you were roses
I was silk
not that either of us was better
than the other
but that maybe we weren’t what
the other needed at the time
I’m just trying to eat my french toast and drink my coffee but you keep cutting me off as I’m about to take a sip take a bite asking why I like it with sugar i add a spoonful of creamer and you’re laughing
but not in a loving way
talking about my schoolwork and my plans for the garden
and you skip over the congratulations and mention your ex girlfriend
going on about your ex girlfriend and my face has hardened
i drink my coffee and try not to listen
i eat my french toast and i don’t pay attention
i’m looking at the man with the book eating alone
i’m looking at the waitress wishing she were home
excuse me and i’m up
the bathroom is empty and nobody saw me
the mirror is clean and i am *****
the lights are brighter than i want them to be
and the soap dispenser is empty
Walking home from my friend’s house after making music and making faces and his roommate’s ex-girlfriend was in the kitchen, her back to mine across the living room and I closed the door.
I walked the eight blocks to my house.
To the left
To the right
I thought of you but only a little bit.
I laughed when I slid on the ice on Summer Street and I inhaled deep to relish in the lack of sun, and for the first time, I listened that night in November
with her cold and slender hands over both of my ears.
You knew how it would affect me and my relationship and you still did it.
I'll have wounds that can never heal because you chose to let it happen.
Was your own heartbreak not enough? Why did you want me to hurt too? What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing but care for and support you and help you.
You are both to blame but still, you messaged him first.
You didn't shut it down when you knew how much it would hurt me.
You're a bad friend.
Why me? Why do I constantly have to suffer for other people? My relationship isn't yours to have. Haven't you hurt me enough?
staring at the clouds
one of them looks just like you
grimace and unloved
maybe if I didn't see you that summer day
maybe if I didn't hear your laugh
maybe if I didn't talk to you the first day we met
maybe if I didn't ask for your name
maybe if I didn't wish to be your friend
maybe if I didn't follow you around all summer
maybe if I didn't see you in the hallway so much
maybe if I didn't buy you things
maybe if I didn't get your friends to like me
maybe if I didn't see you stare at me when 'I wasn't looking'
maybe if I didn't kiss you in front of the courtyard
maybe if I didn't ask you out on my birthday for luck
maybe if I didn't let you in
maybe if I didn't hold your hand so tight
maybe if I didn't text you so late at night
maybe if I didn't talk so much
maybe if I didn't call so often when you were sad
maybe if I didn't spend so much money on our two-month gift
maybe if I didn't tell you so much
maybe if I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
I would have been better off.
I see, I see
What you don't see
Maybe you refuse
Or glance the other way
You break off your gaze
And dart in the other direction
I see, I see
How you stare at me
You don't want to, yet
You cannot help yourself
In classes, the hall,
As I'm at my locker
I see, I see
That you miss me
You want everything back
Everything right like before
All the kisses, the hugs,
The late night texts -
I see - you see,
It wasn't meant to be.
The greatest regret in my life was when...
The greatest mistake in my life was when...
The greatest failure in my life was when...
The greatest ****-up in my life was when...
The greatest manipulation of my life was when...
I fell too hard for the wrong person.
Me and this girl were dating online, she was toxic and manipulative to me to get whatever she wanted from me and I never saw it that way, until my parents found out and got me out of that mess. To this day, because of everything I went through, I still detest even saying her name or talking about things we would spend all day and night talking about.
Once a hopeless romantic
Gazing upon yellow skies
Oh, what warm sensations filled this soul
Not even the coldest of night could chill
Once her lover
Her one and only
Who carried her in his heart
Embedded in his soul till the end of time
Once true love
Till the words spoken pierced the soul
The simple words to change one forever
“I never did love you.”
Once, the words were spoken
During the intimate time of love
A pain unlike any other
To change one forever
A once hopeless romantic
Now, a fearful nervous mind
Unable to form attachments of love
Rather, paranoid ties of abandonment.
My legs shake and my body trembled
Im not sure if its because I miss you or I love you
Id gladly have my heart broken by you a thousand to a million times.
Would you love me once more?
Show my dark soul the light once more?
You are my kryptonite
You are the one who can break me
You brought me to life
You are not in love with me
In fact you hate me
In dreams you appear.
In life you're with your new man.
My dear you have stolen my heart.
Ran away and never gave it back.
I'm lost without you.
But I'm better without you
Between loving you
And hating you.
One day may time be gracious and lend me a few minutes with my girl...