Take my heart and keep it for a little while.
I trust you not to crush it before time.
You did it anyway and crushed me with it too.
But it kept beating for your sake and my addiction.


I was sad.
The only emotion I had left.
You took my love and used it on someone else.
I’m empty, I’m dying, I’m never gonna use my heart again.


I used the rejection to see the red blood, warm and beautiful.
Dripping down, rushing down like on a rainy night.
Making pools of blood I could drown in.
I had abandoned love for my own sake.


My heart is never gonna beat ever again.
I used all of my own love for my addiction, that I started using yours.
But I’ve stopped, I should’ve been happy instead of hurt.
I’ve been suffering, I need someone to love me again.


Love, Love, Love.
It’s the only thing on my mind.
I’ve searched everywhere for someone to use.
To put me back in my normal state.


You killed my feelings forever.
You used me, like I used you too.
Emptied me from all there were left to use.
I’m me, but rotten and dead inside.

Everytime I try to think of someone else,
Everything just blurs and goes blank for a long time.
I’m beginning to lose my mind because of you.
You're driving my whole world insane.

You bought my heart for a thousand smiles.
You never left me to be forgotten.
I gave you my body, my everything.
And now you stole my mind.

I’m sticking needles inside my skin,
Just to forget you.
The nightmares are pretending to be you,
Pulling me deeper down.

The illusions, hallucinations.
They exist because of you,
Never leaving me alone.
Always drugging me,
Making me eager for your love.

They’re drinking my soul,
Feeding off of my negativity.
Pressuring me to think more,
Making me the petty victim here.

They’re forcing me to drink,
They’re getting me drunk from my habits.
They’re making homemade guilt,
Forcing it down my throat.

Making me delusional,
I can't see through right and wrong.
They want me to believe I did it,
And they know they’re gonna succes.

They’re inflicting damage to my reality,
They’re brainwashing me, ******* everything out.
They change me, they’ve changed me.
They’ve destroyed me.

You’re my only desire for freedom,
You’re my opportunity to get away from it all.
You’re the only one I would remember,
If my life should disappear.

I’m only a doll, a machine for a greedy heart.
I’m ill, im psychotic.
I see things, I hear things.
And I know it, but i still believe every single thing.

I never did see the murderous intent
Of the expression in my eyes.
I avoided mirrors to flee from the sickening thoughts.
But things stand clearer now.

You wanted to walk away,
So I caught you.
And broke open your body,
To devour your life. I wanted you all to myself,
I wanted to treasure you forever.

I exist because of you,
And now I endure responsibilities of my crazy mistake.
Nothing’s false, nothing’s true.
They’ve taken everything there is to take.

I'm writing my feelings down,
to let people know how it feels to be me.

Here I stand.
Looking down.
Ruling over land.
Head with crown.

Gained power.
Death to all.
Away in a hour.
I can never fall.

Bird over insects.
Cruel annihilation.
Outcast of objects.
New creation.

Death to I.
Wrongness I’ve done.
Can’t even cry.
It’s no more fun.

Night
Stars, silent
Clearing, moon, shining
Darkening around you, appearing in the horizon
Light, starless, disappearing
Awake, beautiful
Day

The tears are rolling down my face.
It won’t stop because of you.
You’ve never been there for me in first place.
You won’t let my voice through.

I’ve always wondered why.
Why I couldn’t love you.
You were always the bad guy.
Love between us is taboo.

The tears rolling down my face is dry now.
It stopped, not because of you.
I’ve ever wondered how.
How I’d hate you.

You said you loved me a thousand times.
But you were too slow.
You asked me if I could love you in a lifetime.
But my answer was only no.

Will I ever be the same?
Why would I even ask...
You’re the one to blame.
Will you ever take off your mask?

So I can look directly in your eyes…
To find your hidden word.
Seeing through all the lies.
My vision's getting blurred.

I’ll ask another question.
Will you ever be the same?
No answer, only an emotionless expression.
I shouldn't have accepted your game.

It’s time to tell me.
The word none have ever heard.
Please, let your emotions free.
Now, not deferred.

Meeting your eyes.
You’re telling me i’m too stressed.
I just wanted to hear it, instead of lies.
I think I’m just…
Obsessed.

Turn the volume up.
Let it wash your mind away.
Just listen.
Change yourself.

