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Lost Feb 2016
"Hi"
*That voice,
that one simple word,
it sends my heart into a frenzy,
leaves me sighing of happiness,
fills me with the warmth
of a calm
inferno.
It was my after school tradition,
make myself fall for him again.
His dad was usually home by 2pm,
but we almost always go lucky.
I wouldn't trade that time
for anything.
We could go hours,
just relying on the sounds of out voices,
chatting away through the silence of our homes.
Never once have we or will we become bored of one another.
That's what we love best.
I miss those calls and that voice.
Lost Jun 2017
"Tell me how much"*

I love you like you strung the stars in the sky, just for me, because I swear you did.
I couldn't live my life without you.
Lost May 2016
Do you think Mark is okay? I'm scared. He's all alone and he has no one there for him and to hold and tell him that he's going to be okay. I'm so scared, Sean. People who've gotten the chance to see him out say that he looks terrible and like a zombie. He has literally no one. I hate not being able to do anything...

I'm so sorry, Button. I know you're hurting but...I don't know how to help you. The situation is beyond both of your controls at this point. Just stay strong. If not for yourself, for him. What was the last thing he said to you?

"WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME I DON'T UNDERSTAND???"

Okay....what was the last thing he SAID to you?

"I love you, Victoria."

Then have faith in that. Believe that he loves you.

But he doesn't.

He does.

You don't know that.

But I do. He loved you then and he loves you now. Don't give up on him. There's still a chance.

Okay..*

So what else happened today?
........................................................­
"I love you too, Mark."
Lost Mar 2016
"Slay the beast! Salty, sassy and saucy."

-Lindsay the only person who slays better than me
This ***** rocks my world
Lost Jun 2017
As we drove down ES,
20 minutes away from "goodbye",
The Weekend was blasting,
I received a text.
"What now?"
You asked.
"It's Emilie."
I replied.
I read her question aloud and sighed.
"Baby?"
"I'm sorry,"
My voice is shaky and I know what you're going to say.
"I love you."
And at that moment,
My favorite lyrics play.
And you sing along as if replying to my confession of love.
"I think we need to take a break."
A sob ripples through me,
You ease on the breaks,
And pull over.
You take me in your arms,
Stubble pressed to my forehead.
We sit there for a while,
Silent except for my sobs.
"I'm afraid all of this 'Mark' stuff has really impacted how your friends trust you."
"I'm sorry,"
I choke out once more,
"I love you."
I love you.
*And this won't change that.
I will always be with You.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Because if mistakes I made in my past, i have only the future to look for.
Lost Oct 2015
I
I have
I have a
I have a secret
I have a secret wish
I have a secret wish to
I have a secret wish to leave
I have a secret wish to leave this
I have a secret wish to leave this world
I have a secret wish to leave this world and
                                                             ­      never
                                                         ­                   come
                                       ­                                              back
                                                          ­                                        .
Lost Mar 2016
I hope he goes to bed tonight,
knowing that he's loved*
more than anything.
I'd give anything to hold him in my arms again.
Lost Apr 2017
For those who don't know,
And for those who do,
I have something
I'd really like to share with you.

Today marks 2 years,
Today marks 730 days,
Today marks 1,051,200 minutes,
Since I last took a blade to my skin.

I've come a long way since I was 15,
And even though I still have a lot of life left,
I'm thankful for every minute I've been alive.
And I want to thank those who have helped me get to this point.
Without you,
I'd be lost.
I'd be down.
I might even be dead.
But I'm not.
I'm stronger now than I will ever be.
And there's no one who can take that from me.
I never thought I'd make it...
Lost Jul 2016
I haven't been this in love since the first time I laid eyes on a cheeseburger.
Holy ****
Lost May 2016
I ****** up again.

And because I didn't apologize for stating my feelings,

I was left.

Yet again.

By someone who promised to never leave.

So goodbye,

To another person who realized that I'm impossible to love and not good enough.
I'm sorry, Kevin. I'm not deleting this one.
Lost May 2016
"And the ****** who hurt you physically is a *******"
-Star Gazer, poet
I'm laughing so hard *** bro
Lost Jun 2017
"Think about it, we have each other and all she has is her rage."*

