I hope she was worth
All of my effort
All of my strength
All of my sacrifice
I hope she was worth
All of my sleepless nights
All the joy
All the tears
All my plans for us
I hope she was worth
Five seconds of *******
In exchange for five years
My feelings were true
And it truly hurts
To know that I was worth
Nothing but a quick *****.

You have walked by my side
From the time I was a child
You are a beauty
Dark and ugly
Just like me
You are suppression
You are fear
You scream out loud
Everything I don't want to hear
My little light
Is shrouded by you
Take my tiny hand
We'll walk this life together
A knowing nod to you
As I stare in the mirror
Little Demon
You are mine
Sit on my shoulder
Til the day I die.

Forgive me
I am on the mend
My vagus nerve
Seemingly cut
Has made it difficult
For me to breathe
The blow was sudden
The pain severe
What's the consequence
Of a severed nerve?
One of such importance?
An irregular heartbeat,
Unbridled anxiety,
Laborious speaking,
An ambush attack.
The day before
I was loved
And now I am not

Those words spoken long ago
I choked them down dry and raw
Now I find regurgitation
To be the only way
In avoiding asphyxiation
Belief is one thing
Reality another
A monster when combined
Some call it "Love"
Some call it a "Lie"
Delusion is jelly-thick
You know what tastes nice?
Reclusion.
I poisoned myself on hope and seclusion
Love, may you gag on my rotting flesh
My eyes have opened
My mouth agape
Choked out from love's embrace

Death is merely
Emptying the Goblet of Life
Back into the carafe
From which it came
I am bitter wine
Aging on borrowed time

In your absence,
I have learned many a thing on my own:
How to feed a family,
How to dress a wound,
How to console the broken-hearted,
How to press a shirt,
How to count by fives,
What creams to apply for itchy hives,
How to listen for cars on the road,
How to lighten a parental load.
Physically you were there,
But not as a loving unit,
More like aberrations,
You sat there in your depression,
On your king sized bed,
Time slipped by,
Many nights I sat alone and cried.
Now you don't know your twenty-something daughter.
In your presence I learned to love,
In a warped and twisted manner.
A trail of men lay lifeless behind me,
Bodies twisted, faces contorted in agony,
I ****** them dry,
My life has too much turmoil for most to bear,
But that's alright, I'm used to people not being there.
You fantasize about a relationship with me,
But it's too late,
I'm the daughter you refused to see.
These showers of praise from you are lies from snakes,
A few dollars here and there is all you think it takes,
To undo a life of torment,
Well...
You are mistaken.
In your absence I have learned many a thing,
How to hold a hand,
How to speak my mind,
How tightly abandonment actually binds.

Silver tongued serpent,
Emerald-eyed warlock,
When he speaks, the crowds will surely flock,
Raven-haired "deity"
Creator of his own piety
Atheism is my saving grace
Otherwise I'd be caught up with him in some cult-like space
He, a fierce lion
I, a timid gazelle
This shapeshifter of a man
Stalked his prey until she waned
The energy to avoid his pursuit is well beyond drained
I put up a good fight, ignored his advances every single night
Professing his love to me tested my might
Am I upset this man wore me down?
In the beginning, indeed.
But now I understand that we were both in need
Of someone who could withstand intense emotion
Of someone who would show unfaltering devotion

Fortuitously my memories are stumbled upon,
Like smooth river rocks beneath the flow of a gentle stream,
Triggered by an anomaly in the day,
A bump in the pavement,
A loud bang,
A missed step up a flight of stairs causing a momentary stumble.
The provocation for today was innocent:
My feet pushing against the artificial pavement--the treadmill
Memories seemingly harmless take a dark turn.
I'm now running down memory lane,
A dark well once thought empty,
Gushes forth with a violent burst.
Some memories, especially violent ones, call for severance,
Or the mind will deteriorate.
Heavy breath, sweat cascading down my brow,
This is the only time I can feel her talk to me,
You see, she and I are disconnected;
And we have been for quite some time,
I increase speed, not listening to her cries,
She pleads with me to stop, I ignore her.
The only acknowledgement she gives is a stabbing sensation,
She reminds me I have a heart and lungs,
She tells me I am alive.
My body and my mind are two separate beings,
One within the other,
Like oil and water,
We do not mix.

