I can’t hang on,
I am my own demise,
I have fun with making a wreck out of myself.

I cannot stop myself from making a bunch of mistakes,
I try to fix everything by myself, only to have it blown up in my face.

I’m fighting a battle that I started,
I made without clearly thinking about the consequences,
I’m ****** because I wish to bleed and suffer.

I can no longer hang on,
The lies and the truth are now both the same,
I am no longer able to stand on my own,
So now I let myself fall freely down to my own demise.

One kiss left my breathless,
It left me more lost than loved,
Losing my mind over this.

She brought sweet lips,
That spoke none of innocence.

Each hug was like a serpents grasp.

She brought my what she called love,
And it indeed was an addiction,
But for all the wrong reasons.

These ***** walls filled with scarred stars,
And broken dreams.
Acid is dripping down from the ceilings,
Keeping one on their toes;
So stay alert dear or you shall perish.
The cracks allow the acid to stream quicker,
So you better hope and run.
This home is filled with acid things,
So you'll never be able to feel free,
Stay caged away forever.

Fading in the background,
Is just background noise; that no one pays attention to.

Doesn’t say a word when someone forgets,
Just lets it happen, just lets them go.
Is dead silent now, stops trying to call out,
Stops trying to fit in, now silence takes over.

A smile appears on the others face,
As they let go of the hand of the person that stay’s silent,
And grasps another, with a smile on her face she walks away.

The silent one that is always let behind,
Does not reach out, doesn’t try and get her back,
No fretting no crying, just a gently nod of “I understand”.

Venomous words burn my skin,
Crawling into my mind, seeping into my soul and heart,
My desires and hopes no longer seem meaniful.
I’m tearing up but I am wearing a mask;
Never allowing others to see them fall down my pale skin,
I refuse to be seen as “weak”.

These names have made their way into my memories,
Never allowing any silence to be heard.

These silence screams will never be heard in the dead of night,
As a crawl in my own skin and beg to be someone else.

Fear has a grip on me,
Those nightmarish words that people speak have made a nest inside of my hollow body,
Feasting away at my innocence’s and emotions.

My heart aches with agony.
Everything is spinning around me,
My mind is racing and my brain is being picked away by these thoughts.
Its troubling me terrible so.

My lover have I lost you to the monsters in your closet?

Why are you so willing to let me go,
And hurt all those innocent people?

I am diving in deep,
Scratches and bruises are appearing upon my tender skin,
But I am willing to dive deeper, and deeper,
Till I reach you even though I am in great discomfort.

The injuries to my heart never stop it from loving you so,
I never can despises you or think ill of you,
Even though you pass around that poison like its a medicine that will save.

It stings you know, my dear one.
I tear up every time I think of you and your twisted doings,
But I some how forgive you,
And fall into this fake mind set that you are truly a generous human being.

My troubled lover, please put your attention on the issues at hand,
Stop your foolish judging and giving everything the knowing glimpse.

You feel so superior to the rest, never looking back once at your destruction,
Calling it a master piece; a fine piece of art.
Please stop this ridiculous game and playing everyone like a pawn.

My troubled lover, oh how I wish you would notice how all these burns affect me.

I wish you would just glance back at least once,
And notice how much I love you so.

My troubled lover,
You are a monstrosity that brings depression and illness,
To those that already weak.

My lover you aren't the person I once loved,
You are now a troubled soul that spreads the infection to others.

Midnight black,
Gently draping upon a pale frame,
Gracefully sprawling down to the marble floor.

Silence ensured,
As fragile eyelashes are drawn closed,
And a thin line is drawn onto mouth,
A face smooth and soft as silk in the dim light.

Tone made of riches and the thread is velvet.

Soft footsteps that elegantly dance across the floor,
The glow of stars and angels dust floats about,
Enchanting you to dance amongst the spaces love.

Fog gracefully rolls upon the dance floor,
It swirls around her petite ****** frame,
And it captures her elegantly in a tight embrace,
Given you just but a taste of divine beauty.

