If i told you that you shouldn't trust me, would you trust it?

Wow. Way to go.
You ****** up once again.
You pick the worst timing.
You make everything so dramatic.
You pick at the tiniest things.
Wow. Way to ******* go.

You feel good about yourself?
You think you'll do better next time?
You think you can fix it?
You think it will fix itself?

No.

I'm a **** up.

Can someone please slice me open and let me bleed out, because I'm afraid if I tried, I'd **** up. And the world doesn't need any more **** ups.

Everyone I know is crazy,
except those in the hospitals.
The insane haven't lost their ****** minds,
they've found it.

If you can't understand this,
perhaps you're considered 'sane,'
by the 'sane,' when really,
you're blinded by society's plague.

Open your mind to insanity !
You have much to learn.
The world around us is a lie.
If you can't comprehend that,

open your  **eyes

they say "the good die young."*

       *must i wait much longer before i decide i'm not good ?

If eyes are the window to the soul,
Yours are fake,
My mistake.

I will always be in love with him.
As jealousy takes him away,
and my words make no difference to his stubbornness,
I will always be in love with him.

So, cut me open,
and sew me shut.
For all this time,
was nothing but a bittersweet waste.

The time will go by,
and memories will be pictured of another lifetime.
As the happiness drains away,
and sadness takes my heart.

He could always be mad,
for all of our life,
over one idiotic reason,
brought on by assumptions.

All of my life,
you have been my love.
And for the rest,
you will continue to be.

The voices in my head are telling me to slit your throat.
And I want to torture you, so I guess we're on the same boat.
It's okay, we'll make it painful as can be.
Oh, you'll love it. Just wait and see.

Wait, what tool should I use?
I want to leave more than a bruise.
A dagger, hatchet, drill, or a knife?
Either way, you know I'll take your life.

Just lay there and be real still,
As I drill into your heart with all my will.
I said Be Still
My intentions are only to ****.

Why didn't you see this coming?
Was I too distracting with my psychotic humming?!
You started this. Oh, yes you did.
Didn't it bother you she was only a kid?

Let me ******* you.
And rip out your ribs, too.
You dont need them. Ribs are the cage of the heart.
You never had one from the start.

I'll pull off each nail. Fingers and toes.
Maybe put a wet towel to your nose.
Do you feel that? Do you feel yourself drowning??
That's what she felt like, everytime her heart was pounding.

It hurts, doesn't it?
Wonder how it feels to have your skin lit.
How does it feel? The fire's melting you like a lit candle.
That's how her soul felt when everything became too much to handle.

One last thing to do.
Before I am through.
How would it feel to have no ****?
slice
Now, maybe you'll stop being such a *****.

It's kind of sad when you have friends who you say are your family,
and say your family is not.

It's depressing when your family does not accept you as a member,
and you never thought of yourself as one.

It's a little unsettling when you can picture your future being beautiful and bright, without seeing them ever again.

I let you in
And you tear right through
Just to make me regret
All the things i do

You break me down
And i Shatter all over
To make me think at one point
You were my lucky clover

Tore me apart
'Till i couldn't breathe
Gasping for air
Acknowledging that you would never grieve

If I died today
Or if i died tomorrow
You could be the cause
But that would bring no sorrow

So take my word
As you try to push back into my life
I truly hate you
And I'd come at you with a knife

The knife you came at me with
The knife that held me still
The knife that will **** you
And that shall be a thrill

So stand back
Cause now, I'm stronger
And if you don't believe me
You won't be around much longer.

Let's Begin*,
Join the circle,
Show a grin,
Laugh hysterical,
Then you're in.

Take a knife,
And here we go,
**** their wife,
And let everyone know,
Don't leave a life.

Play in blood,
A whole **** tub,
Bodies buried in mud,
Or throw em in an abandoned hearse hub,
Then smoke some bud.


.........................................
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦­♦♦♦♦
.........................................