Oh my love,
Let us hold each other,
You in my icy embrace,
I in your thorny arms,
A poison arrow pierces my back,
From the target you secretly painted on me,
You take a dagger to the heart,
A concealed weapon you didn't see.
Oh my love let us lie,
As we bleed out in silence,
In this puddle of love-red distrust,
Feeling nothing, let us die entwined,
Our bones will tell our story written in the dust

A gentle push
Towards the harsh terrain below
Is all I need
To let this go
Love was never the question
Being alone is the answer
I was not afraid
Of this crippling disaster
We thought it was love
But I'm sure it's loneliness
Just push me out
Of this poorly built nest

Quick to forgive,
Slow to heal,
All I wanted,
Was something real,
I give my all,
And ask for nothing in return,
Is it any wonder why,
I slowly smolder and burn?

Original Cheese,
Wishes he was right,
Jealousy gets you embarassed,
In front of everyone,
Instead of attempting to call me out,
You could've learned it was me,
And what it was all about.

Socrates consumed Hemlock,
Cleopatra embraced the Asp,
Alan Turing ate an apple laced with cyanide,
I, like those before me,
Have picked my poison;
An absinthe-eyed, quicksilver-tongued boy.
He was unsettled when I answered with the truth of his query,
Yes, he is poison,
I knowingly and willingly consume every drop of him,
Not all toxicity is solely adverse,
Radiation treats cancer,
Venom in low doses is an antidote,
Ethanol relaxes muscle and numbs the emotions.
He is my poison and my antidote,
He is the corrosive acid that dissolves gear-stopping rust,
I, in kind, am the poison apple of his eye,
Or so he says,
And so, we two, bask in the destruction of ourselves,
Consuming each other's pain, insecurity, madness, and lust,
Why is it that he, a poison, is the one I trust?

Clinging to what's left,
The debris of us,
Floats down the calmed delta mouth,
A night of turbulent storms,
Has laid waste to our ship, "Golden Heart,"
Mighty was she, but no match,
For the storm of lies that welled up,
The waves carelessly consumed us whole,
You steered us right into the storm,
Instead of running you faced it head on,
Ramon, a formidable captain with the best of intentions,
Chose poorly that night,
Yes, he'd sailed that course a-plenty,
Assuming we could skip port and rest...
But this night was different,
The air was abnormally still,
I questioned the Captain's choices,
I too had sailed these waters,
I'd seen these types of clouds before,
I'd smelled this still and seemingly calm air,
A maelstrom of despair, doubt, and, anger
Violently rocked her,
We couldn't keep the sails,
The mast snapped like a twig,
We were at the black water's mercy now,
Two beloved crew members float lifelessly face down
Their skin, pale and bruised from the rocks,
Which tore into the ship's bow,
The black water, now satiated,
Basks in the afterglow of our destruction,
The warm golden sun rise brings no comfort,
It illuminates the debris of us, laughing in our faces,
The ship is gone,
We managed to lash together a few jagged pieces of love-red deck,
She was beautiful, a pain to navigate, but beautiful nonetheless,
All that's left of her are us,
Clinging to each other with calloused hands,
Cold, damp, exhausted, and bitter,
A waterfall is up ahead,
Nothing but a few pieces of rope and broken wood,
Stand between us and the jagged rocks below...