Prepare your world.
Let time and imagination collide.
Watch it fall, watch it crumble.
Pray, and pray for something improbable.

Close your eyes, sleep.
Feel the drug kick in.
Hitting you harder.
Making you insane.

Taking a step towards nothing.
Look behind without emotion.
Wait.
The truth is far away.

Hold your own hand.
Stop thinking.
Say his words.
And make them happen.

Stay alone, stay forever here.
No escape, no rescues.
No one cares.
You won’t even care.

Hands choking you.
You hold your breath anyway.
The air is poisonous around him.
He wants control.

You never struggled.
You believed in fate.
You’re hopeless.
Useless.

Make your own history.
Tell them about your life.
Your suffering.
Your time in hell.

*And show them how you escaped a fate of only death.

It were a lie.
I could see your lips forming the words.
Before you would let them go into my ears.
It were a disgusting sound from a wonderful person.


I acted like I didn’t hear that gross lie.
Instead I heard the voices inside your mind.
Telling me everything about you, your past and future.
They gave me a vision of my future with you.


I was lying on the floor, black blood everywhere.
It wasn’t my blood, but your’s.
Sneaking in my veins, of my precious red blood.
I felt like you, I thought like you… I died like you.


I hated that lie you told me.
“I would never harm you, ever.”
It traveled around my brain, into the deepest places.
For it to stay and holding me awake.


My ocean of thoughts.
My sea of tears.
My pools of blood.
My grave of fireflies.


I died by your hands.
By your feet.
In your blood.
In your mind.

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I've been running all my life.
Not even once did they catch up.
But the end of my time is near.


I can feel their presence.
Sneaking from corner to corner.
Hiding in the deepest space of darkness.
For only the blind eye to see.

Turning around after the light.
Seeing shadows in the corner of my eye.
I always keep repeating the same mistake.
I’m forever trying to escape.


They held my hand through tough times.
They would be there for me.
But now they left me like everyone else.
They did it because of my bad habit.


Watching me in dark times.
Hitting me till I can’t stop bleeding.
I hate them, but they love me.
I could never understand it.


I always tell the truth.
That’s why it’s me getting left behind.
Like a piece of rotten flesh.
No one would ever come near me.


I could fall deep down into isolation.
For only my body to wither.
Bones sticking out from my skin.
Laying in my own tears, regretting it all.


My heart would slowly crack and turn my eyes to ice.
Turn my blood to nothing.
They told me to take care of their friends.
They forced themselves into my life.


I could never understand what all these things were.
I was drowning in them.
Felt like a new person after the party.
A Party Of Emotions.

You mugged my heart in the worst way,
You hurt me more than I ever could myself.

You stabbed me with words,
Leaving me silenced.

You made me beg on my knees,
Humiliating me all over again.

But I still forgive you,
By coming back.

I got played by your lies,
Pursuing me with your intentions.

Tracking down my weakest spot,
Taking advantage of my brand new emotion.

You make me mad for your touch.
But most of all, you make me want to die.

I’ve now stopped caring,
Just like the way you never cared.

You keep coming back with you excuses,
But this time you won’t leave with my heart again.

I slammed the door to my heart shut,
I locked it by carrying on.

The past I’ll never forget,
And the future I’ll never let you ruin.

I still can’t forget the scars you’ve given me,
So I’m regretting never hurting you.

You left me alone all the time,
And now I’m never staying.

I smile when you smile.❤
I laugh when you laugh.☀
I go when you go. - - -
I die when you abandon me.*✖

One breath is all it takes to
change my identity.

One step is enough for
My uncontrollable mind.

An imperceptible hand is
Leading me through their amusing creation.

Eyes once closed,  nevermore opens.
Hollow thoughts,  escaping my lips.

They mislead me,
Into the the confinement of my own emotions.

They enjoy messing with my mentality.
They relish getting under my skin; deep in.


They secured a place for me,  the spotlight.
Making me entertain every personality.

They compelled me to anger them,
Making their voices get louder.

Their intention to sever my consciousness.
They earn for my downfall.



They accomplished their goal,  a destructive doll.
A humanoid, a cold being.

They exhibits me,
Carries me through the center of myself.

Their amusement is crazily addicting.
It won’t be long before the invasion comes.

The aggression of my lunatic identities.
They're keeping my world in a hypnosis.