The deeper the cuts,
the more they bleed.
The longer the cuts,
the less you'll need.

More medication,
for doctor's greed.

Hi, you have reached the voicemail box of Syreena Phelps. I am either working, sleeping, or too depressed to answer the phone. Leave your name, number, and a reason for me to live, and I'll get back to you as soon as I am mentally able. Thanks!

As if everything around me didn't depress me already,
He wanted me, and i wasn't willing, nor ready.

His face made my teeth grind with hate,
I should've took his life, but now it's too late.

He held me down and I couldn't breathe,
It didn't matter what i said, he wouldn't leave.

It wasn't until he got what he wanted that I got away,
That was long ago, but I dream of it to this day.

One of the worst experiences of my life,
And when it's brought up, I strife.

For that man to die wouldn't be a shame,
Yet, I never told anyone, haven't even mentioned his name.

No one would believe me, no matter how hard i try,
So, I fold my hands, and pray that he dies.
                            *
I'm already insane. Yes, indeed I am mad,
So, perhaps another visit from him wouldn't be so bad.

I could show him my knife,
and cut off what ruined my life!

I feel like the only person who feels so plain about my stretch marks. I dont hate them or love them they're just there. Doesnt stop me from wearing a bikini. I'm fully aware that my body is just a vessel I'm using to experience life better and it doesnt matter how I look. I love myself inside and out and stretch marks are just there. Doesnt make me any uglier. I had stretch marks on my thighs before I got pregnant, and idk why because i was always super skinny. Got stretch marks from my pregnancy. Because I carried a ******* child, ya know? What does society expect from me? I literally made life, I'm BOUND to be left with some battle scars.

If you think you are going to die of old age with a perfect body with no scars, no stretch marks, absolutely nothing gone weird or wrong along the way, you're wrong. Every mark on your body shows you've actually LIVED LIFE and didnt hide from it. Be proud of every dent, every stitch, every scar, and ******, every stretch mark. Shows you had some fun and experiences in this short time you have here on earth. Don't you dare hate yourself for THAT.

I don't want there to be a day where I have to read a speech at my best friend's funeral because she commited suicide.

I don't want to have to say how cruel and horrid the world is to destroy such an amazing and innocent person.

I don't want to watch her happiness wipe away from her face as sadness and darkness plagues her heart.

I don't wanna get that call in the middle of the night telling me my friend is gone.

I don't want to dream of her smiling, to wake up to a dying soul.
But a dream is only a dream..

I don't want to be watched by a ghost of a friend who didn't want to live.

But, it's happening. People will keep being cruel to the most loving people, until they no longer want to be in this hell.

I don't want to watch a friend die.

Please don't make me.

Shattered dreams
and frantic streams
Of all my fear letting out screams.
I can no longer control it,  so it seems.

Constant fears,
Falling tears.
And so the darkness cheers.
I'm done with fighting after all these years.

Painful leech,
Satanic speech.
The voices screech
As the preacher began to preach.

All that's good,
And all that should.
Hiden behind a cross of wood.
To reach it, I never could.

They're pulling me back,
And that's a fact.
Hiding behind this hapiness act.
Pinning me down like paper behind a tac.

I'll never be free,
As you can see.
Drowning, I'll always be.
I'll never know why they ever chose me.

So, say "goodbye,"
And don't you cry,
For when I die,
I can finally fly.

Just keep that smile on your face,
Don't ever let it erase,
Just incase.
For when I'm gone, they'll need someone new to chase.

"Don't put your happiness in other people's hands.
               They'll drop it.
  They'll drop it every time."

-C. Barzak

Life* is full of secrets.

Is it that impossible to see?

Full of mystery in front of you.

Of all you can see, you aren't seeing the interpretive.

Lies deceive you, behind every hidden door.

They say those who are the loneliest stay awake all hours of the night.

What if they stay up all night at day ?
What if they are surrounded by people ?
What if they aren't even aware that they are lonely ?

