"It's okay."

I can still feel it.
The way your lips touched mine.
Without meaning.
Without feelings.
I missed them.
Your kisses.
Your attention.

My heart.

I saw it.
The way your eyes drifted to others.
Never straying to mine.
Never filled with the same spark.
Always dull.
Lifeless.
Loveless.

It hurts.

You would say it.
Those three words.
Not to me.
Never to me.
To the others.
They always got your love.
I got your hate.
Your anger.
Always.

You don’t have to love me.”

You gave me orders.
Never to be near you.
Never to hold hands.
Not in public.
We did not know each other.
They would get the wrong idea.
“We are cousins,” You would say.
You were embarrassed.
To be seen.
With me.

I can’t.

I was your puppet.
You pulled the strings.
And I obeyed your commands.
You never loved.
Not me.
Never me.
I was your toy.
Something you could throw away.

Take it.

It’s all a game.
Of feelings.
Of pain.
Of love.
Of hate.
You are the king.
I’m your ****.
Just a piece on your board.

I’m done.

I loved you.
More than anything.
I let you use me.
Hurt me.
If I got to be with you.
Nothing else mattered.
You didn’t feel the same.

No one ever does.”
I saw a prompt and this poem came to mind. I hope you love it and be sure to comment what you think. Check out my other works!!
Jack Thompson Sep 22
You say you don't want to do this anymore.

What you don't know.

Is I don't want this either.
I don't want this empty one sided love.
When what we had felt like so much more.
This constant ***** of feelings I'm fighting against.
I'm all in, been that way for a while now.
Even though you're already half gone.
I've been trying to pull you back in.

Over the egg shells and broken glass
I wont give up just because you push hard.
We always hurt the person closest.
I don't blame you for that!
Just need to remind you.
Why I'm here, Why I love you.

I pulled away hard and cold.
I gave up - I'd never been pushed that hard.
You said you felt it like you never thought you would.
Felt me slipping from your life for real.
Hurt like you never thought you could be.

All that time spent gone in an instant.
All the good moments, the tears and the love.
The closeness you don't get from anyone else.
Everything you thought didn't matter...

I don't know what you felt deep-down inside.
But you couldn't stand me walking out of your life.
Now we're still in this, keeping it going for now.

I know there was love here.
Strong and bonded
I know we could find that again.
I don't know where it evaporated too.
Sometimes I don't have a ******* clue

Where we're going, what we're doing.
Or what its all for.
I know I wont let it slip my grip.
I won't be the one to let it all drop.
I'll try more than anyone who ever sat here before.

I just struggle with this sometimes.
Just find myself sitting there
staring at the wall for hours on end.
I don't get **** done - just have you on my mind.
It drives me crazy coz its not me.

Envious, jealous feelings I don't usually elevate to the surface.
Cool, calm and collected I don't know myself anymore.
I don't like myself right now.
Weak, **** and dependent.
I don't want to be that way... always and forever.

Just stick it out for a moment longer.
Let me find myself in the anxiety;
the emotional dependency;
the depression and the desperation.

I'll be the man you'd love once more.
Jack Thompson Jul 2017
I'm unhappy as ****.
I'm an escapist of reality.
I'll gladly waste the next several hours, days, weeks escaping my existence, living outside myself. Removing myself from the pressures of unhappiness.
If only for a string of short lived moments.

What does one do with the awareness of ones subconscious drive. How does one begin to take the steering wheel.

Do I have what it takes to be more than short lived.
Copyright © 2017 Jack Thompson
Jack Thompson Jul 2017
Unhappiness occupies my mind in unfocused fragments of thought.
Encumbered by the empty air of loneliness. A lingering vapor of discontent, too viscous to vent.

Deterioration of self I once knew.
Wavering faith that only grew.
The bows and arrows, the childhood dreams.
How distant that tranquility now seems.
Copyright © 2017 Jack Thompson
Jack Thompson Jul 2017
I get them so bad these days.
Alcohol gets me going and your touch keeps me floating.
Genuine smiles surface and the happiness I keep locked down below begins to bubble.
A tranquil explosion of vivid pastels paint a foreground in my eye.  
Everything seems to make more sense.

It always ends, I've sobered up and you didn't stay.
The happiness that just barely began to bubble now turns to trouble.
I've depressed to find myself lonely, empty and stray.
Is this who I really am without stimulus, without catalyst?
Is it you I'm missing or something more fundamental.

How do you find happiness you desperately need when desperately searching for happiness is so unattractive.

That inescapable fact that when you need it the most it's nowhere to be found.

I'm not fine when it all stops. When it all starts rolling off the edge just as I'm reaching for it. When I'm not able to squeeze a smile worth of happiness through the gates - I'm not fine.

I have withdrawals from my own happiness.
Copyright © 2017 Jack Thompson
Jack Thompson Jul 2017
2 days to remember your name.
I love that I'm over you and don't feel the pain I once scraped through.
The rough filings of my heart and jagged burrs.
The piece of me I knew as hers.
It's all mine to give yet to someone else.
This amazing me and love myself.
Jack Thompson Feb 2017
Ocean waves lapping the shore.
Everything faded out leaving only the crash tsssshhhhhh of the waves nullified in the sand.
Drowned in the rhythmic arrangement.

Coconut trees in the distance rubbing leaves like the supporting instruments on this beach orchestra.

And then there was you.
And me.

With only the moon over head.
© All Rights Reserved Jack Thompson 2017
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