I wish to make myself into a masterpiece,
I yearn to be perfect,
I hunger to please my own living eye.

I don't need to make heads turn,
Or let artist take me to their beds.

My intention is simply,
For all those people to glance away,
I want them to simply walk on by,
No judgment in their eyes.

I simply want to be marvelous to me.

Cast away my throbbing heart,
Forgetting to feed it,
Slowing loosing my sanity.

My words never express the true heartache,
As I watch you take another step out the door.

Even a simply compliment,
Has me soaring so high in the sky,
I am having trouble finding my way back down to the ground.
But I never told you this.

I know you’re tried,
I know my love you kept giving me “second chances.”
So I cast aside the throbbing agony,
Ignoring my sanity and craving thoughts of wanting and longing,
Its not needed, even though my heart is screaming out.

Cast away your pity for me,
Finally let go and allow me to fall downwards.
You were always to good to me,
And I showed you no sympathy or gratitude.

I am an outcast even in my own body,
Deceiving and tricking myself,
Oh how I wished I asked how we lasted.

My love how could you be so devoted?
I am quite the ugly queen of agony,
You should have floated away long ago.

Sugar coated lies with no such intention of devotion.

Give me one last kiss before you step out,
So I know exactly what I missed and shall never receive every again.
I will not complain, I deserve the pain.

Soaking up self hatred,
Ignoring kindness,
No more self love to dip oneself in.

Allowing the positive to fade out,
As the negative sinks in.

Elegant love,
Misinterpreted into elegant pity.
Taking in ravishing hate,
Turning it into a new idea.

Dancing among despair,
No longer interested in the light,
That was always to bright.

Take in the negative,
Spit on the positive.

Skin on skin,
Forcing on a grin,
Begin to feel akin to one,
Felt so foreign to another.

Sing in ones head,
Ignore the burning touch,
Hope to not say to much.

Bile trying to rise,
Just keep up that smile,
It'll be worthwhile, just keep holding back,
No need to be vile.

My sleeves, they hide all of my fears,
They keep me and others from seeing my mistakes,
That always put me to shame.

I'm ashamed of all of my flaws,
That always put me to shame;
Making me feel depressed and out of place.

The cut of broken friendships,
That I believed were going to last forever;
Are now hidden by my sleeves of shame,
So no on we'll never ever have to know of my sorrow.

Smile bright,
Keep it tight and in place,
Smile for the camera's dear.

Each camera is a person,
Taking your picture.

Keep up the game of pretend,
Try to stay with the trend,
You still want to have your best friend, don't you?

Try your best not to be offended,
Let pretend to be splendid.

The cameras are still rolling outside,
So your going to have to wait it out till then,
Be patient before you rush back into your bedroom.

The afterlife sound much better than the wildlife outside in society.

This magnificent game we all play,
With all this assumed real smiles,
Is what everyone one watching the T.V. want to see,
So keep it up my magnificent child.

I feel empty inside,
Like a glass that has been forgotten,
And will never be filled again.

I feel hallow inside,
Like a fragile glass doll,
That can easily break once it hits the ground.

I feel deflated,
Like a old balloon,
That was let go of by its owner, long ago.

I feel blank on the outside,
Like a blank piece of paper,
That never got the chance to be drawn on.

I feel abandoned,
Like a lost puppy,
That was through out of his own home.

I feel unfilled,
Like a human being,
Never fully filled with emotions, and became emotionless.

My chest hurts
My chest feels hot and stiff
I’m having a hard time breathing in and out
My head is pounding

I’m worried to think
I’m thinking about so much
I’m thinking so fast that I don’t even know what is going on in my head
I’m worry about so much
I’m scared stiff

I want to cry and at the same time I don’t
I feel like a child again
I child that is lost
And can’t find their way

The tears are coming down so fast
I want to stop
And when I can finally stop crying
Someone comes along and asks “Are you ok?”
Then I start to bawl again

What is wrong with me?
Help someone
I want help
But at the same time I don’t

I’m shaking
My body won’t stop moving
I’m panicking
If I stop moving something bad will happen
I can’t stop moving
I need to move
I need something to play with
I want to run around
I want to scream
I want to dance
But I can’t

Because if I run off someone will worry about me or get angry
Sometimes I don’t want anyone near me
And other times I want someone to be hugging me
All my emotions are messes up
But one of them is sad
I feel sad and unhappy, scared, worried, angry, confused, stressed out
I feel so helpless sometimes
I want to go somewhere one minute but the next I don’t want to move or go anywhere
I want someone to tell me it is ok to cry
Because that is all I can do right now
Is to move around and cry

My breathing is getting faster and faster
I don’t want to be around people

I’m hiding under the table

No please I don’t want to go up and speak
That is not what I meant to say
I want to let it all out
But I’m afraid at the same time
I can tell you all of it without messing up
When I speak
It comes out wrong

When I laugh it comes at the wrong time
When I smile,
I smile at the wrong time
When I do something or someone says something,
That hurts me
I can’t let go of it
It bothers me for so long
I just wish I could stop

My hands shake all the time
I want to know why

I’m afraid of snapping in front of someone
I’m afraid of yelling or getting angry

When I get jealous of someone
I hate myself for getting jealous of them
And I won’t let go of it

I’m the monster under my bed
I like to hate and make me feel bad
I’m my own bully
I’m all the mean voice inside of my head

And I wish it could all just stop

Those simple words,
They have burned deep into my heart.

