Thump,
             thump,
                         thump,
            faltered
        breath
          painful
              inhales
                 but still
                                                         ­        life.
It’s
            my
                  only
comfort.
                          
   ­                      Just
          making
                         sure
                                 he’s
                                                     still
                                     alive.

      I couldn’t
                  imagine
                       never
                 hearing
that

               heartbeat
          ever


  *again.

Love is the green in his eyes.

It smells like         his shirt                     I keep for comfort.
It sounds like      his steady heartbeat          under my ear.
It feels like         his hand                     intertwined with mine.
It tastes like       his kiss                        after three weeks apart.
It looks like              a bright future        ahead of us.

Love is an unbreakable bond.

"Slay the beast! Salty, sassy and saucy."

-Lindsay the only person who slays better than me

LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

"Invisibility is a curse, not a superpower."

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

If someone is gay,
Don't relentlessly pursue them.
You seem to miss the point,
They don't like your gender that way.
So please leave them be,
They doesn't deserve this from you.
Just because they're nice,
And you think they're cute,
And you like them,
You seem to think you can get whatever you want.
Please don't put that on them.
They have no need for pointless drama and lies from you.
They're not stupid.
They know the truth.
So it's best to save yourself the trouble of changing something you can't,
Just because you can manipulate others,
Doesn't mean the same can happen with sexuality.

I love when people,
think they can do no wrong.
Think they're in charge,
of everyone else's fate.
Hurt just feel
a sense of superiority.
But,
you see,
when you play with fire,
you will get burned.
And if you play with a rose,
you will get the thorns.

throws shade*

breaks something*

It's just a ******* SHADE¿¡

Thump,
           thump,
                    thump,
           the soft,
steady
           beat
                      of a drum.
                                 Calm,
                                            gentle
                                 measured,
                      exhales.
Deep
           throbbing,
                      rhythmic
                                 perfect.
                      Consistent
                      rise
           and fall,
the intake
           of August air,
release
           of pain
and grief.

When I was little,
I used to hate having my door closed,
I would scream and cry
In fear of what the shadows could hold.
I was afraid of a box
Where I’d be held hostage
Caged with a lock
And no key
Back then
That pain was like the sting of a bee.
Now at 17 I realize that I wasn’t afraid of the dark
I was afraid of depression
Making its mark.
I was afraid of the endless battle of trying to fall asleep
Not wanting to wake up
But not wanting to dream.
I was afraid of the hope I would lose in that battle
Afraid of the chains
That made my hollow bones rattle,
Because in the light of a new day
I’d stay inside
“I’m tired” I’d say,
But the truth was much simpler
Than a cheap fix
I am afraid of myself
And I can’t change it.

I'm happier,
I promise.
I'm doing better,
okay?
You don't have to this,
please.
I'm sorry that I'm hurting,
and I know,
you are too.
But what I don't understand,
is what I mean to you.
You say I'm your best friend,
but you don't act like it.
That night we hung out,
you made me feel things again,
and as much as I hated that,
I loved it all the same.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Now that you're not sad,
even though,
it hurts me,
I love seeing you smile again.
I care about you,
in more ways than one.
I can't escape it,
I wish I could.
Believe me,
I wish I could.
I'm happier,
I promise.
Even though I'm lying,
I know it's what you want to hear,
so I'll just fake it.

Maybe I shouldn't have been his girlfriend.
Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so attached to the way he held me.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so needy for affection.
Maybe I shouldn't have got so jealous of his girl friends.
Maybe I shouldn't have told him every time I was sad.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so dependent.
Maybe I shouldn't have felt like I should be a priority.
Maybe I shouldn't have insisted on spending so much time with him.
Maybe I shouldn't have expected so much.
Maybe I shouldn't have wanted more than he would give.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked for everything.
Maybe I shouldn't have compared myself to his ex.
Maybe I shouldn't have compared him to mine.
Maybe I shouldn't have pushed so much.
Maybe I shouldn't have pursued him.
Maybe I shouldn't have said yes.
Maybe I shouldn't have let him go.
Maybe I shouldn't have said hello.

There is a feeling I love.
A feeling I can't deny is my favorite.
Some may call it dangerous,
some,
may call it childish.
By I,
can't help
how much
I love it.

You'd think after 2 years,
the feelings would be gone.
You'd think after all of the pain,
I'd be able to forget.
But my heart is still attached.
You got the biggest piece of me I could offer,
and you treasured it,
but you were hurting and lost,
didn't know what to do.
But you loved me.
Truely.
You did.
You gave me what you could.
You tried to make me happy.
But you were damaged
and so was I.
So I hope,
after all this time,
we can find our love again.
Because my love don't die easy.

