One man who brought the world to one city
The center of their universe
The sky rains rose petals
The streets echo his name with thunderous roar and applaud
The king of a long line of kings
Raises his head above his ego
Statues created to honor his marvel to stand against time
Love and adoration finds him
From the most insignificant peasant
To the most honorable politician
One emperor, one king, above them all
He would be remembered far past his passing

One man in Rome had a different voice
One man hired by the immortal himself
One man to do the job behind the curtain
He stands behind his boastful aura
Behind the fabled greatness
Whenever someone gave him love
Whenever someone praised his name
Whenever someone kissed his hand
There was this man to remind him
Whenever someone blessed his life
Whenever someone sacrificed in his name
Whenever someone idolizes him with infamous intent
There is this man
A loyal servant to Rome and her bounty
To whisper in the modest King's ear

"You are just a man. You are just a man."

As it begins,
You explore who you are
And how you fit into the world.
More questions than answers.
Answers begets more questions.
You know you must choose a direction.
The abundance of obstacles
Clutter your path,
And an overwhelming sensation occurs,
One you’ve experience before;
Fear.

As you fall,
You are unaware of lost footing.
The world shows multiple grays,
And all the fear
You fought valiantly to subdue
Reminds you it never left.
The fires spread,
Consuming all for its feast,
Conflicting with all you stand for.
You hit the ground soaked in its residue;
Chaos.

Through the pain
You endure the worst,
Discovering the secrets of the fickle world
And who you must be to survive.
Adapt, reinvent, unlock
Your next form, your new wisdom.
Reach down, gather your strength
And stare down the flames
With an unyielding resolve,
And achieve what chaos thought you could never do;
Rise.

Stuck in a life full of tragic
She wants to leave
And find her magic.
No, she’s not erratic.

Hides all her pride inside the attic
Of her mind
It's all just static
No, she's not dramatic.

She slips again, and starts to panic
She’s sinking fast
Like the Titanic
It’s just a habit, it’s automatic.
This isn't fairy tales that you read
It's ****** her dry she can't even bleed
She’s falling apart all over me.

She's in her room on the phone
Crying to me
That she's alone.
Her mind is stuck in traffic.

A pile of dreams under the bed
Once full of promise
Now torn to shreds, can’t admit it’s dead.

She tells me what she thought it would be.
Like it is on tv.
She’s no longer in the scene.
She picks it up right where she left it,
On the floor, she can't forget it.
This isn't magic.
This isn't habit.
This isn't tragic.
It's automatic.

The orchestra awaits in the pit;
Waiting for their cue.
Waiting for the lights.
The hierarchy of the symphony ready’s their instruments.
The concertmaster prepares the string section.
The principle trombone and trumpet
Rallies the brass section.
The flute looks over the woodwinds.
All these parts and pieces brought together
To make beautiful music;
Music that pierces the soul,
Soothes the turbulent mind,
And brings sophistication
To the chaotic mind.

Yet there is a man
Who stands before the assembly.
He does not play strings.
He does not play brass.
He does not play woodwind.
He stands before the assembly with wand in hand
With his back facing an eager audience.
For he has the most important job of all.
The orchestra would remain an assembly
Of beautiful noise with no direction
Without that magic wand.

This man directs the noise
To blend and flow
To make sense to our ears.
He is the conductor,
And he plays the orchestra.

She’s awake in the night, she is dreamless.
The tears start to form, they are streaming.
She tries to cry out, but she is voiceless.
My, my, it’s maddening.
And to think that all she loves
Have turned their backs on her.
While her emotions have declare war on her.

Apathy has set in, she is hopeless
That someone will see that she is falling,
And feeling deprived.

She’s all alone as depression slowly covers her room.
The pressure is there, malignant, questioning if she
Can get through the night.

With a mask on her face, she feels stronger
To face all the world, she’ll convince them.
A performance she gives, and they believe it.
But I see her disease, she is breaking.
I’ll take her home.

‘Cuz I sit and watch as depression slowly fills up her wounds.
It spreads to her core, malignant, I wonder if I
Can catch her before she falls.

Couple miles from my new life,
Thousands from my home.
Forced to rely on all I know
But all I know is a joke.
I can hear my mom say “Son you can’t give up”
As I’m pulling over because I might just throw up.
So I grit my teeth, dust off my sleeves,
I’m feeling hopeless, I may need to eat.
All my friends keep texting “When will you be home?”
Man I don’t know.
I’ll figure that out tomorrow.