Because one can't simply be happy in this world without there being people to try to tear them down.
Oh dear..
Lost Mar 2016
"Invisibility is a curse, not a superpower."
The worst feeling is existing but being alone.
Lost Jun 2017
When I was little,
I used to hate having my door closed,
I would scream and cry
In fear of what the shadows could hold.
I was afraid of a box
Where I’d be held hostage
Caged with a lock
And no key
Back then
That pain was like the sting of a bee.
Now at 17 I realize that I wasn’t afraid of the dark
I was afraid of depression
Making its mark.
I was afraid of the endless battle of trying to fall asleep
Not wanting to wake up
But not wanting to dream.
I was afraid of the hope I would lose in that battle
Afraid of the chains
That made my hollow bones rattle,
Because in the light of a new day
I’d stay inside
“I’m tired” I’d say,
But the truth was much simpler
Than a cheap fix
I am afraid of myself
And I can’t change it.
Lost Jun 2016
I'm alone.
I have no one.
And no one has me.
Mainly because no one wants me.
No one wants my baggage,
My abandonment issues,
My mental illnesses,
My broken heart,
My need for constant love,
My need for constant attention,
My pathetic excuse for a personality,
My pitiful mannerisms,
My self loathing,
My need for a new home.
No one wants that.
I'm not good enough.
I've tried so hard,
Walked so many miles,
Seen so many therapists,
Taken so many pills,
Exhausted every option.
I just need care.
But until I'm able to heal from things I can't without someone to help,
No one will help.
Isn't that pathetic?
So I just sit,
Alone,
Knees clutched to my chest,
Sobbing,
Trying to forget the pain
That losing one person caused me,
And trying to convince myself
"I'm fine"
When clearly,
I will never be fine.
Lost Mar 2017
Things were fine
until I started to feel alone.
Things were fine
until I wasn't needed.
Things were fine
until I was replaced.

I was happy
until I started to feel alone.
I was happy
until he chose a toxic relationship over me.
I was happy
until he replaced me as his best friend.

I was content
until I started to feel alone.
I was content
until I began to feel invisible.
I was content
until I became a waste of space.

I was recovering
until I started to feel alone.
I was recovering
until he tried to validate hurting me.
I was recovering
until he proved I wasn't important anymore.

I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.
I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.
I was getting over it
until I started to feel alone.

I WAS GETTING OVER IT
*UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I AM ALONE.
Oh dear...
Lost Aug 2016
We both have blonde hair and blue eyes,
and we hate our lives!
I just said this to my friend and she told me to post it so here ya go
Lost May 2016
Please,
Please,
For the love of God and my self esteem,
Do not
Under any circumstances
Compare me to another girl.

You see when you do this
My heart sinks.
My chest gets tight.
My through clenched.
My eyes sting.
My gut feels like it was struck by a first.
And my self confidence
Is nonexistent.

It doesn't matter who you are
Who she is
Or what my relationship to either of you is.
Just don't do it.
Being told that someone is better than me in any way
And that I am not good enough to be equals with them
Leaves me broken
And more depressed
Then you'd expect.

She
May be a better singer;
She
May be prettier;
She
May have enough to be perfect to someone.

Me?
I feel worthless
24/7.
And knowing that someone
Thinks less of me when compared to someone else,
Imagine
How you would feel
Knowing
That you are not ever going to see yourself excel in that area
Ever
Again.

So please,
Please,
For the love of God and my self esteem,
Do NOT
Under ANY circumstances
Compare me to another girl.

Thank you,
Insecure and pitiful
Lost May 2016
I wish he'd write a poem about me.
There's a millions of people who might,
but he's the only one I want to.
Why?
I don't know..
Maybe I like him,
maybe I'm just pathetic.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe he's the only guy who's been kind to me.
Maybe I just get too jealous.
I think I'm special,
but I'm really not.
Whoever he's in love with,
I hope she's better for him than I'd ever be.
I'm just too jealous of a person.
I just want someone to love me.




*I'm so pathetic
I'm sorry..
B
Lost May 2017
B
I feel safe in your arms,
your scar blemished,
strong,
loving,
arms.
I feel happy in your gaze,
your green,
adoring,
loving,
gaze.
I feel content in your company,
your goofy,
awkward,
loving,
company.
I feel loved in your heart,
you sweet,
wondrous,
loving,
heart.
You are the love of my life. I know that.
Lost Apr 30
You knew how it would affect me and my relationship and you still did it.

I'll have wounds that can never heal because you chose to let it happen.

Was your own heartbreak not enough? Why did you want me to hurt too? What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing but care for and support you and help you.

You are both to blame but still, you messaged him first.
You didn't shut it down when you knew how much it would hurt me.

You're a bad friend.
Why me? Why do I constantly have to suffer for other people? My relationship isn't yours to have. Haven't you hurt me enough?
Lost Mar 2017
You are a beast,
a monster,
an evil soul,
with an **** vendetta
and a heart of stone.

You play games with people's minds,
use them like pawns in your world,
but the thing you don"t realize is
I'm not just an ordinary girl.

I'm strong and powerful,
brave and mighty.
My heart is gold,
my soul
beaming.

I am your undoing.
The end to your games.
I stand against you,
my army behind me.
Countless soldiers
ready for battle.

You can't win against us;
our cause is just,
to strike down the evil,
the monster
the beast.