Her dainty ankles peak out of her midnight sky drape,
As she takes a noble step towards thee,
Vibrate eyes that shine just right, are set on you.

A entity, a goddess stands before you,
Leaving you breathless and putting you to shame.

Her refine wrists flick upwards to meet your face,
With such a delicate and define touch,
As she traces luxurious fingers and fingernails down,
Ghostly hands wrap themselves around your neck.

Wrapped tightly and swiftly with no mercy,
As you are suffocate by a elegant Deceiver.

My venom,
My wonderful dangerous addiction.
You control all of me,
My movements are pulled by your strings,
As your bring me down under your wing.

Losing my sanity,
As my mental state is coiling around my heart,
And making it fall head over heels for you.

You enchant my every emotion,
I can't seem to snap out of it.
I keep on ranting about my love,
Losing all of my sanity as each word falls out of my mouth.

My mind goes fogging,
I blinded with pure lust for your touch.
My ears are ringing and awaiting for your sweet voice,
To sing me a enchanting lullaby.

My deadly lover,
Tell me how much you hate me,
Tell me how much you love me.

Remind me of my addiction that takes a hold of me,
And watch me fall back down and praise everything you do,
Even the when you break my heart into two.

Eating away at me,
Digging into my flesh,
And grinding down my bones,
It festers inside of me.

Slowly it feeds,
Leaving me feeling absent;
Amongst my own emotions.

Its to deep inside,
For me to cut away at.
Leaving me staring off,
Trying to go to space in my mind,
Because the fog isn't as frighten as the deep,
Imbibed emotion.

Left sitting for days,
Waiting for something,
To end this hopelessness that has made home,
In my hollow cage which is my body.

They're used to a little boy,
That gave out hugs for free,
And gentle smiles filled with no pity.

He used to tell people they meant the world.
Saw good in everything, he did.

Tried his best to never speak out of turn,
And kept dark thoughts at bay for all,
Never allow you to feel down for long.

His gentle eyes held such kindness,
That was meant for angels,
But was given to even the most cruel creatures.

He wished to be dependable even when he was bruised.

He was such a good little boy,
And it was a shame he never knew.

That little boy, oh how I miss him so.
His innocents now all washed away,
Drowned away by his own demons.

He is lost away out at sea,
And drowned long ago,
Now that is all left is a impassive demon,
That shows no compassion.

Oh how I miss that little boy,
I would love to trade places with him any day,
But I made a mistake of letting his hand slip from mine.

Hands smashing against the cement,
Tears flowing down wildly, hitting the ground with a splash,
Head is pounding, screaming out for help.

His hands start to bleed,
And his mind is screaming out; begging him to stop,
But he keeps on smashing his hands down on the cement.

Tears of betrayal making their way down his cheeks,
His fists clenched and his heart starts to hurt,
The pain from his fists is gone; it’s only numb now,
It will never beat the pain in his heart.

The rage flows deep in his veins,
It is shown in his eyes, burning bright as the tears fall.

His rage was born on the day he was left by the people he thought cared about him,
He was betrayed; now his heart is filled with rage, hate, pain, depression, and betrayal.

Little boy were did your wings go,
Why aren't flying so high?
Are you frightened of flight,
Or the thought of heights?
But you don't mind the thought of being high.

You can't seem to see the light,
As you take another bite on your dreams tonight.
Though watch out for those lights and sirens tonight,
That surround your home now.

Might you be called a scaredy-cat,
By all the children next-store if you told them that?

Little boy are you frightened of the world around you,
Is that why you look so pale tonight?
Don't you worry now I'll be the one to bail you out of jail.

Your mind is so frail, I am afraid.
You have taken one more step but it hasn't brought you any closer to your goal of yet.

But even if the world turns a cold shoulder on you,
I will still be right beside you.
Holding onto you as we face the hardships,
Let us march forward and face the hardness of those lashing words.

Little boy you don't have to take another sip of misery,
Or take another dose of cloud nine.

