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Oct 2017 · 654
* I'm Freezing ***
Neex Oct 2017
Our conversations used to make me smile,
Now,
Every word,
Every syllable,
Every sentence is cold,
*As ice.
I'm back...for a minute.
Apr 2017 · 632
Untitled (Part 24)
Neex Apr 2017
Hi,
Well as it turns out,
You still live in my heart.

I begged you to move out,
Yet all you do is jump in,
Then out,
Then in.

You make me feel things,
They won't go away,
They hunt my eyes at night,
They scare me to tears.

In your presence,
I miss you.

I miss the sweet,
Sweet release you gave me.

I crave to hear more,
All the things you feel,
How do I make you feel?
This book is never going to end, is it? And I don't want it to. You give me something to feel.
Apr 2017 · 387
Why??
Neex Apr 2017
I feel less deeply,
So I write not at all.

I am less connected,
*So I am at loss of words.
Well...
Apr 2017 · 563
[[=]] Games [[=]]
Neex Apr 2017
Ignorance- bliss,
Ignorance to reality- oblivion.

There is no joy;
Only sorrow,
in dishonesty.

There is no joy,
In popularity,
From problems,
*Real problems.
:) Been busy, this was written AGES ago guys. Just stopped by to say hello!
Neex Jul 2016
Firstly,
*******!

Secondly,
I missed you.

Also,
You're an ***.

It's hard to say.

Well,
I'm happy and sad.

I mean,
Your life is sorted.

But,
You have a girlfriend.

Remember,
I'll always be your best friend.

Except,
I'm not so sure.

I think,
*My heart needs a wake-up call.
So happy about this. Was pretty sure that this collection was in its grave not resting peacefully but I guess it wasn't. Summer just took an interesting turn.
Jun 2016 · 515
Dear You,
Neex Jun 2016
I care,
I do,
I wish I didn't.

It's like you,
You've been dissolved,
Into my skin,
It's an involuntary friendship,
I just can't get rid of you.

Mind you,
This,
This is simply a friendship,
One that tears me down every time,
Yet I want more,
I wish I didn't.

You're sightless,
Ignorant,
Even when I scream,
You're ignorant,
I know this,
Yet I care so much,
I don't want to get rid of you,
I just can't get rid of you.

I care,
I do,
Too much,
Seemingly too little.

Truly,
I care,
I do,
I wish I didn't.
Everything is everywhere right now, I'm working of putting things in the right place but this just won't stay.
Apr 2016 · 771
15!
Neex Apr 2016
15!
With age,
The excitement seems to fade,
The day of your birth,
Becoming just,*
An ordinary day.
I actually really just want to sleep, feel so weak right now.
May happiness be my only companion for the new year.
Apr 2016 · 602
|It Is What It Is|
Neex Apr 2016
There should be no genres,
Just music.

There should be no discrimination,
Just humans.

It's only difficult,
If you believe that it is.

Your unconscious mind,
Can destroy you,
Build you;
But that is up to*  you.
You are what you think,
Things are what you THINK they are.
Apr 2016 · 1.3k
The Irony..
Neex Apr 2016
Those that love,
Get their hearts broken.

Those that trust,
Get hurt.

Those that have faith,
Get disappointment.

But,
Those that don't get heartbroken,
Those that don't get hurt,
Those that don't get disappointed,
Don't know what is feels like to be truly alive.
I know what it feels like to be truly alive, and every step is worth it.
Mar 2016 · 1.1k
:: A Day Late: The Sky ::
Neex Mar 2016
The sky today,
It reminds me,
Of me.

Vibrant,
Yet gloomy,
Stains of rain,
Outlined by the sun,
A rainbow,
No one noticed it.

I'm vibrant,
Yet gloomy,
With tears from last night,
Outlined by a smile,
My *rainbow-

**No one cares about it.
I loved the way it looked, for once.
The aftermath of rain is beyond bearable at times.
Feb 2016 · 984
|.| I Need Pain Killers |.|
Neex Feb 2016
To supress devotion and feelings alongside,
I want to feel no emotions,
Excluding happiness.