Oh what an awkward life I’ve made.
A future forged by silly dreams and a fairy tale masquerade.
Trying to survive on my trade,
Armed with fear and an education I probably overpaid.
Every week I’m in a different state.
State of mind and through state lines, there’s friends at every gate.
But I don’t want to wait.
Say man, I’ll see you in New York.
Ok, I’ll meet you in Austin.
Oh yeah, I see you in Charlotte.
Ok, let’s meet up in Boston.

Tomorrow is my year, oh,
I’d shout out but I’m waiting for
Anxiety to quiet down inside me.
But I’ll wait and see,
With some luck I won’t **** this up
Because I’ll be home this week.

Silhouette
Of your beautiful heart
Saunters
Over my lonely shoulders,
Clutching
Your very memory,
Reminding me you’re not here.
Oh, how empty, without you.
Waking up, and I feel
Your breath.
Your touch.
Reality wakes up too
And humbles me.
I know
I could
Never
Show you
How much you shaped me,
How much I see you,
How much I love you,
How much I need you.
My world is my house
But your love feels like home.

Hearing the words but they don’t come out my mouth.
I can’t work up the nerve
To ask her to dance and maybe buy her a drink,
I think I might throw up.
Another song, hope I’m not wrong,
I’m leaning on the jukebox.

Standing in place like nobody is there,
I can’t believe myself.
A million reasons I should go over there
But I hide in my cup.
Another song, hope I’m not wrong,
I’m leaning on the jukebox.
I’m pleading with the jukebox.

Downpour of the rain and midnight thunder soothes my brain.
I can fix this.
I need a breakthrough, I need something…
I just can’t think, I can’t create.
You sound like them, nervous and ready to condemn,
But I’m closer to truth, and closer to all the sickness
In their bones.

So I scratch out their names of another soul this disease claims.
And it just spreads, it always spreads.
Their eyes hardly sober now.
If they’re alive, then I can’t tell.

Silence of the room, it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad.
Stealing from the tomb, it’s not so bad, it’s not so…
Not so bad.

So I scratch out the names of the poor ******* I can’t save
To ease the blame.
The ghosts of humanity beckons for life I can’t provide
Or recreate, or sew the seeds of my good deeds.
I see the line, I can’t stop now.
I know I’m flirting with hell.
If I’m alive, then I can’t tell.

Pills and optimism seem to fail when I need
Strength to persevere but the light is fading.
I can feel the nightmares in my bones, persuading
Me to find solutions for the sick
So we won’t die.

Patience, I see that time has failed you.
Why did the people praise you?
Why did the people warn me
To keep you close by?

Hope, how could you betray me?
You were my one foundation.
Why did you decide to leave me
To suffer alone?

Darkness, I can’t begin to tell you
How much I’ve come to crave you.
Sorry I kept you chained up,
But I need you now.

A man was walking a path
Searching for himself
When he came across two wolves.

One wolf was peaceful,
Bringing tranquility and love.
The other wolf was chaotic,
Bringing distress and sorrow.

The wolves were hungry
And looked to the man for nourishment.
The man had a choice to make.
Feeding the peaceful wolf
Would starve the chaotic wolf,
Rendering the peaceful wolf with no purpose.
Feeding the chaotic wolf
Would make it stronger,
Effectively putting peace in danger.

The man took bread from his satchel
And broke the loaf in half,
Feeding both wolves.
Though the wolves did not look pleased,
They accepted the offering.

The man sat with the wolves as they ate.
Both peace and chaos sat together.
As the man sat with the wolves,
Eating in perfect harmony
He found himself.

Took my breath from me.
Passion swept us off our feet.
Sunk her teeth so deep in me,
Left me numb in this reverie.
She gives a smile for me
As my blood falls to her cheek.
Sing a lullaby off key.
What has she done to me?

While I was sleeping I felt compressed.
Weight of the world, I felt on my chest.
Open my eyes, I just see blood-red.
No going back.

Undead fantasies replaces memories of old
Like a story once told, stripped away,
I won’t need them.
The world just stares at me,
But there’s no life out there for me.
I just want her to take me home,
See what’s beyond this flesh and bones.

I must be dreaming, it’s in my head.
My body’s empty, I feel undressed.
I’m barely breathing, but there’s no stress.
No going back.

Crying loud, stuck in your throat.
No one can hear.
Tread along, feet drag behind.
No one is near.
It’s too late to restart.
You’re faking your part.
Go down that avenue,
You’ll never find peace.
When you come home to good medicine,
You’ll finally sleep.

