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Haylin Dec 2018
I’m sorry
if I
wasn’t
the daughter
you had
in mind.


- I only ever wanted to make you proud
Haylin May 2018
I’m sorry that I don’t always
Find the time for exercising
And sometimes my room is cluttered
I’m not a real clean person

I’m sorry that sometimes
I leave my cereal bowl
On the table
I don’t relate, half the time
To things that are important

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I know sometimes
I’m not perfect
I do not practice
What I preach
But neither do you
Cause no one can
Don’t mean to burst your bubble.

I can’t read minds,
You’d like me to
I wish I could
Cause then I’d know
Exactly when you’re mad at me
And then I wouldn’t need
To have these pointless
Panic Attacks
My brain thinks are so important
I should see a doctor

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I do well school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I like to think
I’m unique
I try to stand outside the crowd
But you told me
I sure blend in well
I think that’s mean
Because you’re the most
Basic ***** I’ve ever known
But maybe you’re right,
I’m just like you.

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

You’re right, Mom:
A "B" is not an "A"
I’m a hoarder
I’m not healthy
I’m pretty lazy
Quite complacent
Self-righteous
Inconsiderate

But I’m doing my best, Mom
Haylin Feb 2019
I speak
in black and
white —

I think
in color.
Haylin May 2018
In moments of my life
I lie, I do admit.
I try and guard my heart
with my rancor and my wit.

In moments of my life
I gave a piece of myself, for nothing in turn.
There's always another woman
for who a man's heart will yearn.

In moments of my life
I doubt I will have a one and all;
one who understands me
when I cut and when I crawl.

In moments of my life
I try and run from my fate.
Yet as I've found, with growing dread,
I'm already too late.
Haylin Nov 2018
Shadows dance upon the walls
The clocks incessant tick
Why am I awake right now?
Because insomnia’s a ****
Why am I awake zzzzz
Haylin Feb 2019
what is a man-made education
getting a job,
not working in your field,
as that degree, hangs dusty on the wall, yet
we passed the class,
we made the grades,
we're smart, yet we keep ******* up...
you know it, I know it,
we all know it.
Haylin Aug 2018
Is It okay to think for myself?
Is it okay to be who i want?
Is it okay to choose my own book of the shelf?
But i'm guessing that i can't
Because you've taught me how to think
Not for myself but for you
You've taught me who i am
Not me but you
You've told me creativity is good
But then showed me what i did wrong
You've told me to think for myself
Then gave me a topic to follow
You told me to think outside the box
Then gave me a rubric so hollow
Haylin May 2018
lies lies lies
they won't stop running through my mind

lies lies lies
convincing everyone I'm fine

lies lies lies
they happen time after time

lies lies lies
and all i can say is i apologize

lies lies lies
they are all thats left inside
Haylin Mar 2018
I still have feelings for you, And no matter how many times I tell myself I'm better off without you, a part of me just won't let go.

You hurt my feelings, you broke my heart, you made me cry, you left me alone, and yet I wonder why, I still love you.

Regret you? Nah. At one point you were exactly what I needed.

I want him, but I want to get over him, and neither of them are happening.

Some days I can't stop thinking about you and other days I wonder why I'm wasting my time.

Knowing your gone isn't as painful as wondering if you'll ever come back.

That one ex you'd take back if they asked.

I try not to miss you, I try to let go. But at the end the day you're still on my mind.

If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back.

When I miss you, i read our old conversations, smile like an idiot, and listen to songs that remind me of you, then miss you more.

If two past lover can remain friends, either they never were or still are.

i don't know where I stand with you. And I don't know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you.
Haylin Nov 2019
There will come a time when the night air
won’t send chills down my spine
for it will no longer whisper your name.

I will stop telling stories about you,
for the moon has grown tired of hearing them
and weariness is an awful thing to feel.

The stars would appear
brighter than your eyes,
and I would hear lullabies again.

