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Eve K Aug 2020
Pills on the table. Fallen over. Not up straight.
A glass of water, half full... or is it half empty?
Lying in bed, my chest aches, the weight
of the ****, of the fear of the....

Where do I go from here?
Feel sick, that twisted stomach, gut up in throat,
Knowing that there's something to say, something to hear,
Wanting to speak out, wanting to say wanting to....

Deep breathe, 1...2...3...1...2...
Can't get to three, minds wanderin'
again and again and again and....

Why do we find ourself here again... and... again... and again....
Stop. Breathe. Listen. Stop breathe listen stopbreathlisten sopibrethisten.....

Calm... calm... calm....
I can't I cant' Why can't I?
It's too much and I can't. I beg of you, I say I can't........

Where did my mind go today?
Where didn't my mind go today?
Why did my mind go today?
When will it come back?

It's easy, just think. Remember. The worst is over...
but why does this seem worse?
Why does this seem more difficult?

Is it because it's someone I loved?
Because it's someone who I thought loved me... for a time?
Is it because it happened under my nose, I didn't realise?
Is it because it's so insidious and the fear that stays in my chest, that's keeping me awake at night is real and I feel that I know the answer, the truth but I fear it?
(Or is it because it wasn't the only time?)

Let me let you in on a secret, the clowns that laugh in my head.
Yes... That laugh the eyes that float around.
The little girl singing those horror songs. Quiet but loud, the laughing,
The shouting,
The screaming,
The screaming,
It's not real. Or is it? No, I'm sure it's not!!!
It's definitely not, at leastI can tell the difference between whats real and what not real. Right. Thats what matters right? Thats what matters right? Thats what......
At least the **** doesn't affect me.
I don't know where I am. I feel like I'm going insane. I don't like this feeling. But I get I am triggered. I guess I am activated... But how do I leave this? Oh I do wish it would stop
Archer Feb 2020
The medicine is suppose to make me better
I lose myself when I take it
So I guess it's working then
Archer Feb 2020
I told you my heart beat for you
Now you're gone but I'm still very much alive
A little dead inside but technically...
Its rhythm steady
The lub dub's a metronome
For the melody of life
Could it be I was lying to you
Shame on me
Even now, it can sense my thoughts of you
Instead of slowing
And denying me oxygen
Its quickens
Flushes my face
Warms my hands
Maybe you haven't left
No I'm sure you disappeared
What could it be then
Could it be that it beats for another
Strong and vigorous
It pushes me forward
To the next cliff
Wile E Coyote
Acme Co.
I survived the last time I fell
Well the last time you pushed me
zelda rangel Nov 2019
i am not supposed to exist.
let me burn myself, please.

i've been dragging my feet
for so long, i am creating a scene
publishing the same old beat
writing the same old myths

it's true; i am beyond incurable
although, i believe in the impossible
and the fact that everyone has their own downfall,
but i believe in everyone but myself

... wow, isn't it a call?
my existence doesn't matter, i know. let's be real. there's something wrong with me and i don't know how to end it or change it. is this really the end of the eccentric being i once knew? or is this another poetry for me to realize that every day, it's just getting worse?
Lydeen Aug 2019
Wal-Mart at 12 a.m. is almost eerie.

Silent save the occasional shopper or manager,
Perhaps following you to ensure you don't do anything foolish.

Picking out the dumbest things just because you need to smile.

Playing with your friend in the toys, letting go for once,
Just to be chased away by management.

Losing one of the squad and looking for her.

Wandering over to the makeup, glancing at the camera,
Then picking out what you want and pocketing it an aisle over.

Going to the arcade and winning for once.

It's not a secret, you needed a win,
Plus your little sibling will love the new stuffed toy.

Seeing a random family member.

Rushing away as to remain unseen,
Knowing if your parents find out you will be dead.

The general feeling of disassociated contentedness when you finally leave.

You won't remember half of what happened anyway,
But who cares.

Shopping at night is the best.
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