Let's stop you from trying to make your mind hazy,
Let pull you back down on the ground out from the fog.
I know it was your own twisted salvation,
But don't you see it unhealthy?

Little boy why do you run from the sirens?
Can't you see there just coming to straighten you out,
And help you realize your mistake, not punish you.

You aren't afraid of what happens next,
I can see it in your eyes that you don't mind,
But oh my friend you should.

Little boy are you sick of being belittled,
Is this why your high; beyond the sky?

You have reach you limit,
And had jumped right in it.
Not worrying about the consequences,
Because your all tired and worn out.

Poor little boy you have finally lost yourself,
Tossing the brain cells you had gladly away.
Did you do it because you were sick of all those depressing thoughts?

Little boy look there you go finally as high as a kite,
But falling so quickly downwards to the unforgiving ground.
There goes your last breath.


By, AD Fox Spirit.

The mind,
Is a clouded thing,
With to much happening.

One stops to take a break,
Then smoke rolls in and takes control.

Tired souls;
Now are full of energy and seem a knew,
They are no longer recognized by their loved ones.

Lost in a smoke filled mind.

There is no longer a clear mind,
Brilliant and once bright with health.

But now there is only smoke,
And the sound of a up coming beep.

Hello,
Do you know where my confidence went?
I’ve been looking for it for a long time,
And when I almost find it,
It disappears in my grasp,
And hides once more.

The last time I had my confidence,
Was so long ago
I have lost it because of a person.
That person didn’t think,
She didn’t think,
That what she said and did
Hadn’t have huge impact on my life
But the truth is it did.

Where?
Where did my confidence go?
Someone, please tell me
I don’t know where my confidence has went.

My dear I know what I do to your mind,
Making you feel  not so innocent anymore.

I know how I make your heart skip a beat,
And make your legs feel so weak,
You slowly become more meek when you see me.

"Meet me in the street,"
I whisper into your ear and make you fall to the ground.
With lust and love clouding your mind,
You can no longer see my true intentions.

Dear you have bowed down to me,
You have given into my charm.

Now my love don't take it to heart.

Dear I know the Misery I bring,
Because I am truly the monster of your nightmares,
Not the person you make me out to be.

The mix tap is replaying,
Your mind is spinning.
They speak and say the words with such ease,
Something that never pleases you,
Because they don't know that its harder than it seems.

Your heart a thumping.
Your lungs being swallowed and drowned,
So no one can hear your screams.

They speak with such ease,
They say the words with no trouble,
Unlike thee.

They say "Just breath",
But none of them can see how hard that can be.
Every time they tell you that,
Your heart skips another beat and you lose your breath once again.

Let my eye's flutter closed,
Watch as my muscles finally relax;
No longer tightened and strained like they usually are.

I no longer hold my breath,
Knowing that I shall be in peace;
When I drown in the black ink of my words.

I can feel the world stop just in a few seconds,
As my hand and pen dance on the paper;
Like a beautiful duet.

My spirit is wild and free,
As I take those words from my heart,
And drain them onto the pages.

When I write,
Everything stops and I can finally get my peace.

My baby boy,
Oh how mommy loves you so.
She always wants to hold you close.

When your mama hears your screams,
At 3 am, she'll get up despite the pain.

Mama loves her sweet baby boy,
She never wants you to suffer like she has to.

She wants you to be strong but she reminds you that you can cry.

My sweet baby,
Don't you ever forget that mommy loves you so.

My loneliness has a presences that wraps itself around me,
It arms drape over my shoulders, holding me close.

It breaths a promise into my ear,
That leaves me bare and saddened,
Words of stone, saying I will always be alone.

In a room filled with people,
The only one I dance with is my loneliness.
And what sadness me most is that it's a slow dance.

My dear friend loneliness despite leaving me hallow,
At least it will always be there to keep my company.

My dear you can blame me for all of it,
Blame me for you pain,
And misery.

My mistakes have left marks on myself,
And the one's that have carved themselves into my heart.