The winds would be warm,
the seas won’t crash waves,
and I will no longer drown.
Haylin Nov 2018
I wish...
That he had never met me
That way...
There will be no tears
...when I'm gone
Haylin Oct 2018
I wish I was a normal girl.
The kind that smiles while she dances around in circles,
Having the wind laughing along whipping her dress around.
The kind that has happy thoughts swirling around in her head,
as she looks up at the stars in the sky.
Instead I cry.
I wish I was a normal girl.
The kind that giggles after every funny sounding word,
Or spends hours on end laughing with her girls.
Instead I cry.
I wish I was a normal girl.
I mourn the loss of my beautiful self.
I used to laugh.
I used to play.
I used to run.
All I had to do was simply wish the bad thoughts away,
but now they taunt me for they're here to stay.
I wish I was a normal girl.
But I'm plagued with depression,
A depression that ***** all my beautiful life away.
Before I pray the lord my soul to take,
I hope I can be a normal girl.
Just to feel alive once more,
And enjoy the beauty of life again,
Much like I did when I was four.
Haylin Jun 2018
Anna's pov while she is dead

For a long time
I nearly failed
Then inexplicably
I began the long steep climb upward
My last chance
But someone took my place

There were times I stayed
To listen to my mother cry
Then one morning
My mother realized that we had everything

Immediately
I felt like I had a shrine
Jesse, sitting on the couch said,"She would have thought it was funny"
The bitter sore memory that someone has left this world
You are still in it
Then one day you look down and see how much pain


Kate's pov as she's alive

I wonder if
Anna lingered in the spaces between the words
I wonder if she knows
That Daddy fell deep after she left
I wonder if she knows that every time I see two little girls
I think of us
This is a blackout poem from My Sisters Keeper
Both poems are written at the same time but Anna is writing it dead and Kate is alive
Haylin Aug 2018
I would rather be
unpopular
for all the right reasons
than popular
for all the wrong ones.
Kurt Cobain "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not"
Haylin Nov 2018
Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was just the cat"

Just an excuse
Just another lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"

Just a tear
Just a scream
"Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream"

But it's not just a cut
Or a tear or a lie
It' always 'just one more'
Until you die
Haylin Dec 2018
Your elegent voice
Soft and subtle
Can't be missed
In this chair
Looking at you
In that bed
Stay with me
Just another minute
We were 17
Chocolate for soldiers
Covers for tables
Flower for you
Glass Coca cola
Movie playing
Back of my Chevy
Staring at stars
Sky in your eyes
Going steady
Meeting your parents
No computers
Strongest connection
You're my password
Watching and waiting
Course of history
Making our own
We made plenty
Kids having kids
Years to decades
75 and still
Laying beside me
Gave a promise
We were 17
You accepted
Imperfect
But I kept it
Here's another
Sitting, this chair
You, that bed
Not our chair
Not our bed
Smell of Iodoform
And wilted flowers
Yet still
Your elegant whisper
Cant be missed
But I promise this
You will be
Never forgetting
We were 17

Just another minute

Ocean singing
Water and sand
Crashing, commanding
Standing Attention
Beside you,
Never close enough
Fly with me
Back home, before
The history
Rations for bravery
You for you
Proper pop
Screen dances
Frozen eyes
Only Star I see
See the beginning
Butterflies in sync
Inks drying
Pens and letters
Melt together
Moons and suns
Here and there
Decadence and
Debauchery
We did our
Own thing
Planting gardens
Self watering
In our chest
Of treasure
3 quarters
Of century
Gave me
That star
Not always bright
Never falling
Leaves now
To illuminate
Another planet
But I'll see it
Everytime I
Close my eyes
Remembering
We were 17
Haylin May 2018
I fight the urge to slit my wrists every time I close my eyes.

Did you know that?

