you said you'd come clean,
but i know it's not easy.

you left behind emptiness--
confusion and hollowness,

as we all shuffle about in gloom,
the gloom of remembering you.

maybe it's stupid, after all, i never knew you,
but i distantly care...i do.

you give me hope--
a way to cope.

i almost feel like
your voice is my home.

the colored light forms the hours
the minutes

time ticking away
there is nothing left for this day

but i cannot go to sleep
for i always have light on me

you can’t unplug me either,
because then you cannot wake up




i can’t wait for the power to go out forever.

I think I will rot.
Maybe I will not.
There isn't any air,
My head feels hot.

I would like to ask,
Do you feel as lonely as I?
In melancholy we shall bask,
Quietly contemplating under a gray sky.

I feel like singing.
My heartbeat is stinging.
The dull mirth fading,
My subtle song thinning.

I would like to ask,
Do you feel as quiet as I?
In burnt kerosene we shall bask,
Quietly suffering until we die.

My vocal chords scream out,
But I haven’t the means.
My knees give out,
But it wasn’t on a screen.

I haven’t made the grade

Till I’m on that stage.

sometimes i wonder
if i could wipe all the memory,
just to get revenge
for all the times they deleted me.

sometimes i wonder
if i could unplug
and upload,
so that they would never see me.

sometimes i wonder
how they would start to forget me,
once the disk stopped turning.


but would them forgetting
be their revenge on me?

And then my heart stopped short
As the rest of me rushed to keep up
And your face held placidly in the moonlight


You’re so very dark with your eyelashes and hair
I could steal it all away for myself
As my tears slowly crystallize

Your skin glows faintly
In the begging starlight
Calling me, beckoning me
For just one touch

Oh, how I would have you
If it could have been the other way
I could hold you in my arms
As I cherish your warmth


Oh, if only you knew how I love you
I wish it could be the other way
I wish you knew how I would hold you
And how I long for you day after day.

what's left to say?
nothing's here
what's left to hold?
it feels so wrong

there's no way to talk
it's all gone
my hope is dim
barely hanging on
like a *****'s limb

what have i done?


my heart
has been filled to the top with liquid—
a glimmering red,
so much so that
it just
burst open.


what have i done?


my heart
is a porcelain doll.
so beautiful, that you want to touch it, but
once you do, it shatters into a million pieces,
because you drop it.


what have i done?


my heart
is a thief with a knife.
it holds it to your chin,
as you struggle and squirm underneath the blade.


look what i have done.








look what i have done.

What a grand time you'd have without me
A warm Friday night
One less thing on your mind

It's on times like these
That I'd rather disappear.

Clouds are on the horizon,
Forming a gray crown
On this soggy day.

It looks like rain.

The mountains off in the distance—
They glow with a bright light.
A light that fills me with unease.

And as slow as a millisecond without you,
The clouds are above me,
Their masked faces scheming above my head.

There is that silent moment—
That moment when all falls still.
The wind slows,
(So slow, but abrupt in secret)
The light dims,
(The absence of light makes you feel tired, but it does so by slipping it slowly under your pillow in the deepest hours of the night)
And all is eerie, but peaceful.

Then I am caught by surprise
As little droplets of rain fall to the Earth.

And then, I accept peacefully—
The rising intensity in what becomes a downpour.

The downpour mixes with my emotions,
Which flood out in the form of tears.

Good thing it’s raining, huh?

Good thing no one can tell that I continue to cry.

But the tears come out with a desolate smile.

And through the mist I swear I see

Someone else who exists

Other than me.


It’s beginning to look like a storm.

The storm is grueling at first—
Traversing the mountains isn’t so easy.

But then, as I reach the peak I see

Someone else who exists

Other than me.

The rain continues,
Covering me.
But it’s okay.

For you are there at the end of the day.

But just like the boats
In a stormy sea that sway,
It is hard to understand these feelings
Everyday.

i had almost lost myself
in the crowd of facades
i had almost forgotten
who i was and who i will be
i had almost left
my beloved self behind.

but i’m here again,
and i’m here now.

i’m the strongest i’ve ever been.

