My past year
I have spent
Fading
From Green
To Purple
From Purple
To Black
And I think
It's about time
I just stick
To one colour

Every time you look at me your raw soul
Comes out to consume mine.
Your sorrow acts like a plea
Tears enter my eyes, our feelings intertwine.

The irritated anger present within you;
Even vented without intent,
That also becomes my rage too.
Though perhaps yours came and went.

I watch you live bright and full.
It changes me as I come up from the deep,
The joy and happiness create a pull.
Now your momentary air of innocence is mine to keep.

As the tides are high and low,
So the sand is drawn with it.
I am the emotion of your heart overflowed,
My empathy a summit.

I don't want someone
So illuminated
With a bright light
Too keep me up at night

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

I want to be your moon
With you as my sun
I ache to be your dark sky
Touched by your brilliant stars

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

I don't need black
Or white
I need both, harmony
That you bring

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

You broke my stereotype. Took my normal and replaced it with you.

You were my "puppy", my two a.m., my everything.
You made me laugh when I felt like dying.
You let me cry instead of faking, smiling.
You held me in such a way that I wasn't afraid.

My world didn't make sense until you were a part of it.
Everything I ever showed you you accepted.
You showed me what it's like to be loved.

And you were the most beautiful lie I've ever known.

I was alone, outside, apart, my back to everyone.
He came up behind me, I could feel his warm breath on my neck it made me close my eyes.
As he started to touch me, I tensed up.
He laughed and said we all ways have fun, for him I guess that's true.
My body burned with his touch, but not in a good way.
He lead me away - completely numb, compliant, submissive.
I am too afraid to leave; part of me knows I deserve this.
When you are raised to be an object, how do you find a voice?
I can barely utter please, stop, and he laughs again, he knows he has me trapped beneath him.
I hate myself for this, over and over again.
Same story, different guy, it will never end.
How can I grow past pain, past fear, when it is continually inflicted?

You told me once never to trust you.
She told me how you've lied.
You even introduced yourself to me as a liar.
What the **** do I believe at this point?
Words are one thing for me to give you,
Though all of them truth,
But I'm terrified to give you anything more.
There is nothing I hate more than a liar.

I can't be genuine in a crowded setting,
I'm not brave enough to be real here.
So I'll write you this note with hope,
That you might try to understand me, dear.
I can be confident if I'm detached,
But with you, I don't want that.
Instead I run scared from possibility,
Feigning confidence and sincerity.
How ironic that I've been most true to myself
Behind a screen when I could be anyone else.
So I can't quite communicate or relate.
I'm best speaking one on one,
Or when talking need not be done.
Yes I'm truly terrified of touching you
If the variables I can't control are more than a few.
Years of hurt, being used,
Years objectified, feeling abuse,
Has twisted me to want and fear you.
So please don't be silent, I'm really quite needy.
I've been quit on and ****** on so much,
And when I miss you, I miss you dearly.
If I love you, it will be fully.
I'm so dependent, so wanting, destitute for you,
I can't take twenty-four hours of silence,
It could **** me.
I like to be alone, yes, it's true,
But I'd rather not be alone if I could be with you...

There goes my heart
Ripped out by the breeze
And carried off
For miles by the wind

I can't stop staring
I'm in a trance
Holding a razor
I start to laugh
Why did I believe
I could be okay
My breath's a waste
I've no reason to stay

Look at my hips
Look at all of me
What a joke
A blob-ish mess
Needs to go
Press the blade
Gently into me
Or is it deeper
I can't tell
I stopped feeling today
Downward *****
I'm on again
I should end me quick
But I just can't

I laugh again
Oh how tragic
Girl hates herself
But deep down
Is scared to end it
Look at the blood
Pool at the incision
Until it drips down
Over my hip
And slow down
The curve of my thigh
It feels so good
Addictive high

If I felt pain
Maybe I'd stop
Maybe the red
Hitting the floor
Would frighten me
But I'm not scared
Not of blood
I'm scared of hurting
The ones that I love

So clean up the blood
Put the razor away
Grab some bottles
Paint, polish remover, glue
Whiteout, Windex
Anything to inhale will do
Wish I had a
Bit of ***** too

Waste myself away
Try to cope another day

Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To think so much
     Your eyes start to bleed
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To hate your own reflection
     So much you can't eat
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To despise your own addiction
     To the extent that you turn back to it
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To be in so much pain
     More is what you need
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To be terrified
     And want to die
Do you know what it's like to be me?

I can't touch you out of fear
I've been in this painful position before
And my already broken heart
Was partly why he walked out the door

being so near to you
i can sense how close you are
with every fiber of my being
     but i am frozen
i try to move against my pain
and reach out to you
to just step across the stream
     but i am frozen
beneath the surface
a river courses through my veins
begging for you, pleading
     but i am frozen
now i have so many dams
made of sharp ice
though naturally i flow freely
     but i am frozen
i want to be with you
i want to be in your arms
*i want to be thawed
     but i am frozen~

I shiver
here
in this foreign, drafty room -
so sleepy -
feeling hollow,
alone and empty,
my thoughts drift to you.

Inside this ballroom,
off in the corner,
I feel my face start to
flush and flame,
and from my heart,
warmth start to radiate.
No longer cold but smiling.

All from
the simple thought
of you.

Somehow you make me better
When you just talk to me, smile at me, text me
To know that you are there, that you care
Makes me believe
That there might be some sort of angel
Behind your blue eyes

You don't have to be perfect
You don't really need to try
I know I see some sort of angel
Behind your blue eyes

burn
burn
burn me
on fire
hold your match up to me
as the flames lick me
inhale smoke
I feel lighter

babe
let me in
your love is the best sin

part of me* wonders what it's like to smile and mean it
part of me is afraid of everything
part of me doesn't care
part of me has never traveled beyond internal thoughts
part of me misses him
part of me wants to be alone
part of me wishes that were true
part of me will never have a home
part of me lives deep within and hasn't been seen
part of me might risk it all
                      because
all of me  is in love with you

Why do I turn to him when I feel alone
How horrible am I to use him
In the ways I was used

I show up at his door, torment him with my act
Turn us into an addictive freak show
Do anything he wants

Just don't touch me and we can be a puppet show
Move fluid, move mechanical
Devoid of emotion

what do you want
from me
i can't see
your goal
whatever i do
i can't gauge your
reaction
do you
enjoy this
are you amused
confused
like me
disturbed
unperturbed
what do you want
from me
i'll give it
i'll be it
just tell me

under the tortured capture of time
under the tortured capture of this rhyme

dwell in the uncertain future
thoughts of what could be, full of dread
stay in the concrete past
where memories and hopes are dead

                                     don't be confined
                                     to stay within the lines
                       run, escape
                       break free, walk away
          become your own
          live your life
          like you have nothing left
today, this moment, take it

Call me stupid
Call me lame
I never planned
On earning fame

Call me ugly
Call me gross
The weight I loose
For you the most

Call me ****
Call me addict
Push me face down again
While you're at it

I've been hit,
I've been grabbed.
I've been pinned down,
I've been forced.

But wanting you
And living in fear,
Compared to the acts themselves,
This almost feels worse.

I want to hold onto you, smile at you

But I don't know how

So I cling to him, familiarity

The unknown intimidates me

But I want you to know

I want *you

my
             favorite
drug
                        ...
my
                    best
addiction