I have done so much wrong,
I will not lie.
But understand that I shall take my punishment,
Dear I'll won't fight back when you scream:
"I hate you!"

Blame me for it all,
Say it is all my fault even if I didn't cause it,
Because my mistakes must be paid off with pain.

My dear you can blame me,
I do not mind.

My mistakes now are part of me,
So blame is all on me.

The sun does not shine the way it used to;
It does not have that magnificent spark,
No longer that thing that made me smile.

My heart has seemed to faded away with the brilliant light,
And I have lost my way once again.

Sometimes my dear,
I found myself in your arms once again,
But sadly I awaken in my bed and realize my sun is no longer beside me.

My beautiful sun, why?
Why aren't you in my arms when we fall asleep,
We must I sleep in this darkness; all alone without my sunlight?

My dear sun,
Can't you see?
I am lost with out you.

A sweet symphony,
Is booming in the middle of the night,
Making itself known in my head.

Sleep is no longer important,
Listen to the different tunes dance around you.
Everything is pounding against your skull,
That you can't help but hum along to.

Vibrating notes that leaves bittersweet taste.

Leaving nothing misery in its wake,
Till you finally can drown it out,
But its to late, 3am flashes on the nightstand.

Sleep shall never come easily,
Not with my 'Symphony of Bittersweet Paranoia.'

When I speak with tears a streaming down my cheek,
I simply tell you;
"These are tears of joy."

While these tears keep dripping down my pale cheeks,
I sing;
I sing you a lullaby that is so bittersweet,
I think the night's heart skipped a beat.

Dear when I kiss your forehead and tell you;
"I love you"
I am telling you the truth.

So when I leave you for good tonight,
Do not think those last words I told you were a lie,
Because I was telling the pure truth.

These tears I state that are made of joy,
That is a simply lie.
And they are the reason why I shall be leaving you behind tonight,
Because the burden is only mine to take on and plummet into.

So my dear when I told you they were tears of joy,
So you know when I left;
I was truly happy.

Putting on that false hope,
Smiling wide for the crowd as the curtains open,
Starting the new day to life’s story.

Pulling all those face muscles,
Just so I can pull threw till the end of this show.

Lies are like memories,
I can’t stop creating them.
All these lies are spilling out of my mouth,
I wish I could just stop creating them.

I am standing up as I fall back down,
But no one can see those invisible chains around my feet,
Weighing me down.

I keep on putting on that false strength though,
I keep pretending I am enjoying playing my role in this show,
So the world can keep turning and everyone doesn’t have to be weighed down by my own self-troubles;
After all the show must go on.

I was molded into the person I am today,
I was shaped differently though,
I used to be that frighten child.

They told me so many lies,
Making me feel meek.

I lost so much self-esteem because of thee.

When I was shaped,
I was cut into different shapes,
Over and over again;
Because so many had been playing with me,
And wishing to change and mold myself into someone different.

But you see the problem with being shaped so many different ways;
Is you no longer know what is who;
If it is you or some other kind of being.

I no longer knew my emotions,
I no longer knew who I was supposed to be.

So I became depression,
With old and new scars that was explained my many stories.

Here I stand now molded into the person
I am supposed to be.
But those fake shaped people I was going to be,
Are still stitched into my skin,
Making me feel empty inside.

I shall still be always hollow and confused,
But that is my flaw,
My curse that I shall live with happily.

I cannot dare look down at the marks;
That I have casted upon myself.
I am a canvas with paint splatters of abuse,
I mistreated the use of my brushes.

I am starting to become careless with the color red,
The red paint is everywhere now showing my dread.

I have committed a crime against thee canvas,
Now I am becoming anxious with taking my chances.
It would be best if I was handless,
Then I wouldn’t be listening to this sadness and destroying my precious canvas.

I am a bandit,
Taking and letting things slip away.

Slowly I am losing this art battle,
But I am starting to not become a sore loser.
Worry is no longer getting the best of me,
I shall not be afraid of the blackness of defeat.

