I dont miss you
I dont miss your face
Your laugh
Your hair

I just miss the touch
Someone by my side
To laugh with
To hug

Does everyone feel this way?
Living day by day,
unable to escape?

I used to be sad
Now im just numb
I miss when i would cry
The sadness would fill me to my brim

But at least then I wasnt empty.

This room, a void, its too hot
Its too cold, layers on and off
Sweat shivers out my pores
Now i'm open to the black
Black lace black hair black air, even
Not pressing down but
congealing
Around me
Like tar, ******* further into the pit
I could probably climb out
Limbs clutching, tugging, struggling at
that black.
Endless black.
Heart aches, mind races, it chases and
Hunts me, gathers me, sees me
Me
For what I am,
for what I always will be
A cold blooded, hot skinned star
Stuck in the spaces between the dark.

And yet again here I stand
alone upon my inner shore,
the stones that skip from trembling hand
are memories I want no more.

If only she had let me rest
no, she'd rather see me crack;
on the edge I tried my best but
she pushed harder, hands on my back.

And so again I'm in despair,
to wonder long who could decree
that I am merely toy for player
and love was never meant for me.

and my fingers bled the moment you left--
I sliced them on a broken mirror
when throwing out the trash;
the cuts were
deep, the blood flowed heavy;
my first instinct was to **** the
wound and it helped briefly,
for a moment,
before the sting of glass surged

If you know me
That doesn't mean you own me

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
no spoken word and no life sign
shall disturb my hopeless slumber.

For I am alive but I do not live
hidden from the present
lurking in forbidden gardens
where pain and doubts carry me.

I was once,
maybe I tried to be
now I am no more, will I be again?
Are the hidden ones truly free?
Are the silenced ones truly forgotten?

Close the blinds,
silence the laughter
echoes of silence reign here,
now and forever.

I seem to be at home on the margins
where I can be alone
with my folly
sweltering in my private bowl of stew
simmering in the sins
surrounding and piercing me
but you found me there
invited me into your heart
where you loved me
redeemed me
sewed my seams
pulled together my crazy quilt
made separate parts into a whole.

Walking i am  
the path of crazy times,
Strolling under
fullmoon's brightness,
To escape this
shade of darkness,
All the wrong places
looking for Happiness.

Being alone
always I liked,
These are the times
of a monster COVID,
It is not the Corona
I am so scared,
Getting hurt again
that of I am afraid .

Forgotton I have the
touch of tenderness .
Stomach I search for
feel of butterflies.
Here I go again
looking for warmness.
Only to find
all the broken hearts.

Don't offer the fuel it needs
to set you on fire