Knowing you belong to someone,
Understanding the risk of loss,
Still hoping for the best outcome,
The heart is the ultimate cost.
Love is trust
Love is pain
Love is losing yourself to gain
Love is letting go
Love is a reason to grow
Love is counting your lucky stars
Realizing things aren't "mine" but "our's,"
Love is allowing distance so it never sours
Love is talking at ungodly hours
Love is pure
Love is sometimes feeling unsure
Love is willingness to surrender
Love is confessing after last night's fight you're bitter
Love is admitting you're wrong
Love is thinking of you when hearing a song
Love is acceptance
Love is forgiveness
Love is wishing my beating heart was next to his

Anybody who knows her
Understands she's not like the others
Head in the sky, feet on the ground
Detached when she speaks, cold she sounds,
But her heart is a warm place,
For those she lets in,
The select few see her distant but gleeful grin,
Aware she's different and that's alright,
Because this Nefelibata is always in flight
Head in the sky, feet on the ground
A nefelibata's mind knows no bounds.

A heavenly glimpse
I saw you, spinning there
In a field against the 3 o' clock Spring sunshine
Hands outstretched at either side
The encapsulation of pure bliss
The rays of sun illuminated the slopes and curves
Of this angel dancing before me
Cicadas and crickets played their symphony as you danced
The dandelion wishes were your partners
I called out to you in pure elation
And you faded away with the breeze
An aberration
A figment of my imagination
Are you alright where you are?
Oh how I wish you were here with me
Death has robbed me of my heart
I'd give anything to see you dancing in a meadow again
Without a care in the world
Death, give me back what's mine
I, a selfish girl, want nothing less than what belongs to me
And she was my love

Warm fuzzy slippers still sit where she left them
A beautiful lady closed her eyes for the last time
They took her pulse
They took her body
They took my love
They left her favorite shoes
In the foyer they sit
They wait for her
Never to be filled by those tiny feet again

Chased we were into the dying woods
A mob of armored men on the crimson horizon
In all that I do, it was and is for the love of you

Fugitives are we
For what? A serious crime it must be
To fall in love with him and he to love me
Promised to another man I was
But I'll be ****** if I live a life without love

Jealousy of a man has derived
A bounty on your head dead or alive
And double the reward for my return
Every tender loving night with you
Will forever within me burn and burn

Bitter is the understanding
Between we two
You say to me "I'll never stop loving you"
Stopped in our tracks with a fruitless plea
He tells me to go back, that he'll always be with me
For he'd rather watch me from afar with another man
Than me be forever a fugitive in a foreign land

A stubborn gal I've always been
This argument presented, he knows he'll never win
I'd rather run forever or be dead
Than spend a night in another man's bed!

This hopeless romantic devotion
I am overtaken by fervent emotion
As a hail of arrows rains down upon us
I give my love one final embrace
And stare the reaper in the face

Every piercing blow testament of my intense dedication
I knew this love was not without ramification
His beautiful body I shield with my own
These dead woods will forever be my home

The distance between us,
Isn't just physical,
You're intelligent but infantile,

Big ego so fragile,
When you don't get your way,
You ignore me for at least a day,

Mood swings so quick,
This emotional coaster makes me sick.
I'm beginning to think,
The age difference will make us sink,

Down into a hateful dark abyss.
Last night you didn't say you love me or give a kiss.
There are miles between us,

When it comes to conflict resolution and maturity,
You're drowning aggression and insecurity.
You say you're fragile, well so am I.
But I don't purposefully try to make you cry.

The tactics you use,
Are borderline verbal abuse.
An ocean of distrust,
Every time I'm filled with more disgust.

Becoming numb to the rising tide,
My true feelings I will no longer hide.
You think you're some kind of god,
But you forget I'm an atheist.
I don't believe that gods exist.

You put my patience to the test.
I'm tired of these petty arguments; give it a rest.
So to your bitter maelstrom,
I will strongly resist.

This tidal wave of anger, angst, and absurdity,
Carries me further out to sea,
I want you sailing far away from me.

