Though my smile is as illuminating as the morning sun,
it grows dim in the night hours.

Even though my lips are full,
they fall flat a lot.

My body is curvy and a nice sight to see,
but there are some days I hate it

Though I wish my skin were lighter,
I love my two tonedness

I know that the realest people don't have lots of friends,
but I wish I had at least one more

See, I'm that girl who knows there's more like her
The girls who acknowledge their imperfections
But still love their flaws
They keep their heads up and make the world their own
The ones who are determined to be the greatest
The ones who never fully fit in
Their smiles go dark but they don't let it stay dim forever
The strong women who look the world in the face
And say, "You ain't ready for me baby"
The big and kindhearted girls who will love you but will know when it's not worth it anymore
The ones who dare to believe that they can do anything they put their minds to
The missfits who were cast aside
But walked back in center with her hands on her hips and kept going forward

Life is something else on its own
But I do my best to make it a better day for myself
I can't stop smiling
I can't stop laughing
I can't stop putting in 100 percent every day
I gotta keep moving
If I ever stop, I'm halting my own progress
And I'd rather not make that my own reality
#OWL'******br>

Everyone is different
No one is the same
Everyone has different opinions and viewpoints
Even those closest to you
Even those who have or are going through the same things you have gone through
Your friends
Your family
Everyone

You are Alone

Your thoughts
Your feelings
Your ideas
Your views
Your emotions

It is all yours
It is only yours

There is only one you
Only you will get to experience how you have experienced your experiences
You will never be able to fully relate to someone
Unless that someone is you

You are Alone

You may have shoulders to cry into
Or faces to laugh with

But just remember
No matter how close you are with your friends, your family
Just remember

You are Alone

Pulsate your peevish pain
through every inch of me,
call it love,
your preposterous purity
pumps in my veins now,
I cannot escape your
Vice, I laugh that I once
Tried.

That is a part of me now.
That same sickness satiates
Each nerve of mine.
That same slaughterous sin
sounds like the echo of
My bare bones.
That slimy sidekick that
You call sanctimonious
Writhes, sorry in my skin.

Pre-existent Angelface is nothing
But a wistful, naïve miracle!
She is chained with heavy wire,
Remains in my grains.
I believe she weeps, out of sheer
Celebration, for she is a
ferociously forgiving creature
Blind to her nature.

My worth is not seen by the harrowing nature of my own eyes
I have seen too many lives pass before me
They are wilted
Jilted by an unrequited dream
Lives that are my own because I always place myself inside your heart
If I could take the next bus home it would be toward that time when
I was 10
I hugged my Papa so tight because he was at my birthday party
That would both be the sad and happy time for me
Only to experience great loss and great gain and great forgetfulness
The fear of neglect is so close to my heart
That when I feel any sort of bird born in my cages
It is also a trap to set it free
There is a song sung before it flies away:

"Premature maturity
The never ending running man
In one place is a rot on my mind
Until it dies of nothing
Because my body is where ideas come to grow and die and bear fruit
My body is where I am alive for the new roots to plant itself in my skull
To listen to the whisper of the woman in my ear
She says she is my mother
There is nothing to fear"

But why Mama did you leave us?
To grow in a place where nobody knows us
To belong in a world where you are rejected
Your children feeling nothing but loneliness

The back of my head is haunted by a man looking over my shoulder
He sees everything I have searched for
I find nothing
But he finds me without fail
He knows everything

That man inside this cage of mine
His nose is broken, his grin is crooked like a hunger inside him is restless
There is a dark pit I cannot find
If I find it I might just get lost in thought
Pondering on an idea I can't quite remember
My mind treads unto idea upon idea
Until the stores have closed
It's nothing short of a shame
I don't mind your sorries
I only mind the explanations

If you could only find me my father again

There are people in this room
Whom I know can’t be themselves
They sleuth and sly around
With super human stealth

I’ll start the string of confessions

I’m depressed and suicidal
And no one cares what I think
I’m obsessed and prideful
So I’ll never see a shrink

I’m strictly heterosexual
Which for some is not the case
Tell each other now
Before a love goes to waste

It hurts my heart to say
But I don’t eat enough
It’s the price you pay
When you’re stomach is a bit plump

To be completely honest
I don’t think at all
And when it comes to love
I don’t look before I fall

My parents drive me crazy
But I’m happy that they’re mine
My childhood wasn’t daisies
But I think I turned out fine

Imagine if we could be truthful
With our peers and those we know
Perhaps we’d stay more youthful
Without the stress that we don’t show

I believe in destiny.
Sure I may come off as anti love and non committal but give me the chance to back my statements up.

I’m anti loving someone when you as a human with a beautiful soul cannot see the lighter aspects of yourself.
I’m anti loving another person when you can’t find love in yourself.
It’s somewhat painful and distasteful to want to receive a perfectly beating heart and give back uncertainty because you can’t love yourself.

I’m non committal because I see it in you.
Doubt, fear on what you could find to be true.
You shadow these thoughts and let them take over you.
You let the past of other people define what you see of me and treat me lesser than them.
I’m non committal because your heart is in lust and your soul is charred and blown to dust.

I believe in destiny.
I believe that in a world exists two or more of our soulmates.
I believe each soulmate is for each specific moment and that a specific two are for a more permanent mark.

Your first soulmate shows and teaches you exactly what your soul has been crying and screaming for.
Your second fulfills that underlying pressure the world has put on you about love.
But your second may never come,
Your first may never leave.

But stay believing in love that is yours and you will be okay.

Im anti love and non committal because if you search for these qualities But can never find them in yourself than that toxicity.
That is inhaling the green and spreading it to the lungs of another.

Have you not seen the love that they are portray?
All in it’s broken and incomplete manner.
How can I be so trustful when love doesn’t reside within ourselves first?

Such symbolic sentences...I fancy them.
Situations so strange...as well as how I end them.
Simple seeking of silence...useless in its longing.
Subjugating secrets...cruel in its withdrawal.

Shall we share the shyness? There is plenty for you...
Should we show our shallow shells? We will certainly protect you.
Shall we scare the separated sons of servants? They never told you.
Should we sell selfish souls? I did not mean to punish you.

Which is just?
Maybe all of them, if you must.

Which is right?
A few of them, if it helps you sleep at night.

Where is she?
Right in your heart, I promise truthfully.



        -- Yes, I know. Eventually, there will be writing on the wall.


                                                         ­           

              
                                                  
             ­                                       (It is only a matter of time.)