Wish me the best.
Applause me for my wonderful art work,
Because I gave you exactly what you wanted,
Can’t you see? I followed your exact instructions.

I have a lifeless canvas, that is white as a sheet,
Though I colored all over it.
This plainness came with some practice.

Oh I am so sorry, my canvas just landed on the hard floor,
I seemed I couldn’t appreciated it enough,
So now I must bid you a due now.

My dear when I tell you,
"I'm a late bloomer."
I need you to know, that I meant to say is,
"I have lost my petals and my stem is bare."

Own ****** hands, The only criminal is I,
I have taken shears and torn ungracefully.

There the petals lay underneath.

A gentle breeze then came by and swept them away,
Never to reach my clutches again.

My dear I made myself bloom far to early,
Letting the petals of myself vanish.
Leaving me astray within my own vessel.

Skin charred,
As the flame got to close,
Your flesh was not prepared,
For the intense heat.

She takes another step,
Blindly burning brightly.
Expecting you to latch onto her back.

She touched you,
Intoxicated by the feel of touch.

The flame that surrounds her always,
Stretches onto your own body,
Consuming you and leaving you boiling and aching.

Her needy touch is a flame,
And she mistook you for a moth

Heart made of coal,
Is cold and ******,
No emotions ever pump themselves in it.

A heart that is a feather,
Its so light; weightless,
Because there are no emotions, holding it down.

Empty and hollow, on the inside,
No one dares to even try,
To fill it up with something.

Words carved in it of past emotions,
Because there are no longer any emotions,
In this old empty heart.

I'll get up today,
Tomorrow I promise,
Soon I will rise from my bed.

I will lift my feather weighted;
My stone weight body up in a minute.

Just need some space,
Stop knocking on my door.
I'm getting up soon, I promise you
Or am I promising myself now?

Waking up, no I was awake all along;
Though I haven't lifted myself from the mattress,
For quite sometime, tomorrow I promise.

I'm drained from head to soul,
Not gaining anything from getting up, so I will lay here.

So tired, just wish to lay here and sleep.

I agree their is no real purpose
Nor great achievement to stay in bed,
But today and yesterday I have been drained head to soul.

Dancing on a thin line.
The wind is a blowing but I am not worried,
My worries ride away on the sea of air.

As I dance across this line,
My fears have flown away long ago.

Sing me a not so innocent lullaby,
It will be wonderful to dance to.

I'll dance to the melody,
To the sweet rhythm that helps me fall peacefully.
With no worries haunt me,
As I have danced on the thin line and now fallen.

My pain becomes a stream upon my face,
Then it turns to waterfalls; while it falls to the ground made up of despair.

Pain is like a river;
It rarely ever ruins dry.

I let the pain flow in waves;
Crashing against my brain,
Then the screams can be heard from the waters.  

Pain is my river;
The river keeps on streaming down my cheeks.

Letting myself sink and drown down in this river.

Empty once again,
Drinking nor eating is enough,
The void soon consumes me whole.

I am used to being half empty or half full.

I keep trying to hold onto my old chips;
All the old information on how I used to tick.

Taking the medication will never get back all the pieces I need,
But I think they all disagree because they keep saying:
"Give him the medicine" They'll say,
Because that's what messed up disappointments get.

Cannot halt the isolation that consumes all of me,
The emptiness has already won,
Now its just the waiting game.

Sooner or later all will find out, I am far too gone.

Daddy and mommy told me,
"Don't be so idiotic,"
So I kept all the strange behavior to myself just for them.  

I'm too far gone, but that's okay,
"I'll get better someday," That's what my therapist says anyways,
So I put it on loop inside of my hollow spaced mind,
And maybe it'll become true someday.

It aches, it twitches,
Thee heart beats are off tune.

Its burning in the acid it created,
Trying to numb itself with physically pain,
To help ignore the spiritual.

Red ink clogging its system up,
As it starts to self destruct on itself.
Unable to handle the black ink,
That's making its self known amongst the red.

Sync does not happen in a unstable heart,
Only scit **** beats that are signs of a deep sleep to come.