We're all just a bunch of humans that are forgetting what humanity is.


Evil has come upon us, and no one has lifted their heads from their phones to see.


We are all humans, with feelings and pain, and we forget that we aren't the only one who feels in this way.


You're not the only one who gets hurt in this world.

We say things such as "don't bully her for being an orphan," yet, it is acceptable to call a loyal woman who adores *** a **** or *****.

We stand up for someone who doesn't have good grades, but make someone who is gay feel unwanted.

We believe that freedom of speech is an excuse of offend and hurt.
Freedom of speech is to speak your opinion, not to break someone's day into a million shattered glass pieces.

We blame people for things they have no control over.

******, ****, stealing, abuse of any kind, fighting, bullying, torture.
We are all in the wrong, somewhere.

We speak of how humans are destroying the earth, how we are letting Satan into our everyday life, how we are becoming evil without knowledge. We speak of the world coming to an end because of us, humans.

Why are we sitting here trying to change the world, when we must change ourselves.

Look at yourself. No, really look at yourself. No matter how hard it will be to see the evil that you may cause, you must do it so that you can change. Change for the good. Change for yourself. Change for us humans. The planet. Humanity.

Bring humanity back!

I literally want to see you die
I want to stab you in the eye
I want to see and make you cry
And let me tell you why

Why I want to slit your neck
Why I want to see you wreck
Why I want you buried below the deck
Why? I'll tell you in a sec...

Before or after I hang you by your nose
Before or after I cut off your toes
Before or after? Nobody really knows
Before or After... okay here it goes

The reason I want to tear you apart
The reason I want to leave your dead body in a cart
The reason truly comes from the heart
So, let's begin from the start

The night you became a witch
The morning that you became a *****
The afternoon you made me scream high pitch
The evening that you will find yourself in a ditch

The story is too long and you already know it
If my emotions got hit, you'd never quit
You know your eyes lit, cause you're a *******
And that's why your skin has got to split

So say "goodbye"
Tonight, you shall die
From my heart you shall no longer get high
Because even you know, it was all a lie.

Where are the angels...*
          *when the devil strikes?

You broke my heart when you left me.

You flew away and into a car.

You've always been an angel, but didn't use your wings that day.

In fact, you didn't even use your seat belt. You didn't use your steering wheel. Didn't use your breaks. You just drove right into them.

Why..

   why?

You left me my friend. What am I supposed to do, now?

Without you, a piece of me is lost and I don't know if I'll ever find it again. I don't know if it even exists anymore.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't knowwww, I wish you were here to help me. I wish I was there to help you.

I sit on the porch,
a cigarette in between my fingers,
thinking about how I don't know,
and the thought lingers.

I take a drag,
then let out the smoke,
could this be the end,
of the midnight's ****?

There's still a chance,
a chance this isn't happening,
that this i got lucky,
or i carry a being.

Too young, too scared,
I sit alone,
wondering how many months,
till i get kicked out of my home.

If i can't take care of myself,
how can i care for another?
No job, no money,
too young to be a mother.

Sit still, breathe deep,
this happens to a lot of teens,
but they survive the task,
and make princess queens.

Take it down a notch,
there's still that chance,
and with it, being young,
you could still dance.

Things die just as fast as they become alive.

    Things can be taken from you just as fast as they are given.

         Things.

They can change fast. Moments change. Just as fast as the moment came.  

Your heart can be broken just as fast as it was fixed.

       Your smile can leave as fast as it was put on your face.

              A song can go from your favourite, to your least favourite, just as fast as the song plays.

  Promises.. They can be broken just as quickly as they were promised.

    People can change as fast as that one handshake that changed your world.

The world is changing. Life is changing. You can see it. You can feel it. You witness it everyday. .

But, have you ever noticed you may be changing as well.

  What doesn't **** you doesn't make you stronger, it makes you wish it did **** you.

Broke, hungry, and a dry tongue.
Who knew life would attack you this young?

