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i am shattering like glass
as everything around me slips away
reality fragmenting, i reach to grab shards
sharp enough to slit my own wrists

i return to tendencies of self destruction
like returning to an abusive ex
because even when things are bad
there is comfort in the familiarity pain.

— dis(comfort)
Vespa Woman Dec 2020
I love to make you mad, crash your car into my head, because I'm not afraid of you, do everything you need to do to blow off a couple fuses. I'll stay here laying silent on the ground only moving with the kicks that you send into my ribs. I'm not scared of blood and getting hurt throw sticks and stones and mounds of dirt on me, lock me into a coffin of glass and watch as my body gives you panic attacks.
You can yell and insult me and tell me to die, Leave fun notes in my locker, I won't put up a fight you hope, I cry and I cry until yesterdays gone, but really, I don't care about all your strange deeds. Lemons in Papercuts don't change the skin and the circles on my arms will heal with the wind I'm not scared of the way that you force me to dance, for you can try your hardest to bring me pain, but through the burning and biting the only hands that really love me enough to touch my pale skin are yours.
yeah so rn im just posting a bunch of poems i forgot i was gonna post sorry bout that, i forgot i existed on hello poetry for a hot sec until a friend reminded me anyway yeah hi people im still alive i geuss
Vespa Woman Oct 2020
"WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS?!"
I love it.
I love biteing my bold red, silent white fingertips till they snap off like hot glass, and baby this might scare the **** outta you but I love the feeling of my blood when it melts into the floor, I'm not gonna stop just because your pounding on my door.
The feeling of my heart tearing it apart is the only thing that I feel to live and live to feel.
And no, I don't love you, but I love the feeling you give me when I'm forced to cut my hair because you think it's ******* ugly.
Yeah baby tell me I'm ugly!!
Let's go to the store and i'll walk into the street, to get that half smoked cigarette I saw thrown out of a car window. And you can pull me away but that won't do ****, i'll fall into you and we'll both tumble off a bridge.... right into the snow, you saved me you know?
I'll tear out my eyes so I don't have to watch you go.
i love this feeling of sinking in sorrow, as **** spews from my mouth to make Room for tomorrow.
Sit in bed late at night, get bored, start a fight.
Break a window punch a wall just say **** it to it all.
I'll hit my head on the stone till I'm hella ******.
When someone tries to help make them hate you till they leave you alone.
I hate me too, yeah its self destructive, but that ***** just what I love so who gives a ****?
Oh look, now I'm alone, in the pool at my home, I made of glass on the floor, whail ghosts are pounding on my fuking door
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!! LL JUST BLOW THAT **** UP!!!
**** it all, my family,my friends, my school, my love i dont care just **** it all
I JUST WANNA BE ALONE, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. IN A room full of static that I call my home.
Just leave me alone, I deserve to be alone.
oof yeah
DeVaughn Station Aug 2020
Only liars deny the ambition to go fishing
for what they want. The craving, the need, the haunting desires
only places you on a self-destructive and burning pyre.
You yearn for more, twisting on a mission,
wishing for the glistening gold of what you’re owed.
To move, to improve, on your flaunts
for yourself is such an everlearning taunt of wealth.
Well, when your well doesn’t get any higher
and the Sun’s hell ceases to tire,
emptiness befells the commission and buyer.
You’d sire more just to gain more,
but wouldn’t look towards your neighbors implore?
You would even bore through foreign floors
until it's all missing. Toes tucked and turning,
mouth foaming, you're an overzealous fiend for more earnings.
Your hives don’t die and you keep twitching.
Your heart keeps spinning the lies through your sleek grinning
and only the drive to buy is what keeps you alive.
August 25, 2020: An infinity next to you so juxtaposed. Even your chauffeur is there just to pose and you have nothing to show for it.
Nola Jun 2020
I drown myself in alcohol,
So my brain cant think at all.
I wasted most nights all alone.
Searching for a feeling i call my home.
But nothing is mine to own.
They say,
Stop feeling broken and sour.
So i drown myself in pills and liquor,
Cuz for me that's only working cure.
Even the music cant help no more,
Small wooden box, my deathwish, my final decor.
Empire Mar 2020
Why am I like this

I’m attracted to poison

If it could hurt me, I want it

I’ll crave it

Desire will burn in my veins

Because I need it

Something deadly

Something toxic in my blood

Just... just let me try it...
Grew up being “perfect”... I guess at some point self destruction was always inevitable...
Michaela Ferris Feb 2020
I'm lost inside a labyrinth,
With its ever changing paths.
One minute you're near escaping,
The next it's altered all again.
A never ending nightmare
Thinking it knows what's best for you,
But it's lies are imbedded deep within
And there's nothing more that you can do.

My mind is like a tornado,
Destroying everything in its path.
One day I'm simply surviving
The next, I wish I was dying.
I'm terrified of my mind
For I fear it can make me do.
Self-destructive, hypocrite of pain and love
Beckoning me to hurt once more because that's all I deserve.
Empire Feb 2020
Haha
There’s no empathy in me
So sweet of you to notice
I don’t ******* care
My heart is a gaping hole
A void you can’t fill
And to feel something
I’ll hurt you
I’ll watch you bleed
To amuse myself
And cut my own skin
To feel something more
Because I’m not a good person
Don’t get me wrong here
I am not okay
And I’ll drag you to Hell
Right along with me
Syreena Phelps Sep 2019
I starve myself
Because the intense growl in my stomach
is the only time
something tells me it cares about me

I take freezing showers
that make it hard to breathe
Because it's the only time
I fight to stay alive

I read past conversations
of my heart getting broke
Because it's the only time
I can control when I cry

I fake happiness
for those around me
Because I'd rather hide my pain
than my peers to pretend to care

I isolate myself
from everything
Because it's the only time
that I am the only one who can hurt me

I'm stuck in a depressive paradox;
the only way for me to survive my pain
is to make my own
Was going go use the term "borborygmus" in the second line, but decided that's too extra.
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything to remain
It's all I have left
Remind me.
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