It all came crashing down,
The realisation,
That all I thought and felt,
Was based on illusions.

Sounds great doesn't it?
No actually,
It doesn't,
And the worst part is,
I was more than surprised,
I was disappointed,
I was hurt.

You hurt me with two words,
And now I'm back to where I was,
Hormonal ramblings.

Plucking petals was a waste of nature.

I want so much,
But what can I do?
I just can't measure up,
I'm just not good enough,
I know it and I wish I didn't,
Because it just adds to the hurt,
I'm just never simply good enough,
I really wish that it didn't **** this much,
*It's got my dreams crumbling into mere dust.

And I'm actually bothered,
Upset,
Irritated even,
But I don't know why,
Maybe I expected more.

I don't fall easily,
But I'm a helpless romantic,
My heart barely races,
But I want it to.

I've waited so long,
I don't want to believe,
That everything means nothing,
I just want to know,
That someone wants me,
As more than just a friend.

And even though it always happens,
It still hurts like hell,
Every time.

I just want to be loved.
It gets tiring feeling insignificant.

So many plans,
Such mediocre deadlines,
*So little time.

And if we ever speak again,
I'll spill my guts.

I know what you're going through,
But I miss you,
I miss joking around,
And yes I did get butterflies,
I felt the whole zoo actually.

I want you to be fine,
But we haven't spoken in so long,
What if you are,
But you've forgotten about me.

I need you.

When everything is a mess,
You're the best pile of mess,
And I laugh,
Even when I'm upset,
Because of you.

I miss you.

I miss you,
*And I really hope you miss me too.

This feeling called love,
With all it's trouble,
All it's pain,
All it's hurt,
I'll take it.

Hopefully,
I feel the bliss,
Because I'm craving it,
And this feeling,
Of insignificance,
**Is tearing me apart.

With the complexity of my personality,
And the difference between me and everyone,
Here's the reality of things.

Now,
I'll leave you with something,
Somewhat like a blurb,
'Cause the story has no end,
And I'll never trust enough to tell it.

I'm a black hole,
Many are but my black,
Is darker.

I'm full,
So full that there is no space for light,
Leaving me,
Seemingly empty.

Or in other words,
There is so much going on with me,
The safest bet,
Is to hide it,
And smile,
Until I can't.

Just a pointer,
I don't say what I mean,
I don't know how to,
So I can't.

I sugar quote things,
Both good and bad,
Even to myself.

And I rarely show any true emotions,
It's misleading,
So don't believe what I tell you,
About how I feel.

Read it yourself,
If you care enough,
But well I don't think anyone does.

If you want something,
Ask.

If you want to know me,
Or you think I'm rude,
Or you have a thought about me.

Even if you don't need to,
Or want to,
Just tell me,
Don't lie to me,
I hate that,
More than rain.

I'm a simple person,
With a complicated mind,
You'll never get me,
Until you try,
Hard.

He gave me his wrist band,
So I wouldn't forget,
What we once had.

And now i cry,
More than usual,
Because I lost him,
And it reminds me,
Of what we never really had.

His scent lingers on,
On this wretched band.

But i'll *torture myself with the memories,
Forever.

Because I loved him,
I still do,
And to me,
This band,
*Is him.

Told them not to,
Said it hurt me when they did it,
Begged them not to,
Gave a speech even.

Though I never thought,
The most stubborn person i know,
Would want to do it,
She's hard to restrain.

But she promised,
And now she's got staetler ink on her wrist,
Lines of red,
Crosses,
The stitches.

Never thought her pain could get this real,
I care alot,
I try,
But she always hurts.

Never thought the speaker,
Would need a speech,
Never thought this girl,*
**Would be me.

Love,
It's made me spoilt,
I want it,
I believe that i need it,
But i see no sign of it approaching,
And that kills me.

Maybe i don't deserve love,
Or maybe,
*Love just doesn't deserve me.

No worries,
I'm used to it.

You found someone more important.

**** though,
You almost had me.

Have to admit,
It hurts like hell,
But I'll pretend I'm fine,
As usual.

Yeah,
But I hate you,
I mean,
You're awesome,
But you see,
You kinda broke my heart,
Before I even lent it to you so...

I feel stupid,
It was only a few days,
How did I fall blindly,*
I bet you pushed me!

Well doesn't life ****?
I guess the strong girl,
Is tired of being strong.

I guess fate has made its choice,
Ugh these inner bleeding eyes.

It was late,
I was unaware,
Different time zones,
But you were still there,
I said I was fine,
Told you not to worry,
You said you didn't give a **** what I wanted,
You'd still worry, sorry.

That might seem cruel but I found it sweet,
You stayed up till 6,
And made me speak.

We just met that day but we had a connection,
Talked for hours straight,
It was the weirdest,
Unexpected not to mention.

You layed it down straight,
Let me know your bad side,
Said you're a charmer,
Made the ladies flip.

It was an instant friendship,
Everything fell in place.

You're the horrible one,
Who stayed that night,
Said you weren't so horrible when it counts,
We gave each other nicknames.

I shouldn't be writing this but I am,
Because although I can't be fooled by that charm,
You're on my mind most of the time,
And that wasn't part of the plan.

We talk like old friends,
Joke like kids,
But when it comes to these things,
I give perfect advise,
Though I'm slightly naive.

Not sure what it means to like,
Not sure if you're the type,
So I'll end it in poetry,
**Let fate decide.

Scraps of paper,
Wasted ink.
Used to to express my thoughts,
Because I find it hard to speak.

People tell me,
Keeping it to yourself doesn't help,
You're going to drive yourself to a breaking point.

It's a ******* story they all want to hear,
No one really ****** cares.

I depend on my strength,
I've built a fence,
I tell people things so they don't seek the depth.
I'm a perfect actress,
My makeup never wears,
With a smile and invisible tears.

I hurt for no reason,
I bleed from within,
My heart,
I swear it's in pieces,
Even the melodies can't mend it.

I fear I'm a disturbance,
But an essential one,
When I'm not needed,
I'm an unnoticed painting on a fading wall,
Lonely though surrounded by flies.

People say it'll be fine but I'm done with hope,
I want no company,
For with it my happiness elopes.

Though a few people form that symphony,
And my melodies can't resist them,
But they fade like the harmonies,
That once explored my mind.

Sorry to bore you,
But i ramble when I'm nervous,
And I'm nervous of what you're probably thinking of me.

I have OCD,
It makes me clingy,
It seeks perfection,
I see no trace of it within,
I know nobody's perfect,
But I at least want to be suitable,
Living maybe more than just adequately,
*For myself.