The next time someone asks
“what’s the secret? You’re so skinny!”
I will tell them
“My anxiety physically eats me from the inside out,
and one day it’ll eat me up completely
so that the only thing left
are these burdensome questions you asked
a stressed out little girl”
Sometimes it feels like my whole body is trying to look as anxious as I feel
A barrel cast of porcelain I bear
A white-furred bull upon my waist reclines
The alabaster eggshell buried there
A hollow suffocated by design
I am, by ring, the oldest living tree
With form bereft of grace or limber charm
A prairie pale rolls forth atop my knees
Of silent waves composed into my arms
But ring and ring again supplants my will
As heat with yeast and dough will slowly swell
A tabby cat loved lazy, sweet and still
A sleeping pulse within a clownish shell
The valley miles above my buried chest
A place where, lying still, his head may rest
Leigh Marie Apr 23
my body is 100% woman
all curves and no straight angles
full of grace and love
a pillow to hold

my body is 100% miracle
all strength and perseverance
awkward and unique
a frame to remember

even when it feels
full of shame
I still know it to be
extraordinary
anon Apr 16
let me tell you how it all happened

they'll tend to tell you bullies caused it
or that everyone has the same experience
and it starts because
other people
forced it to

but what i have to tell you
is that i did it to
myself
i'm a turncoat
to my own flesh

i would look in the mirror and see
a gut
and suddenly
that was all i could see

no matter if my calves were toned
or my arms were sticks
i saw that gut
or my
curdled thighs
and that was all

so i'd say i wasn't hungry
or i'd "sleep" through a meal
and i'd work extra hard at practice
pretend i wasn't always run down

and even if i'd pass out
or struggle to stay awake
i'd pretend like it was sleep
i was depriving myself of sleep

and you know that cycle
in every anorexic girl's story
where her body bloats before it thins
because it's trying to protect her

i went harder in that stage
so i could lose the weight that made me a 2
instead of 00
and i would cry myself to sleep
because i was in pain
mental
and physical

but i couldn't stop the
taunts
i gave
myself

my dad would tell my friends
to make sure i would
eat
but i never listened

and now i look back
and see my former shell-f
a self that had no self
a self that was only

a shell

a turncoat

anorexic
What I Feel Apr 3
Internal convulsions occur when I
stare
    stare
        stare
at that body that people tell me is beautiful,
but all I can comprehend is that slab of undesired waste
piled up on that heap of toxic reoccurences
that I am too cowardly to face.
My body confidence is at rock bottom.
Emi Mar 8
No, don’t put that chip in your mouth
You know it’s not good for you
And don’t even think about buying that chocolate
You know what it’ll do
Emily, why can’t you just be normal
Eat broccoli and spinach like the rest of us
Not fast food plus sizes

Why can’t you live in our universe
Nothing tastes better than skinny feels
So shape us those meals
Don’t act like you’re a size zero
When you stuff your face with honey nut cheerios
Don’t make your eating habits a lie
The truth shows in your thighs

Why can't you live in our universe
Where our legs are straw thin
And our arms consist of only bone and skin
Our wrists as small as our singular chin

Why can’t you live in our universe
Where we’re all skinny
And we’re all perfect twigs
Where we look down on the non-existent pigs

Emily, why can’t you be skinny?

Because being skinny makes me feel like dirt
I mean, what is it worth
All I can conclude is that
Skinny hurts
Em Quinn Feb 9
my mind is a crimson sky.
stars hidden by the red hues of summer.
clouds cannot be seen beyond the stormy chaos that is free thought.

my hands hold crumbling wheat fields.
each plant destroyed by a sun that shines too bright.
the roots are torn up along my fingertips.

my eyes carry empty oceans.
once full of life, purpose.
the corpses of dreams lay scattered along the iris,
battered by flame.

my wrists are a crime scene,
life ripped away in a single, crisp action.
hanging from each violet vein is a rope of red intention.
skin pulled by string, a tightrope of regret.

my mind is a crimson sky.
stars hidden by the red hues of summer.
clouds cannot be seen beyond the stormy chaos that is free thought.

my body is...
a landscape of colour,
a sky of regret,
a sun that destroys everything in its path.

but my mind is a crimson sky,
a beautiful sunset,
masking the truth.
i don't think much about the future anymore, its getting harder to see.
F White Feb 6
Something of a wasteland lately-
Only elbows, shoulders and ribs.
Tentative and soft about my navel
Yet, above my hips no camel can trace a
Path.
Drops in this desert are fleeting and often the bones
Of strangers get in the
Way.
People look at me now and
Don't know what
To say.
Copyright fhw 2018
b e mccomb Jan 12
give us this day our daily
emotional breakdown
and forgive us our
blackout binges
as we forgive those who
starve themselves for perfection

and lead us not into
inherited obesity
deliver us from
the mental ward

FOR THERE IS SO
MUCH FUCKIN
BREAD IN THIS
HOUSE I CAN'T
TAKE IT ANYMORE


on mlk day i shut my eyes
and see scenes of
squishy white rolls and
pats of margarine

bread
leaden
deadened
feeling in my stomach

i can't eat any
more bread


but here it is
in baskets and
coolers in
toasters and
cupboards

my daily bread
made to sustain me
but turned into
the enemy

deliver me
from risen
yeast in
third degrees

a flour coated
tyranny
mind control
through sesame

swallowing
emotions
down
down
down


quietly settles
until spring
somewhere between
my hope and skin

you can see me
smile and stand
straight and tall
but what you can't see
is this shouldn't be
my body at all

*give us this day
our daily bread
and give us the strength
to chew meat instead
copyright 1/11/18 b. e. mccomb
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