They're enemies inside of me.
They're making me the attraction of their psychotic parade.

I never really listened to the real me.

Hello for now,
Goodbye for later.
Nothing really happened,
In your eyes.
Everything you thought were real,
Were just an illusion.

I used to ignore my real feelings.

Blank eyes,
Full of darkness.
Happy smiles,
With unnoticed words.
Thoughts,
They’re like poison.

I couldn’t love my true self.

Hands,
They act before thinking.
Feelings,
Ruining it all.
Everything you see,
Is not me.

I didn’t acknowledge myself.*

Its back,
The tears.
I’m back,
More real than before.
Can’t go back,
I realised reality.

It’s like time never continuous.
It’s stuck like we all are too.
Can’t grown, won’t know.
Never are we ever leaving.

Complain about how bad your life is.
How miserably can you be.
Just stop talking and take a look around.
No one’s there for you when you finally can breathe.

They push you from left and right.
Dragging you down, you hesitate to struggle.
You want pity?
You just want attention.

It’s not my fault everyone’s like that.
I despise every side of your personality.
Your beauty is nothing compared to your attitude.
It’s nothing compared to me.

So do the only thing you can,
Mute the world’s noises.
Play the music from your heart.
Without ruining the single melody your life has.

It’s the song everyone knows,
And the only thing you know how to play.
It’s on repeat,
Using your mistakes as nodes.

It’s a sad song,
And you’re playing it for yourself only.

You're so far away.
If you were within reach, I would hug you forever.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise.
I'm sorry I ignored it.
I wish I could hold your hand once more.
It's my fault that you left.
I know apologies isn't enough.
You said you trusted the wrong person.

You're constantly on my mind.
I keep remembering your smile that turned into tears.
You're gone, and I'm left alone.
I broke you in pieces.
Pieces small enough for the wind to blow away.
An awful memory left behind, within an awful feeling in my heart.
I know It should’ve been me instead.
You gave me your hand so I could save you. I gave you my love before you pulled me with you down.

I won’t notice the lies.
But I don’t even know the truth.
Between your so violent behavior.
That you forgot who you are.


I won’t ask you to change.
Only you can ask yourself and do it.
But you’ll might lose me before it ends.
Or I’ll might lose you forever.


Show me the love you gave me at first.
Your soft and enjoyable side.
With laughs everyday and smiles.
I thought that this would never change.


I wanted you to notice the harm you’ve done to me.
I wanted you to remember our first love.
This isn’t love anymore, it’ll never be like that again.
You showed me everything about you.


The lovable side, and soft side. I loved you.
The playful side, and wild side. I liked you.
The cold side, and mean side. I stayed.
The violent side, and evil side. I was only there.


You pretended, to love me and not to hurt me.
I pretended, to care.
All those personalities of you.
Were sides of you that never existed.

And I met you,
And then I left you.

Keep holding on to the light.
It never fully leaves when the moon rises.
But be aware of the shadows.
There’s a whole other world inside of them.

They drag you down and down.
Until you hit the bottom of your soul.
It’s cold and dark, an unknown existence.
You can never leave, it’s too late.

Stay like the weak wreck you are.
You’re not even trying to escape.
Do you give up that easy?
You’re a mess, an emotional mess.

Stop crying, it won’t help.
Stop shouting after your consciousness.
Free your soul from the fear.
Help, instead of being trapped inside of yourself.

Purify the darkness, let the moon rise once again.
Letting the light help you live.
But there’s a risk, the shadows.
They’re waiting, they’re hungry for a pathetic prey like you.

Stop keeping the circle of time in your life.
Leave it alone, before you fall into a pit of misery.
It’s dark down there, just like your soul.
It’s more lethal than ever; with walls painted with despair.

Eyes straining in the dark, searching after something usable.
Stay sane, if you can keep up with the twisted voices.
Don’t let them drag you deeper down.
Don’t let them manipulate you once again

A million worlds in one.
They’re all inside of me.
Screams filling  my lungs, it’s ringing in my ears.
They’re controlling me from my blind side.

Keep up with the running tears,
The pain has gotten deeper.
The hatred is using me.
The fear is haunting me forever.

There’s a hole in my heart.
The moon’s shining through my emptiness.
It’s making me sleepy, I see them.
It’s the shadows, they’re gonna get me.