Ripped sweater and freezing cold.
You can't grab a blanket cause it had to be sold.

For water and food.
Tired and sad is your only mood.

Why can't the world be a bit more kinder?
She could be in a cardboard box and no one would mind her.

Holding a little hand with nothing to say.
Because of the cruel world, they may take that little hand away.

Our world is ******, and the system is broken.
But who cares as long as the rich get a gold token.

Who cares, it's only a few.
who cares as long as it's not you .

It is a fact
Fire kills itself
It devours its only life source
It commit suicide with stealth

A life of a fire is short and full of pain
Heat rises as she quickly does her job of light
Burning everything in her path
Leaving nothing behind she can bite

Her soul is bright
Her death is keen
For as she dies
It's the purest you've ever seen

Strong in the day
Beautiful at night
A fire's magic
Pain plain in sight

Not every poet is a depressed person;
But every depressed person is a poet.

We cover her skin with long trails of asphalt roads
We fill her waters with plastic waste and burnt out cigarette butts
We overwhelm her atmosphere with toxic smoke in a million different ways
We throw bombs at her body while fighting with one another
We bury burning garbage beneath her flesh, hide our waste beneath her flesh, constantly build build build beneath her flesh
We **** her animals, we **** her trees, we **** her oceans and her seas. We **** her land and her sky.

All she did was give us a place to call home. How selfish can we possibly be?

Take care of the earth. She needs you.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

You ever felt so lost?
Like your life had a path,
but you went off track
and cant find your way back?

The hands of depression grab a hold of me,
grip as strong as graphene.
Drowning me while I'm still breathing.
Brainwashing me of my happiness.

Through all the pain I finally scream out
"Enough is Enough!"
but it just echoes through the tunnels of loneliness.

Anxiety wraps around me like a straitjacket,
pulling me under the waves of life and socialization,
drowning me in the depths of the oceans with it's sinking anchor.
Pulling me deeper and deeper until the sands of a panic attack tickle my feet.

Thoughts in my mind swarm me like bees of a disturbed nest.
Tears in my eyes overwhelm me in the same vein a thunderstorm in a desert.

Numbing the pain with sleep, alcohol, and cigarettes.
I've smoked so many cigarettes my demons are addicted to nicotine.
But nothing can numb the pain of being stuck in your life.
The smoke will never fade them away.

Maybe one day I'll live life instead of fighting it.
"Maybe one day," I tell myself to keep going.
Maybe one day.

maybe.

It's about time I write about him
Him who tried to steal all of my strength
But took my weaknesses
Him who bruised me where clothes could hide and skin could cover
Him who ****** compassion out of each vein that runs beneath my flesh
Him who kicked motivation out of the insides of my cheeks, barely missing my teeth
Him who tossed me at the wall so hard the noise will echo into my grave
Him who would drive me off the road while I am walking
Him whose clenched fists kissed me more than he did
Him who would say the words "I love you" like he was screaming "I'm just trying to keep you!"
Him who'd tell me he's always hated when women have red hair only after I told him that's my favourite colour on me
Him who only cared about his favourite colour on me
Him who said he'd give me a home but gave me a cage, a place to sleep but gave me a space to cry, a place to live but an atmosphere that made me want to die
Him who strived to convince life to leave my dark brown eyes
Him who tried so hard to steal all of my strength
But in the end, I left him with my weaknesses.

She slit open her wrist,
clenched her fist,
waited for it to go away,
the painful words they'd say.

Tears rolling down as the blood drips to the floor,
in the empty room knowing she was alone forever more.
Hoping the pain would wash away,
but this kind of pain doesn't heal in one day.

Sliding down the wall of her room,
as the blood came rushing from her open wound.
Opening her mouth to let out a cry,
for all she wanted to do was die.

The painful words, and her mental condition,
made life feel like a dreadful mission.
She had to work hard all of her life,
to find her self at skin with a knife.

