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ava Nov 2019
sometimes i think of the people i knew then
people who no longer think of me,
but i think of them
and those few experiences i had
with people and things
that changed my perspective on life
forever
i remember feeling alone
as alone as i feel now?
that's something i can't answer
in 9th grade,
i wanted to be someone else
i always did
but then i met a girl
her name i'll not say
because then it will feel too real,
and it won't just be me glorifying the worst year of my life
into poetry
this girl will never be erased from my mind
she doesn't know the impact she had on me
she doesn't know how much i secretly
hated her
but i loved her, too
it was bittersweet
i had wanted to be her friend since the 7th grade
and then i was
and then i wasn't
i smoked my first cigarette with her
well, not really
i mean, i tried to
i felt awful
disgusting
terrible
and a wannabe
then, in the sticky heat of june,
we smoked ****
i can still remember it so vividly
i remember
we got back to her house
and that's where things went downhill
i got paranoid and she started to ignore me
does she hate me?
yeah.
and that was it
next morning, she didn't really talk to me
and then i left
that was the last time i saw her
i wasn't sad
but i realize now that
i'll never have a friend like her
ever again
and i'll never experience something like
9th grade
ever again
because now i am numb and
alone
i just want to be a regular teen
go to parties,
have fun,
i don't know,
whatever happens in the movies
i guess
i want someone to love me
i want my first kiss
i want things i'm too embarrassed to say
and i will never get them
i'll never get them
goodbye 9th grade
i want to forget you
but i don't think i ever will
even though it was so long ago
all the experiences i had
that changed me forever
never again
and then i will leave this town
and never see anyone again
and it hurts to say
for some reason
all the people i used to know
our memories will stay with me
forever
but i need to go,
i need to go
i will never forget any of this,
and the nostalgia of my entire life
will always stick with me
and it will be sad
sickeningly sad
because that's just me,
thinking of people who never think of me
Since 3rd Grade, I like you.
I don't know what you did to my heart.
First day of 4th Grade, I thought my feelings were gone.
5th Grade, you still make my heart flutter.
6th Grade, I tried to like someone else.
It got successful but why were you still the number one?
7th Grade, you still never failed to make my heart flutter.
As we keep getting closer, the pain became closer to me too.
8th grade, I had second thoughts if I still like you,
Because I felt it's more than like already.
9th grade, still thinking why I have feelings for you when you flutter and break my heart at the same time.
10th Grade, as much as my feelings grew deeper,
The pain started to grow more.
Ever since 3rd Grade,
I started to have feelings for you,
Also, the pain started to grow too.
What should I do..bunny :(
Angie Rai Feb 2019
The 'D' printed,
with the harsh corners of the-
Ariel in which I lay
dead,
on it's scar-branding curve.
I failed.
I should've revised better.
Haylin Feb 2019
what is a man-made education
getting a job,
not working in your field,
as that degree, hangs dusty on the wall, yet
we passed the class,
we made the grades,
we're smart, yet we keep ******* up...
you know it, I know it,
we all know it.
Phi Kenzie Aug 2018
I was adopted
that’s how I ended up here
I used to be in one family
and they lost me to two

I’m positive it was an accident
they probably thought I was in the backseat
we’ll laugh it off when they find me
Apparently it's actually pretty common for children of divorce to fantasize about adoption/ alternate family dynamics, which I didn't know until recently.  But golly, have I felt bad about it for a long ******* while
Nature made convenient sluice,
when pool water did wend
     down the gentle *****
     describing gargantuan wetsuit vend

er steadily chugging, chiseling,
     and channeling straight away
     blindly coursing upend
ding (mankind imposed)

property boundaries demarcations tend
with futile diligence,
     asper the whimsical barenaked lady's
     propensities, viz mother nature

     made short shrift send
ding hours of surveyor labor down
into the behavioral sink also rend

ding inhabitants within the flood plain
     to vacate premises and return,
     when storm didst abate
comically shaking angry fist
     at darkening non sheltering sky -

     faux imitating to berate
meteorological processes
     many complex systems create
the downpour seemingly
     appearing (to me) rainier date

then years gone by scattershot memories,
     (which figurative, somewhat unreliable
     yardstick of boyhood) did equate
climate affecting
     Southeastern Montgomery, Pennsylvania,

     registering **** sapiens ultimate fate
burgeoning population, which impact great enough
     for this lix spittle country bumpkin to *******
(not prematurely) Hawaii hate
to reckon my environmental impact doth irritate

fragile ecosystems, and  
     holistic lifestyle aye would trade
     (hint...mebbe ya know
     of eco-centric intentional communities)
     even (yes absolutely)
     necessitating sweat of brow *****

work agreeable to this sometime joker    
renting from management Grosse and Quade,
who primarily bolster increasing monies to get paid, 
perhaps partnership incorporates hiring maid 
service for their own households,
 
     no doubt beds get properly made
     yet, this regular John Doe (dependent on
     social security disability because
     debilitating panic attacks undermined

     ability to function found (yours truly) laid
up (prior to acquiescing strong suggestions
to accept prescription medication), where grade
to cope much less steep, plus un huff frayed,

now rowing tha old skiff to destination
     for to long not fostered and delayed
(christened matthew scott harris) to feign charade
nod duh so merrily lee down the time stream.
Another Bad Poem Mar 2018
when you are worth
nothing more than a grade
to those
who should love you most
then what are you, really?

are you a man?
are you a boy?
are you a good son?
a good brother?
or just a number?
what are you, really?

what's the point
of trying hard
to please them all
because when you fail,
as you undoubtedly will,
then what are you, really?

a number, some letters
and expectations that grow
faster than the mind or the body
can hope to keep up with
lead to broken dreams
and without dreams,
then what are you, really?

just a rag doll, tossed from
person to person, clinging
desperately, hoping for a glimpse
of appreciation, of wanting, of
love and affection, because without that
then what are you, really?

they say
you must love yourself
before you love others
but when it seems
like nobody else loves you
it's quite impossible
to love yourself

because if they don't love you
then who could?
high school student
age 17
unweighted gpa: 4.0
weighted gpa: 5.286
accepted to college out of state
status: dead inside
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