And the beast,
my dear,
is you.
Bet
Lost Aug 2017
For the girl who makes me wish I had a sister like her,
don't let them break you or stand in your way.
They need you and love you,
no matter what your stepmom might say.
I know my opinion is not desired,
but I know better than anyone,
those little ones need you.
So **** what she says and don't back down.
You're strong and brave,
a fighter, a lover,
a hero,
a sister.
And that's worth fighting for.
We may have our differences and our battles but I would never wish you to be apart from your little brother and sister. They need you and you need them. Good luck. If you need anything, I got you.
Lost Jun 2017
You can't change the past
you sick, twisted *****.
There is nothing you can do
to escape it.
Heaven and Hell.
Earth and Sky.
Sick and Well.
Hello and Goodbye.
Think what you want
but they know the truth,
all you do is haunt,
and waste your youth.
Disclaimer: don't even try to think this is about you because you're not the only one who has hurt me <3
Bye
Lost Jul 2016
Bye
Sorry.
I wasn't good enough.
I never will be.
Maybe next time,
learn how to cut a rope.
The pain of falling
To an immident death
hurts much less
than
holding on to a rope made of barbed wire
for months,
while you dance around
and prove that I wasn't good enough for you.
Sorry I'm not perfect to you.
Sorry I wasn't worth it.
I tried.
You gave nothing I return but a simple meaningless title.
"Good friend".
That just makes it more pathetic.
We were in love you *******.
I let you walk
all over
my broken
aching
body
and recived
nothing
in return
but abandonment.
Lost Oct 2015
Fragile conscious, forgotten dreams of love,
I was alone, wondering, hopeless, small,
Lonely and outcast, I, a flightless dove,
Cautious, afraid of letting myself fall.
My life was a series of blacks and whites,
Not a soul there to warm my untouched heart,
Then, he appeared and his eyes; what a sight,
Now, we can barely stand to be apart.
He showed me what love is and to this day,
Nothing in the world can match this feeling,
His love is true no matter what they say,
We will be together and not stop loving.
Our future is a promise together,
True love lasts, against the world forever.
Lost Mar 2016
Of all the times to be alive,
why did it have to be now?
Reaching a year clean has been hell.
Lost Apr 2016
I see things in the clouds,
pretty things,
scary things,
sometimes just shapes and fluff.
I feel things becasue of the clouds,
weightlessness,
lightheartedness,
sometimes just nothing.
I think about things because of the clouds,
flying far away,
how lovely that would be,
sometimes just mesmerized into sleep.
My brain isn't working so here's a ramble.
Lost Oct 2015
"I love you"'s whispered through phone receivers,
Gave hope for another day.
We did this dance around each other's heads,
As sweet nothings played to the sound of our song.
He and I,
content.
Happiness had never been my strongest emotion,
until I found him.
No feeling could match the one he gives me,
like being right where I belong.
It is at moments like this,
that I know,
without a doubt in my heart,
that he is the one for me.
Lost Apr 2016
Something about you,
makes my heart flutter.
I don't know why,
and I don't know how,
I managed to fall.
But I did.
And now,
I can't stop thinking about you.
Your goofy smile,
your sandy hair,
your stupid jokes,
and your banter with me.
These things built up
the foundation
of a crush.
But graduation is in less than two months.
Then,
you may be gone forever.
R.
Lost Nov 2015
Maybe,
Just maybe,
New life can be breathed
into cracked lungs.
Blood of love can be pumped
into broken hearts.
Light of hope can illuminate
the darkest hours of night.
Wouldn't it be nice?
If it were only that simple.
But
it
seems
that
damage
done
by
life
cannot
be
healed
so
easily.
Lost Apr 2017
I miss you.
I've missed you every day.
I wish you weren't so stupid.
I wish I wasn't so dumb.
I wish we could be happy.
I wish you were still my fork.
****...
Lost Jul 2017
Trying to describe your depression to someone is like trying to describe a color to someone who has been blind their whole life.
ugh.
Lost Feb 2016
Rain
rain
rain
rain
rain
ease our souls and bring us peace
be the trickling down of life to this place.
No words to ease where a war rages.
The quiet is violent.
The world is at standstill silence.
Rain*
*to relieve this famine,
pour from the heavens and bring us peace.
Lost Dec 2015
You don’t know who she is.
You only see her face
and hear her name.
But if you really knew her,
you’d know that she’s a fighter.
She spends her days,
overcoming the pain,
not drowning in pills.
She provides for a family,
not for paying men.
She gives the world something more,
instead of taking what isn’t her’s.
She works for a cause,
not for drugs.
A saint among sinners.
A lover among aggressors.
A light among the dark.
Lost Mar 2016
Be brave, my love.

**Your dearest,
Victoria
Praying for him
Lost Jan 2017
Rain drop
Drop top
I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop
Requested by my best friend
Lost Apr 2016
I only have two friends in this world.