Light it up, let it out.
Whole mind is sore.
Inhale, holding on tight.
Flowing to your core.
It gets late, it gets dark.
You’re playing this part.
Lay down, obscured view,
You’re searching for peace.
Come down from good medicine
So you can get sleep.

She looks like temptation.
There’s no way I’d ever tell her no.
She tries so hard to fake it.
She can’t let anyone know.
As soon as the lights get low,
She starts dancing real slow
And I just go with the flow.
But she just wants to leave.

She dreams big in this small town.
Bright lights, fame, a house in L.A. hills.
But she’s scared she’ll never make it,
Stuck here with her desires unfulfilled.
It’s right there on her face…
It’s right there if you’d care to see.
The tears stream down her face...
But it’s hard to see in subdued lighting.

So she’ll dance in a thong.
And she’ll dance to every song.
Bring fantasies to reality,
But hers remain asleep.

Peace.
It’s so far fetched to think I could catch a moment of solace.
Eluding me, so close and yet so far..
But you’re the answer to a question I could never ask.
If I’m the sky then you must be the star.

Trying to remember the emotions I lost in a year.
It’s flooding back each time you look at me.
The lies I told myself were all I knew.
The truth inside your bright eyes let’s me see.

But I don’t want to see beyond this night
As the morning light is too bright.

Spent so long
Trying to make sense of it all.
Starry night
Makes me feel so big, yet so small.

It’s the right time to fall asleep
And remember...everything.
We can start again, I’m so over this…....I wish.

We're so destructive with lack of care.
Douse the fire that we claim we need but instead,
Lie awake, eyes on the wall.
Every night, there is a chance, such an obvious chance
We're making a mistake,
But we denounce our logic.
Lights out, open thighs... ...I won’t regret this.

Get a phone call from our significant’s
Ignore it, and their pain increases.
And we fade into this secret world
That we forged through infidelity.
I recall the sweetest sin you said... ...baby it’s just a kiss.

And now we're changing
The future in my bed sheets,
Leaving a trail of bleeding hearts.
I shoulda burned you out of my mind
A long time ago, but I’m fixed on you
Like an addict….
...I think I’m gonna be sick.

I see me
Ready to face this new world alone.
And I see fear
Accompany the thoughts of the unknown.
The struggle
To discover the strength I had the whole time.
The challenge
To open my eyes when I’ve been so blind.
I see me,
And all of the mistakes I’ll ever make.
I feel it,
The pain of holding on to that regret.
It’s daunting
To think that I would never catch a break.
But I swear it,
These are times you don’t want to forget.

Reach out with a brave shout
Through the space in-between me.
The sunlight on the skyline,
You’ll make it, guaranteed.

I’ll answer the question that burns like midnight oil.
Am I the flower or am I the soil?
I hope this message finds me well.
You’ll be alright.
Your faults are not the end of me.

This world conforms to me.
Landscapes bursting with hues,
You can almost smell the colors.
Benevolent to my wounds.
Distorted shapes and figures
Blending with one another.
My solace,
My sanctum,
My peace.

My worries,
My pain,
My memories,
None are welcome.
An escape from all that wishes to harm me.
One stroke of my finger
And all my imagination appears.

I hear familiar voices from the outside.
“Come back,” they shout,
“Come back to reality
And face what troubles you.”

“No,” I whisper,
“I think I’ll stay.”

She stares in my nervous eyes
Her steady hand touches mine.
Im breathing her in, the air's getting thin.
Im open wide.

She presses her lips to mine,
My hands climbing up her thighs.
And all I could see was pure ecstacy
Tonight.
Oh, my head wont stop spinning,
No, my heart won’t stay still.
Oh, nothing can be better...no,
She has only begun.

She's laying inside my arms
While she seduces me with charm.
My emotions sway, I beg her to stay
Tonight.
Recover my beating heart
So naive from the start.  
I know that she'll leave once she's done with me
Tonight.

Oh, this room won’t stop spinning
No, what have I become?
Oh, the fantasy's over...no,
I am coming undone.

I say I’m fine
But I know how to lie.
Dumping all of me into this drink.
My friends do their best,
To show me how I’m blessed.
Loving up on  me, but I’m faking.
I guess…
I’m still hurting, it’s still weighing.
Wondering where you’re laying.
Who’s this new guy you’re displaying?
…….
Approaching me
With danger in her eyes.
Poison on her lips, I bet.
Lingering,
The smell of her perfume.
Allure on her tongue calling out for me.
I can’t…
You should know this, you should know,
I may glitter but I’m not gold.
I was told not to love anybody
‘Cause I’m just gonna hurt somebody.
She said “I know that road is rocky,
‘Cause I’ve already been somebody.”
So I put my hands on her body.
It felt good to be close to somebody.