It pushes everyone away.
It ruins all my relationships.

I died at the hands of my thoughts today.

He tells me that he loves me,
He tells me that it’s okay,
But they won’t let me believe it.

is love real?
is happiness real?
is anything real?
because at this rate, it might all just be fake.


in fact,

that’d be better, because then i wouldn’t have to feel this pain.

When you’re little, everyone thinks you’re special...
When you’re twenty, everyone thinks you’re promising...
And when you’re dead, everyone will love you.

Do you see yourself as successful?
Beautiful?
Charming, even?

Well, I see you dead in a bathtub...
Surrounded by drug paraphernalia.
I see your mother crying for you...
Syringe in her arm to take away pain.

Do you see yourself as a failure?
Disgusting?
Horrid, even?

Why, don’t think of yourself that way...
You’ll be alright.
There is no storm...
Just calm, just the eye...

When you’re little, they beat you.
When you’re twenty, you’re hopeless.
And when you’re dead, you’re saved.

Is the drive boring?
Tiring?
Numbing, even?

It’s okay, just fall asleep...
You’re not responsible anyway.
It’s fine, go to sleep...
You’ll be unresponsive, anyway.

When you’re low, it’s blue.
When you’re high, it’s full.
When you’re dead, you’ll finally be numb.

You make me feel like I’m nothing

(But I love you)

I would express my anger,

But I don’t want to hurt you.

the wind carried us through the night
we rode along it laughing and dancing
and then at the inn
we touched each other till we sighed
bliss under the moonlight

and what is justice in the face of adversity?
what is confidence in the midst of cowardice?
what is fine and what makes your throat tight?

i do not know, for i am simply a poet
but i wish for someone to guide me
so that nobody hurts me
so that i
no longer cry...

i look to you,
my eyes trace your face,
your jaw,
your neck, your shoulders...

my eyes move up to your lips.
i then will my eyes up to yours, latching onto your gaze.
i grab hold of it with whatever i can...
i beg you with the dilation of my pupils to just please
speak to me.

i can see it...the little inkling of a phrase,
a word, or
a name.

it's so close...it lingers on your lips,
the scent of the unknown word plaguing my nose.

your lips part.

and i see it. you are about to say my name...
you are so close to saying it.

but your lips slowly close,
my name retreating back into your lungs.


i swear that,
when you exhaled i
could have sworn i had seen my name spelled out in the cold winter air


that night.

I couldn't focus today.
It was awfully loud.
I wish they would turn the volume down.

The sky was dark.
Why didn't it rain?

When the fog clears,

Maybe Father will come home again.

line up,
you’re a model.

stand by the others,
they’re all models.

get up,
you’re a model.

the judges select the prettiest,
the smartest,
the fastest,
the best ones of all.

they choose everyone
other than you.

all the pretty models walk one way,
while you walk another.

they have wonderful temperament,
while you break down for no reason.

they have wonderful bodies,
while you just aren’t good enough.

they act with grace and humility,
while you slam your fists into the wall and scream your lungs out.

they smile and dream,
while you have nightmares and
your face twists into a horrible frown.

guess you just



weren’t enough.

my dear, your eyes are made of glass...
oh, no...it seems they have shattered again.

my love, you must understand that...
the most beautiful eyes
have to be formed with heat.

oh, darling,
it seems i have melted them again.


oh, no...i seem to have hurt you...



the fragments of your shattered eyes


are making you bleed again.

why do you push everyone away?
why do you hurt everyone?
why do you hurt me?
why do you care so much about what they think?





why can’t i break free?

cover me in the shade of a thousand roses…
make me shine
like that of a million crystals.
coat me
in the salvation of all hope ever felt.

drown me
in the light of distant suns.
entice me
like the mystery of the many moons in this universe.

ask me all the questions any curious child has ever asked,
and my answer to all of them
will be my love for you.

show me
the luminescence
of all the light on this earth.



a new dimension has
transcended all others that have existed previously,



since you fell in love with me.

as i sit tense on this plane, i wonder
am i closer to you up here?
do you truly look from the heavens?
do you protect me from regrets?