Jesse and Christina.

I pray for them everyday.

All they rest have gone away.

Because I'm tired of all the lying.

I'm tired of all the drama.

I just want to be happy.

Is that such a problem?

Apparently.
Please, if you're going to even try to understand me, don't stab me in the back because you're bored.
Lost Jul 2017
Your ego
is about
as fragile
as glass.
And
I'd rather
cut myself
on the shards
than piece it
back
together.
And
I may be
"crazy"
but
at least
I'm not
you.
Don't even try to start drama because this isn't about you.
Lost Mar 2017
LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
KEEP YOUR ******* AWAY FROM ME AMD MY FAMILY
Lost Mar 2017
I'm happier,
I promise.
I'm doing better,
okay?
You don't have to this,
please.
I'm sorry that I'm hurting,
and I know,
you are too.
But what I don't understand,
is what I mean to you.
You say I'm your best friend,
but you don't act like it.
That night we hung out,
you made me feel things again,
and as much as I hated that,
I loved it all the same.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Now that you're not sad,
even though,
it hurts me,
I love seeing you smile again.
I care about you,
in more ways than one.
I can't escape it,
I wish I could.
Believe me,
I wish I could.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Even though I'm lying,
I know it's what you want to hear,
so I'll just fake it.
When Ed Sheeran makes you fall for your best friend
Lost May 2017
I am happier than you,
don't take it personal,
but it's true.
My life has direction,
yours,
does not.
You,
bully for fun,
lie to get attention,
create false personality traits,
to appeal to others.
I,
go out of my way,
shower my loved ones with
love,
praise,
and gifts.
I,
show my true colors.
I,
don't hide my flaws.
That's how to be happy.
Make others love the
real
you.

And hopefully,
you learn how to.
Her
Lost Mar 2016
Her
"I never really liked blue eyes,
but her's,
                           god,
the way they reflect the sunlight,
the way they sparkle in the dark,
the way they gaze into mine.
She has guided me through
one of the darkest times of my life.
She is the light of my life.
She has stood behind me
throughout this all.
Refusing to back down.
She loves me and
god
do I love her.
If only I could tell the world,
                         she's mine.
I could hold her hand in public,
I could kiss her in front of others,
I could run away wit her,
we could finally be free.
But,
until then,
we'l just have to wait.
After all,
two years
isn't that far away."
Through his eyes, this is what he saw and felt.
Him
Lost May 2017
Him
I miss him.
I miss the way he kissed me.
I miss the way he would hold me.
I miss the way he smiled at me.
The way he looked into my eyes.
How he made me feel content.
I miss how he'd joke about my tiny hands.
I miss the scent of him on my pillow.
I miss the love he gave me,
and how he showed it.
He's all I want and need,
so I miss him.
And I don't regret it.
I'm so glad I turned into your Elbow. I miss you B flat.
His
Lost Sep 2015
His
His love is like a drug shot into empty veins,
His eyes intoxicate and paralyze,
Our hushed voices whispering confession of love,
We are as children giggling into the night,
Each other’s shirts grasped gently in loving hands.

He fueled my fire of love left unattended,
He gives new meaning to the word “home”,
His arms an embrace of purity and warmth,
My fingers comb through his hair when panic attacks strike,
We take care of each other like family as we will be.

I never felt this rhythm to my heart,
My pulse beats with promise of a future with this man,
Our fates intertwined as our hands on a calm summer night.
He is mine.
I am his.
Lost Oct 2015
Thump,
           thump,
                    thump,
           the soft,
steady
           beat
                      of a drum.
                                 Calm,
                                            gentle
                                 measured,
                      exhales.
Deep
           throbbing,
                      rhythmic
                                 perfect.
                      Consistent
                      rise
           and fall,
the intake
           of August air,
release
           of pain
and grief.
Lost Dec 2015
Thump,
             thump,
                         thump,
            faltered
        breath
          painful
              inhales
                 but still
                                                         ­        life.
It’s
            my
                  only
comfort.
                          
   ­                      Just
          making
                         sure
                                 he’s
                                                     still
                                     alive.

      I couldn’t
                  imagine
                       never
                 hearing
that

               heartbeat
          ever


  *again.
Lost Jun 2017
He was a boy,
and I,
I was a comet.
I shot in and out of sight,
in an instant.
A flash of light
that lit up his world,
before turning into dust.
He didn't know it at the time,
but that light he saw,
he'd carry with him,
for the rest of his life.
Page 1
Lost Apr 2017
I love when people,
think they can do no wrong.
Think they're in charge,
of everyone else's fate.
Hurt just feel
a sense of superiority.
But,
you see,
when you play with fire,
you will get burned.
And if you play with a rose,
you will get the thorns.
When you realize you're more powerful than you think, the world becomes less scary. Stay strong. They only win if you let them.
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