I'm so broken. No one wants me. I have good moments but oh my god I fantasize about bleeding to death on a cold night. Please god, I don't wan to fight this. I just want to die.
Haylin Mar 2018
The worlds never truly silent
turn off your television and just listen
tires rolling over the iced streets outside
the buzzing of the street light
the pitter patter of a gutter next door
streaming water
as the water runs down the side of the curb
like children in a playground
it dances and laughs its way to the open drain
I lite my cigarette and blow a big cloud towards the stars
I hear the airplanes in the sky passing by
and a cat hisses at something in a dark corner
As I inhale again I can hear my lungs fill up with the toxic aroma
and I taste the smoke under my fingernails as a chew them off.
I hear the sound of feet and look across the street two young kids holding hands walking
I try to eavesdrop on their conversation but the cars passing bye blocks my attempt at spying on them. I can hear what their saying to each other as I see them both smiling "it's cold out here.. but your warm" I'm jealous almost and just as I think this my cigarette burns me and brings me back to the echo of the town. I toss the burnt end and here it land in a puddle I watch as it gets taken away down along the side of my house. were all a generation of the television society and left out brains on the couch as we stuff our faces full of potato chips and useless tv programs. When the real entertainment waits for us outside. where the music of the world is waiting to be heard. Instead we click our remotes and fall into a trance of law and order tv programs and violence upon violence school shootings and who the next mass ****** is a sick twisted form of entertainment. I guess listening to the world got so boring...... I guess I'm the only one who sees the world as a untamed orchestra waiting to be composed into a lovely sympathy. On mistro On you play for your little sounds are not useless I here you playing and strumming the world is perfectly in tune if you just listen.
Haylin Mar 2018
I really don't give a **** anymore, Think what you want to think, Believe what you want to believe, But remember, I cared when no one else did.

If you start to miss me... Remember, I didn't walk away, you let go.

You see a true person's colors when you are no longer beneficial to their life.

One day you're gonna remember me and how much I loved you, Then you're gonna hate yourself for letting me go.
Haylin Feb 2019
"...The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work."
~ 1 John 3:8

"...people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment..."
~ Hebrews 9:27

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
~ Romans 5:8

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life.'"
~ John 8:12
You don't have to be a believer to understand.
Haylin Apr 2018
Wetter than any weather
the better the wetter
deeper than any sea
shaved perfectly; lovely
lips that tightly squeeze
my hard rod and pleasure me
plush gush running a stream
delicious taste; fulfilling my need.
Haylin Apr 2018
It's the final day as we all take photographs and say goodbye; a thought goes through my mind.
I may never see any of you again. I don't want to let go of the many memories we have made.
Yet I know that will not happen as the memories we have created have been engraved on my heart and left a deep impression in my mind.

Your kindness and caring attitude has been an inspiration and so have you, and I look forward to the future where in some distant lifetime we will meet again and relive the old times and the old memories.

This is what makes me cherish the true friends I have now.
Haylin Aug 2018
the greatest gift anyone can give you is time
in a world where attention is the new currency

- what i have learned from social media
Haylin Jun 2018
I'm lesbian so what
I'm gay so what
I'm bisexual so what
I'm ******* transgender so what
At least i know who the **** I am
I'm pansexual so what
I'm ******* me
I'm myself
If you don't like it
I love it
If you don't care
I cherish it forever
If you hate me
I love you
I'm LGBT
Who the **** are you
Hahaha
Haylin May 2018
Lies are truths we wish
        to hear
Truths are lies we wish
        were real
Haylin Sep 2018
Life is a lesson
full of adventures to ride
it is a product of achievement and joy,
suffer and pain
but there are a lot of test
that you will take
some challenges
to test your patience
and perseverance
plus
hardwork that you should try
but after all, you’ll still
get through all of these zigzag lines
to the path that you will never know
what consesus would it bring into you.
Whether you labor it in
each continental parts
of living the success in life.
your choice is your destiny,
your will is what makes you.
& so you create what you become
and you become what you think
simple, but people always
choose the easy route
rather than the hard route
that will only makes them
overwhelmed and uncomfortable.
though uncomfortable things
will only let you G-R-O-W
once you give it a G-O-
To C-H-A-N-G-E
is a M-U-S-T
and so is to be a better self.
because to be a better person
means to suffer
to be a better person
means to change
and to be a better person
means to be kind and to be grateful for.


quotational marks that you carried in you
all along the way,
it will guide you
to reach your dreams and goals
in life.

this is the presentation
to make an impact to the world.
Haylin Sep 2019
I want
to set her free
you need me, let go
so we can hold
each other.
Haylin Feb 2020
Your lips.
They're really pink-red,
Kissable.
Bite your lips,
Give me those eyes.
Place your hands upon my hips.
You know what to do
Haylin Dec 2018
if i had only one wish, i would wish to be with you forever
Haylin Jan 2020
It's not that I can't live without you,
I just don't want to.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend and this is just kinda how I feel
Haylin Apr 2019
The worst part of losing someone is feeling them slip away.