This current state of being,
A byproduct of my upbringing,
To a shred of sanity I'm clinging.
I'm condemned, I am ******
It's not like this was planned.

Those pesky chemicals are a torrential rain,
Carried 'round by cerebrospinal fluid in the brain,
Are unbalanced, unregulated. I am agitated.
Emotions now unchained.

The feelings I suppressed
Now a hysterical, pathetic, crying mess
This silent monster is cunning and bold
Has defiantly stepped over my mental threshold
The more I try to ignore
The more intense the outpour

The heart drops into the stomach,
Unpleasant pulsating in my ear canal
I tremble uncontrollably
I obsess over thoughts until they nauseate me

Down a rabbit hole I'm going
Due to insufficient dopamine and serotonin
The ideas of inadequacy and failure are growing

As logical a girl I am
To these irrational thoughts I am ******,
I attempt to talk myself out of it
But my reasoning just won't fit
No matter how hard I try
I cannot find a reason why...

At this point my heart is racing
From the epinephrine rush, I am pacing
Back and forth across the floor
In and out the bedroom door

You have no idea how happy I'd be
To have a life of "normalcy"
No matter how much I plead and plead
This quiet monster won't take its leave
At my wit's end, my sanity's gone,
I'm all out of my Buproprion.

Joyful boy bundled in blue,
Nine months and a day mommy carried you,
Nine months and a day when I was due,
Out you came with a purplish hue.

Your twin sister soon followed suit,
However, she came out, pink, plump, and cute.
Beautiful you were, a work of art,
You had my love right from the start.

Perfect little eyes, fingers, nose, and toes,
My heart full of both sadness and excitement,
Thought I might implode.

A few months before,
In two my heart tore,
When the doctor informed me,
A stillborn you'd be,
Your little heart didn't function at full capacity.

But even with your purple hue,
Here, with me just for a few,
Precious Earth angel, mine you were,
I'm sure the Lord God would concur.

Just for me, I felt you held out,
Your tiny little heart beat so rapidly,
The cry let out was quite lively ,
In mommy's arms right where you belonged,
For nine months and a day to hold you I had longed.

Momentarily, the nurses and doctors had fawned over you
Then quickly they whisked my love away to the NICU.
Bundle of blue, your outlook was bleak,
Surprised I was you even let out a squeak,
For you were so very tiny and weak.

So daddy and I packed you up and took you home,
To steal every moment of this precious time alone,
No breathing machines, painful needles, or drugs,
Just you, me, daddy, little sister, and a sea of endless hugs.

My little boy, bundled in blue,
You stayed with us 48 hours plus two.
I listened to every rapid heartbeat, right until your last,
I imagined you'd return to a sea of stars so vast.

We captured every moment in photos and on film,
The entire two days death was at the helm,
My little joy, bundled in blue,
For Nine months, a day, and forever, mommy will carry you.

It was in April we met of last year
Never thought I'd hold you so dear
A curious thing I thought you were
Loud, eccentric, and certainly belligerent
Of my feelings, mostly inconsiderate

At odds were we from the start
With every argument we rip each other clean apart
We clash like demigods on the battlefront
I, petulantly persistent and you, cruelly blunt
I am stubborn and prideful just like you
An abundance of intense feelings between we two
Polar opposites in personality are we
But some of the things in you I see in me

Leery was I of your intentions
Following every reply with even more questions
See, no matter how hard I try can't read you
So handing my trust over to you is an issue
I've never had someone be so true
It scares me to death, because true people are so few

Even if you are not meant to be my lover
You'd be a genuine friend--like no other
(Even at times when we can't stand one another)

Patient sometimes you are with me
As I slowly release my grip and conceed to our reality
For whatever twisted reason there may be
I love you for you and you love me for me