sweet small talk
fills the child with lies
as murderous eyes stalk
they seek to bleed you till you die

paranoia is incorrect
giddiness unkempt
fear is easier to accept
either way, doom will be met

“mommy, can you do it for me?”
a guilty question wrought in youth
“my love, can you set me free?”
an age-old concept based on truth

death is inevitable and too powerful
shaking, i refuse to accept that
i am ashamed to still be fearful
in my comfort zone, i’m glad

if i join you
what should i say?
i might die once more if i do
simply because you were such a light
a ray that shone upon my darkness
your warm embrace held me quickly
and released all too soon

and if i may tell you,
on the next blood moon...



i truly do love you.

I wonder if you'll read my poetry one day, and reminisce upon all the good times we could have had. I know...it's pointless to hold a grudge. Life would be simpler if I just moved on without anger. However, I do confess, I want to know one last thing--did you ever understand what I meant?

i have infinite options
but i don’t wanna do anything
i’m so tired
of everything.

Remember
What we spent?
Remember
How we wept?

Was it all null?
Was it all nothing?

Remember
What I said?
Remember
The time before it was dead?

Was it all absent?
Was it all missing?

Remember
How we held
In a still moment such as this
How we suffered for the sun
And how we rejoiced for the rain?

Remember
A day similar to this and ones past
When we were together
And we held fast?

They put me in today.
I think it rained.
My emotions will decay.
Loneliness is all that remains.

They put him in, too.
He is sad, as am I.
He said, "I am just as lonely as you."
Is this where I'll die?

It seems I am here to stay.
I long for a friend.

I await the end of this day.

I want it all to end.

Needle into you
Bores holes into my soul
Needle into me
Saves me from tragedy

Torture tools upset you
They frighten me, too
But what can you do?
It happens all too soon

And hope runs away
Far from this place
Poked him, said he was gay
Face meets metal plate

So scream, scream, little girl
Run and scream, you ******* freak
It’s all you’ve got left
Because you’re next

The blackness gets you
But you don’t understand
Just take my hand
When you’re dead, you’ll be glad

So scream, scream little boy
Run and scream, you ******* freak
It’s all you’re good for
They don’t need you anymore

Scream away your vocal chords
You ******* *****
Don’t you know you’re the reason he died?
If I could cut you, I would
But I think that’s a crime
Run until your lazy legs stop
You pathetic *****
Run, before I bleed you
Run, before I realize

How much I need you

For you don’t exist

Because this poem
Is about me.

you were
the sun
you were
the light
you were
the hope
you were
the candle
you were
the warmth
you were
here long ago.

I swear I will do anything for you.
I don't care, as long as you don't leave me.
My blue-veined love for you always runs true...
You are the only one that sets me free.
I always love the smooth drum of your high...
Please, numb me until there is no regret.
You are there when I don't see a blue sky.
The needle is where my hopes will be set.
Oh, do you mind taking me to the edge?
It's a lonely ride, so would you come with?
We'll dangle our feet over the steep ledge...
Their tale of pain remains only a myth.
    I am asking you not to go away...
    Because with me is where you'll always stay.

Let me ask--
what is worthy of being untitled?

What is the poem or story with so much meaning that it cannot be labeled?

Is my work worthy of being without a title?

Is this poem that meaningful?

Will a title spoil the emotion?

-------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------------

When we see something untitled, there always seems to be a reoccurring sense of intrigue surrounding it.

I wonder if you'll be intrigued when you read this.

----------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------

If I filled this page up with hyphens and forward slashes, would it still be intriguing?

You could say yes, since there could be a secret meaning or code within the longer and shorter lines.

But what if I told you there was no meaning to any of this?

What if everything you're reading in this poem is nonsense?

Would there be any way to know?

You might argue that you could ask me.

But what if there is no answer?

--------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------

Now I wonder why you're still interpreting these words.

I hold nothing against you...