Now her thought was only suicide,
to die before she even became a bride.
How young she was did not matter,
to the ones who led her down this latter.

She was once a happy girl,
whose smile was a pure as a pearl.
But teen years came rushing through,
as it always does, trying to destroy you.

She sat in the corner and cut another four,
for she could not take this anymore.
She quickly decided that this is it,
she was done with life and all of it's ****.

As she held the knife to herself,
her brother came in and screamed for help.
Her parents rushed in and took her blade,
and quickly ran to her the first aid.

Her father yelled, then called 9-1-1
and before she knew it, hell begun.
The ambulance came and took her away,
saving her to make her live another day.

Once she got all sewed up,
she closed her eyes to see her mind was corrupt.
She realized that she was stuck,
stuck in a world where no one gave a ****.

After she went home a few weeks later,
the pain that was caused got much greater.
They said they'd help and make it better,
but it got worse, she said in her letter.

She's scared.
Lost and confused.
Overthinking everything.
Praying that everything will be okay.

Millions of questions that can't be answered.
Millions of doubts.
Holding back tears.
She wanted help, but didn't want to look for it.

Fear of judgement.
Afraid of the attention,
She held it all in.
No one knew she was breaking so deeply. So fast.

Sleep deprived from her mind sprinting.
Appetite lost from feeling so disgusting inside.
Hands shaking from the horrid thought that everything will be lost.
Yet, she was already gone.

Another day, she couldn't bear.
She wanted it all to end.
This was the night she promised herself,
That all of this would finish.

She drove to a shop nearby,
To get her last meal.
That's when a man walked by,
Then asked her how she feels.

He asked her what was the matter?
Confused, she asked what he meant.
He replied,
his voice shaking.

"I can see the sadness in your soul,
I can see you want to die.
I won't let you feel this way, miss.
You are too great to let go."

She smiled and said,
"I'm fine."
He didn't believe her.
Not one bit.

He insisted on buying her meal she had ordered.
And asked if there was anything he could do.
Afraid, she told him no, then walked back to her vehicle.
He came after her.

"I know you're scared.
I know you're afraid, lost, and confused.
Getting help isn't a bad deal.
You are special. I can feel it in your presence."

Suddenly she broke down,
Fell to the ground crying.
He held her there,
and told her one last thing.

"You, miss, are everything.
There is no one quite like you.
You are beautiful, thoughtful, and selfless.
The world needs someone like you, so please. Start it all over, and give it one more try."

Her tears began to fade,
Her fear seemed to run away.
She thought to herself that she could give it another try.
She looked up the thank the man, but he was gone. Nothing but a foot print left on the ground.

The wind picked up,
And she looked at the sky,
To find that there was a star,
A star that shined brighter this night.

They came to a realization that their first fight was their last.

I smoke different cigarettes so I don’t have to smell you

Cut your veins until blood drips
From your wrists to finger tips

One sharp knife to your skin
Full of sadness but contains a grin

Insanity is just the way of life
You realize as you hold that knife

Take another pill, no, perhaps two more
To go along with the last four

All mixed up with drugs and *****
To give a life you want to lose

Twenty stories higher to the sky
If you don't fly, you'll have to die

To everyone you know, you won't say 'goodbye'
Because those who made you cry .. are why you want to die.

I can't remember the day when everything wasn't stressful.
I can't remember the day when a smile didn't have to be fake.
I can't remember the day when the stars were shared with a loved one.
I can't remember the day when I didn't have to hide from my problems because they were too painful to face.
I can't remember the day when I was happy.
I can't remember the day that I felt proud of doing something special.

I can't remember doing something special..  for this generation is now about survival. The day didn't use to be like this.

I can't remember the day.

Let's pretend that we are not mad at each other for one night.

My body is a crime scene from a case that’s never been open because it’s a hell to relive the agony while allowing the truth to seep from between my shaking lips and chattering teeth to a group of ears that will accuse me of lying in my most vulnerable form.