walking down the street                            
the winters day folded              
              settled snow awaiting damage
waking  as the morning fumbles with city residents
                                    and caravans of cars bumble                        
               unused to the tumble and witty wade of it all

my view is unveiled and hearted
simple vision  in fellow with the other senses
but IT'S THEN ! and then (aftershock )    something was altered
something in perception  was marched astray and put to sacrifice
just a tick off from the uncanny flank of lucid
                         and i know something's not right
my readings rank as nudged
       someone wishes me 'off the case'
what did my senses experience
       that could've been entered into evidence ?
i stop in the street and stoop my bags into the drift
why was my report changed                
       so skillfully between the source
                                            and my intake ?
just a single moment    a blur and a splice snip
what was i not meant to observe ?
was the rug pulled out from under it all
even if for only a spilt second ?
did i witness the goings on behind the scenes ?
the agents of governing wealthy illusion at work ?
adjusting the set ?  correcting an effect ?
wizarding our fantastic lives
the grand fabrication
...or perhaps  simply a feeling

.
True love showed up  skunk as a drunk                    
slunk in upon itself   preyed upon
by a whirling brain
toiling effort against earths rotation
slept it off  on my sofa                                        
    True love stayed  got comfortable
smoked cigarettes and raided the fridge
True love made a **** Joke  and put its feet on the table
outdoor boots and all   lanky legs and begging breath
leaning forward  true love took a kiss
and a gulpy gup of energy
exchanged my breath for an arid fumigation
weak   i fell about silly and forgetfully naked
i forgot the day   missed work                 
to dedicate true to the night bedded and the bottle
nest of quips and extreme **** motional thoughts
monk no longer   stronger surely with 'love'
study-study and become sturdy with love
(after all 'true love' has most certainly been untrue)
'true love' could expand from me maybe ?
i'd **** the wooly beings who contacted me
sign them up  to the great contract                          
just as the previous monster had dominated me
and let me loose                                  
a ***** criminal  with odd 'successes'
now a true monster me   fiend freed                  
                              just pull back and go

descend into the shuddery pressure deep                          
a still cold and pac like in sound reduction
unmending
arms folded over arms break loose for my way                  
my heart matter is here somewhere
below the level of finks of bioluminescence
below the predatory depth
fonds of rubbery reachers
snags of life
vented elements  from the earths magma

a high mood                                          
could skip along like a child
a practical joke      i give a sharp pull
         on the strings of Everything
jape's on me                                          
         as i am tugged from off of my feet
           and tumbled on the ground
         laughing any-which-way

the day sky   fills with lenses          
                    enough to displace the stars
but there too much for them to see
efforts made mockable
the pattern baffling the pattern
with misunderstood importance

release      and i enjoy the sun
                 for being the sun

from the window indoors
my eye swallows the weather  the trading snow for rain
pinhole funnels  swallows feelings of strangers
down on the streets
a deep hurty in-breath method
from my desk at home   treading water  my brain powers down
despite the exercises of welcomed invasion   energy does not stick
knotted against the greater surroundings
bound in a metal depression
a puddinged thing

desperate act  i switch on a light
but the fight is outside
and a long charging walk
is something i must force myself to take

the sky cuts my jowling mind                        
drops me on my back gentle   and operates
it emulsifies my tittering complications      
                     as i gaze into it
                               a marbly stupor

urination stench                
leaf decay and mans litter
yet  ... spears of green life

lilly white lies           
patterned in the dirt
             hoof trodden

you showed me an honest dark element inside of you
but   i act peppy and dismissive                      
            i laughed you off as human
your darkness ? a triviality shared amongst us all
shaved off of our common bark                      
                             common as simple saliva

you showed me... nature mother of **** and gyration
                                       the play of things
the playthings of the mischievous godlings                    
and a dark patch   was made woman for me also

i was quiet now and unresistant                              
                                 this new dark inside   an unscriptured thing
i'd been castigated and forgiven                        
          in loving unrestrained puncture