I see things in the clouds,
pretty things,
scary things,
sometimes just shapes and fluff.
I feel things becasue of the clouds,
weightlessness,
lightheartedness,
sometimes just nothing.
I think about things because of the clouds,
flying far away,
how lovely that would be,
sometimes just mesmerized into sleep.

My life
Is like
A mosaic.

Shattered pieces
Fit together,
In hopes
To look
Beautiful.

"Tell me how much"*

I love you like you strung the stars in the sky, just for me, because I swear you did.

For the girl who makes me wish I had a sister like her,
don't let them break you or stand in your way.
They need you and love you,
no matter what your stepmom might say.
I know my opinion is not desired,
but I know better than anyone,
those little ones need you.
So **** what she says and don't back down.
You're strong and brave,
a fighter, a lover,
a hero,
a sister.
And that's worth fighting for.

I haven't been this in love since the first time I laid eyes on a cheeseburger.

I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get married October 3rd, 2020.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk down the aisle in a white gown I picked.  
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to walk myself because I'm not an object to be "handed off".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to get closer and closer but yet it feels so far away.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to see eyes on me I only wished would have given me that much attention growing up.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to vow to the man I love that I will "always be with You".
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to cry because life feels like its moving so fast yet the moment's pass so slow.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to pray that people care enough to come.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to hope his family accepts me without a second thought.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to convince myself that "I'm strong enough" to hold it together.
I'm getting married in October.
I'm going to marry the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm getting married in October.
"I'm going to be his wife."
I'm getting married in October.
I'm getting married.

.

"Hi"
*That voice,
that one simple word,
it sends my heart into a frenzy,
leaves me sighing of happiness,
fills me with the warmth
of a calm
inferno.
It was my after school tradition,
make myself fall for him again.
His dad was usually home by 2pm,
but we almost always go lucky.
I wouldn't trade that time
for anything.
We could go hours,
just relying on the sounds of out voices,
chatting away through the silence of our homes.
Never once have we or will we become bored of one another.
That's what we love best.

Rain
rain
rain
rain
rain
ease our souls and bring us peace
be the trickling down of life to this place.
No words to ease where a war rages.
The quiet is violent.
The world is at standstill silence.
Rain*
*to relieve this famine,
pour from the heavens and bring us peace.

You knew how it would affect me and my relationship and you still did it.

I'll have wounds that can never heal because you chose to let it happen.

Was your own heartbreak not enough? Why did you want me to hurt too? What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing but care for and support you and help you.

You are both to blame but still, you messaged him first.
You didn't shut it down when you knew how much it would hurt me.

You're a bad friend.

There is not a sign on my back saying "kick me".
Therefore there is no invitation to do so.
What about that is so hard to understand?
The world will probably never know.
We let others play their games and
Maybe when they've grown up,
The might feel the same pain they put us through.

I will never give up on you.
No matter how hard the tide pushes,
no matter how strong the wind may blow,
I will stand with you,
strong and tall.
You,
are afraid and brave.
I,
am terrified and resilient.
Together,
we are in love.
Together,
we will overcome.
Together,
we are one.
Nor hell or high water,
will tear us apart.

As we drove down ES,
20 minutes away from "goodbye",
The Weekend was blasting,
I received a text.
"What now?"
You asked.
"It's Emilie."
I replied.
I read her question aloud and sighed.
"Baby?"
"I'm sorry,"
My voice is shaky and I know what you're going to say.
"I love you."
And at that moment,
My favorite lyrics play.
And you sing along as if replying to my confession of love.
"I think we need to take a break."
A sob ripples through me,
You ease on the breaks,
And pull over.
You take me in your arms,
Stubble pressed to my forehead.
We sit there for a while,
Silent except for my sobs.
"I'm afraid all of this 'Mark' stuff has really impacted how your friends trust you."
"I'm sorry,"
I choke out once more,
"I love you."
I love you.
*And this won't change that.
I will always be with You.
I love you.
I'm sorry.

"Fuckbuddy" does not apply when there is no intimate relationship between two people. But thanks for your input. Everyone feels a lot less stressed and irritated now that you're gone.

Contrary to popular belief,
depression is the best pain killer there is.
It forces itself down your throat,
and canon-***** into your stomach.
Ripples chills throughout your body,
that's when you know it's starting to work.
It pulses through your veins,
numbness radiating through you.
Soon,
there is no pain.
It will consume you until there is nothing left,
just the hollow shell
of a once
happy
girl.

How I learned to deal with bullies:

Let them have their laugh.

Then laugh about the stupid things they say and do later because you got screenshots of all that **** for the cops. xD

My strength lies with them

the people who make me feel at home

we are not a club

we are a family.

