I think I like my reflection;
at least when I’m alone.
But when there’s other people to compare myself to,

oh!
my tea has grown cold in the time i have sat here
and dreamed of you.

I like to think
all these years of schooling and essays and grammar
existed so i could one day adequately describe my Love for you.

Varje dag jag går på buss tio
och jag ser någon som ser ut som dig


Och det passar bra.

i felt this sorrow once before
     when your name spelled patroclus and mine achilles

the scratch of a pen as it glides across the paper,
ink pooling in the words.
a stain on fingers here and there,
rustling pages full of thoughts.
sunlight filters in through curtains,
settling on the pages like snow on the ground.
ink bleeds through to the blank side of the paper but the pen keeps writing, regardless.

There’s a specific rhythm to dancing
which only a dancer knows.
The thrill of a strong jump,
or a good pointing of the toes.

A tap of pointe shoes on the floor
where usually sounds a thunk,
or the success of a hard spin
when you thought you’d run out of luck.

When I left, we promised to stay in touch.
I remember for months we’d send emails every day, keeping as close as possible.

On our birthdays we’d post photos of us smiling for all the world to see.
“One of my closest friends” the caption would say.
“I miss you so much” my comment would be.

I seem to have skipped years between then and now, because I  lay awake wondering how we’ve grown so distant.
The last time I emailed you was two years ago, for Christmas. I told you I would call later.
I never did.

I think your birthday was last week. I wouldn’t have known if not for my phone showing me a photo of us at a pool, “seven years ago”, holding plates of cake.
At some point I stopped wishing you a happy birthday, but I can’t remember when.

At some point you stopped telling me your plans for the holidays. At some point I stopped thinking about you every day.
Sometimes I can go months without missing you.
I hate it.

You used to be my bestest friend

but now I hardly know you.

we live in different places

different timezones too.



You've grown up so quickly,

But I guess that I have too.

Just let me tell you one last thing

A gift from me to you.



you were understanding

together we were twins

yes, you were a bit smaller but

That got you all your wins



you were like a role model

kind, caring, funny

you cared when I got hurt

you made every day so sunny



remember the day that we met?

at the pool, with our families

we still had no idea

That soon our friendship would be set.

It was one sentence
That I read.
It reduced me to tears

I wanted to scream
And laugh,
Because there is hope after all.

A foreign feeling- hope?
Is it hope which has settled on me,
after such trials?

The way my head fits on your shoulder,
Your arm around me like a shield.
It reminds me of when we were younger,
Hiding from the battlefield.

The way your hair falls like a blanket,
Keeping the two of us warm.
Your watchful gaze while i’m asleep
Is what keeps me safe from harm.

Winter’s come faster than ever before
I know it’s nice but I want more.

You wake up before morning,
A silhouette on your wall.
It’s us, and we’re searching
For someone who might fall.
We’re getting nearer, staying low;
You wonder what’s going on.
You look outside your window
But we’re gone.