My worth is not seen by the harrowing nature of my own eyes
I have seen too many lives pass before me
They are wilted
Jilted by an unrequited dream
Lives that are my own because I always place myself inside your heart
If I could take the next bus home it would be toward that time when
I was 10
I hugged my Papa so tight because he was at my birthday party
That would both be the sad and happy time for me
Only to experience great loss and great gain and great forgetfulness
The fear of neglect is so close to my heart
That when I feel any sort of bird born in my cages
It is also a trap to set it free
There is a song sung before it flies away:
The never ending running man
In one place is a rot on my mind
Until it dies of nothing
Because my body is where ideas come to grow and die and bear fruit
My body is where I am alive for the new roots to plant itself in my skull
To listen to the whisper of the woman in my ear
She says she is my mother
There is nothing to fear"
But why Mama did you leave us?
To grow in a place where nobody knows us
To belong in a world where you are rejected
Your children feeling nothing but loneliness
The back of my head is haunted by a man looking over my shoulder
He sees everything I have searched for
I find nothing
But he finds me without fail
He knows everything
That man inside this cage of mine
His nose is broken, his grin is crooked like a hunger inside him is restless
There is a dark pit I cannot find
If I find it I might just get lost in thought
Pondering on an idea I can't quite remember
My mind treads unto idea upon idea
Until the stores have closed
It's nothing short of a shame
I don't mind your sorries
I only mind the explanations
If you could only find me my father again
There are people in this room
Whom I know can’t be themselves
They sleuth and sly around
With super human stealth
I’ll start the string of confessions
I’m depressed and suicidal
And no one cares what I think
I’m obsessed and prideful
So I’ll never see a shrink
I’m strictly heterosexual
Which for some is not the case
Tell each other now
Before a love goes to waste
It hurts my heart to say
But I don’t eat enough
It’s the price you pay
When you’re stomach is a bit plump
To be completely honest
I don’t think at all
And when it comes to love
I don’t look before I fall
My parents drive me crazy
But I’m happy that they’re mine
My childhood wasn’t daisies
But I think I turned out fine
Imagine if we could be truthful
With our peers and those we know
Perhaps we’d stay more youthful
Without the stress that we don’t show
Truthfully if I
had a kitchen in my room
I'd never come out
My biggest wish, too bad my parents would never approve
I believe in destiny.
Sure I may come off as anti love and non committal but give me the chance to back my statements up.
I’m anti loving someone when you as a human with a beautiful soul cannot see the lighter aspects of yourself.
I’m anti loving another person when you can’t find love in yourself.
It’s somewhat painful and distasteful to want to receive a perfectly beating heart and give back uncertainty because you can’t love yourself.
I’m non committal because I see it in you.
Doubt, fear on what you could find to be true.
You shadow these thoughts and let them take over you.
You let the past of other people define what you see of me and treat me lesser than them.
I’m non committal because your heart is in lust and your soul is charred and blown to dust.
I believe in destiny.
I believe that in a world exists two or more of our soulmates.
I believe each soulmate is for each specific moment and that a specific two are for a more permanent mark.
Your first soulmate shows and teaches you exactly what your soul has been crying and screaming for.
Your second fulfills that underlying pressure the world has put on you about love.
But your second may never come,
Your first may never leave.
But stay believing in love that is yours and you will be okay.
Im anti love and non committal because if you search for these qualities But can never find them in yourself than that toxicity.
That is inhaling the green and spreading it to the lungs of another.
Have you not seen the love that they are portray?
All in it’s broken and incomplete manner.
How can I be so trustful when love doesn’t reside within ourselves first?
Such symbolic sentences...I fancy them.
Situations so strange...as well as how I end them.
Simple seeking of silence...useless in its longing.
Subjugating secrets...cruel in its withdrawal.
Shall we share the shyness? There is plenty for you...
Should we show our shallow shells? We will certainly protect you.
Shall we scare the separated sons of servants? They never told you.
Should we sell selfish souls? I did not mean to punish you.
Which is just?
Maybe all of them, if you must.
Which is right?
A few of them, if it helps you sleep at night.
Where is she?
Right in your heart, I promise truthfully.
-- Yes, I know. Eventually, there will be writing on the wall.
(It is only a matter of time.)
was i turning into something that you hate?
did my face, or name not feel the same?
Even if you open your heart
like a book
Some people will look
And still not believe
The best gift you can give
Is to be real
It's up to them whatever they think
she acts as if music is her entire world
her only survival mechanism
her only escape from the hateful world around her
and when she plays her music, she plays with the force of her entire heart
truthfully and genuinely
so much care is put into every note
so much precision and thought and meticulous attention to detail
she embodies the attributes of her music
she is beautiful, powerful, fierce, loving, passionate
when she plays her music, she blocks everything around her
focusing solely on forming a dramatic symphony of wonder and delight
not giving attention to her anxious wandering mind
she closes her eyes to take everything around her in
the beautiful feeling of her fingers sliding along the keys
the wood smell of her reed atop her instrument
the exquisite attachment she feels towards her silver plated beauty
the passion she feels in the deepest part of her heart when she lets her emotions flow through her horn
she plays her music seemingly effortlessly
although so much effort is put into her meticulous practice
she believes her purpose is to form chords and tones of delight,
because its all she has ever loved doing
music is her one true and deep passion
her one true love
she wears her emotions on her sleeve and everyone thinks they understand her
but she is far too complex to see straight through
nobody knows the pain she has been through
nobody knows the despair that has passed her
nobody knows the hell she has suffered
she finds that it is not very hard for others to tear her apart,
but music mends the holes inflicted on her soul
when she feels like she is drowning, music saves her
when she feels like she is falling, music picks her up
she uses her emotions to strengthen her music
to show her deepest hidden wounds and to free herself from the sorrow that has been inflicted upon her
her entire story is too complex to fully comprehend,
but music allows her to let her feelings out in a comprehensive way
music heals her heart and soul
it saves her from any pain that may arise
music is her everything
her life, her passion, her utmost talent, her world
her personal purpose at this time
her coping mechanism to fight the cruel world surrounding her