It’s not love, it’s not romance.
She just came here for a dance.
I say I’m fine, but I can lie.
She sees the truth behind my eyes.
“Let me cure you, bring your pain.
Hopefully you’ll do the same.”

A picture captures a dream of a time
That I was living.
A time where the sky was always gold
And no worries were given.
My only responsibility
Was to be back before the streetlights.
Nintendo 64 with my friends
And Nickelodeon all through the night.
I wasn’t bothered by thoughts
Of what people thought of me.
We were true to ourselves
Even if we didn’t know what that meant.

I wonder if I went back now
To meet who I was back then,
Would I be proud of myself
Or see I’m way off track once again?
Have I found my truth
Or did I forget the lessons from youth?
Can’t help but laugh at this photograph.
Oh, it’s time that I went back.

Sweet tea
And mustard stains’ what I remember first
Of the night we watched
Fireworks at the Inner Harbor,
Then I threw up.
Nervous from your mild touch
As you held my hand, it wasn’t planned.
It was mid July
And we watched our favorite band
Play our song.

That’s all we had.
That summer night
And neon lights to guide our way home.
You kissed me softly on the cheek.
Your eyes said words I couldn’t speak.
I’m whistling our playlist
And hoping your kiss won’t fade.

While I try to sleep,
I couldn’t help but to think
This just might be my moment.
So I grabbed my keys, took dad's car,
I’m practicing my repertoire.
How was I to know
What I’d see in your window?

The shadows moved from right to left,
Feeling my heart break in my chest.
The clear picture made me sick
To see who you replaced me with.
When it rains it will surely pour
And my socks soaked to the floor.
I wish I would have stayed in bed.

I clutched my hand upon my cheek.
My tears said words I couldn’t speak.
I’m deleting our playlist
But still hoping your kiss won’t fade.

As you and I melt away
I can’t let go
Of everything that I cannot control.
Who am I to be?
Who am I supposed to be now?
When we collide, is it true?
We’re stuck in time
Of everything that I cannot control.
Who am I to you?
Who am I to you now?

You tell me
Fairy tales.
All of this means nothing
When you and I melt away.
I’m holding tight
To everything that I’m afraid to know.
It’s part of me.
It’s part of you now.
The years that passed never settled in.
You kiss my lips
And I don’t understand your affection
Of who I am,
Of who I am now.

I stay grounded
When you look to the sky.
You wanna fly, you wanna fly.
I guess that I
Will watch you fly away in your new light.
Leave me behind under the weight of time.
And you sing of dreams, and fairy tales.
I don’t fit in those details.
You wanna know who’s the boy underneath?
Well so do I.
So do I.

Windows

It’s not the truth I seek,
But my truth I desire.
I’ve been trapped in this room so long
That I didn’t notice the window.

Outside this window was light.
Within that light, I saw life.
A landscape of green, vibrant and stunning.

Another window appears.
A midsummer rainstorm
Washing the streets and nourishing the world.
The smell of life penetrates the glass.

Then I noticed several more windows.
A sky painted with sleepy hues.
A deep ocean, calm and tranquil.
A metropolitan skyline, busy and loud.
A symphony of animal shouts and chirps.
A desert oasis full of wonder.

In awe of the splendor, I glance back to the room,
And I realize my truth.
I was never trapped in this room.
I just never looked for an exit.

When your heart goes numb
You’ll do anything to feel again.
In the cold, dark, night,
Wandering aimlessly to see again.

Is this just a warning
Of who we’ll become in the morning?
Is this just a moment
Or is there a call we’re ignoring?
Choices and consequences.
Did you learn nothing?

When your heart goes numb
You’ll do anything to feel something.

I used to speak a language that had no limitations.
I could speak to the birds,
Ask them how it felt to fly.
I could speak to the trees,
Ask them how tall they could grow.
I could speak to the wind,
Ask it where it was going.
I could speak to the babbling creek,
Ask it why it was so talkative.
Ah, the visible world was so chatty back then.
I could even speak to the invisible world.
My imagination would sometimes come to life.
It would often be my company through the days.
As I grew older my world became less talkative.

How did that language go?

