Take me to a place where I can be with you.
A place where the ocean meets the sky
And the sunset on the horizon is painted by God's best artisans.

Take me to a place where you'd hold my hand
In a deep evergreen forest,
Lush with thick foliage and dewy from rain.

Take me to a place where I can taste the sweetest fruits on your lips,
Where my senses are overjoyed by a multitude of flavours,
Each one reminding me of you.

Take me to a place,
A field,
The moon and stars shining
And a night as clear as mountain waters.
Take me to that field,
Where the grass grew tall
And hay bales were laid alongside us.
Where the ground was mostly dry
But still damp,
Where regardless, we laid down among the carrot lace
And you were beneath me,
My very definition of beauty.
The moon in your stormy-blue eyes
And a smile playing at your lips
When suddenly,
Your smile disappeared and you looked right at me,
Lips parted.
Instinct took me,
And although inexperienced,
We worked together like oiled machines
With all our gears functioning.
It was the first and the last time,
Coldest and hottest.
It was a raging inferno
And an arctic storm.
I felt like I was stolen of breath
But given new air.
You filled my lungs and intoxicated me,
But I could have never been more sober.

Take me to that place again.

I was

Keeled over
Screaming
In the garage.

I laid in there

I wished that
There was some way
You could feel
My pain,
My sorrow.

I remember thinking that

Every second
That goes by
Is another reminder
Of what I lost.

I had to

Be quiet
Because they were
Sleeping
In the other room.

I could feel my

Heart breaking
As I studied
Your face
Like I would never
See it again.

Because I knew,

Yes I knew,

That I wouldn't.

Forgetting you,

Forgetting who,
Forgetting anything and everything, too.
It feels like that's what I'm meant to do.
When I still see you
And I feel like I lose.
Forgetting who?

Forgetting you.

Let me go,
I want to wander away from my home,
From all I've ever known,
But I am scared,
And I am scarred,
And the cold, harsh wind of reality
Burns my flesh
As it rips my wounds open again.
As I grow, I am stretched,
And I am afraid of getting tall.

Growing taller means you will hurt more when you fall.

Growing taller means you must be above what you once were,
Means seeing all that others below you cannot.

Getting taller means growing up.

I am a girl
I am a boy
I am who I wish to be
Only this,
And everything more.

I am smart
I am dumb
I am what I aim to be
Not limited to this,
And reaching outward.

I am strong
I am weak
I am made of these things
They are a part of myself
And they make me, me.

And I am loved,
I am hated
I am someone's sun and another's mortal enemy
I am who I will be
And I will be who I am.

She is destructive.
Her smoky tail curves and curls around you,
Whipping her deadly gases about.

She breathes out a swirling rainbow
That seems to drown out anything else.
Her breath fades into a deep blackness that consumes everything in sight.

The tar on her skin drips from her tear ducts
and falls upon the ground, sizzling and creating voids
On every inch of free space.

How ugly she is,
And yet she entices you.
How long have you been her entrapped prisoner?
How long have you been chasing after her?

Never love your captor,
Never chase the destruction.
Never say the fire warms you
When I can so clearly see the burns on your skin.
Never say the blade is dull
When you have blood dripping from your wounds.
Never tell me that White Demon has no grip on your forearm,
When I will watch you dragged through mud and blackness
At the cruelty of her hands,
Blindly and unknowing.

How long have you lusted for the White Demon?

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And the day filled me with dread.
From my father and my mother,
I wished that I was dead.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And my parents made a fuss.
Although I was sad,
I gave them my trust.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And they tried to give me everything.
Grateful I am, hateful I won't be,
But the only thing I wished for was his arms around me.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And I breathe a new breath.
The life that once engulfed me
Has now become death.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And I miss him so much.
Happy as I tried to be,
I still longed for his touch.

And I am sixteen today,
He would have been, too,
But death came and took him,
Too many years, too soon.

You should have been sixteen,
But young you will stay.
My love for you will never die,
We'll meet again one day.

Envy
When you see me with him
And you wish
I was yours.

