I admire those who aren't caught in traps
Who can commit themselves to something else
And not feel trapped by the weight

Because time doesn't matter if you're content
And nothing is ever wasted if never spent

I admire those who don't fear their own fate
But embrace the fact that they've embraced

When I look at all of their accomplishments
I see me
I see the potential I could be
The time inside therein intertwined
Most strenuously
And yet
I know my motives are not pure
And so I wait
For calling to be
On a shelf because
Selfishness will not endure
But a calling will last for forever

I haven't felt at home since then
Since I've woken up
No dream can last
All nights must pass
And rise again

But my realization hasn't changed
The way things are or could've been

Look back and see the same old day
Not as it was, but as it is

No amount of time can change the fact
Or the truth therein

That we are searching, ever searched
Alive within for but a short time

It's not that I hate people

I don't

It's that I hate those expectations of myself

Which I place upon myself

When such people are near

I want to be a wing of your mansion
Close the door on me if you like
But I'll always be extensive
No door can hide what's left behind
And just behind
The light within a man's eyes

You can't play a game of matters of the heart,
If your heart isn't available to be had.

Hurry hurry
Says the human
Grow up fast so that you can live

Slowly slowly*
Says the father
I'm excited to see you
But not that excited to take you

A river flows beside a tree
Which grows upon an earthy hill
Both strength and beauty can be seen
No need to hide
No want for veil
And the word of God flows underneath
As the river runs
To foster all which growth entails
So enter in lovers embrace
And share in the water
Drink it deep
Both when it flows and when it speaks
But especially when it stands still

Time is suspended
Held in place and to be examined
Whenever I’m there
Within with those people
We are yet somehow still animated

I am like cider
Well preserved
Always available and warm
Though only appreciated in the fall
Or at least so I feel
Slightly fermented

For she must have a more patient heart than me
To tolerate her friend as such
And to wait this long to be trusted so
But I cannot wait
I cannot walk
When no progress avails itself to me
And so I must go

I can almost contend
Almost swear
That I don't age at all
Not even for a second
During those moments when I'm in the air

Flying freely without face
Until gravity pulls me back again
And greets me with a firm embraces

How I adore such things
Like the feeling of what it's like to soar
Quietly through the clever air

With a cutting figure bend the back
And unwind with time
Just to pause for a moment precariously
And hover right there in the air

How flying always makes me feel
That I am lighter than the world

Pressing down no more on me
For I am falling between my cares

I'm not a well you can just keep drawing water from
I'm not the sky because the rain will not always come

I'm not the earth, I am the opposite
I am a man, I am alive

And I'm in love or could've been
If it hadn't taken you this long to try

If you suspect that you've made a mistake
And it's me
You have
But not at all the mistake you were thinking of
Initially

Walking down a road
Without a sight in sight
Isn't knowing
It's trusting

That at the end of it all
When it all has fallen
That it was worth the walk
Because if not I'd fall

I'm Convinced
That after the last fence post ends
Just over the edge

That around the corner beyond the meadow
Is the end

And beyond that
Is rain

Endless and resting
Forever to be parted from the sky

Until the new life comes
And I am refreshed

It is then
And within

Would you explore with me?
Until our own end?

Inanimate
How much easier it would be, to be
Or so at least I like to think
When my mind runs away from the building of me
Like a brick I fall
Like a block I sink
Hopefully back into place
But if it's not for me
Would you tear me apart God brick by brick?
And build me as I was meant to be?

I want to know that there's hope
I want to know that there's a future
I want to see that there's a sustainable place in her heart for me
And yet, if that's not the case
I need to learn what I need and can
And then I need to leave

In that moment I am gray as a the clouds until the sky falls down and there is gray all over me, all around and on the ground.

Do you ever feel such moments my friend?

When you feel like you are one with the clouds?

When words sprout limbs
And grow as trees in the summertime
Steadily until they bare their fruit
Then my thoughts will be hanging within reach
Would you pluck them as you'd pluck some fruit?
And take a tiny bite of me
At least my thoughts?
Would you, would you?

