today at lunch I saw lilly - like the flower but with another l, a fake - your girlfriend (soon to be ex but you don't know that yet) she actually smiled at me - i think she was surprised i hope so - in response my ****** muscles contorted into a smile(?) more false than i ever believed i was capable of producing. it wasn't really a smile it was ******* For Ripping Her Away From Me it was I Would Like To Punch You But Self Control maybe (fingers crossed) it scared her.
I’m just trying to eat my french toast and drink my coffee but you keep cutting me off as I’m about to take a sip take a bite asking why I like it with sugar i add a spoonful of creamer and you’re laughing but not in a loving way talking about my schoolwork and my plans for the garden and you skip over the congratulations and mention your ex girlfriend going on about your ex girlfriend and my face has hardened i drink my coffee and try not to listen i eat my french toast and i don’t pay attention i’m looking at the man with the book eating alone i’m looking at the waitress wishing she were home excuse me and i’m up the bathroom is empty and nobody saw me the mirror is clean and i am ***** the lights are brighter than i want them to be and the soap dispenser is empty
Walking home from my friend’s house after making music and making faces and his roommate’s ex-girlfriend was in the kitchen, her back to mine across the living room and I closed the door. I walked the eight blocks to my house. To the left To the right I thought of you but only a little bit. I laughed when I slid on the ice on Summer Street and I inhaled deep to relish in the lack of sun, and for the first time, I listened that night in November with her cold and slender hands over both of my ears.
maybe if I didn't see you that summer day maybe if I didn't hear your laugh maybe if I didn't talk to you the first day we met maybe if I didn't ask for your name maybe if I didn't wish to be your friend maybe if I didn't follow you around all summer maybe if I didn't see you in the hallway so much maybe if I didn't buy you things maybe if I didn't get your friends to like me maybe if I didn't see you stare at me when 'I wasn't looking' maybe if I didn't kiss you in front of the courtyard maybe if I didn't ask you out on my birthday for luck
maybe if I didn't let you in
maybe if I didn't hold your hand so tight maybe if I didn't text you so late at night maybe if I didn't talk so much maybe if I didn't call so often when you were sad maybe if I didn't spend so much money on our two-month gift maybe if I didn't tell you so much maybe if I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
The greatest regret in my life was when... The greatest mistake in my life was when... The greatest failure in my life was when... The greatest ****-up in my life was when... The greatest manipulation of my life was when...
I fell too hard for the wrong person.
Me and this girl were dating online, she was toxic and manipulative to me to get whatever she wanted from me and I never saw it that way, until my parents found out and got me out of that mess. To this day, because of everything I went through, I still detest even saying her name or talking about things we would spend all day and night talking about.