I've got this poem, it's most astounding.
It's big and juicy like the best grilled steak.
I've pushed the publish, more times than i'd liked.
This sites full of holes, imperfections like freaks.
Unlike yours this one is defined.
It didn't need self diagnosis or shrink on retainer.
For this poem was just too immense.
A fix for this would be a no-brainer.
Full of imagery not fit for your eyes.
This gateway it did not fit.
A warning for all freaks.
502 - Its really really ****.

50 poems each different in a way.
Geeze I never thought I was this cray.
A shade of me here.
Facing my fear.
My 50th poem a limerick here to stay.

I tried...
But I don't know if there are the words.
In either language I know.
To describe just how special you are.
To me.

I'll keep looking...

When you try again with someone new.
But something doesn't feel right.
It feels like it's the first time.
In the worst way possible.
Where did all my love go.
How did you steal it.
You disable me and your already long gone.

All I do is wonder why.
Why you're not her.
Why the feelings aren't there.
Why your so far from where I want to be.
It's something I cannot bare.

But you're trying again right.
That's meant to mean something.
It's meant to be for something.
Where is this light.
Everybody's been talking about it.

This time won't you save me.
Save me from the mundane.
Save me from the times tried n failed.
This time won't you save me.

Thick as thieves and red handed I'm one of them.
I'll hang for this surely.
For what I stole, so monumentally precious.
I couldn't stop myself like temptation was all I am.

The river runs with tender elegance.
But not like yours.
The candle flames burn with scorching warmth.
But not like yours.
A thousand roses flower in an endless beauty.
But not like yours.
The lilies with their careful scent consumes me with hope.
But not like yours.

They call me a thief.
How can that be, when you stole my heart.
Pulling all the right strings from the very very start.
I'll hang for this I know it.
I'll take my punishment with pride.
For what I stole...
A precious fleeting moment.
One I do not wish to hide.

I do things and I say things.
I'm far from perfect.
Its clear I care about you.
Because this jealous rage isn't easy.
To hold onto the handles and say the right words.

I went and did it again.
I always do it again.
I don't know why you forgive me.
The way you do.
I just hope you can once more.
I'm trying to do better, to be better.

You'll always be the sun shining through my clouds.
One day I won't just be the bad weather.

Battling myself not to break something.
Insides twisted from head to toe.
Desperate for the anger not to show.
Taking all my will.
Flooding out the gates.
Almost nothing left and still.
Turmoil rising within.
What do I do?
When all I want is to give in.
When ****** isn't enough.
Genocide couldn't keep up.
Anger the deepest black couldnt colour.
If only all my personalities would materialize.
Standing by to ease the pain and shoulder.
The things I cannot.

The undead surge endlessly.
Drained and muddied will.
Holding them back with everything left.
Delightful blood they've come to spill.

Barracading the doors - only surrounds.
Moans and groans dauntingly loud.
Sleepless nights hoping they don't breach.
The scariest thing is how they sound.

We thought they weren't real.
Just comic book stories.
But when they came knocking.
The first to go was four-eyes.

All the horror movies.
Won't leave you prepared.
To face to undead horde.
Brains aren't meant to be shared.

I collapse under your presence.
Floating and drowning in one place.
Burning on the inside.
Trying to save face.

Pushing planets off axis.
Just to be close to you all year round.
With the midnight stars I'll write you.
A love letter.
So you can feel what I do now.

An imploding force.
Makes me want to cry and laugh.
Smile and despair.
You see it hurts to try and wrap my head
Around just how special you are.  

I found a best friend in you.
Seeing limitless things we could do.
I feel another string of endless smiles coming on.
You're special, and you cant tell me I'm wrong.

I woke up today.
In a myriad of broke dreams.
Ones where nothing ever gets better.
Or so it seemed.

I could have been lost forever.
Fighting helplessly in a world of my own making.
But you made it to me and together.
We shared a moment that leaves me shaking.

A face I know so well.
And yet I've missed so long.
Your glimpse between the broken shards.
How could this be wrong.

I woke up with you on my mind.
I felt so empty in a way.
Like if you were here I'd be just fine.
Even though where you are you should stay.

I can't help my thoughts.
Seeping from my dreams.
They aren't real, but what they've brought.
Floating on my conscious seam.

You're on my mind you should know.
Even though I don't put in the effort.
Nor do I put on the show.
You should know.