I woke up by the river; mirroring the stars.
The moon saved me once again on this summer night.
The shadows dragged me here, they wanted to drown me in dreadfulness.
They’re what I fear the most; my Summer Nightmares.

I can’t wake up from the dream.
No matter how much I try.
Even how much I scream.
I know I’m ready to die.

But the light frees me.
From the closed eyes.
Now I live to see.
The so beautiful sunrise.

I see things no one else do or even could.
I hear them too, whispering in my ear.
They’re haunting me in even my dreams.
But the one vision would never appear.


Eyelids closed, blocking off everything.
It’s a part of my life, my body, my mind.
Still I never even noticed it.
It was making me more and more blind.


One day I woke up, it was dark and freezing.
I got overwhelmed with a beautiful flashback.
It gave me the ability to see.
To see the blackest black.

From the aesthetic paint on her face,
To the long black dress taunting all her flaws.
From the start of her dangerous locks,
To the sharp high heels.

Her expression shows her interest in you,
Before hunting down another prey.
Her voice like an angel sent from hell,
Her existence is flaming hot and not as innocent as it seems.

She locked eyes with you,
With a smirk so playful.
She tore her gaze away just to look at your lips,
you licked your lips provocating her urge to kiss you.

She stood up and smoothed her deep black dress,
Before making her way to the empty seat besides you.
She licks her lips in a lustful manner,
As she stares teasingly into your warm brown eyes.

You leaned in for a quick kiss,
Before smiling with an I-want-more expression.
Your smile turned into a frown,
And you noticed what you've done.

The pleasure to you,
Turned into a disgusting displeasure.
You abruptly stood up,
And fastened your gaze onto her evil smirk.

You made your way away from her,
As she saw you fell to the ground like dead weight.
She smirked at your stupid body,
As she laughed loudly.

You just made a deal with the devil,
By kissing her poisonous lips.

I'm now on a trip alone.
Going to the end of the world.
The gate only opens for those already dead.
This will be my last time seeing your face again.

I’ve wanted to say sorry for everything I've done to you.
But not even a single goodbye could find its place between us.
I felt nothing as I drove past you.
I didn't even look, I wanted to but I couldn't.

I'm now on my way so I can wait for you.
It's gonna be a long time waiting for someone you didn't even want to love.
I only felt the warmth of my thoughts when thinking of you.
But I couldn't find a place for you in my heart, only in my mind and imagination.

As I look out the window in the bus, I only see death.
As I look at my own reflection I see myself crying, hurting myself till I close my eyes and just fade away.

It was my life I saw in my reflection of the so sad looking window.
As I look down I see my future under my feet, black  and nothing.
It's under my feet because I crushed it and left it to never see light again.

I'm at the destination soon, just thinking about wanting to see you again before I leave.
I desperate called your name and broke out of the bus that worked as a barrier to my heart.
I ran and ran just thinking how much you mean to me.
I really needed you, all this time I didn't notice my feelings was trying to break the distance between us.

I wanted to tell you everything about how I feel, I wanted to hear your mouth say it too.
I'm still running from my death, the time wasn't right.
As I got to where I left you, I saw you standing and just waiting for someone, me.
I stopped up and tears rolled down my face, you kissed me and said “I'll always wait for you”.

The kiss I've wanted for such a long time, I finally got it, It feels too good to be true.
“I love you in life and in death” were the words I only could say, “I already know” were the words that you said.
Let's never let death and life separate our love from our hearts.
We need to know what we really feel or else you'll regret every little thing you didn't do.

She’s following you wherever you go.
You can’t escape your own fate.
She will always know.
I can’t think straight.

I’m sinking deeper into my mind.
Forgetting everything.
She’s making me blind.
I'm getting controlled by her string.

Seeing things that isn’t there.
I’m confined in her hypnosis.
Like a world of despair.
She sees herself as an apotheosis.

Looking at your own reflection.
Seeing her evil shadow behind you.
She won’t accept your rejection.
She has control over me with a voodoo.

But she knows I need her.
Together we are the dangerous confusions.
She makes everything I see blur.
She is The Goddess of Illusions.

You swam in the ocean of tears.
You stayed in the forest of death.
You ate the fruit of hatred.
You killed the one of love.
You spoke the words of hell.