Lust
In your eyes as you take my head
In your hands
And kiss me like you've wanted to

Greed
I am in your hands,
And only yours.
But you want more

Gluttony
You take what is yours
And I give willingly
I keep on giving, and you keep taking

Sloth
As we lay,
Tired
Exhausted from the work we've done

Pride
When you show me off to your friends at the bar
And you have a few drinks,
Leaving sloppy kisses on my cheeks while they laugh

Wrath
When we are home, and I am too tired to give
Your hands gripping my hair as you yell,
And you finally set free the demon within

The road beyond is
Long, and untraveled.
Empty, barren,
And I step forward.

Cold and damp at my bare feet
But determined to find my way,
I continue.

Every step,
Painstaking.
Every time I stumble,
Heartbreaking.

I keep going.
Rocks and rough ground
My feet begin to bleed.
But I must walk this road.

I reach the end and look back.
Avast mountains and lakes,
There lies the beginning of the road at the horizon.

Miles I've come,
And all too soon I could fall,
But I grasp your hand as you pull me
Over this railing,
And save me from falling again.

I want to hold you
And trap you in the sap of these pines
Because I know you would not run,
You find beauty in the ugliest of places.

I want to lock you in a cedar box
And leave you be until you beg my name
Because I know you like the smell,
You always were more with nature than I.

I want to hang you up in a great oak
For the whole world to see
Because I know you think you're wretched,
But you're beautiful to me.

I have tried to show her
That love is not a waste.
She lays upon my chest at night,
My arms around her waist

She will cry in her sleep,
There's nothing I can do
Every time I open my eyes,
She's a new shade of blue.

I hate seeing her sad.
It tears my heart apart.
I just want to make her happy
She's my own form of art.

The pain I feel when I see your name show up in my contacts.

I become expressionless like stone, then I shatter.

I was up until 4 a.m. last night,

You guessed it, crying.

From 11 to 4,

I cried.

Six hours I cried,

And hours before, I died.

But getting the news in public,

The news that you were leaving me

You were leaving me again, another time,

It was too much for me to handle and I broke.

My eyes teared up, and I ran off into my head again.

I will never say to your face how much I cried over you.

And trust me if you come around again I'll likely take you back.

Because I'm stupid, and I don't learn my lesson when it's taught to me.

I'd take you back despite the pain and I'd take you back through everything.

I suppose I'm just as weak when it comes to you as you are when it comes to lying.

I want his hair
I want his eyes
I want his features to be mine.

I want his friends
I want his girl
I want to live his life.

I want to be him,
Because he has her
She makes the world go round
But he doesn't even notice her.

He ignores her.
I adore her,
Does she know I exist?

I would treat her better,
I would make her my world,
If she would only know I exist.

I see the way she looks hopelessly at him,
Eyes full of love.

How I wish I had her love like that
Even her attention would be a marvel to me.

But oh, I cannot have her.
I cannot have her
Nor her words,
Nor her touch or her gaze.

I cannot have her eyes look upon me with that love which she so willingly gives to someone else.

I could never be the apple of her eye,
But here I remain.
I will sit and wait, a lowly apple in the orchard,
Longing for the day when she finally picks me.

Am I wasting my time waiting on you?
You're so valuable to me and yet,
You choose to damage yourself as much as possible.

I am unsure of you, more now than I have ever been before.
You're foreign to me for once.
There's nothing I can do but sit back and hope for the worst.

We've never been this far from each other.
Please, I don't ever want to be this way again.
I don't ever want to feel this far from you again for the rest of my life.

Even if we hate each other,
Even if there are no words to be said between us,
Please, I beg of you, don't give me silence. At least let me know how you are.

No matter what, I will care.
You have been my top priority always,
And nothing can ever change that.

You mean so much to me...
And it makes me sad to see you so upset....

I'm sorry for everything I did.

I'd give anything
If I could have her.
I'd give anything,
If she could be my world.
I'd give anything to be her man,
I'd give everything.

But she will never see me as more than I am,
A friend,
A brother,
A protector.

I will always try running from my feelings,
Taking girl after girl,
Always trying to make her jealous.