How do I anticipate a love like ours.
When you've become my morning sunshine.
And you've molded my desire irrevocably.
How do you spread me so thin and build me up all at once?
How do you see the pauses between my heart beat and know what it needs before I?
If the essence of life is to love and be loved. Then perhaps we are rewriting it from the beginning in our own image.
You are somewhere beyond the limits of extraordinary.
That place just before your smile becomes a laugh.

How do you describe and appreciate something that can't be measured only observed.

In our cataclysm of hearts.

I'm a player, I'm the best.
I've played you, her and the rest.
That's what you thought.
I proved you wrong when I opened my chest.
You saw me with depth, an open heart.
You gave me yours.
It was open from the start.
A heart hurt too many times.
You told me you can't take another.
A heart held together with vines.
This was the tricky part.
The first time in my life.
I saw a future of treasure.
A glimpse of this lady, my wife.
I felt safe like I was where I needed to be.
I promised my self I'd do you no harm.
To cause you pain would be to cut off my own limb.
I've been waiting all my life to find someone worthy to commit my life to.
So I committed myself to you and you threw me away.
You told me honestly what you wanted and needed.
I gave it to you and more.
But you were after what you had before.
Cling to him with guilt.
Cling to him till you rott.
Cling to him lifelessly.
Cling to him lovelessly.
Cling to him endlessly.
Until one day it all falls apart.
You've proven untrustworthy.
You've proven betrayal.
You've proven sly words.
You've used tears to get your way.
You've promoted falses so fake.
Gemini construct you might break.
You've cheated.
Me, him and your self from happiness.

This night is cool.
Stark change from the heat of day.
The wind blowing hard.
Left and right.
Undecided like me.
Breeze soothing and calm.
I've let go, the noise of it all.
Trees thrashing with life.
Wind is soundless.
But through the trees it wisps.
Grass around my ankles.
Wind turned attention seekers.
They tickle furiously with motive.
Dispel all thought, motives and intent.
Leave it all behind and focus on myself.
The mosquito's have been kind.
Tonight they turned a blind eye.
Just this night the world has wanted me to see.
I'm connected to this earth and it won't let me displace.
Reminding me I've not gone.
Somewhere I was not meant.
This world is a strange place.
We're all only a little bent.

In front of the altar to a new life.  
A tear drops in this perfect petal storm.
Holding my hands tight.
You glisten ever brighter - I've been reborn.

You are so exquisite - beyond imagination.
I didn't think this day would ever come.
That day we'd be together forever.
My only one.

Whispering vows into the cedar hallows.
The broken petals fall from the trees of old.
Lining a sacred future forward.
Our sea of gold.

Am I depressed?

Or am I just the reflection of everyone else.

Feeling as though I've just lost the meaning to it all. A cavity like I had it all grasped so tight and yet... Here I am again in this sludgy bucket of depressed feelings.

It's a hopeless feeling. One like I just lost my sense of purpose. But the most dulling of all is the epiphany that you never had any to start.

It's almost enough to drive a new spark like a drained battery. A momentum, a motivation but only momentarily.

What is it I'm doing here on earth? Where am I heading? Is it enough to just make a goal; a plan to be somewhere. Or maybe just scraping through university. What is it that will without a doubt fill me with life long satisfaction.

Is there anything? Anyone?

I worry about where we are going as people. How we're all just a lost bunch of misfired projectiles. Even those that miraculously slide out of the barrel and experience the updrafts of life always find dirt.

We are just stimulating the illusion of freedom. Inside the prison of each of our own making.

I've loved you too hard.
It WAS your fault.
You gave me everything I needed.
Heart turned mush, most would revolt.

I loved you too hard.
And you told me you loved me more.
But what am I to do with this.
A heart petrified and sore.

I've loved you too.
And you gave it back times four.
A heart unloved.
You returned it to the store.

I loved you.
I cared for you more than self.
Demons nawing at my will.
Im unable to release you, help.

I love you.

Unhappiness occupies my mind in unfocused fragments of thought.
Encumbered by the empty air of loneliness. A lingering vapor of discontent, too viscous to vent.

Deterioration of self I once knew.
Wavering faith that only grew.
The bows and arrows, the childhood dreams.
How distant that tranquility now seems.

I am special, complex in my construction.
Beautifully designed for your destruction.
I am everywhere and all around.
I feel needed and I love it.
You rely on me the most when you're stressed and down.
Draw me in and place your trust.
I'll return it all in the form of dust.
It will get better now do you feel it?
Watch as they all turn and combust.
Draw me in once more don't stop.
I feed on you, give you false strength.
Evil intent laughing at your expense.
Draw me in dance with me forever.