At the apex of the Empire State Building
Beneath a resilient misty gray sky,
A perfectly dreary day to die
She's at her lowest low
In heeled shoes a mile high,
Youthful skin, but nothing behind dead hazel eyes,
Rose red lips which never spoke their mind,
A purse full of pills she'd rather leave behind
Beneath rich chocolate curls,
Helena's madness quietly unfurls
Her courage to jump, her fear of death
Weighing the outcome of future incomes
Against the agony of piling debts
She came down from her delusional high
When daddy's substitute for love called money ran bone dry
With the sky the limit, her mind is trapped
By the lie they told Helena as her life was mapped
Line by line they fed her from birth:
"A scholarly piece of paper and a lovely figure will define your worth
Choose wisely little princess, or your life will be hell on Earth"
Turning her back to the street below
Her courage to end it begins to grow
She closes her empty hazel eyes
Cranes her neck towards the sky
And whispers "Death do you hear me? No longer am I shy"
In her delusion she heeded Death's reply
"Come now dear angel, let's see you fly"
A rush of adrenaline was met with demise
Now nourishment for the maggots and the flies
Antidepressants mimicked the body of their owner,
Fractured bottles, tops open, pills strewn all over
Beautiful bones shattered against the pavement
Released she was, from her own mental enslavement
Trickling down the drain, carried by unrelenting rain
Into a New York sewer towards the darkness below,
A bright crimson flow
Quenches the thirst of a starving rat king
Entangled in thirteen tails as he lay dying
Grateful is the king to Helena's sacrifice
For he is trapped in this sewer and awaits his own demise
A glimpse he tasted from the world above
Bitter-sweet is the blood of a girl without love

I, like the pendulum
Swing from one extreme
To the polar opposite
Before coming to a conclusive rest in the center
The intensity of applied force
Determines the height of my emotion
But the outcome is the same,
With every swing, I come down
Kinetic converting to potential energy
Until I am frozen in time, dead center
An emotional ground state
Completely still in my own calmness
Where I find that the initial force
Of what troubled me
Was nothing but people
Performing an experiment
To prove a point to themselves
That they could rouse me
I, like the pendulum
Will eventually come
To a complete stop
Alone in my stillness
Breathless and apathetic to my surroundings

Where she stops
Someone dies
Grandma keep a watchful eye

For on your deathbed as you lay
The Dullahan will come to play

Gifted with supernatural sight
You, she sees, in the dark of night
A whip of a human spine she does wield
From her, your soul I cannot shield

Head in hand, grey with decay
I pray to the gods—come what may
On her pitch-black steed she rides
Dressed in a gown stitched of human hides

Her decapitated head wears a Glasgow grin
Prepare for death when the Dullahan comes riding in

Member of the Unseelie Court
She’s the collector of souls; bodies amort
Although the protective curtain’s drawn
Grandma, you’ll be dead before the dawn

The most precious and rare of jewels
Are found in the darkest of caves
Under the most intense pressure
Beneath the dirt and detritus
Only those equipped with a pickaxe forged of patience,
A gentle hand,
And a discerning eye
Will be lucky enough to find
These raw jewels in the rough
Whose beauty lies well beneath the surface
You may machine cut and polish
Synthetic stones all you like
However, there is no comparison of worth
To jagged jewels which have been ripped from the earth,
Washed, refined, and faceted with the care
Of a kind and gentle hand

Once a voyager of sky and sea
On Earth I left the vast majority
Of those who chose the illusion of security
Over the idea of living truly free

I have abandoned all earthly possessions
The idea of an unconventional view is my only concession
I leave behind all of my past
To voyage across a universe so vast

I know it is unlikely
That I will find the other half of me
So for now, content with myself I'll be

As I trawl this endless sea of stars
I am battle-worn and covered in scars
Speed past assaults from the asteroid belt
Which lies beyond the red planet, Mars

At the universe's cold black mercy,
It  knows of my tender vulnerability
I man this spacecraft all alone
To find another heart to call my home