Those words of insult seem so small,
But sadly they throw me off track and make me feel helpless.
I am lost and in pain from those words;
They have berried themselves into my everyday thoughts.

Simple words of insult how I keep on analyzing you.

Simple words they seem to hurt me;
They leave a scar that I never wanted from the begin.

Simple words you have killed my self-esteem,
And left me in this dark world that has no positiveness anywhere.

All these calories,
Cage my bones, and make me feel fifthly,
"I am to heavy," I repeat over and over again.

I am to big, I wish to be a twig,
I want to be perfect and be able to look in the mirror.

Why was I born this way?
Why am I so ugly, mommy can you tell me?
The magazines aren't helping.

Tell me how to not be a pig,
I no longer want to dwell on my skin,
I just want to be a little kid again.

I was told cutting away was dangerous,
But I am tired of all these shutting doors of opportunity.

Some one tell me how to change this imperfection of mine,
Because I am tired of feeling and seeing this ugly skin suit I am in.

There minds are stuck in a certain time,
Witch will never allow them to understand.
They keep uttering their venomous hatred.

You try to speak out loud,
But their words drown yours out.
They won't come to a compromise,
No matter how hard you try.

The tears you shed,
Mean nothing to them.
They are blinded,
And unable to understand the pain.

They are the fools that won't open up their windows;
There minds are closed.
There ears are reserved only for the people like them,
Never willing to listen to any other.

The sun shines down onto her skin,
She can feel the cool breeze go through her hair;
She feels at peace, a small smile makes its way onto her gentle face.

She can just taste the water from the little pond,
That she stands still in front of her.

Her heart is pure and innocent,
She is a lover of peace and spring;
That is the reason for her to be standing right here,
As the world moves in harmony by her side.

The world shines brilliantly,
As she receives kisses from the clouds up above,
She fills the world with peace and harmony,
And no darkness can take over her light.

Sinking deeper into my sorrow,
I’m letting it take control because I’m done with it all.
Had enough of all of the divine wine,
That I shall never taste.

I’m sick of trying to break free of these chains,
Sick of seeking for something more than I’ll ever receive.
I’m tired of trying so hard to get back up on my feet,
Even though I know I’ll never be able to do.

So I let everything take me, I stop my fighting
And trying and seeking, I’m tired, I’m done.
I’ll let all of the darkness I have been fighting so long, to take me and make me a hollow being.

Lonely road is my home,
It keep me cold.

It never has let other in,
So I shall never face the hardships;
Like their words,
And actions.

I shall always be safe;
While I travel the Lonely road,
That I shall travel all alone.

Present fills the tomorrows untold futures,
With fear and heartache.

Rooted Loss that never blooms,
But its petals are feared.

The spring of the grim reaper nears,
Time but a concept,
An knowing when becomes to soon.

Do hear those voices?
Do think about death?
Do worry about people?
Do you care about others more than yourself?
Does your head hurt from all the thoughts?
Why are you shaking?
Why are you crying?
Why are you so quiet?
Why are you laughing so hard?
Why are you hugging me?
Why do you hate me?
Why are you angry?
Why are you yelling?
Why are ignoring everyone?
Why can’t you stop the yelling?
Why can’t you stop them from fighting?
Do worry about death?
Do you fear driving?
Do you envy others?
Do you hate yourself?
Are you sad?
Are you unhappy?
Do you hate the world?
Do hate life?
Do you hate homework?
Do you fear losing?
Are you afraid of not being someone else?
Do you like yourself?
Do you love me?
Do you care?
Do you want to scream?
Do you want to hate me?
Do you understand?
Do you want others to understand you?
Why are you worrying?
Why are you scared?
Why are you stressed out?
What is the problem?
Are you talking too much?
Did you talk to little?
Why didn’t you raise your voice a little higher?

I long for some brilliant thoughts,
That will fill my mind with inspiration and positive.
But many say that is a silly dream,
And I simple follow into their talk and agree.

When I fall into those deep thoughts,
I forget about all those nice things and wonderful stories.
And once again I am lost in depressed.

I'm longing for something I shall never receive.

I am deep in thought but my thoughts are like my cage,
And I am a bird never to be free.

I watch as my friend falls in,
I try to reach out and catch her hand in my,
But I just get to ghostly glide my fingertips against hers.
I watch as she falls in deeper and deeper into the black ink,
No longer are those paths of light to climb up again,
Fading away along with her.

I am given wings to be flown back up,
Because I didn’t below down there with her.
Though I begged and cried,
As my wings started to fly up,
Leaving her all behind.

My friend I screamed for you,
I begged you to open your eyes and see that I needed you.
Though you no longer listened to reason,
No longer cared for my opinion and begging sobs.

My friend you decided that your time was up,
But I refused to accept that.
That is why I chained you and pulled you up.
I tried almost everything,
But I guess that was never enough.

A cross that is bared upon ones flesh,
It is deep and leaves a past memory.
Feeling slightly lonely,
But loneliness is all one has to own.
This scar is something only we have to bear,
It never affects the one that afflicted it on us.

We hold so many precious memories,
But soon they all shall fade away as we are reminded,
Of the scar we bear upon our skin.

Everything is but a dream,
And reality is the cruel wake up call,
As we look down on the cross upon our flesh.
It soon reminds us we still have our battle to face,
And that flower bend is but an illusion of freedom and peace of mind.

The scars that have been left behind,
By all those cold things said and done,
Are the things that make us shun all the love.