Momentary distraction from beautiful dreams.
Not just you this dreams of two.
In your eyes this universe gleams.
Beautiful more than this realm can hold.
Overwhelming elegance collapsing our very existence at the seams.
Countless pleasures countless dreams.
In just one you've taught me what divine means.

I'm awake for the moment.
Lingering into forever.

I'm over tired - but in this state I'm wired.
Energy surging - unatural vigor.
Naturally extracted and abused.
This stuff it calls me and begs.
Not to be refused.

Take a shot maybe two.
Open your eyes wide.
Keep them there just like glue.
Bring you to the early hours.
Daybreak and no sleep.
No off button to the mind.
It always ends crashing in a big heap.

Coffee how you affect me.

It ain't ever enough.
Just one touch.
When you loved me so hard.
Every moment feels like I'm losing you.

I'm on a ride that's forever crashing.
You take me so high.
I can't bare to get off..
But I know I can't stay on.

When your presence tears me in pieces.
I can't even breathe right.
When you kiss me.
I just can't see the light.

I give in.

There's a face staring back.
It's not yours its not hers.
Its not familiar but
Its always been there.

That normal face you make.
Its not yours without it.
That thing you do.
That made you unique.
That face thought of it long ago.

Those skills you have.
That seem to come from no where.
Did you think that was you?
I've practiced all my life.

Those genes that you wear.
The ones that no one can share.

What bits do I now own?
Do I need answers?
From this face that has shown.

A face approaching faster
Perhaps one day soon.
I'll meet my father.

Wonderful words without whim.
Keeping kind kitty keen.
Aquarius armour and ample attention.
Explosion of elegance and effortlessly eighteen.
Chasing companionship in chaos of childish cerebrals.
Lingering loves leaves the lonely lost.
Humongous heart to heave the hopeless.
Finding a faithful friend for forever.

Fastidious future full of fiddling.
Entrusted to erode everlasting evil.
Anchor ambition to alleviate anguish.
Recalled relationship of regret.

I opened this page to write something worth the stage.
I've forgotten the punch line like a well said joke.
I've so much within. Too much to begin.
It all slips from me with guile.
Loose lipped and defiled.
Circled like a ****** cerebral.
It started out good but I'm sure it was terri-bal.
Loops and loops I've felt this before.
A point not pushed, an answer ungiven.

Take me back. All is forgiven.
****.

What do you write about when you don't quite feel broken.
**** ****, lost my only inspiration.
I can't write for **** when it's not painful and emptying.
Without the feelings of love and sorrow.
These words aren't **** just hollow.

I know I feel lonely these days.
I start to write about it but look.
I get to the end of 3 verses and feel like a crook.

It was meant to be something but it twisted into nothing.
Kinda like this garbage.
Guess that's why they call it art right.
Its ugly and pointless but someone will find inspiration in my emptiness.

I know that's a long shot.
But if its justification I need.
It's all I've got.

I've got the luck.
The luck to find you.
Be with you and become star struck.
You're this mystery of constellations.
Tropical Zodiac of which I attract.
May and June is when you were born.
But who you are inside, you seem so torn.
If I stick around long enough I get to see all the sides to you.
Too many to count. I've stuck around too long.
We always start off great.
Amazing chatter and interest.
Attraction like fire burning late.
The days are getting shorter.
My time more precious.
Its you I want to spend it with.
I just have one question.
Are you a Gemini? Don't answer I know this one.
We've been intense tonight.
You looked into my eyes.
And the world just felt right.
We kissed and passion you were over-run.
We just had *** and I was the best you'd ever done.
We just told each other we were in love. Feelings too intense to keep to our selves.
You suddenly went cold and disappeared. Like a beautiful dream irrecoverable in the morning.
As surreal as you came you left.
You've hurt me more times than I could take.
You've left me feeling like, with my life there's nothing more I can make.
You're a Gemini.

On our first date I'm gonna sit on my phone.
Appear uninterested.
Keep asking you to "repeat that".
When you try and get my attention I'll laugh emphatically at something on my phone and show it to you.
Because I'm Gen Y and I don't have a ******* clue.

I was taught
To show affection when it suits me.
To show love when it's manipulative.
And always to keep you down so it feels like I'm floating.
Because I never want to remember how it feels to sink.

Y I don't identify with Gen Y.