To supress the pain of disappointment,
Hurt and distress,
Those that visit so often.

I wish,
I pray,
I hope.

I do those and then some,
To supress those that visit so often,
Yet nothing changes.


Yet I keep wishing,
Praying,
Hoping,
And then some,
To supress devotion and feelings alongside,
Because I want to feel no emotions,
*Excluding happiness.
Does anything really work?
Neex Feb 2016
Tick, Tock;
The clock, the clock.

At times,
I'm unsure,
Who is,
Who's not.

I'm here,
I'm not,
In space?
Why not.

I breathe;
I try,
To breathe,
Or die.

I want,
Maybe not,
To breathe,
As much.
Still breathing.

(This is the last one)
Neex Jan 2016
I don't,
I don't,
I swear,
I don't.

To feel,
To hope,
I swear,
I don't.

Empty,
I am,
I swear,
I am.

To feel,
To hope,
I swear,
I don't.

I don't,
I don't,
I'm sure,
I don't.

I don't,
No,
I don't.

Feel,
For you;
I swear,
*I don't.
I hate emotions.
Neex Jan 2016
Release,
I need,
Release,
I plead,
With you,
To give me,
Sweet release.
I just want peace,
Peace of mind,
Peace.
Neex Jan 2016
Escape,
Into the peace;
Calmness,
I wish I had.

Lost control,
My mind betrays me,
Wonders off sore;
Sharp blades,
They approach me.

Though I do not want,
What I have lost;
The absence of pain;
I want to feel.

The kiss of a blade,
One that can heal,
So the pain,
*Shall fade.
And so it happened, it's really tiny I promise. But I just couldn't do it anymore. It's really tiny though, I promise.
Neex Jan 2016
Love,
Rage,
And all that comes within it.

Hate,
Happiness,
Only one now burns in me.

I'm empty,
Yet full,
Of things unwanted,
Because of you.

I'm tired,
Exhausted,
And yet my feet betray me,
They run.

They run,
Into pain,
My own destruction,
A hole,
Where light is non-existent.
9:45 AM on Friday the 22nd of January, 2016 marks the moment in which this sea of depression engulfed me into a suicidal mind state.

For the next few days, I will be posting the series of poems that I wrote in a hectic vibration of emotions - secretly - while my body was in the second period of school and my soul had lost control of it.
Each stanza of each poem was written on different sides of big pieces of paper (in order to reduce the chances of being caught) that I'd hurriedly discover in my netbook bag in a frantic search, as my hands vibrated and I needed to put something down on paper.

Poetry is my release. For the next few days, you will read my first words from my most fragile state.
Dec 2015 · 864
I'm Just A Wannabe ·Poet·
Neex Dec 2015
I don't plan,
I don't choose the number of syllables,
I just write.

My rhymes are rare,
I don't plan them,
If they come,
They're there,
Cuz I just write.

If something comes to mind,
I just write.

It's all from my mind,
With inspiration from my heart,
So I write.

I don't get writer's block,
I get an empty heart,
In those times,
I don't write.

I'm not a poet,
I'm just that girl,
Who writes,
Cuz it's hard for her to speak,
And it's easier to,
*Just write.
It's just what it is.
Neex Dec 2015
It's*  *not writer's block,
It's  an  intense,
Unexplainable,
**Loss of emotions.
I wish I had something from my heart to you but I'm empty for now.
Neex Dec 2015
I never thought,
That I'd feel things,
Things that come with the thought of you,
Things that don't feel like butterflies,
The usual.
Something in it reminds me of uncertainty,
fear.
Neex Nov 2015
I've lost control of my mind,
Now,
It's telling me everything,
*Everything that hurts me.
It always happens.
Neex Nov 2015
I'm out of my head,
Floating in oxygen,
Yet I still forget to breath,
Sometimes.
The oxygen in this sea of depression.
I thought I was used to this wretched sea,
some things never get old.
Neex Nov 2015
You can not substitute life,
But you can substitute love.