We stand strong

hold each other up

protect our own .

We thrive on the happiness

we give each other.

We are one

like the song from The Lion King 2

we sang together today

right before double run through.

I love you guys

and I'll never stop.

Thank you so much

for being my family.

I never imagined I'd meet someone like you

Lost but present
Open but secluded
Valiant but shy
Energetic but calm

Young and bright
Optimistic and kind
Utterly amazing

I don't feel here anymore.
It's as if as the seconds go by,
I'm disappearing.
Dissolving
into nothing.
And there isn't anything
I can do
to stop it.
I'm slipping
farther and
farther
away
from life,
and closer
and closer
to oblivion.

**I'm in too much pain to fight a war that isn't worth it.

I can't wait until I **** myself so everyone can pretend they care.

Falling*

                          That’s the sensation.

                                                     ­             You don’t feel the *pain
                                                          ­                            or hear a slowing heartbeat.

You see
lights,
pretty
little
fairy
lights.

You start to


remember


all of the

things
you
lost.
The
places
­ you
hid
and
how
to


escape.


You
want
it
to
just
                                                          ­ end.
Maybe
you’ll
finally
find
what
was
always
missing.
Maybe
you
won’t.
Maybe
you
will.
You
may
never
ever
know.




You have formed
a suicide pact
                                                            ­                          *for one.

Of all the times to be alive,
why did it have to be now?

Michael?


Well, he's..


mysterious,

indecisive,

distant,

unattached,

col­d,

dark,

mean,

                                            ­                                         *but only on the surface.
Caring,

kind,

loving,

committed,

protective,

sw­eet,

gentle,

respectful,

                                  ­                      *He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I forgot what it felt like
To be burned
The familiar sting of sensitive skin brushed against fabric
All too real for me.
I wonder if she, too, felt pain like this.
Days spent basking in the sun on summer days,
While cancer scrawled upon her skin like a signature.
Sometimes I think she knew what she was doing,
Laying there,
Letting herself be killed,
Slowly,
But surely.
I hope she sees me,
Walking with friends.
Hundreds of us,
Marching for racial equality.
Would she have scoffed at the idea?
Or scolded me for not protecting my delicate shield?
Say,
“Your heart may armor your conviction,
But it does nothing for your ivory skin”?
But I know,
The lace on my wedding dress may hurt now,
But I will heal.
I cannot say the same for my brothers and sisters of color.
I will not let them lay there,
And be killed.

I mean nothing to no one.
I take up the empty space of a shadow.
Lost
I am a natural occurrence.
Always there.
Something that just simply exists.
No real purpose.
Just to remind other's that they're there,
while I get walked all over
and taken away
by nothing more
than darkness.
I mean nothing to no one.
My friendship isn't valued.
My heart isn't treasured.
My opinions, shamed upon.
And people never stop to wonder,
*why I stay in the darkness they cast.

You are a beast,
a monster,
an evil soul,
with an ugly vendetta
and a heart of stone.

You play games with people's minds,
use them like pawns in your world,
but the thing you don"t realize is
I'm not just an ordinary girl.

I'm strong and powerful,
brave and mighty.
My heart is gold,
my soul
beaming.

I am your undoing.
The end to your games.
I stand against you,
my army behind me.
Countless soldiers
ready for battle.

You can't win against us;
our cause is just,
to strike down the evil,
the monster
the beast.

And the beast,
my dear,
is you.

I hope he goes to bed tonight,
knowing that he's loved*
more than anything.

There was a certain air to the night, that reminded me too much of you.

I wasn't sure if it was your cologne or just a warmth within the winds.

Maybe it was the coldness of your empty side of the bed.

Or the weightlessness of my empty hands without yours in them.

Memories of you were inescapable. Everything about you lingered in the air.

I still get chills and waves of pain
When she writes and speaks your name.
But looking back,
Reading your words
And listening to recording you made,
I reminisce and smile,
Looking through pictures
Of our happy life together,
And don't feel afraid.
You loved me more than you ever had anyone else.
Forever in my heart,
And forever in my dreams,
I pray for angles to protect you,
Through the tears and screams.
You're all alone now,
Unable to find peace,
But know in your heart,
I will always be yours.
The day you promised,
We could name our first son Oliver.
The day you reminded me,
My initials would stay the same after we married.
The day you first told me,
How much I meant.
The day you proved,
Our love was cement.
I keep you in my thoughts and dreams,
And maybe one day,
It won't end up as bad as it seems.

Love,
Mrs. VR *******br>

Your ego
is about
as fragile
as glass.
And
I'd rather
cut myself
on the shards
than piece it
back
together.
And
I may be
"crazy"
but
at least
I'm not
you.