so much squawk and squall    too many people echo the walls
abrasive  and i've no block but to ingest it
wrappered and trapped in this room-without-imagination
this is fusion   a batter of coms and intel i cannot separate and
rooms instrument clamps me   pressioned still          
                         and inflates me like a berry
my vision is expelled                      
my teeth pop out    my ears whine and whistle
my pores fire out tiny dirt pellets                    
                    and my friends duck for cover

all the bombast and sonic din that entered
and all the gases combust from within                          
         I go from ‘surprising’ and ‘absurd’
                                to full on percussion and detonation

what did they do   to deserve a friend like me ?
it’ll be some time    before they enjoy a good meal in company
one without p.t.s.d.   revulsion
and  (without a choice)  in memory of me

lunch break  fire escape                  
   seagulls hover  far below              
rattled  by stern winds          
  thoughts battle  their own nature    
no progress  in their flight      
.

solve  like ashes                                                  
the moisture  from the living world surround
watching  the days go dry          
               barren witches  upon the season

trot it all out     two tottering opposites                                
            duelling sets   of things we ought think
two angers   we must take like a ***** draught
and we are distractible
one feeding of fear   to link us all                         
    and we are made quite yielding
                                        
i feel willing now  to rush upon death   just to get the it over with
and the dragons can take the hoard                      
                             and disable its currency
a real species stopper
well done

...love is hunter sick nerves you enter dream love is puncture it is green with life lush and suffering and kitchen frot and menial wreck and the reburn of childhood excite a spell and sale of a mental thing and incompletely rheumy-tunes...

applause of pigeons lifting   a cluttered company
they high circle hurt  between winter stark          
apartments brittle      and settle in braver             
perch and concrete sill
 frosted  but in the sun

i've bin wilting in the wings of half life
some kind of tinsel of decay
making chattering bids for attendance         but lack and fail                       
pimpling   and then deflating          
                                    
    tiny chasms visit me
chittering little wheezy ******* of creativity  spazzing                    
and then weary organisms spatter on the micro lens
gutted    they were shoddily made    they're to be  examined           
                   (after all that genetics..... what did go wrong ?)                              
a probing at discussion and decisions
tend    now     to a humiliating life                                                      
then  a step up   ; a weak and easy one                  
    followed by     ambition !         one to lift and give life
reactors in the gut with macerated heavings gunged our way
incisors and incisions rudder me
and  together with my nouveau umbrella family
betrayed from our hammocks, hummocks and  nooks
we queue on up   for 'the things'        
           in accord    with good society
self reprimanded   in defeat ?

hospital bed                                      
                   wedded flourish of decor
catcalls foam the past                
                   behind the eye blind     stimulus
limbo scapes rake...          
                                then nevermore

love bulges  and it's all  geography              
worlds  words  and lust-letters  seem so tenderized
but it's on paper   folded
origami    and our love now has geometry              
      and the side effect of death  is the loss of memory

     love whispers  whimpers  then is vague again
until new moon and tide   and then a **** molding
where it may proven   in public
once again  a ***** idolatry

no noggin knocking     no cranium colliding
no brain bashing  head hammering  skull scraping
                      scalp scoring  or crown clonkelling

no melon mashing   nor loaf lamping
protect that thinker   for imaginative and feeding dreams
                  so.. to bed with ya

no cot rot or bed sores
no blocked noses and dino-snores
just sweet-sweet dreams

untitled   we'd be better served
like the bulk of resting nature appears
with no obvious contortional vouch
or *******  of a species legend

is this is some kind of nocturnal dance       ?                   
              one to tune the world to whim
  it's spun around our column     
   you saturate into the night   purple and staining
unrestrained   beaming in your hostility   and  blue as wishes   i approach
rude as great depth  you supper on my motion                             
         scupper me   whilst looking as bleached  as surrender
                                                       ­     or behave
so  i charge after you  inflated  and the moonlight is revealed