The thing is though,
I don't want to substitute this one,
I like the feeling,
It's butterflies,
It's uncertainty,
It's a blissful type of pain.
I'm tired, can this just stop.
Neex Nov 2015
You walked past me,
I held my breath,
I don't know why,
But my head told me that,
That's the only way it could cope.
I actually don't know why,
I don't even really talk to you,
But it felt as though it was the right thing to do,
Wait what?
Ugh.
Nov 2015 · 626
..Please Heart, Please..
Neex Nov 2015
Can you like,
Not totally get broken this time,
I mean,
Use your eyes,
Watch where you're going,
Don't fall too hard,
You know how easily you get hurt,
So like,
*Be careful.
I'm trusting you too, my heart can't do this all by itself, I'm gonna need your help.
Neex Nov 2015
See,
I wouldn't say that I don't miss you,
But I don't think I need you,
Not too much,
Not anymore.

I mean,*
I'm not better;
If anything,
Things are worse,
But that craving that you once gave me,
That craving for you,
Is possibly non-existent now.

I warned you not to make any promises,
I warned you about the others,
I warned you that I'd be stress,
I warned you,
But you're difficult,
I kinda wish you weren't.

Don't worry,
I've met new people,
Amazing people,
Not like you,
But that might be a good thing,
Or a bad thing.

These people are here,
For now at least,
But I won't fall,
Or so I say,
I don't fall easy,
But I fall hard,
Maybe I won't fall this time,
For whatever charm that is placed,
On me,
But,
I can't make any promises.

Now the main question is,
And I hope you're curious to find out too,
Do I still have feeling for you?
Déjà vu,
Well,
Maybe I do,
But nothing worth feeling,
But how can I be sure,
When you've been gone for so long.

I'll go mad,
Again,
If I let myself think about you,
Again,
You were right when you said I shouldn't,
But we both know I'm stubborn,
And determined,
But I've lost hope,
Kinda like our friendship.

I need to move on,
I need some help to move on,
But you've made me less trusting,
**If that's even possible.
I really need to stop bothering you guys with this crap.
Neex Oct 2015
I'm a bit confused,
Slightly terrified,
Been having these thoughts,
They're getting hard to hide.

My mind's been roaming,
Exploring itself,
So I have some things I'd like to share.

*I see all these people suffer,

But I have no clue what to say,
So here's to all of you,
What I've written,
'Cause things might not be going your way.

For the lovers,
I envy you,
Your heart,
Shall never see darkness,
Your heart,
Shall be connected with your mind,
Your heart,
That thing that it holds so dear,
Shall never cease to work in your favour,
And at every fatal ending,
Shall your heart recover,
Quickly,
'Cause the world needs you,
To keep on loving.

For the dreamers,
Oh how I love how you are,
So full of ideas,
Your mind,
Shall never lose it's colours,
Your mind,
Shall never lead you astray,
Your mind,
Those things that fly around in it,
Shall never be discouraged,
Never lose hope,
'Cause without you,
The world won't be so innovative.

For the hopeful,
I'm just like you,
Although that hope is false sometimes,
Never stop hoping,
Your hopes,
Shall not cause you pain,
Your hopes,
Shall bring pleasant ends,
Your hopes,
Whatever they may be for,
Shall never bring you regrets,
And remember that you're not exactly naive,
You're just needed,
And so you might experience repeated events,
'Cause without you,
The dreamers might lose hope.

For the depressed,
I'm one of you,
And I have a lot to say to you,
You,
Don't deserve whatever you're going through,
Never think that you do,
You,
Shall find happiness,
Hopefully soon,
You,
Shall become one of the hopeful,
And never lose faith,
You,
Whatever it is that you're going through,
Shall not defeat you,
If you think it has,
I want to meet you,
'Cause you keep me going everyday,
Remind me that I'm not alone.

For the suicidal,
You are worth a lot,
Your pain,
Shall not takeover you,
Your pain,
Shall not control your actions,
Your pain,
However painful it may be,
Is not the only thing you can feel,
Keep holding on,
'Cause you give me a reason to live,
You are amazing no matter what anyone says,
And I can't lose my best friend,
Not in that way.