Done with me,
Ending us early,
It seems to me you got all you needed
I bet.
“It’s all me,
I know it’s hard to believe,
I didn’t mean to mislead,”
You said.
When did you know we wouldn’t make it?
Why’d you spend so much time tryna fake it?
Texting that guy, you told me not to worry.
But you ran to his arms in a hurry.
And here I thought I deserved love
But you only gave me hurt love.

It’s all blurry, it’s all faded.
All of the time that I wasted.
2 a.m. deep talks all wasted.
Charm City harbor nights wasted.
Foundation for love, I gave it.
Island trips and diamonds, you were chasing.
Does he do the things for you that I do?
Or were you looking for something new?
Does he know the games that you’re playing?
Does he know that your love is dangerous?

It’s all blurry, it’s all faded.
He’s probably thinking he deserves love.
He doesn’t know you give hurt love.

It begins with a spark.
A surge I feel in my bones.
I’m unaware, at first,
But slowly it spreads throughout.

The sensation reaches full potential,
It builds to the surface.
Suddenly, my interior sneaks out
And dares anyone to witness.

As an expression.
As words.
As a gesture.
I am left with conflict.
Do I stroke this flame
And let it consume its surroundings?
Or do I let it wither,
Starved of attention?

Just as I begin to understand,
Just as I begin to see this flicker
Draped over me,
It vanishes,
As quickly as it came.

I’m left with the aftermath,
And the wonderment
Of if I’ll ever catch it as it sparks,
Or continue to be seconds behind.

Trash man came by today,
Same time he comes every day and
He asked for all my trash.
He didn’t care if it was in a bag so I
Gave him all my anxiety
That’s living inside of me.
My depression, all my fears, and my insecurity.

Trash man, trash man,
I’ll never understand how
He can tip his hat and smile
And say “I’ll see you in a while.”
He never once complains or
Mentions the weight of my pain.
Wind, hail, snow, or rain,
Tomorrow he’ll be back again.

Well I love you trash man,
Make your rounds in a flash.
I can’t help but wonder, though,
Who takes the trash man’s trash?

I am haunted by the dream;
The dream that dreams of me.
The dream where I saw all of me
And all I could ever be.
Although we went our separate ways
A nagging thought stays;
Could it be I have not seen the last of me?

What if one decides
He’d rather have my life?
What if my demise
Will make them feel more alive?

They want to take what I have earned.
Yes, that must be so.
But when they shall stake their claim?
That I do not know.
They’ll come with knives, they’ll come with fire.
They’ll come with guns and rope.
They’ll come with poison, they’ll come with bats.
They’ll come with prayers and hope.

I have become my worst enemy.
Me, me, me….
Which is the real me?

I am
The guy on the side,
The one you desperately try to hide,
But that’s alright.
I’m willing to let it all slide
Just as long as you show up on time,
Then everything is fine.
It’s lust, that I understand
But don’t get mad if I don’t hold your hand,
Because I’m not your man.
By and by, put your feelings aside,
And remember this it what you implied.

Running through the mud, playing games outside,
It must have been summer ‘95.
Everything would change when her dad arrived,
And for the first time I saw fear in someone’s eyes.
She would never say.
She would never say.

Hiding in my bedroom, hiding from what’s true
On that autumn evening 2002.
“How come your mom’s face is always black and blue?”
She just made up lies like she never knew.
She would never say.
She would never say.

Sitting in the driveway, tears in her eyes,
It’s the end of school, 2005.
“We could run away, leave it all behind.”
But she swallowed her tears and went back inside.
She would never say.
She would never say.

Reunited again, and she swears she’s fine
At the grocery store 2009.
She gave up hope for a healthy life.
Saw the fear replaced by the guilt inside.
She would never say.
She would never say.

A brand new morning
The same old feelings,
I have to face the day.
Put on a good show,
Put on a great display.
It’s so cliche.
I don’t know how to say
That I’m not okay.

I’m falling apart now,
Fading away.
New moments keep coming,
Old feelings stay.
I need you to lean on,
I can’t stand today.
I don’t wanna sprint through this,
I just need to keep pace.

Once upon a time I had it all.
I was King.
Never thought that I would ever fall.
Lose everything.
Songs about me would echo in the halls.
Oh how’d they sing.
Now my future’s come to a crawl.
What will it bring?
What will it bring?

I woke up too early from dreaming.
Oh how I miss all those feelings.
I can’t seem to shake off these demons.
Wonder what else they’ll be scheming.