Knowing that they would rather be doing anything else, than be with you.

Knowing that you're nothing but a weight, holding them back.
Knowing that you aren't enough.

But maybe you shouldn't have fooled yourself like that.

When have you ever been?
Haylin Apr 2018
You ever wake up with your footie PJs warming
your neck like a noose? Ever upchuck
after a home-cooked meal? Or notice
how the blood on the bottoms of your feet
just won’t seem to go away? Love, it used to be
you could retire your toothbrush for like two or three days and still
I’d push my downy face into your neck. Used to be
I hung on your every word. (Sing! you’d say: and I was a bird.
Freedom! you’d say: and I never really knew what that meant,
but liked the way it rang like a rusty bell.) Used to be. But now
I can tell you your breath stinks and you’re full of ****.
You have more lies about yourself than bodies
beneath your bed. Rooting
for the underdog. Team player. Hook,
line and sinker. Love, you helped design the brick
that built the walls around the castle
in the basement of which is a vault
inside of which is another vault
inside of which . . . you get my point. Your tongue
is made of honey but flicks like a snake’s. Voice
like a bird but everyone’s ears are bleeding.
From the inside your house shines
and shines, but from outside you can see
it’s built from bones. From out here it looks
like a graveyard, and the garden’s
all ash. And besides,
your breath stinks. We’re through.
Haylin Apr 2018
Why Mom?
Can I just ask, why?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You say you love me but this is not love.
This is not love.
Love is not hitting me in the face.
Love is not hitting me anywhere.
Love is not yelling.
Love is not cruel words you say to me.
Love is not physical or emotional abuse.
Love is not alcohol.
Love is not drinking by yourself in your room.
Love is not drinking with people who use you.
Love is not putting alcohol above all.
Love is not putting alcohol before me.
Love is not supposed to create hate.
Love is not abuse.
Why, Mom?
I'm begging you to stop.
I'm on my hands and feet begging.
Please, Mom.
Stop drinking.
Something similar happened to me
Haylin Apr 2018
Was I the second choice?
Am I just second best?
Things didn't work with the first,
So you moved on to the next.
I can't help but think,
You're still in love with her.
Everything's so confusing,
Why can't it just be clear?
This game of back and forth,
Is tearing me apart,
But because I love you,
I'll just wait for you to break my heart.
Haylin Oct 2021
Loving you...
Is like acid;
I know I will get addicted,
But I can't help but ingest it.

Loving you...
Is like colors;
It has many shades with millions of layers,
To peel back and watch its beauty emerge.

Loving you...
Can not be described using all the words and phrases in the English language.
They know who they are
Haylin Jun 2019
After Lust watched her client leave her hotel room she picked up her communicator off the dresser and called Greed her **** who was also her husband.

"Hello Greed where are you?" asked Lust as she sat on the bed.

"I just arrived at the Blue Flame Hotel.  I'll be at your room soon" answered Greed.

"Ok Greed I'll see you when you get here" said Lust.

Lust got dressed and waited on Greed.  Within ten minutes there was a knock on Lust's hotel room door.  Lust opened the door and let Greed in.

"Where's my money?" asked Greed as soon as he entered the room.

"Greed you act like you don't trust me.  You promised to lay riches at my feet and put power in my hands" said Lust.