But it never works, and I end up with a broken heart.
And she has guy after guy, making me jealous every time.

I can't have her because we're too much like family,
Always close, but never close enough.
How cursed did I have to be to almost be her cousin?
If it were not for a summer love so long ago,
She would not even know me.

I wish I would never have even known her.
Like a whirlwind she came and did a number on my head,
Like a siren she calls but I can never run to her,
I can never indulge myself in her touch.
She teases without even knowing she's doing it.

I'd give anything to have never known her,
Because love never had is preferable over love always chased after.
I can never have her but she has me.

How depressing it is that I must tell you this,
If not you, then not anyone.
Besides, I would much rather profess my love to strangers than to the girl who unknowingly has my heart.
Even if she does know,
She must not think anything of it.

Because I am only her friend,
Her brother,
Her protector.
She will never see me as more than I am.

You think you can't be saved
And that no one would adore you,
That if you are wretched, you cannot be divine.

But divinity is for the gods,
Oracles could not have forseen
What you would do to me.

That every word you speak
Would be a brazen network of fire in my ears,
And every breath of yours would be an arctic storm on my skin.

Sweetness.
Crashing together,
And finally allowing myself to break.
Melting,
Sugar and syrup in my mouth and yours,
A taste that both of us crave.

Embrace,
Security and belonging,
However it does not last in the way we want it.

Snaking,
Reaching underneath,
And an altitude change shakes us
As you tell me I will not fall.
Arms around my waist,
And now I laugh.

"Why do you laugh? What have I done?"

My reply is only
"Your mouth, as sweet as it has ever been,
is on mine, and for as long as I want it to be, it will.
You see, I am not laughing at you, but merely because I have finally received
the subject of my dreams."

He ponders;
And returning to his work I return to mine,
But this time, the sugar is burning into a magnificent taste,
Like glass candy between our tongues,
And raw cane behind our eyes.

Dear Teacher,
What have I learned from you?

The world is not really as it seems
And now I know what '*******' really means.

I know that the world won't stop for me,
Not matter how bad I wish it to.

That no matter what,
Trying won't get you anywhere, but doing will.

That no matter where,
What I learned is really useful.

That no matter when,
There is always time to read, think, and analyse.

Thank you for teaching me this year.

I arrive at your doorstep, flowers in hand,
To surprise you on this beautiful day in June.
Your birthday, and the perfect day to take you out,
Could there be nothing more excellent than this?

I ring your doorbell and stand there for a minute,
And then you open the door,
Swollen eyes and a tearstained face.
Darling what's the matter?

I try to console you,
But you only push me away.
Saying that you are sorry.
Whatever you've done, why should I be mad at you?

I attempt to hold you ,
And then you begin to scream
At the top of your lungs.
How long did you say it was since?

I am confused now,
If you say that you eat double now,
And that you and I brought life here,
Then why should you be sad?

I do not understand,
And you begin crying again.
'It is the product of another man!'
And now I wonder why?

I understand now,
And I am frozen dead in my tracks,
I drop the flowers and walk out the door
Do I dare look back?

I can hear you crying behind me and I drop to my knees in your front yard.
For hours I sit as your wails die down,
You bring out a beer for me and a soda for yourself.
And I ask you 'how long?'

You reply with 'only a few weeks'
And to follow I ask who.
Somber, you cannot remember,
Only that you were not willing and could not recall much.

We gaze unto the stars and what a whirlwind these hours have been,
Conversing until dawn.
And everything remains calm as I carry you back inside,
Sleeping in my arms.

On your bed I lay you,
And beside you I stay until you are deep in slumber,
Peaceful and the flowers now in a vase.

I touch your stomach and I can nearly feel the life within.
Life jumps beneath your closed eyelids.

Considering the circumstance, I cannot think of a better way to spend this June day.

Let me just say
   That I miss you.
Let me just wonder
   If you miss me too.
Let me just hear
   That sweet voice of yours.
Let me just hear it,
   My ailments it cures.