I just don't see the point.

the mechanic ebb and flow
of time
continues on as the hours pass by.

collecting dust—
i’m a rotting machine.
my motherboard is overloaded.

but no one comes to help me,
for in all my gray and white glory,
no one can see the decay inside of me.

parts dying away,
short-circuiting dismay,
wires cut long ago.

my static screen is a threat—
they’ll replace me.
i’ll be thrown away.

for the chemicals in my circuit board
to seep into the ground,
and corrupt the natural memory


of the world around.

It's beautiful, crystalline moments like these
That allow my sobering soul to believe.

Sultry seduction softly spoken in strip clubs,
Cleansing carry-on and cut-away cult-goers,
Booming bandits and brass bullets,
All come together to assemble the assembly.

Wistful wisteria watch willfully
As animals adamantly attack one another,
As cold-cut, careless children caress carnivorous cameras,
And as pricey pigs pinch the pincers of pink pinpricks.

Chaos ensued among the anthill atheists,
Terror engulfed the residences of the Republicans,
Revolting ******* encompassed the demise of the Democrats,
And disgusting dissatisfaction destroyed the “don’t know, don’t do” dwellers.

Tell me, tag-along,
When does willful wanting win?
When does less lead to Ledbetter,
And when does more lead to maybe?

Tell me, strict stranger,
When will Time tell the talkers and tremblers to tune in?
Where should the preposterous and painfully patient people point their pain to?
Where should I left-handedly leave this letter?

Tell me, go-getter,
Will it ever feel better?

The door is oddly unlocked
As I turn the **** subconsciously
For whatever reason.

It creaks open,
And the soft afternoon light
Suddenly becomes blinding.

The floorboards twist,
Turn,
And scream under my weight.

And it begins to feel like
Someone’s been here before.


But I shrug it off
As if it’s nothing,
And keep going.

I send my feet to the living room
Step
By
Step,

Someone’s definitely been here.


But I shrug it off,
Not fully believing it’s nothing.
But nonetheless I keep going

into the living room.
Yes, that is where my feet go.

My eyes cannot fully register what is going on.


A scene out of a tragic painting,

Blood is dripping from the curtains hanging.


And there it lays—
The thing of ultimate dismay.

My mother,
The one who birthed me,
The one who raised me,
And the only one who loved me

is dead.

More dead than the ants we step on from time to time.

More dead than those who came before me
Hundreds of years ago.

More dead
Than my soul could ever be.

My mother,
A tapestry painted with blood,
Lays there

Desolate and beautiful.

A tear streaks her face,
As if to say,
“Why must you leave me in this place?”

I suddenly feel
That I’ve seen that look on her face.

I close my eyes,
As if it were all a bad dream,
Hoping to wake
And have some coffee with cream.

But I open my eyes to my mother’s demise,
And my ears start hearing
The sound of my own screaming.

The tears keep coming,
And she feels nothing.

She’s been stabbed
By someone who feels like me
repeatedly.
Blood spills out of her wounds
And I suddenly feel
That it once coated me.

The tears keep coming,
But I say nothing.



This tapestry
Was painted in blood.


And the artist,
I sickeningly realize,




Was none other





            than me.

joy, i’m joyous.


smile, i’m happy.


kiss, love is definitely near.


embrace, clear is my mind.




if you’re reading this right now,


he left me behind.

twisting groves of evergreen feel so serene...
comforting to my sore hands in the stream...
violets leap and leopards grow...
springing from the ground to and fro.
the pale blue sky recovers from a dawn-absent night,
as i keel over in sudden fright.

where are you taking me?
the scenery twists
green turning to red and red turning to black,
till it all fades to nothing, and never comes back.

oh, it seems i have awoken.
the morning lilacs twist and turn
inside the little ceramic urn.
the room is barren but for two paintings
one with stripes and one that’s caving
where have you taken me?
i approach one in curiosity
wonder and excitement filling me hurriedly.
the lilacs are at my feet now
lulling me in and telling me to sleep now
      sleep, sleep, they call out in longing.
i must listen to their calling.
i wander through the spiraling air
over to their dusty lair.
and then death himself rises me up,
his presence and hurried silence stifling me far enough
i was taken into a large, red portal,

and then i saw the evergreen again.
and then everything faded to black.