Is it cruel intentions or coincidence.
That forces my hand at this hour.
I've left it late just to cultivate
The supreme and feelings irate.

All the tongues I've held and bitten.
Unravel at once in a fabulous exposé.
All the truthes I've kept and hidden.
Finally rid of their weight.

Take all of my hate.

Put your heart out.
It'll meet the chopping block.
Put your heart on the line.
It'll drip dry.
Put your heart somewhere safe.
Deep down, it'll drown in loneliness.
Put your heart in pure passion.
It'll burn with a crazed itch.
Doesn't matter where you put it.
Just be careful when you select the *****.

What do you choose?

A shorter man that moulds his heart of gold into your every desire.
Or..
A taller man incapable of unwrapping his tin foil heart for even the most simple things you require.

Chasing dreams of perfect heights to hang a perfect wedding picture on that perfect family portrait wall.

Perfect is hard to come by, careful or you'll miss it. Looking in all the wrong places.

Somehow I always find myself falling for the ones that are emotionally closed off.  

The too eager and loving are clingy in my mind.  
The frowning stern and cold are the ones that have me noose'd by my heart strings.  

It seems I'm a person who always moves to fill the voids.

I guess this is how it happens.
When you lose your heart it just finds new legs.
She's walking around with my heart in a box.
She just won't give it up even if I beg.

No wonder I can't find new loves.
Thought the switch was gone.
As soon as it comes it goes.
An empty spot where my heart was keeps me alone.

I can't fill up what I don't have.
I want more but it doesn't feel right.
Emptiness that finds me an early grave.
I want my heart back give up this spite.

I need a heart transplant.
To feel love one more time.
Something so simple won't you grant.
Emptiness un-befitting in my prime.

I need a heart transplant.

Long endearing glances and shivers.
Warmth eminating from passenger side.
Cotton lace and silky skin.
Seductive contours underneath.
Sheets paper thin.

Nightly routine comfort and security.
Fingers running all over.
Uncovering tender purity.
Disbelief of your existence.
You here with me now.
Has taken all of my persistence.

Perpetuity in a moment - you and me.
Caught in thoughts that sink and ooze.
Thoughts crazy people get lost in.
Committed to your asylum.
That one way ticket I've drawn.

Sleep calling to me like the night mother.
Wings clipped and falling fast.
Take me to my dreams where I smother.
Kisses on your face more than you can stand.
Hugs tight and sweaty hands.

Why do i dream if not for the love of my life.
Why do I dream when you lay at my side.

You disappoint me in so many ways.
So far from everything I ever wanted.
How is it you come to me like candy.
Unwrapped you're only rotten fruit.  
I must be a predictable person.  
Stable and empathetic.
Those around me up and down.  
Vindictive and petty.
All I see are the better option if I were they.
Simple like turn left or turn right.  
Why do people act this way.
And underestimate a valuable connection.
I am valuable.  
I treat you with love and compassion.
Raw and sensitively.
Like the liquid gold flowing through the earthly depths.  
Supporting your every move and fault.
But now you show disinterest and disdain.
I lived for your smile.  
And you bring me pain.  

Many will never appreciate my value.

So I eat the vanilla and strawberry because I know I like those. I leave the chocolate till last but can't figure out if I don't like it as much or like it more.

When the tub of ice cream is empty and I'm spooning the streaks up the side.

I'm still thinking, "would I do it any differently next time?"

Its a snapshot time in motion.
This time period I had you.
You were mine with no jealousy.
This time that I had you.
You were crystalline and perfect.
Last time that I had you.
I never feared you'd be gone.
Always did i have you.
You were mine night and day
Always did I please you.
mine at nights.
the most did I satisfy you.
You gave in. To me.
The most did I care for you.
You were mine. Past tense.
I had you...

If I could write with genius and guile.
I'd write of war and battle.
Surely nothing that would bring a smile.

If I wore clothes with trend and style.
Maybe that's the key.
To landing girls by the pile.

If I could make money all day and night.
I'd be too busy for you.
And to me that doesn't sit right.

If I was poorer than the man on the street.
You'd still be my devotion.
And not this bowl at my feet.

If I loved you once I love you still.
My hearts too big.
Your there like an un-mopped spill.

If I could study dedicated and nerdy.
I'd be happy with my life.
With a career stable and sturdy.

If I could finish everything I start.
Resolute and compelled.
My life wouldn't fall apart.

If I spent more time on things in sight.
I wouldn't have to write.