Kept all of the tears in one place.
Protected the nature of death.
Kept eating all hatred.
You killed the one that you love.
Only you can bear the words from hell.

Somewhere
I know you're there
But I wish you'd be here.

She’s sweet and kind.
She’s smiling and laughing.
No one sees her frame of mind.
No one hears her heart cracking.

She’s beautiful and thin.
She’s popular and smart.
No one feels her evil twin.
No one sees her fake heart.

She loves her family and friends.
She loves animals and strangers.
No one notice her mind of cleanse.
Those around don’t feel the danger.

The time is near.
To see her other side.
Everyone feels fear.
They're afraid to be alive.

Sweet and kind changes to evil and cruel.
She have the laughter of the devil.
She is cutting the flesh with an edge tool.
The feeling of insanity is so special.

The ****** path she chose.
She is in a whole other world.
Smelling the black rose.
Her thoughts is swirled.

Black.
Red.
Light won't come back.
The victims of her bloodshed.

Her heart remains enclosed in darkness.
The colour of her mind is pitch black.
She is truly heartless.
She won’t and can’t turn back.

Her life was just a plain cover.
This is her true colour.

Going to the same place.
Staying there for a long time.
Waiting for you to come by.
And place your body besides mine.


I would talk to myself.
Imagine it’s with you.
Placing my hand where your’s always were.
Not together anymore like we used to.


Still waiting for your warmth.
Making my whole body melt before your eyes.
You would whisper in my ear “I’ll stay”.
Hugging me until the sun would rise.


I don’t know how long since I’ve seen you.
With my hands playing with your hair.
Telling each other things none ever have heard.
The precious times we would share.


The bell inside my head rang.
Reminding me of your sorrowful fate.
I stared into the ground.
I knew I couldn’t just stand and wait.


I ran while calling your name.
The tears blurred my vision to see.
I fell.
Deep down the Memories of you and me.

The scarred life I’ve lived.
The awful things I’ve regretted.
The times I’ve wished for death.
The tomorrow’s that never came.

The light, the shadows.
The shape of my life.
The night’s of despair.
The world known as hell.

The place I call home.
The beings I call family.
The evolution of my memories.
The experience of my existence.

This is not what I wanted to live in.
It’s not how it’s supposed to be.
The world is stopped in time.
Everyone’s lost in reality.

Go to sleep and never wake up again.
You’ve gotten past everyone’s lies.
You’re free from the chain.
You saw the world through closed eyes.

When I’m alone I like to think.
Think about life and what I want.
Like daydreaming but with a more deep meaning.
A storm of thoughts every time.

That’s only when I’m alone, completely alone and away from everything.
Just taking some time off from the world.
So I’m only in my own imaginary world.
With music as my only company other than myself.

I’ve gotten more time.
The time I’ve always needed.
The break I’ve always wanted.
Myself I’ve always happened to have.

I like the world when it’s dark.
Stars shining everywhere I go.
Street lights to show me the way.
So I don’t get lost dreaming.

It’s been a while now since I’ve felt good being alone.
The music slowly disappeared, with reality taking it’s place.
Dreams got shorter, time got slower.
I’m still happy, I’m always happy.

Somehow I lost the time, the time lost me.
I couldn’t find a place for it to stay.
Still I have it, and it’s too much.
I couldn’t control it.

Tick Tock time got faster.
The world got slower.
Took over and destroyed you.
Followed you and told you what you should do.

When you’re about to break down.
And your heart is scattered.
The tears won’t even come out.
And feel too lonely to even care anymore.


It was too late to change.
All the little time we shared.
I regret everything and every single detail.
I hate you, but that’s not my true feelings.


It was your mistake.
But also mine, because I let you in my life.
It’s my fault for not seeing your true side.
It ended up hurting me.


I won’t ever look at your disgusting face.
But I want to see your smile that would fix everything.
Thinking about everything.
I can’t stop wanting to see you, I need you


When you can't even speak normally like always.
You need to look away and change the subject.
I was shy, but maybe too open minded.
But my feelings has now broken down.


It’s time to part ways and look forward.
Maybe we’ll see eachother again, as strangers.
And not thinking back on the past.
Still I wish we hadn't met at all.

You woke up, showered and thinking about what else you should do.

Until you met her.

Standing in the empty street.