For the fearful,
I was once like you,
Your fears,
Shall not control your life,
Your fears,
Shall only give you something to fight,
Your fears,
Whatever they are of,
Shall not define your might,
You are stronger than you think,
'Cause without you,
Too many people would be oblivious.

For the happy,
I dream to be like you,
Your happiness,
Shall never seize,
Your heart,
Shall forever sparkle with joy,
You,
Shall never forget others,
'Cause for many,
What you have is a dream,
And who better to help attain something,
Than those who possess it.

For those unmentioned,
You are nothing but important,
Whatever category you fall into,
Is special like any other,
You're in my mind and in my heart,
There's just so many,
I wish I could remember,
So peace and love be with everyone who reads this,
*Forever.
I love every single one of you,
I haven't been part of this community for up to a year but you guys keep me going and I have met so many amazing people, there are no words to express how grateful I am for all of you. You guys always know how to brighten my day and everyone is so incredibly talented.
So I just want to tell you guys that you should keep going, don't let anyone change you, not even rearrange you and things will work out in the end, if things aren't looking good yet, then you're not even close to the end.
Thank you guys so much for everything,
Especially reading this long piece.
xox
-Neex
Neex Oct 2015
It's raining,
There goes my plans of sleeping,
Carried by the thunder.

Time to drown myself,
In music.
This ****** sound,
It's torturing me.
Neex Oct 2015
When I'm home,
I have an apple every night,
It makes me feel good.

When I'm in school,
I don't even have an apple everyday.

I spend more time in school,
Than I do at home,
It's torture,
And home;
Home doesn't leave me feeling so dandy either,
The apples help me.

I guess that partially explains,
Why this sea of depression,
Is only getting deeper,
And I still don't know how to swim,
In a pool.
Been drowning for ages
Neex Oct 2015
I hear a lot of people say,
That  'I'm sorry'  can't fix anything,
Well,
At some point I believed,
That those people were just difficult,
But,
You've worn it out for me,
I'm one of those people now,
So,
*I'm sorry.
I'm nice, not gullible.
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
''Not Just A Repetition''
Neex Oct 2015
When did it become,
So hard to write?

How could the words,
Leave my mind?

Everything is confusing now,
What was once so easy,
Gives me anxiety now,
I feel like,
Everything is in pieces now,
It all happened so fast,
But,
Why* now?

I feel like this is not the end,
Things might get worse,
In the end,
I'll be empty,
When I get to the end,
If there is one;
Is there an end to this?

I need you more than ever now,
But you have,
More important things now,
That you have to think about,
Now.

It ***** how things are,
I knew it wouldn't last,
Not forever.

You're always on my mind,
This pain can't erase you.

I hope you're alright,
I don't mean to worry you,
But you're got me worried out of my mind.

You're not hurting me,
But you're the only person,
That can take the hurt away;
But that's not why I miss you.

I miss you 'cause,
**Your presence completes me.
I'm short of words now.
Oct 2015 · 526
)-It Happens Often-(
Neex Oct 2015
It's funny,
How quickly the smile fades.
You just kinda get used to it but it's still weird.
Neex Sep 2015
To have your hopes smothered,
Stuck in this ****** isolation,
I see no light.

I might never recover,
Never thought I’d get this far,
Deep in this retched sea,
And I might never learn to swim.

Whatever confidence I had left,
Is fading with myself.

My self-esteem,
It’s non-existent,
My heart and happiness as well.

I’m hurting deeply,
Fading quickly,
Living fatally,
Faking emotions,
Drowning painfully,
Hanging on,
**To nothing.
I don't understand anything anymore.
Sep 2015 · 478
..Simply Put..
Neex Sep 2015
You're my right hand,
You're my go to,
Told me everything about you,
That's a bold move,
I know that you're out there,
And there's things you've gotta go through,
Just know that these streets,
They don't love you like I do.
Getting my words from the music again, this is one song by Drake I actually listen to regularly.
Neex Sep 2015
Been drowning in this sea of depression,
And losing you only made it deeper.
I don't know how to make it stop,
I need you.
Sep 2015 · 524
~»Early Dreams«~
Neex Sep 2015
I watched that movie,
And made a silent prayer,
That that'd be me someday.

