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Syreena Phelps Sep 2019
I starve myself
Because the intense growl in my stomach
is the only time
something tells me it cares about me

I take freezing showers
that make it hard to breathe
Because it's the only time
I fight to stay alive

I read past conversations
of my heart getting broke
Because it's the only time
I can control when I cry

I fake happiness
for those around me
Because I'd rather hide my pain
than my peers to pretend to care

I isolate myself
from everything
Because it's the only time
that I am the only one who can hurt me

I'm stuck in a depressive paradox;
the only way for me to survive my pain
is to make my own
Was going go use the term "borborygmus" in the second line, but decided that's too extra.
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything that remains
It's all I have left
Remind me.
everything is so messy,
i feel this aching pain when i'm at home, and when i'm out with friends i feel lonely.
my mind feels like my bedroom, a right off.
sure, you can tell me to clean it and i can try,
i can want to clean it but no matter how many times i shove that ***** laundry back into a pile; and no matter how many times i throw everything out,
it all comes back out sooner than later. i crave a tidy life, i tidy mind and a tidy room, but it's so hard to keep up with.
i would rather let sleep cradle me in it's gentle arms for the rest of the day, and do it tomorrow.
though, tomorrow never comes and thus my room and my mind stay the same.
a vicious, but comforting cycle.
i like it when things stay the same, i like it more than i should.
all i've had my whole life is change,
now i find comfort in static, i find comfort in knowing what's going to happen tomorrow.
i find comfort having routine even though the cycle i'm in is destructive and makes me hate myself, it's hurtfully comforting.
that doesn't make any sense but here's something that might,
feeling something is better than feeling nothing
negative or positive
maybe that's why i stick around you.
you don't help me clean, if anything you make even more of a mess, but that keeps the routine going.
i'll clean tomorrow. then turns into tomorrow. then tomorrow. then tomorrow. then...
Julia Dec 2018
she had more tears than
she had people to love her
she had more fears than
she had words to describe
she had more weight than
she could carry
stunning yet self-destructive
Tiara I S Mar 2019
I feel like a waste of time
My stomach boils with pink pills
Eyelids droop- I pry them open
To drink words I thirst for
Taste worlds I yearn for
Sludge pools in from the bitter thoughts
Soaking soaks- soaking sponges
Run and drain out the membrane
Everything is all too much
I seem to never be good enough
Eloise Rose Jan 2019
self destructive,
I will destroy myself until nothing but a charred carcass is left.
When I stand back up again I burn myself to the ground in a calamitous blaze.
Taking actions that have strings attached, that are just waiting to go up in flames.
But I will keep on going until my fragile marred world built around me implodes.
The shattered shards of my world explode
They cut into my flesh rip it to shreds,
my blood flowing is the only reminder that I am not dead
That I am in fact human  
But I don't stop the flow,
it cascades down a formidable waterfall
my destruction is complete.
First of the mind then of the physical form,
For years pain held me deluded
Finally my inevitable cataclysmic end has concluded.
Nicole Alyssia Jan 2019
‪please,‬
‪accept my apology‬
‪in advance

‪i’m impossible,‬
‪in every possible way,‬
‪and i don’t know‬
‪how to hold on to people,‬
‪because i’ve never,‬
‪really,‬
‪been held on to‬
‪myself ‬
Aniahs Machell Dec 2018
As those words ran out of his mouth
Toppling over eachother

She could feel the roof cave in
She saw the walls push toward her
She heard the screams
“Are those mine? His?”

She screamed louder
Felt like crying, but no tears came out
Her rib cage collapsed onto her lungs
The very thing they are meant to protect

The walls and ceiling seemed to disappear
Her vision and hearing went hazy
Until she saw nothing
Heard nothing

She could feel the screams in her throat
No noise came out
At least not one audible to her

She felt him grab her arm
She pushed him off
She tried to yell for him to leave

The whole place collopsed
Leaving her there alone
In the mess she created
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