With no words written on the wall
Lonely is a man's heart
At least when trying to balance out
The respect, and the desire to call
For this true
That lonely is a man's heart in all
When there are no words left for him at all

Tonight I get to do what I was meant to do
To be who I was meant to be
And although every eyeball in every line of sight may be fixated on me
For an hour or so
That doesn’t change the fact that I
Was meant to step out this stage and to bend like a bow
As I did in the days of old
Such talent is still stretched within me
That I should perform, and that I should play, most doggedly
Until the finely threaded twine within my mind begins to unwind
And I am straight as an arrow hence
Laying on the table before, how I once had said
That I hope I can return once more for that again
But not for this I said
Not for this

I refuse to reuse to the point of self abuse
To run from the fear of knowing
Into the arms of those I've already known

No

I will create it on my own
Not out of pride for my own success
(of which I will see little)

No

But because in order for it to exist
I must first find, create and remember this
That, noone besides me
Can ever be me

And that noone will know
If I always say *No

The smile which brings these crows to my face
Is owned by something else this day
A name, a name
A beautiful name
How it brings a smile to my face
A smile so loud, it would scare all other birds away
But not the crows feet in this place

Love is giving when you're not comfortable giving
The difficult part is both the explaining and understanding your own discomfort
Any lover can give when things are perfect
But it takes faith and trust to keep giving
And to truly understand the meaning
Behind the gift

Life is one wave
After the other
And the swells and lulls
In between

Like a can
I desire to open myself up
So that someone may taste
And partake in the difference
But none can see
No none can see
At least I believe
In the difference in me

Like a paddle lean
Cut the water with yourself
And dig it deep as I have

That way you may not forget yourself
Within this tidal swirl
The wave of life and the currents underneath

The amount of work this is going to take
Both inside and out, and out again
To build this way
Is significant

And the sad thing is
I'm not even comfortable enough to say:

"When you're working here
Would you lay these bricks a certain way?
That way I will feel like myself
When they're underfoot
In the days to come"

I struggle just to say such things
For fear of the constructed persons way

All I have to give
All I have to spend and invest
All that is left
All that has been
And all that has past
Flows by me like a river now

Listen as you may and may try
Though you may never hear it howl
Because like death in the night
It smiles wide at last
As it takes away with a cold hand
The moments as they seemingly pass

Because we cannot bend nor deny
The inevitability of the next day
Though we can regret and fondly remember
The memory of those days gone by  

Why you may ask is all of this
An inevitability and not such a crime?

Well that would be because we are human
And it is the inevitability of time

It’s existence just like yours
Is no crime upon humanity

It simply is like you
Passing into eternity

I want to be able to say
That I saw you not as you were
But as you could be
As you will be, and would be
That is of course
Only if you desire to be

The ocean is grand
The woods are wild
And my eyes are as shallow as the puddles in the summer's rain

But my words are insufficient
And my words are inadequate
When it comes to expressing such things

The trueness of the heart and how it beats  
The clearness of your words and how they ring
Endlessly in my hollow ears

Like a crown of red
Six Emeralds in the sky
Rubies really
Burning each with its own pair of eyes

I mention this
Both because it is and will be
And one day someone else will see
Be it not in the same exact way

Which is fine

But thankfully at least they will see
Or so I hope
That is if, they permit me to show

Where the trees arch over the road way
And meet, just above the dusty street
The road which never was called upon to be modern
As the whirling winds and tempered dust stares back at me
This is where you will find my heart
At least for one week out of every summer
Lost among the wild things, and memories
Although I will never be as tall as such trees
I will try and grow, for more than me
The former me

It's getting better
But every time the sun sets
On another age
Another opportunity
My heart sinks
A few inches more
Deeper into my chest

Although there's nothing more to be done
I wish that such things would pass me by
And leave my heart alone at last

Although it's getting better
I wonder what will remain of me
And who I will be
If I survive to see it pass

The truth is not at the bottom of a cup
Nor beneath the Saucer underneath

No words can hold the sacred truth
Just as two cups cannot guarantee
That two minds will ever meet

No, the truth is out there on each table
Waiting for all who would simply sip

The truth that is, the truth is this
That regardless of wherever we may be
The truth is something that simply is

Much like this coffee
Honest with a breath of heat
Or possibly even cold and sweet

Such truth is always percolating
Even if we cannot taste or see
The words of God, resting gently underneath

I stroll among the tiny torches
The little flares of yellow light
With the red lights gleaming overhead

Would you climb over me into this good night?

Into the stars amidst the starlight
My feet attached to these sturdy knees
Atop the earth

And I, regretting not that I am alive
But that I cannot reach beyond the sky
With these warming fingers

For though I am a similar light
Within this world
My life is as short and sweet
As the dew which seeps through this good night

How I feel no fear initially
No need to run nor attempt to hide
From the dimly lit trees beneath the moon

For the torches in the summertime
Have always guided this heart of mine
Into the arms of the beloved

The one who is without fault
And who is all of the dawn

For he is everything devoid of fear
He is the opposite
Like the true perception behind time

No words will ever say or stay
The chilling storm
The quiet calm
Or the persistent want which cannot be reached

No
Words can only bridge those gaps
Which wish to be bridged  

Because storms give way to rampant floods
Which wash away the builders hopes
When poorly built

In such instances as these
Words are not always the best way
To build and begin again

I want the back of your head
I want the smell of your hair
I dream of it
Or so I've been
Asleep for many years
With arms in shape
But not for me
But to carry the weight
To preserve the strength
To ensure the future of our family
For this desire
For this my soul weeps
And my arm ache
I want you more than I want me

I hope that one day
She will come to me when she is tired
Because rest
The pure rest of a resounding peace
Is something which I too desire
And can provide her with

My eyes are weary
My mind is wide
And open to you

Would you take my head within your hands?
And set me back?
Pulling the pain from behind my eyes?