Let me just say
   That I miss your touch.
Let me just repeat:
   I miss it so much.
Let me just cry
   Right into your shoulder
Let me just hope
   And wish that we were older.

Let me just fall
   Into that deep abyss
Let me just trip
  Into a bitter bliss
Let me just wander
  And feel the midnight's kiss
Let me just roam
   And end
      Just

         Like

            This.

I am sorry.  
I will not rest until you know that I am
My eyes will not be dry,
Until you understand how bad I feel.

I am tired.
I haven't slept.
I won't sleep until you pick up the phone
So I can cry and apologize profusely.

I love you so.
I'd do anything for you,  
And I'd never intentionally hurt you.
I'm sorry I brought him up.
I know how protective you are.

I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry

I feel like I must say it,
Over and over again,
Even when you accept my apology,
Because I will still feel bad.

I will still be sad,
Even though I am glad
I may even be mad
Because I knew better.

I knew what to do,
I knew what to say
And yet I failed you anyway.

Father please,
Stop yelling,
My ears begin to bleed.

Mother please,
Stop slamming things,
I tremble in my chair.

Sister please,
Stop pacing the house,
I become so unsettled.

Amidst the noises,
Of the television on,

The yelling

And the slamming,

And the pacing,

There is no quiet.

My mind is jumbled
And I cannot focus on anything.
My hands shake as
I want to throw and hit things.
There is so much noise,
So much loudness,
I am losing myself and I want to rip myself apart and I want to cry and
I want to scream
STOP!


But I can only sit.

I can only cover my ears,

I can only look away,

I can only retreat inside once again.

I can only try to remember when this wan't happening.

I can only hold tightly onto my own hands and hope this ends soon.


And yet,
I may wish,
And I may wish again.

I am young,
And I am fearless.
Nothing can hurt me,
And I will not fall in love.

I am dumb,
And I am learning.
I don't know everything,
But I will never fall in love.

I am older,
And I am wiser.
I have her to teach me now,
But I am still not falling in love.

She is peace,
And I am war.
I know I said so before,
But I will never fall in love.

I am hers,
And she is mine.
I've been lying all these years,
Because now I am finally in love.

She is old,
And so am I.
The book we wrote needs a close.

So we are in love,
And you will be too.
Maybe today, tomorrow,
But hopefully very soon.

When you find it -
This I promise you,
Don't say you're not in love,
Because you'll be lying too.

If they cannot see
The beauty that I see,
The strength,
The resiliency,
The loveliness,
And how amazing you are,
Then they are blind.

You are stuck in my head, in my blood
To disintegrate with my antidepressants,
Course through my body like a bad dream,
Gone in the morning like a good dream.
I feel you like a ghost standing next to me,
Silent and impatient, I know you hate waiting.

But there's something about getting something well deserved
After all that time of waiting,
After all that time of wondering,
It feels so nice to get a taste of what you were patient for.

To sing a lovesick melody
Of hope and woe,
I'd never want to know
What it feels like to let you go.
I need a saviour from these feelings,
Is this what you wanted?
Be honest with me,
Are you afraid to let me go?

Do you remember all the songs we heard
And everything we watched
When we sat in your room
Wishing that the clock would stop,
Wishing that time would never move on?
We lived like a dream,
It was just you and me
To be stuck inside each other's minds
And then we lost it all.

So now you've been gone,
But you're coming my way.
I missed you, I missed you,
Never leave again
I can't face the day without you,
I don't want to doubt you,
But I am still afraid of waking up
From a dream that's gone on and on.
It's dragging, it's lagging,

But it's like a favorite book,
And there's that desire
To get to the fire at the end but
You know you will be sad when it ends
And you will tell all your friends about it,
You will gush,
You will blush,
You will rush to read the book again
And you will cry when the guy dies
Before he could tell the girl that he loved her.

So I suppose that after losing the point of this poem,
It's to say that I know you and what you will do.
Despite all of that, I still really love you.
Never lose sight of who you are,
And know that you will always have my heart.

