from now
but you will get there and
I want to be there with you
every step of the way
then when we finally get where we're going
we can look back and say we enjoyed the journey
loved it in fact, because when I'm with you
I don't understand sadness
I don't understand how darkness creeps up
and makes its way in to my life
when you shine so bright
right there in front of me

I believe in you gorgeous and I always have
I always will and I always have, don't forget
be yourself and never change for anyone
bite the hand that holds you down and
stay bright for as long as you can
because I need you to
call me selfish but I need you to
I think you never even knew that
everyone you love uses your light
to guide them home and brighten their day
I'm you're #1 fan and you're my little superstar
645 · May 2015
All that's left of me
If you play with fire, you will get burned.
It happened to us once, it'll happen again.
The story is written in tears, forget a ******* pen.
My middle name has ruined me, taken all I've known
My life, my world, my queen and my thrown.
Forever cursed a prince, in a kingdom once mine.
Emotions, tears and nights alone wasting time.
I won't let this make me second best.
Forever failing the ultimate test.
Why can't it be me? I have so much to offer?
Why can't it be me? I have so much to give?
Why can't it be me? Its a reason to live?
Why can't it be me? It was rightfully mine.
The most dangerous man, one with nothing left to lose.
The most dangerous man, one with nothing left to do.

I ask myself questions, will you give me the answers?
You're the only one that can save me with second chances.
Credit is due where credit is due.
I'm so undeserving and alone, I wish I had a clue.
I should of given up, i should of given in.
I stayed strong for too long and now I won't break.
I am what I am, but I'm not what I see.
A million tiny pieces on the floor is what I want to be.
OCHNCP That's all I was that's all you'll see.
And so a broken child is all that's left of me.
oxygen carbon hydrogen nitrogen calcium phosphorus

I was fourteen or fifteen and the 'love of my life' ex girlfriend at the time had been seeing her ex partner and I got wind of this. This is how I felt as a result of what I thought wouldn't happen. It feels really relevant to me right now. Not the circumstances but the feeling of worthlessness and not being able to get what I want so badly.      Feel me?
642 · Oct 2016
Opaque Love
Blinded,
insightful at times
the opaqueness of my mind
impenetrable and devoid of thought
and I thought I was the one

Take my hand,
give me sight, give me love
give me yourself and I will not run
my multi purpose heart a serrated edge
and I thought you were the one

Not the same,
it's no home without you here
lacking in presence and feeling
reeling in pain, nothings real
and I thought we were the ones

Wake up,
eyes blackout curtains, draw apart
to let you in but I can't keep you long
like speckles of dust in sunlight
and I know you're the one
637 · Mar 2016
Little of Love
She wants me to write her a poem.
In truth,
She makes me want to write,
About love.
Though I know too little.
I know little of poetry,
Little of her.
Little of love.
I'm just not up to scratch.
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