I guess it's time
To put this ruby red heart
Back in it's ebony chest
Along with a few pearls of wisdom,
A piece of broken jade for luck,
And a bit of sunshine for the warmth he once gave
Lock it up tight
With unbending iron and fright
I'll bury it deep
Swallow the key
With the only treasure map tattooed on my sleeve
Where I used to wear my heart
That once did beat

Today the rain pours
As I wait for my shift to begin I sit in my car
My hair is wet, I'm nursing a deep wound
Which will become yet another scar

I cracked open the window to my heart
Ever so slightly
Reluctantly to allow a warm island breeze to roll in
Instead I experienced a turbulent wind

I let my guard down like never before
I opened the door
Thinking we were something more

Now I sit confused and disheveled
Face full of tears
An emotional flood
Perhaps it was I who misunderstood

You see, I took your word as true
Rememer, those three little words you spoke?
"I love you"
Empty now they seem
Extrodinary how a heart changes so quickly
I'd like to make this break clean

The last words spoken by you the other night
Do you remember the ones after the fight?
"This is me giving up for now
I'll talk to you tomorrow babe, I love you
Good night"

Those words gave me false reassurance
As these arguments are a regular occurance
You'd tell me time after time
"Babe we'll be fine"
Why on earth did I believe that line?

My own stupidity
Has gotten the best of me
As I delusionally imagined how truly loved by you I'd be

As with protocol you told me to go
So I gave you your space
That is our bi-weekly flow
But you changed entirely
You didn't call like you said you would

Colder than the deepest ocean
You tell me now,
"We're not together so what does it matter?"
To this I reply "I love you"
And then your harsh words cut me like a knife
"I don't, we are done"
You love me no longer
The heartless tone said all I need to know

I don't understand what happened but it did
The trust I worked so hard to release to you after months
Is shattered and jagged on the floor

Some people go through lovers like water
But that is not me,
I let people in very selectively
When I love, I love truly and deeply
Sometimes months, even years, go by
Before I'll look a man in the eye

I know with time, I'll be fine
You'll move on and forget my face
Rise to fame and bring pride to your family's name
But I'll always keep my door open just the same

So for now I sit and wipe away my tears
Recounting the steps as I reel from the shock
Of something seemingly small that has ended it all
I have to put on a happy face
As I enter the workplace

Those who seek constant conflict
Often are bored and unhappy
Those who fish for compliments
Often are empty and vain
Those who are impatient
Often are quick to anger and slow to resolve
Those who are arrogant
Often are the most insecure
Those who are unforgiving
Often are manipulative
Often these are all of us
At one time or another
So...
Be at peace
Seek happiness constantly
Endlesssly fill the heart with beauty
Be patient infinitely
Resolve often
Present yourself humbly
Forgive always

I see your beautifully sad emerald eyes
I see the glow of your skin with the sun rise
I see the furrow between your brow as you frown
I see how easily in you I could drown
I see your thick raven curls and how they move as the wind blows
I see the gentle ***** of your strong nose
I see the curve of your sly grin as you tell dry jokes
I see your long slender fingers which lead into large strong hands
I see your statuesque height when you stand
I see the innocent kindness in your face so I love to stare
I also fear the anger in it beyond compare
I see you change every day; mostly in a good way
I see so much  potential and intelligence
I see how you could blossom with due diligence
I see the excitement in your eyes and smile when you learn a new skill
I see the way you leave your heart open waiting to be filled
Perhaps it's my fear of your criticism
Perhaps it's my pride, my shyness, or my cynicism
That I don't express how much I see in you
We both know I'm not one to boast, but
You are the one I see and love most
Each day I discover about you something new
Do you see me as much as I see you?

I reluctantly gave my heart
To an island boy who treats people like toys
With wavy raven hair and deep emerald eyes
Who longs to learn and is good with lies

And no matter how hard I push
He'll push right back
Countering my pessimistic logic
With his own brand of truthful facts

Opposites are we
In time and space
In maturity, in race
In love, in grace

And yet here we are
Inconveniently in love
Me, the old cynic
He, the young optimistic critic

Yes, I know that my disconnect frustrates him so
His mood swings like a pendulum as the wind blows
He strives terribly; eager to please
Which makes me wonder am I difficult to appease?