I am not a poet,
To write it I'd have to know it
I understand
That blasphemy calls
From turquoise beaches of golden sand
And canopies of mid-state oaks.
Rustling branches amidst a folly
Only I know.
And beyond there are a few roads,
Each to a different cardinal from where I stand,
A crossroads.
Could I? Should I?
Perhaps not, but why so?
Imagine my life, or what may be left of it -
with a golden love only my own,
And every star in her eyes -
Ten years, perhaps, or maybe less to spend,
It does not matter.
Oh, I can see it now.
Ocean storms in her irises
And images of the sun over a calm blue horizon.
Golden strands in her brunette hair,
Even Aphrodite would wish for.
Sweetest bells in her laugh
That every siren would **** for,
But of course she would be sweet and strong,
Kind with a lion's heart.
As I cover what's left of the small tin box,
A rustling I hear behind me.
Branches crunching and shaking, now I see it is dusk,
I look to the water below and see a fine mist above the water,
This is almost like the night she left me.
A large gust of wind blows through my hair and
Her laugh is all I hear next.
I fall, quivering, sobs shaking me as I go,
Looking up once more.
She stands, watching me from a thick brush along the shoreline,
And blows me a last kiss before my eyes close.
*Adrienne

Forget my face
Forget my name
But never forget the fun we had

Forget who I was to you
Forget about every minute we spent
But never forget what I made you feel

Forget the color of my eyes
Forget the feeling of my hand in yours
But never forget I loved you with all my heart.

Every night nearly,
I've wished to hold you dearly.
And every morning at three,
Your memory creeps up on me.
But fear not, dear,
We weep long into the night when no one can hear.
****** hearts aren't beneath us,
In the absence of truth plus
The trust
And the lust
And consumed by fire
We are put on the pyre.

I had never once expected
A snake to be so beautiful.

Magnificent serpent, tempt me,
And I will succumb to you.
Show me the apple,
And I will bite it.
I will consume as much needed to please such a spectacular creature.

As long as you may call me yours,
I will be yours.
As long as you may say that you own me,
I will be owned by you.
As long as you may say that I obey you,
I will obey.

No amount of good nor evil may deter me from following the example you set.
No amount of kindness will assuage me,
Nor will it pleasure every desire, every fantasy.

I yearn for your punishment, your sin.
I desire the pain and disappointment that only you can give me.
And I fear that good will soon plague me.
Writing a letter to you, my dear,
And forever wishing you would receive it.

I cannot keep myself from your evil.
I cannot keep myself from sin.
But I find, lately,
That I do not care.
In fact,
I am chasing you.
You and your sin.

Only seven years old
And I was no longer a beautiful rose.

Wilted, dying, deflowered.

But like a tree falling in the woods,
Do I even make a sound at all?

Too young to understand,
I never said anything.

But as I grew,
I felt... bad.
*****,
Unworthy,
Unlovable.

I felt that there must not be a single person on earth
Who could ever take me as I am,
Broken.

When I began to understand, I still said nothing.
And when it happened again,
This time by someone closer,
I knew what it was.

I felt betrayed.
I felt sick.
Like I had just done the worst thing any human being could have possibly done.
Like I was a failure,
I felt terrible.

Months passed, and eventually I got better, but not without my family
Taking note of that short period when I wasn't okay.
They never knew.
They still don't know.

That when I was seven,
I was ruined.
That, as I turn sixteen,
I fear the life ahead of me because of what they did.
That, when I see him, one of them,
And I hear him coughing and out of breath,
Alzheimer's taking him, slowly, not fast enough,
I wish for him to die.

That I fear every male I come into contact with.

That I lived with my tormentor.

That they took my innocence,

That it wasn't just one,
It was two,
And I remember every detail even though I may lie about it.

I might say "I don't know."
"I don't remember."
But every last second, colour, texture, feeling, breath, detail,
Is forever etched into my mind.

Knotted fingers,
Lacing through my hair.

Rough hands,
Touching me gently.

Broad shoulders,
With arms that hold me.

Strong back,
That lifts me up.

Scarred body,
That has many stories to tell,

And a mean face,
From years of torment,

The body I love,
The body I know,
The body of the person who has my heart.