The street light lit up as so did your eyes.

your eyes was on fire, because she was burning you up.

She haven’t noticed you looking at her.

She never left your gaze.

Her red dress hugging all her figures.

She stared forward, never tearing her eyes away.

You blinked and she had disappeared.

You felt numb as you looked across the street to find her.

Kissing someone that wasn’t you.

You backed away, woke up and showered.

Continued on your daily routine of never have seen her.

You'll find the answer to my feelings in what I speak of, and I've never been good with words.

I'm forgetting the time we had.
So I can remember my own path

I'm out here getting drunk on
memories,
While you're out there being sober on reality.

I can’t carry on with this.
It has me stricken from tonight.
Far down the dark abyss.
The fear is what I fight.

I’m falling down and never hitting the bottom.
I no longer have control of my soul.
Everyone has me forgotten.
My heart is just another endless hole.

It locked me up from the inside.
I’m trapped in my own skin.
My mentality is horrified.
It’s like my other evil twin.

I can’t escape my reality.
I’ve accepted my fate.
It’s just how it’s meant to be.
I’m now filled with aggressive hate.

The world I disappeared from.
Erased memories of my existence.
The voices told me to come.
I could hear them from a distance.

They kicked out my soul.
They made me strife.
Never again can I become whole.
My body is just another Vessel of Life.

Waiting for the night to come.
Waiting for the light to disappear.
Waiting for the cold to make me numb.
Waiting for the thick mist to clear.

Waiting for the new day called tomorrow.
Waiting for the tears to dry.
Waiting for you to say hello.
Waiting for you born in gemini.

Waiting for the night to end.
Waiting for the darkness to die out.
Waiting for the sun to make me amend.
Waiting forever for you without doubt.

Waiting for the fear to hurt.
Waiting for the pain to ****.
Waiting for my world to invert.
Waiting for my sleeping pill.

I’ve been waiting for all my life.
For you to never say **goodbye.

Covering up our mistakes with excuses.
Always judging.
Never perfection.

Covering up our bruises with clothes.
Always hiding.
Never smiling.

This life…
Doesn't seem so bad?
Will you ever know me?
Will you ever know my feelings?

Our faces is covered.
Covered the same.
Never shown others
That…
We All Wear Masks.

I’ve found love,
Love like never before.
We show emotions,
Emotions we've never used before.

We’re doing good,
Only because I remember.
I remember words,
Words like I’ve never heard before.

“I love you” we said,
Love we felt.
Sadness we shared,
And in anger we cared.

I’m cold, you’re mad.
I wasn’t aware of me being like that.
I cry, you relax.
Now we understand.

I’ve found love,
Love like never before.
And I wish,
That it will never stop.

Time* *stood still.
Death has already been here.
Forever *nothing.

It's getting darker every minute.
I'm scared.
The light is disappearing.
The silence is surrounding me.
Not even my shadow is here.
Every second my mind gets filled with fear.
I'm shaking, it's so cold.
I'm dying.

It's a delusion.
My mind is playing tricks on me.
I'm lost.
There's nothing I can do.
I can't escape my own imagination.
I wish I just could fall asleep.
But if I do, I might not wake up again.

I need to hide.
I need to get away.
I can't wait for so long.
The light is deceiving me.
It's not the first time this happened.
The memories from last time is gone.
But everything seems so familiar.
The dark.
The moon.
And myself in this state.

*Am I going crazy again?

Hands placed gently on the clear water.
Seeing my blurry reflection from the disturbance my hands made.
Hearing a sweet voice calling from a distance, it’s my mater.
My mother is making my long and pitch black hair into a braid.

Sitting on the swing tied to an old apple tree.
Looking at all the colours in the sky, of the sunset.
I dig in the dirt by the tree, so I could find the long lost key.
The key to the place I never can forget.

Because I met you there, sitting on the overgrown rock.
Looking down on the clear water, not a single disturbance were.
He gave me the key to his heart, only I could unlock.
Our nose began to bleed, both concur.

We laughed till we began to cry, now laying in silence.
Sharing each others our nightmares.
Never a blink of shyness.
His hand is going through my long thin and black hairs.

I woke up lying on the cold grass with dew.
My eyes see black but I know I’m covered in red.
Not only you but now it’s me too.
That woke up dead.

For what you expected me to be.
Was what you never saw.