Daily I question his unyielding affection
And daily he replies despite my perplexion:
"I love you, it's all I can do
Whether you believe me is all up to you"
And to myself quietly I say
"I guess it's ok; come what may"
With that he professes his love for me every single day

As his days grow longer, mine grow shorter
Mine grow colder, and his even warmer
You see, he and I are as paradoxical as they come
I am the night, he is the sun

No matter how much I wish to flee
He's always there pulling at me
I imagine one day we'd live happily
Desires of his love plague me so inconveniently

Dear sweet island boy who brings me much joy
I pray you aren't playing with me like a toy
Because my heart is quick to build walls and slow to heal
After this I doubt I'll be able to feel

If only your skin was a lighter shade
Here, this bleach might come to your aid
If only your lips weren't so full
Maybe the boys would like you at school
If only your hair wasn't so *****
Here's some caustic chemicals to make it more slinky
If only your ******* weren't so large
Here's the number to a surgeon, call and see what they charge
If only your waist was smaller (just a few inches)
Here's a corset, see how tiny it cinches?
If only your *** wasn't so round
How 'bout you run some laps to lose a few pounds?
If only you'd get your nose out of books
I bet you'd garner more stares for your looks
If only you'd change your curious personality
I hear the masses prefer banality

If only you'd see me for me
Do you know how content I'd be?
If you can't do that
Then leave me be.

Indignant. Can’t rid myself of this feeling.
Anxious. My blood pressure rises to the ceiling.
Risk. Assessing the situation.  Your caustic venom I wager.
Numb. As you unleash your anger.
Undeserving. I am not a whipping post. My sanity’s in danger.
Undone. I unravel, broken, before the one I love most.
Volatile.  With mood swings, your ramblings become more verbose.
Patience. Mine is infinite but wearing thin.
Hypocritical. We find every excuse to hide ourselves in.
Resolve.  I won’t go down without a fight.  
Spent.  My nerves, as I try to make this right.
Vexed. You drag me down to your level with every low blow.
Drowning**.  I am caught in your tempestuous undertow.

Naked I came, naked I’ll leave
Then the worms will dine on me
This circle of life I cannot flee
A painless death is my only plea

There is beauty in bloom, there is beauty in rot
But in the end I’ll care not
Fingers, toes, eyes, and bone
I shall return to earth
Life is a loan

You ask me for collateral
As though you are preparing for battle
A request I cannot deny
For you I shall comply

This apprehensive feeling
When I reveal the pain I’ve been concealing
I present to you a loaded gun
In it, the bullets I hope to outrun

Your grin is oh so charming
This I find quite alarming
You hold out your gentle hand
What is it you have planned?

Six rounds in this revolver
I hope your heart will never falter
A fear of mine engraved on every bullet
The trigger—please don’t ever pull it

So in your loving hands I place
A loaded gun I wish not to face
Of all this trepidation I am ashamed
I pray to the gods I won’t be maimed

And happily you smile,
A devious act that's absolutely vile
You point this gun at my heart
In an instant you could ******* apart

You say this gun is for your security
So with it I give you all of me
Six bullets in the revolver’s chamber
I’ve given a weapon to someone quick to anger

This malaise feeling I cannot shake
Six bullets to the heart I will take
In your passionate moment full of angst
I know you won’t be shooting blanks

If you scream no one will hear you
If you scream I will **** you
Little  girl  of  seven
How ‘bout you bring me to heaven?