Would you be the pressure
My temples need most desperately
For a moment's peace?

Because no one else has struck a chord
As equally
As caring as me

No metaphor will tell it
Although I convince myself within the moment
That it will last

That the clouds above my head
The howling wind which I adore
The summer rain and the glorious morn
Will indeed last

But they never do

Because no metaphor can contain
Or stretch it over the canvas to fit
Or even begin to properly paint
This representation known as you

You simply are, as simply is
Beyond the metaphor
Within the shadow of a moonlit truth

If this would unlock and unwind
Would you turn inward with me?
Just to ignore the world and all the people in it

Just for a moment
Could you forget about all that you’ve built alone?
And seemingly, be nothing with me?

And when you look and see not the front of me
Would you take it as a complement?
Not a slight

Because alone together in the silence
And within the moment that will not last
Is exactly where I always hoped we could be

Unified and most alive in the nothingness
Mirroring the moonlight back
As if we were not passive

At peace with each the other
And the un-world we create
Would you turn, unlock and look inward with me?

Where does the desire come from?
To send someone words on a paper screen?
Where does the inkwell saturate, and settle deep?
Mixing until you’re your dammed up thoughts
Break loose and spill out onto the ground
Flooding the valley at hand below
For when you spill yourself onto a page
You need to be comfortable with the mess you’ll create
It’s inevitable
But why should you worry about that anyway?*
I mean it, I say this with a laugh but…
Does any of this matter anyway?
Why should you withhold and hold back?
The rushing words
The kind which actually meant to be swept away

When I'm like this
I can paint on the wind with a feather brush
And mix the colors fervently

Though I do not stain

I can hold the canvas however I please
And hang it on a lively tree
Just for you to see

*The way which these creations have made me

When I look into the mirror, I am more than what I see.
I see the past, I see the present, I see the future...I see me.
I see the ideas and the ideals, the fleeting notions in-between.
I see it all within the mirror, although the mirror, isn't the only thing I see.
I see myself and my old image, I'm nothing special you can see.
I look within to see my reason, and portray a look to pretend I've seen.
But...this isn't a mirror set before me, it's just a doorway next to me.
Two sets of glass, a single person, a dual-reflection for all to see.

I want to want her like a glass of wine
With an endless taste, and a deep draft
Waiting for me at the end of each day

Bitter and sweet like the summer tea  
With a hint of dandelions, and her hair brushed gently away   

Although this is me...you need not see, or want her in a similar way
But it's best if you could acquire the taste.

Because when you hold an endless glass
You can sit and sip your life away
Without care or concern for those moments past

Slowly like a semisweet
A Merlot or Chardonnay

How I want to want her like a glass of win
So that I can drink her in
And be drunk on her at the end of each day

There are those people who know things
Without even having to speak them
You just see them
And you know it to be true
That they are true
How the music plays
The wind blows
And the eyes speak enough of what you both already knew

There’s an emptiness about it
Just words on a page
Just thoughts on a screen
And nothing more

Although there was a time, when I really let myself hope
I’ve kind of moved beyond that
Although she is as beautiful as the sun, the moon or any sort of imagery I could depict
I know that it’s not for me to see
Her footprints are in front of me
Moving out into the darkness of this good night

You just know some times, because…
You try, and live and breathe, and get up every day and, try again
But some things no matter how hard you try, just aren’t meant to be
You can’t even ask for them
She is one such thing

I’m really thankful for her, and I don’t tell her but…she’s often on my mind

I wish I knew her
Better than I know my own mind and my own person
Because she is
Not just worth knowing, but worth memorizing and understanding

Time and time again
Because she is

Lift not a man’s chin
By the force of your hand
When his head is down

Instead, consider this
If you are worthy of his sight
And an admiration to his eyes
He will look up at you
In due time

For it is not your place to try
And keep him from such things within
As feeling are

But encourage him instead to be
By standing out most patiently
So that you may appeal to him
And to his eyes

To seek the hopefulness within
And the truth as well, in which you share
And stand beside

No, if you seek to raise a man’s chin
You must stand with him and seek his eyes