His hands are useless,
They have no purpose,
He can never do anything right with his hands,
They only do bad when he uses them never good.

She has eye’s that are empty,
They are worthless,
They don’t bring happiness to the world or shine brilliantly,
They are dull and bring the world into darkness.

His mind is broken,
It doesn’t work properly anymore,
He has stop trying to get help,
Because he knows it’s no use, its garbage now.

Her heart is burned and shattered,
It got put into a fire and smashed by his hands,
It worthless, its garbage now
Her heart now is as broken as his mind.

At times I forget,
Sometimes I need a little reminder,
That I am worth something to somebody.

Moments in my life I need someone to nudge me,
To push me onward onto the right path,
So I don't find my way onto the depression path.

Sometimes I need some help,
Someone just to take the time to give me advice,
So I remember that I am not alone even on the loneliest nights.

Locked behind caged ribs,
Left to destroy just the inside,
Left to be my secret; mine to hide.

Buried in but tearing at its prison walls.

Lied for my pride,
Not wanting to be supplied with aid,
No need for some peace of mind.

Little ripples of discomfort,
Form spasming as it slither under my skin,
Leaving a sensation that brings agony in its wake.

Little creature that lives within my chest,
You bring me to my knees and curling into my own frame.

None shall know of this little being,
It cannot be seen by another eye.
All that is known is the sensation and state it leaves me in.

Scorched flesh,
So inflamed and infected,
Fresh damage to self.

Flames dance after thee,
As you break away.
Your in dire need for a rescue,
But hate to complain.

Burns meet silence,
As cream heals all but the screams.

They set your insides aflame,
Everything physically a crisp,
As you mentally try to breath.

Is is okay, to hide the pain;
The pain that is buried deep inside my heart,
The pain that screams,
And tries to rip its way out of my heart that is its cage?

I tell myself;
“It's going to be okay just hide the pain, it go away sooner or later”
I smile,
I laugh,
I dance,
I sing,
I’m Happy, not really.

But it is okay to lie about this pain deep inside my heart
Because if I you told you all my dark secrets,
My fears, my pain,
Then you would never be the same;
You wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye’s,
You wouldn’t be able to figure out if I’m happy or sad anymore,
You wouldn’t know if I was lying or telling you the truth.

So I’ll keep this pain locked away, buried deep down,
Stitched down to my heart so it doesn’t reach my voice.

So don’t worry, don’t think,
I don’t want to tell you my pain,
So don’t ask, because I’m doing this all for your own safety.

"I like the games I play,"
He confessed, trying to impress,
To make the questions come to a standstill.

He twirled and twisted the truth,
Making little white lies become poisonous butterflies.

"The boy was never perfect,"
Is what they say, as comfort,
It makes him want to scream,
But all he does is smile, and agree with them.

"I'm proud of being such a good actor,"
He states with assumed pride,
But its more of a sad confession.

The howled sound that let loose from his throat,
It sounds more strand then it should be,
But no one questions;
His quick silver tongue catches their attention away.

He has to keep his image up on stage,
So he keeps up the delighted look as the cameras flash.

"We have so much in common,"
Another states, and the boy thinks he going to be sick,
He just wants to take a remote, and click!

I do not wish to get up,
And deal with this mad world,
With its crazy painful realities.

I only wish to stay in bed,
In my safe place were no one can bother me,
I would love to stay in my own little world,
So I do not have to walk outside,
Were the mad world turns.

Stunning pictures that hold lots of beauty,
Sadly the cold mirror's are blocking them,
Showing us what we can't look at for long,
We all believe its better to see the painting pictures.

We don't want to deal with the mad world,
And the painful screams and shouts down stairs,
We are not ready for the big mad world,
That holds our future in the palm of its hand.

We don't want to be part of the puzzles and games,
We just want to stay in our own little worlds,
Were there isn't any challenges that cause us pain sometimes.

I do not wish to deal with the little old mad world,
I would like to stay in this little space and be safe.