I’ll take you on a trip
You’ll feel your insides rip

It’s ten past noon
The beginning of June
She screamed anyway
In the middle of the day

Ten minutes before,
She knocked on her door
Nobody is home
She’s all alone

So she skipped to the park
Past trees of paper-white bark
To swing on the swings
Such a thoughtless innocent thing

He was looming there
She didn’t really care
Friendly he did seem
And tried to push her on the swing

Alarmed, she struggled to get down
He shoved her to the ground
The smell of cigarettes
The sound of deep heavy breaths

Deflowered was the maiden(head)
Defiled was the child
So loudly she had screamed
From the object he had reamed

Rough and rigid was the shaft
A sharp pain and the smell of blood
Briefly she blacked out from the traumatic flood

The monster bolted from the sound of her cries
What had he done? She understood.
Showed her womanhood

The smell of cigarettes
The beginning of regrets
The sting of his sixty second fling
Although he was gone
His stench lingered on

So once more, she ran to her apartment door
No  one was there to comfort her despair
On her porch she sat
Numb and waiting

Mom comes home and asks what’s wrong
Why did she take so long?
A police report was made
The girl’s memory begins to fade (shove it down, make it drown)

Ten past noon
That day in June
A sunny day in the park
Where her life went dark

She will never understand
Fundamentalist Christianity’s demand
To maintain a perfect flower
Solely for a husband to devour

Robbed of her innocence
She begs in the form of repentance
For acceptance and forgiveness
The entire congregation a witness

To victim shame is to victim blame
Even innocent children aren’t immune
Ten past noon on a sunny day in June
A girl’s ***** was breached
A sin in the eyes of the lord, the goodly preacher preached

An unmarried non-****** is a ***** and nothing more
A defiled child, her name reviled

She is blamed, she is shamed
By her own flesh and blood
Silenced was the little lamb
To hell she will be ******

Keep up the facade
Just smile and nod
Pretend to love the church
Cross necklace, bible, and long skirt
C’mon show your love! Buy that Jesus merch!

Wanting to shed her skin
A prison she’s trapped in
The most perfect of little girls
Except she lost her white pearls

A bitter pill to swallow
The Lord Jesus she must follow
Knowing her body’s imperfect
Understanding she’ll never be worth it

So with the congregation’s nod, the goodly preacher preached:
"For in the eyes of God,
A ***** which is breached
On a girl without a ring
Is worth nothing but a fling"

One* discovered love affair
Two  blue- black eyes
Three  antique vases crashing
Four  uncovered lies
Four  Children huddle, scared, plus one*  trapped in the womb
Six  hours of shouting—will it end soon?
Seven  horrifying sleepless nights
Eight  hours worried at school about inevitable fights
Nine  attempts to pick the bedroom lock
Successful, she sees her mother bloodied and in shock
Ten the age when she learned not to trust men
Would you like to count again?

A man in a tailored suit
A man eating rotten fruit
One divorced three wives
Two contrasting lives

One is a lawyer
The other a beggar
I’m sure you think of the two of them,
One is a hundred times better

He’s in fine garments
The other’s worn and tattered
One’s dreams came true
The other one’s shattered

But none of that matters—why?
How ‘bout you ask us, the maggot and the fly
Because in the end —and we say this without shame
A vagrant and a lawyer in death both taste the same

Tail of a sea serpent, bust of a maiden
Lamentably for you, boy, this ocean’s heavy laden
With angelic voices and charming faces
You’ll believe you’re in God’s good graces

Eyes, lips, *******, and hair
Every part of me was created to ensnare
An unsuspecting sailor boy
My womanly wiles I shall employ

For my sisters hunger
And our bodies you desire
I play a tune on my golden lyre

My enchanting voice draws you in
I’ll exploit your want of carnal sin
Sea salt perfumes my flowing hair
Gently, I smile as you stare

Serpent tail and mermaid hair
This sailor boy craves a deadly maiden fair
You promise yourself, “Just one kiss”
I’ll drag you down into the deep abyss

The moment when your eyes meet mine
I know upon your flesh I’ll dine