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Always alone, can never have enough attention
Always afraid to speak up, or out.
Never feeling like you are good enough, too plain.
Always feeling tired and weak.
Too much on my mind to converse.
Why does this happen to me, why can't I be normal?

Always afraid to show myself.
Always afraid to say something.
No one likes the real me, too weird.
No one will ever love me, not even myself.

Will I ever be able to fix myself?
Will someone be able to fix me?
Will anyone ever want to be my friend?
Will anyone ever talk to me?
Will I ever be good enough?
Will I ever find a best friend?

All these questions haunt me, taunt me.
Forever taking my soul.
Crushing it into a million pieces.
How does anyone survive this conundrum?

I will never survive, I will slowly die.
I will be a crushed piece of a cold heart.
I turn into a nobody.
I turn into someone I don't want to be.

Help me!
Help me escape these **** I have created myself to be.
Why did I do this to myself?
Why couldn't I just be normal?

Will I ever be at peace?

c.m.l.
Jake Sims Mar 8
I drank the *****
together with the pretty,
colorful juices

decantered and set
aside for the occasion.
Forgive me, I was

already tipsy,
because meeting new people
scares me a little.

I got drunk quickly,
and laid down on the couches
I just knocked right out.

Shameful, but then it
felt here, as always, like it
happens somewhere else.
Tiara I S Mar 7
When did friendship come with an expiration date
Since the first date we were strung out
Rung out and left to decay away
I thought I called Philotes all this time
Wrong dial- wrong mood- Oizys answers me in her place

It is the fear of absolment that vices my tongue
For I too often dissolve beneath others' acid
Quicker to cut the appendage than to gather my pride
Or what's been scraped from me
because I yearn for our friendship to remain intact and I do not think you quite understand how detrimental it is for me
earlfangs Mar 5
Curled up into a ball in the corner of the room,
Surrounded with nothing but bleak walls and the echoes of my breathe,
Staring out from behind the bars as I ignore the flickering light,
Hoping that a moment would come I could finally taste the freedom.

I couldn't remember how I got in this prison,
But the counts of my failed escapes are scarred on my body,
Every whisper is my shout, every tears are my untold wishes,
And every tick of the clock madness is feasting my mind.

Every move I make synchronizes with the sound of my chain,
Reminding me that my steps are counted as the walls around me,
Reaching out the bars, struggling to pass through them,
Yet all my endevours always go in vain.

The ghost of courage remains unseen and unheard,
Eyes on the laughing bars while I'm slowly shrinking,
As every strength fades into oblivion, this place turns into something worse,
For without a single sanity ever survived in a solitary confinement.

I am words left unspoken, unwillingly trapped in this place,
I am ashamed of how will I sound like to their ears,
Will I be accepted? Will I be rejected?
Will I be a curse or a blessing to the world?

I always try to blame others but it's me who trapped myself within these walls,
With no possible escapes I am willing to discover,
Loneliness is hunting me, holding the bow and arrow of despair,
But why? I'm just a voice longing to be heard.
Thabang Moji Feb 28
Not trying
To be alone
I crave
A connection

Wanting
To put in
Earphones
Disconnected

Can't find
The right song
To listen to
Loss of focus

Can't find
Anything
To consume
Loss of appetite

Constricted
By the muscles
Under my skin

Tension
Adds to the room
When others walk in
9/14/17 2:11p.m.
Thabang Moji Feb 25
When you walked in the room
I think time froze
I lost my thoughts
I forgot my next move

My hand remained in the bag
My lips remained chapped
Unable to chew
Unable to swallow my food
I became a statue
11/27/17 12:50p.m.
kk Jan 22
When will I stop feeling okay and start feeling more?
kk Jan 21
My relationship with mirrors is strained.
When I look I usually see what's probably
myself. I look better, probably, than before
when I slept no more than
3 hours every night
and spluttered through life
choking on words and stumbling over
misconceptions.
Now all of that is merely a buzz
trampled by a maximum dosage of meds
that let me function in life
but make everything a bit numb.
I much prefer numbness to personal nihilism.
Other times when I look in the mirror I
don't see much of anything.
When I'm in public and
the innocent looming presence of others
threatens my mind's fragile ego,
I see them abstracted in my periphery,
their glinting knives of eyes
sparing me a passing glance
(She's just smiling politely,
but my skewed eyes glimpse
faux teeth and behind them gargled, ****** judgements. I don't judge the digust.)
and I skim over a transparency
of myself in the mirror.
Too bad I can't actually disappear.
(Or maybe I can.
But I try to stray a little farther from those thoughts.)
Sometimes I feel heartbreakingly
**** in that mirror. Lonely. Unwanted.
Even with all those doting eyes on me.
I feel relied upon for something. To be
the one who makes them laugh. The one
who fills the silence. The one
who works hard even with setbacks.
(Do they even expect that of me? Or do I?)
When
in reality
I'm none of those things.
Not truly. Not really.
Theres always that tug of opposition in me,
that feeling of ingenuity, a touch of facade.
But I don't want them to see an **** side.
The side that mistrusts violently,
that lies stagnant with thoughts screaming.
Clamming up in the face of oppressing quiet.
The side
that rears its head when
they look a little too close.
Maybe it's my truest self, that broken side.
I wouldn't know. There
are too many walls. I can't even break them
myself.
Or maybe I've broken them all,
but I'm blindfolded,
feeling around an abyss with my eyes
wide open,
vision obscured by skin-tight fabric.
I could just,
untie that knot behind my head,
spiral further and further down--
just to feel something else--
But it's safer in this uneasy emotion.
I dont know if I'll ever find myself in
the mirror again.
Cynthia Jan 19
"Hello? Yes? Are you-"
Hang up
What?
Hang up!
No!
Shut up,
Sit down,
Don't talk.
Uhh...

"Never mind,
Sorry to bother,
I'll just,
Leave..."
What the ****,
Anxiety?!

Just looking out,
For what might happen,
If you stumble or stutter,
What would they think? Imagine!

But if you do this,
Every time I talk,
I won't have anyone,
To help me out!

"Hey, we're having a party,
Wanna come over and have fun?"
"That would be great- "
NO!
WAIT!
"But... Err, I have some work,
That needs to be done"

Again, really?
Now what may the problem be?
It's just, so many people!
So much danger!
Urgh, I hate you Anxiety.
I don't think I have anxiety but I hate social gatherings and having to talk to strangers, sometimes even friends cause I'm scared of what they might say or think. If there's anyone out there who does have anxiety, know that you're not alone, you aren't repulsive and you wont be friendless forever. There are people out there who are accepting and willing to help.
kk Jan 2
im unliving. unloving. unlovely, within.
my skin buzzes under
moonlit nights. my fingers dig in.
i ruin myself, over and over.
i peel away
what makes me imperfect,
only to find
that
my sins
always grow back.
i am barely living.
the night peels back
these layers of tentative
satisfaction.
i find my mind *****
underneath the blackness. i lack
the ability to hide.
my barriers are meaningless,
factless,
as they really are.
where do i go to hide from the truth
while under this moonlight?
will i ever be perfect?
will i ever be great?
will i even be good enough?
i know the answer. i know the answer.
and there's nowhere to burrow away from it,
but my fingers find a way.
into my scalp, into my lips,
into my face,
and blood blooms.
i can still feel that.
i can still love that
sharp, stinging, pain.
im back! its been a while, i apologize. im hurting again, unfortunately. i dont know when ill be able to escape from these feelings. maybe never. and i hate that. i want to be okay so badly. this isnt very good, but im just trying to get all of this out, somewhere.
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