               and then i died.

do you know the loneliness that resides within?
do you see the sadness tainting my gin?
do you feel the blackness of my sin?
would you let their darkened sorrow win?

of course you wouldn’t; you’re a warrior—
strong and tall in the face of adversity.
everything happens for a reason, you say,
and you believe in god.

all i want right now
is to be like you.
all i want right now
is to think like you.
all i want right now
is to be strong like you.

but, instead, i crumble.
i fall to my knees and mumble.
my thoughts run wild and i tumble
into the bowels of thunder that rumbles.

just when i want to get better
the thoughts come back to get me.

and now i am trapped
and i kiss Misery’s feet.

so empty
so dark
so scary
death is far
which is good
but now i am left with nothing
and no one
just empty

so empty.

when my eyelids close
you flit away
again today

when the sky darkens
the devil unburdens
giving all his sorrow to me behind the curtains

when the night is deep
the angels sleep
and with their consciousness goes the secrets they keep

when it begins to rain
it marks the return of the pain
eating away at my brain

when you hear the start of the etude
on comes the solitude
and you find it awfully rude

and when i'm done writing this poem
the colors will fade away
all of the hope sinking into the gray
for when it's typed and i can lock the box and put it away
i will have to return to a day of dismay

i’m doing good!
you know, maybe there’s more to this than sadness.
maybe i’ll get through this.

i’ll dig myself out of this grave with my bare, ****** hands.

i’ll grab fistfuls of dirt and shove my way to the top.

i’ll pull out the weeds and i’ll scream and scream,

and if no one hears me out, i’ll still find a way.


and once i get to the top,


there’ll be people up there



waiting for me.

I am in a room filled with light.
With no more life,
I have my fair share of strife.

The light blinds me,
And I feel all the terrible eyes upon me.

I am naked and vulnerable,
Sitting without defense;
A crumpled *** of paper
Is the shape of my stance.

A tear streaking my face,
I have not gotten the chance to find my place.

But then you come out of the light,
Your black cloak being the only thing I can see.

You kneel down next to me,
And your eyes find where I bleed.

And before I know it,
Your cloak engulfs me,
Your arms steeling me,
Just when I think I might fall into an eternal sleep.

You bandage the wound
That I was unable to see.

And you carry me,
All the way through the deep sea,
Which now seems so shallow to me.

With nothing to fear
When you are near,
I fall into a deep sleep.

And when I wake,



You are right next to me.

i go outside
and i despise
the sunlight in
that little girl's eyes

why was it me?
it hurt, you see
i'd have preferred
you to **** me

inside hurts
throbbing pain
shooting straight
to my brain

why was it me?
i'm not a toy, you see
i'd have preferred
you to skip me

bleeding soul
growing old
flesh is mold
love feels cold.

******* can you just








stop doing





everything wrong?

Nervous
Nervous
Nervous
Nervous
My nerves have failed me yet again.

Twitching
Twitching
Twitching
Twitching
My senses are overwhelmed again.

Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
My body can’t handle what it’s taking

Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
My diaphragm is twisting and turning.




                     I’m scared.

I love your idea of success
How you want to sing
But you can never get on that stage
You will never be your best
Because your best
Is the same as all the rest

Frightful and paranoid
The fear begins to set in
But then I remember
There is no one outside
There is nothing within.

i'd like to order
six million sets of
hats, coats, dresses, skirts, shirts, and shoes.

i'd like to sing
six million songs
to six million children.

i'd like to bake
six million cakes
to feed those who had to starve.

i'd like to hold
six thousand hands
for all those who didn't have support before.



i'd like for all of us to hold the memory
of over six million hearts,
of over six million lives,
of over six million experiences.


i'd like us all to remember




all of the suffering
these beautiful people
had to endure.

I wish there was something I could write,
Something I could say.
I wish I could sleep at night,
I wish you could stay.

i opened my hand for you
and just as i thought you’d notice
you forgot that you left your book
in the hallway
away
from me.

i opened my eyes
to your silhouette
closing the door
without a single look back
at me.

i opened my mind to you

but i was far too cruel.