"Trust you? I do trust you but not a hundred percent" said Greed.
Me
Haylin Aug 2018
Me
I do not know the feeling of popularity,
nor the feeling of being hated by all.
I'm just in the middle.
I'm me
Haylin Dec 2018
Genderfluid
I am a girl, at least to everyone but me,
I am gay, and straight too, and both, and neither,
I do not want attention, I even try to avoid,
But you call me a she,
But I am changing, every day,

I cry when you know I am not so,
I am a boy today...I am gay
You don't notice, or care,
You just put more cuts on my wrist,
And hurt me more with every word...
"*****," you call with ease,
But you do not know, I am a boy today
"****," you say... I am a ******

Death my mind calls with every single word...
But you do not care, for you smile at my pain, as I call for my love,
"Dakota..."
Haylin Dec 2018
Social media companies
Swear it's you they want to please
They badly want for you to see
That they value privacy
And that there are several strictures
On who can see your posts and pictures.

You think your profile is secure
You're satisfied until you hear
That they sell your information
To advertising corporations.

Every post that you've spent time on
pictures, videos you had your eye on
They save it all for using later
And say "It's ONLY metadata!"

They as good as have a list
Of content that you can't resist
And knowing full well what you like
With custom ads they duly strike!
They desperately want you to keep scrolling
So they can see the money roll in.
And their ethics will be forfeited
So advertisers can be profited.
Haylin Aug 2018
Millennial is what called in this generation,
Everywhere here and there,
There are always youths who really never care,
And never been worried about their future.

In Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Messenger,
Are contents of follower, liker, reader and including seener,
Loitering and using fake accounts just to gain a wholesome money,
Even though that it is notorious, they still embark their blunt journey.

Most millennial are undisputedly addicted to social media,
Their lives depends on likes they are going to gain,
They don't care if their faces might be inside of multi-media,
And they don't even care if it will give them a pain.

Some truly go beyond their limits just to have a lot of likes,
Perhaps they are fame *****, but they don't care if someone strikes,
Strikes every part of their body including their faces and such,
Yet they don't care if it will hurt them too much.

However, seeking attention in the cyber world isn't a good thing,
Instead they should focus on things that are essentially free like a king,
Because in this generation, too many people are unaware and careless,
And some they didn't even noticed that our environment is already full of fraud either hypocrite and genuine people are less.
Haylin Apr 2018
Dear, let me startle you by slinking my hand into
your smart, ethical decisions while I touch
quite gently
ripping to shreds
your photon ends.

Dear, let me caress your supple virtues and vows
until they blow out of proportion
merging your interests with mine
like the longing of eyes
uncanny in its distortion.

Dear, let me rip off your clothes as I grip your tight notions
ideas slipping carefully into place
like a sterile, unflinching blank slate
inching towards computed devotion.

Dear, let me carry out some foreplay
as long as you bend, not break,
delightfully stroking the edge of your plate.

Dear, let me come so close to your face
so close that it becomes blurry.

Where are my glasses in all this flurry?

Of feelings resembling photo reels on fire
shooting flames out the window
beyond everything you’ve ever known;
beyond anything you desire.

Dear, let me kiss you to submission,
your brain waves in motion
as I twist and slip into them
hormones ablaze
lighting up for days
your synapses recapturing
in a binocular haze.

Dear, let me flop on top of you
like a floppy disk, uploading your lips
into my hardrive.

Do I make you hard as fire?

Slowing burning
my hot fingers curling
up your robust spine
cracking it into
chiropractor sublime.

Massaging your tired broad shoulders
like large sofa ends.

Is this keyboard only
made for pretend?

Dear, let me mind *******
take you and light you
brighten your screen
uphold and unseen
neurons fighting as I whisper ***** words
directly into the folds of your tulip ears
too large to hear, and

Dear, let me engage my rage
into a productive haze
bolting out words, unheard of for days.

Dear, let us become undone together
like the battery of a computer
rebooting after a hectic hardware phase.

Dear, let us breathe and walk through this maze.
Haylin Apr 2018
Couples come and go,
Because guys love women for show.

I can't forget the day we met,
It was the day my heart was set.

These feelings I have for you are ones I can not hide,
Because they come from the inside,
Your not like most girls who spread their legs wide,
You walk with something that is big known as pride.

You are one that I can't let go,
You have a heart as soft as dough and a smile as white as snow.

My love for you is no fun to hold inside,
It is as strong as an ocean's tide.
We were meant to make it all the way and to last so long.