moon    mewling and fully realized                                                         ­
now  for illuminated clouds   to have their bellies torn at
the earth charges with gymnastic prat        
       you go at witchcraft in a pranky manner
girling and ferning your thrift score gown      
      you drag this disco into the greeting forest
the treating darkness fills in
   like furniture addition
and the beats quicken to encourage

i tail you with athletic mammalian stride                        
whilst you whip your expressions
                       weaponized   at my pursuit

but  both of us have nature on our side
germing with merit              
every hunter    every heat            
there's teeth between those tree
and we dance    oscillate  with grins
                              and battling antics
wiving the night music

the drunken door is open    issuing fumes
the loss of what society betrays    a deflated relaxed option
                                                          ­of empty rebellion

season away life   in mood with loss
fumed with the doorway    and its dark yawn
i am reminded of putting fruit flies 'to sleep'
                            in a school lab class

courting breaths   after blue i brighten
       i lighten   with originless humour
and then ugliness anew                          
   i tighten   into some packed pearl of monster
breathe in   breathe out   courting breaths
the susurration    of all this lung
resuscitation    and it's 'good morning mourning'

then 'bring out the empathy' !  and zitty connections
and marvel over   'those poor things'          
larval in their struggles   up the redline
and envision throwing them heaps               
of hairdryers  salad spinners  monopoly boards
            vibrating cushions  for back massage
and obscure tinned delicacies  from my extensive travels
the five devils of my mind  tackle my erratic breath
five mad ideas  of how to run their lives
                        milk their hive
form a worship  and go to war..

..then it is i who goes larval                  
                          carving in on my minuscule heart
crutching in like a fractured pill bug
not daring to raise my eyes      
             for fear of offending my superiors
breathe in   breathe out
counting down the breaths til rattle

im so tired   and poisonous   and old
where do i go  my heart stuffed with this dry darkness ?
   with my aches   and my revealing pained impressions ?
death via exposure  would be timely                                          
with the short days   and straining snow   and thick winds
   i could step out   and follow their tugs and ropes north
                                        doff my gear and 'take a walk'

arthritis tippled wooden relief    plugged in a bed of mud
the leaves that decay to its side                                   
                          comp­liment the carved ones that feather the face
but it is creaked   crevice and sinuous  
  a kind crumpled face  or maybe a stern  yet approving  parent mask
two seasons of weathering                                                    
  ­                            withered   saturated and withered again      
this self unearthing
worth moulded from
the decaying green man
reapplying  for a creative birth
for a visit  on the Autumn hearth
filling in its ****** details     with broken and discarded
school yard pencils   scudded over litter  and mud
soon to be worshiped again...
would settle for a respectful gift        from a child

for all his wonders in spring                                            
              ­                  he has envied the witness of harvest
but attention goes to other gods

he pouts  out of season     for no one here  greets him

body     recover
please
                you're embarrassing me
            i want to take a walk   in the snow

abrupt and business
              this winters day
perhaps it's apt
              that i keep   what i have to say
cold and short ?

low by day    a massive moon full
a bowl of candy pallor            
and this city is taken   to a more charming realm

more than one figure takes out a camera
aims                  and   i am not a real person
     but i am represented
       by an attempt     at something 'in bounds'
                       playing it safe
i feel like greeting
     and if truly bold  asking others
      of the quality of their experience right now

.

mostly  i've lead a harmless life                            
(as harmless as a human passively could)
  watered down       at most drowning
     at most passionate   ( but for a while only)
decent imitation of life
safe... but none of this is safe is it ?                    
i am part of the expanded programme    
and it's operating at fault (as intended ?)
and the damage is massive

well aren't you the gallowgas ?                                  
           you cram the funeral into fun
hiding in a private room    suckling at your sad self
whilst secretly hoping  to be found lonely
depressions' muppet
                            *****  like confession
and hungry like the wound