Getting old,
Making fun of an amazing man's hair,
Joking around,
'Cause having kids couldn't change us.
I have no idea what movie it was. Did I mention, I'm back home after 3 weeks of traveling and I feel so different, like so much has, changed.
Sep 2015 · 673
-_Cowardly Pain_-
Neex Sep 2015
It took more hurt,
But I get it now.

How could I be so stupid,
To let them take my hurt,
And make it about them,
*Just to get out of their own guilt.
And I fell for it,
Every time.
Sep 2015 · 492
»«Been Everywhere»«
Neex Sep 2015
Planes,
    *Trains,

        Buses,
             Cars.

Travelling around,
Is when I'm happiest,
Music is all I hear,
A split second,
No fears,
Until it's over,
*And I'm down again.
Trying to stay positive for once,
Seems like things are getting worse and worse.
Sep 2015 · 517
{·Painful Endings·}
Neex Sep 2015
I won't lie,
And say I don't miss you,
But you make me weak,
And I've lived my whole life being strong.
I'll just keep living,
But my life can't go back to the way it was.
I don't want it to, you made an amazing impact and I'll never forget it.
Guys, just some advice, pushing away people you care about doesn't do anything but hurt them.
Sep 2015 · 447
>Love Is Difficult< <10w>
Neex Sep 2015
So we built our love
On the hate of it.
The bitter, sweet irony.
Neex Aug 2015
Sadly,
I didn't prepare myself for this.

Luckily,
I'm not dying on the Inside,
And I usually am.

Why am I not surprised?
This was bound to happen.
I don't even know what to think anymore.
Neex Aug 2015
You make it so easy,
For me to cry,
To get hurt.

Yet I've never received,
Any apologies,
As empty as yours.

You put in no effort,
I do,
Now I'm worn out.

I guess it's possible,
*To run out of tears
Is it?
Aug 2015 · 394
~**Enchantment**~ (Part 21)
Neex Aug 2015
I can so easily get over you,
But there's just something,
That makes me not want to.
-sighs-
Neex Aug 2015
The thunder struck,
Unexpectedly,
No one could control,
The rain that came next.
Why is this happening!? This NEVER happens!
Neex Aug 2015
Sometimes you lose yourself,
To someone,
Empty out,
And it's all for nothing.

That person gets hold of the strings,
Becomes the oblivious ventriloquist,
Playing with you ignorantly,
And you can't escape it.

Now this person is smart,
But doesn't know it,
Plays with your heart,
Has impeccable talent,
Does all this effortlessly,
But you just can't break free.

You let this person in,
And get locked in,
Makes you seem naive,
But then again,
You must be,
You're the one that opened the door.

And I'll spam this if I must,
To save all your hearts,
It's all an illusion,
You'll be stolen from,
Your light will be taken,
Leaving one fatal thing,
*...
It's all false hope, isn't it?
Neex Aug 2015
When you love someone,
Any moment their away,
Feels like hell,

Especially when you don't know,
If that person is okay.
Aug 2015 · 436
..Why. .How..
Neex Aug 2015
I see things that nobody else sees,*
It's scary,
Sometimes.
I see deep into the non-existent and emptiness that is in everyone and everything.
I sometimes see shadows, why wouldn't they go away.
Aug 2015 · 603
¡Intense Realisation¡
Neex Aug 2015
It's like everything I've ever know,
Is just an assumption.
How does everything burst out so quickly,
But leave me feeling,
Even more empty.
Aug 2015 · 1.1k
|Coping Mechanism| (Part 17)
Neex Aug 2015
I read your poems,
Repeatedly,
To recreate the butterflies,
Hoping I was on your mind,
As you wrote them.
I'm going crazy.
Neex Aug 2015
I'm typically down,
But when you're gone,
I'm deep under,
Sitting and waiting,
For you,
*My sweet escape.
I don't even know why you have such a hold on me.
Neex Aug 2015
You don't even have to love me,
Just please,
Stop keeping me waiting.
Couldn't find any other words.
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