I know when I say I love you,
It's true
I know this is real, even if we're still in high school.
Haylin Sep 2022
lies lies lies
they won't stop running through my mind

lies lies lies
convincing everyone I'm fine

lies lies lies
they happen time after time

lies lies lies
and all I can say is I apologize

lies lies lies
they are all that's left inside
Repost
Haylin Jan 2019
I never cared for blue eyes.
a simple, dull tone of boring pens
and pale skies and puddles.                    
a common color among a million eyes.

until yours.      
then pools of shining ink spreading across plain pages,
filling chapters of my life.
a bright summer horizon expanding before me,
everywhere eyes can see.            
a huge, infinite ocean of sparkling blue,                      
blue that fills my eyes and mind and lungs,              
voluntarily drowning in your color.
Haylin Oct 2018
My father once told me,
To grow out my hair,
Then I'd be pretty like my mother,
And he would actually care.

He would blackmail me,
Put me down for my looks,
Said I had no friends,
But good that I read books.

He said these hurtful things,
Such a while ago,
But I remember them today,
The words never really go.

They stick with me,
Like I stuck with my long hair,
But I cut it, and tomorrow,
I hope he won't care.

It's true, I'm scared,
For what my father might say,
But at least, I know,
I'm safe for another day.
Haylin Apr 2018
It was sweet
light
and fast.
However, the feeling will always last.
It sent bolts of lightening down my spine,
And sparks of electricity through my soul.
A gust of wind across my mind,
And a bond that seemed indestructible.
That feeling of perfection.
That feeling of protection
Making my head spin in all directions.
How could such complexity come from such a light touch?

It seemed so safe
So innocent
So lovely
However, it meant so much more.
For this light connection opened doors.
This little joke, a small playful score.
How did it turn to something so magical?

It was light as a feather
Soft as a cloud
Sweet as candy
And addictive like a drug
This small connection could only be a kiss
A true kiss;
That wakes a princess from her sleep,
Turns a toad into a prince.

A kiss that happens in dreams
In fairy tales
And fantasies
However, it was real.
It was my first real fairy tale kiss.
Haylin Feb 2019
I don't feel the want, to talk too much
her touch and eyes say more
every stroke, tender kiss
reaches, to my core

A subtle caress of motion
an embrace of words, pure art
statuary built from scratch
moving in my mind, and heart

So don't stop, or pause
on the path, of silent need
hand in hand, we'll wander on
and on each other, feed
Haylin Mar 2019
in my small town
last names mean everything & being a good kid means nothing
Haylin Apr 2018
Picture us happy, you and me; K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Making love together, pleasing you to please me; *******-I-N-G
Picture us naked, you all over me; K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Getting deep into each other, like we were meant to be; *******-I-N-G

you gave me your treasure,
I plan I want to keep forever
That night I will
I’ always remember
us overlooking the lake
Eating dinner, candle light,dinner
listening to the band play
The view was dynamite
Our lipstick perfect
Your dress was fitting tight
Looking deep in your eyes;
Glistening in the candle light
Started feeding you off my plate
Laughing as we enjoyed the night
our lips meeting their fate
Our bodies kneading each other right
Holding each other tight
Wanting each other more by the second
Our clothes putting on a fight
Your Dress falling to the floor, ******* second
Pleasing your body right
Teaching your body a lesson
Using my hands to please you
While using my tongue as a weapon
your body so beautiful
I melt in your hands
Just from smelling your essence
I can't wait to be in your presen
Haylin Aug 2018
I'm leaving / my home
Without a word of goodbye
I'm sorry / if I hurt you
I've gotta find a new way of life

I'm sorry / if I'm dumber
Than my age says I should be
But I'm tired / of losing
To the way things should be

I promise / to remember
All you've given me
If you promise / to surrender
To the fact that I had to leave

Wherever I go, I'll keep you in my heart
If I'm a thousand miles away or down the road
Everyone needs a few brand new starts
Everyone needs some time alone

I'm riding / through the heartland
Waiting for peace to come
I'm hiding / in the mountains
Singing to the morning sun

I'm riding / through the valley
Breathing in mountain air
I'm smiling / I am happy
I feel like I belong somewhere
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