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rig May 18
i cannot remember how uncomfortable the chairs
at my highschool were – i just know that they must have been so.
all those science classes kept both my eyes on the window,
lost in dreams of different lives. i thought ‘nobody cares’
was a good reason to erase my problems – mine, not theirs,
no, ha! – so i went along with that life (emphasis, though,
on the li-e). that’s when i discovered the one way to go:
words. stories. a dim, slow lightbulb that caught me unawares.
first fearful steps turned to blog posts, then a fantasy tome;
short fiction gave way to poetry and recovery.
it took me years to know what to be floating on air is –
and now this broken english is what i call home sweet home,
imbued with the daily gift of a grand discovery:
that there are worlds still hiding from me in dictionaries.
Demicci Apr 22
I've day dream of you,
Again.
But it has been so long
that I do not know who you are...
Yet.

All I know...
Is that, I want your love,
and I want to demonstrate
that love
Will heal you.
old drafts
If I could see your true colors would you be a deep maroon or a lime green?
Would we mix and create a beautiful purple or create a muddy puddle that echoes "we don't belong together"
I wish that I could see your colors
then maybe
I could understand
why.
The world is so beautiful,
Through eyes purified by love.
Who knew
That one person
Could wash away the brokenness of this cruel world.
I love who
You tell me I'm one thing,
But really you're just afraid that I'm something
Undefinable.
You believe everyone is one or the other,
But whats the beauty in that?
Maybe one day I'm
'They'
The next I'm
'She'
Then the day after I'm
'He'
Don't suppress me for being
Everything.
Nothing.
And
Me.
I am undefinable
Relieve me from this label,
I cannot belong in this cramped space
That you decide I fit in
I don't understand why anyone would want to be confined
To just one thing.
You tell me I'm this,
Not that.
But why can't I be both?
Or neither?
Why conform?
Why conform when I feel so free just being
Me.
Why conform?
Though light persists to reach my eyes, I hereby reject this harsh reality. For it is easier to renounce something you cannot percieve.
I wish I had more time to think,
More time to cry with you,
Before you're gone.
But time is slippery as I try to grasp
The precious grains
Of my remaining hours with you.
I wish I could be strong for you,
But my sadness is uncontainable and flows out of my wallowing blue wells For eyes.
You clutch my sweaty palms,
Desperately struggling to hold on to
This life you want to keep living.
But as I watch the sparkle dim in your Eyes.
I know.
That it's a cruel world.
Why?
Nola Leech Jan 12
Sweet Tea wrote 3 months after I turned 15, 2018


Before you, I was a girl devastated by things I couldn’t change
Trapped in an endless bitter reality from which there was no escape
Sinking into a dark, spiraling well, from which I reached my hands and found a pool of light
You were my light, a haloed sunshine angel, who graced me with his presence for what seemed so long and ended so abruptly
The sound of your voice seemed to be honey, so sweet, attracting the bees, attracting me
My sunshine sweetheart, angel lover You’ve done your time so now you can leave
Why would you want to stay with me? I’m only a cement brick that will bring you down
A loose thread that will tear you down, a yammering parakeet who will wear you down
One time you told me that I thought too  highly of you
How couldn’t I? With someone who made me feel so confident with my body, somebody who praised me, someone who thought I was worth their time at least for the time being
In a way it’s better that you left, you’ll never be forced to see what I had to see looking in the mirror hating every inch of myself, hating the way I acted, and the way I interacted with everyone and hating the way no one seemed to like me
But you liked me, but it’s better this way because I’m a letdown
It’s Like when you thought you had bought sweet tea
But it’s actually unsweetened



The new version
Sweet Tea wrote 1 month before my 18 birthday, 2021

Before you, I was a girl alone
Being molested every day by the people who said they would take care of me
I was a fourteen-year-old girl who was taught at a young age to get yourself a man to save you
So I tried everything to keep you because talking to you distracted me from the fact my fourty-year-old stepdad was touching me
But what I definitely didn’t need was a twenty-year-old man messaging me
Telling me all the things he wanted to do to me
When the law would finally unclaim me and allow me to give someone a part of me he doesn’t deserve
You made me feel so much more alone
Somebody who told me he’d touch me
But instead of giving me what I’ll need he’ll leave
“Lick me up like an ice cream cone” huh Luke?
yes I thought highly of you
Because you made it seem like you’d never hurt me
You were the biggest disappointment
You always will be
original written about a man who groomed me in 2018 when I was 14, vs now I'm nearing 18 in 2021. as you can see I know how things are supposed to be now and I have stopped blaming myself
Jay M Jun 2019
She's only 14
Her whole life's ahead of her
Yet she feels like she's 30
And her life's about to end
Wanting it so badly
Her heart is hurting
Feeling the road has end

Tomorrow she's got school
Second to last of the year
Yet
Can she even last a minute?
She wonders
She ponders
She cries
Feeling her whole world
Took a hit from an avalanche
Of everything

What a loss it would be
What a loss

A waste of time
A waste of space
How could one so terrible
Be any good?

She's only 14
But
She's gotten drunk
She's overdosed
She's cut
She's tried to die
So many **** times
She's changed for everyone
She's almost ran away
Tried once
Didn't get far
When she got back
Nobody noticed
She could have been touched
She doesn't know!
She was asleep
**** it
She was asleep!

How can she
Be any good
When she's done these things?
How can she
Be any good
When she's reminded at least 5 times a day
That she's a tool
That she's hideous
That she's a mistake
That she's annoying
That nobody gives a ****
If she lives or dies
Hell
They told her
"Why do you bother?"

She's only 14...
Only 14...

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019
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