The boy who owned it still owns me.
The man who carries it is still the boy I'm in love with.

His body, along with his scars, are all that make him perfect.

I love the way you hold me,
I love the way you smile.

I love the way you say my name,
I love the way it rolls of your tongue.

I love your touch,
I love your humor.
I love your laugh,
I love your hands.

I love the way you look,
I love who you are.

But I don't love how sad I feel
When I open my eyes
And know that I was only
Dreaming of you,
And not really holding you like
I used to do,

Just

Like

Every

Other

Night.

I want you to know,
Oh, I wish you knew,

That I still miss that smile,
I still miss you.

I still miss your touch,
I really miss your kiss.

I miss your hands holding mine,
And that feeling of bliss.

I miss your laugh,
I miss your look,

I miss the drawings you did
In that old beat-up sketchbook.

I miss the Tuesdays,
I miss the Sundays,

I miss the good morning texts,
Except for on Mondays.

I miss the alley,
And the field below.

I even miss your annoying brother,
And your black lab, Shadow.

I miss you and,
I wish you were still here.

But what I miss the most is
When you still held me near.

Science cannot tell me how I feel,
Only I can.

English cannot speak my words for me,
Only I can.

History cannot tell me what happened to make me the way I am,
Only I can.

Math cannot help me add my life up,
Only I can.

PE cannot keep me in good shape,
Only I can.

School cannot dictate how well my life goes,
Only I can.

A heart of Fire;
But soul of Ice,
And she loves with passion
He longs to entice.

Listen once more
To a heartbeat that roars;
The flames of her love
Only burns behind doors.

His eyes see only her own,
And his cold on her has grown.

The embrace of him frozen,
And her body he has chosen.
He wants it willfully,
Plans to take it skillfully,
But this she will not have.

A guarded phoenix flying,
His shards of ice are prying
And to take her, he must maintain vanity,
But she, smarter and with sanity,
Rejects.

War at oneself.
Two sides,
And forever fighting,
Two sides,
Quick as lightning.

Fire and ice,
The naughty and the nice,
**** one side,
The other begins to die.

Milestones
A thousand of them
And all around me
I know
The way they infect everyone with happiness.

Oh,
But not me
My eyes are closed and I only hear them
One thousand sounds
Each one louder than the last.

And I wish
That one day I could see them
My own milestone
One I can never reach
But I can only hope for.

It is a cold November morning,
Dew on the grass and a cool blue light in the sky.
There are bunched wet leaves on the ground and
There is fog in the air as his car idles on the street.
The exhaust breathes a light cloud around it,
Faded and cracked paint adorning its surface.

He kills the engine and steps out, the cool air hitting his face as dawn begins to crawl forward. Up the walk to the front door, he knows she will be there. The front door is still locked, but he knows where the spare key is and retrieves it. As the cuts slide past the strike plate and into the cylinder, the lock clicks and releases, letting him inside.
He slips through the crack, careful to keep the door from creaking.

He sees her on the couch, the television playing late night ads. She snores softly. The cat snuggled in her arms purrs, and raises its eyes at him. The animal has awaited his return.

"Come, thing," he softly coos, and removes the feline, setting it aside to follow him in a few seconds.

She still lays on the couch, sound and secure in her reverie. She's carried into the bedroom in the comfort of his arms, and laid under burgundy sheets as the birds begin to sing their songs. He covers her and then settles himself onto the edge of the bed, waiting for her to wake, but careful not to rouse her from her sleep.

A few hours pass, and although he is tired, he stays awake to see her eyes open. Morning light comes in through the windows and the clock on her nightstand reads 8:23 in bright green numbers.

Finally, she stirs. She breathes out heavily and stretches like a cat, her toes extending beyond the blankets around her. Her eyes slowly open and close, like fluttering butterfly's wings. She turns over to her side, and sees him patiently waiting on the bed. Her eyes widen with happiness and surprise, and then the happiness fades. It is replaced with doubt.

She reaches out, slowly, to touch him, her hand shaking. Her lip begins to quiver and tremble.

"Are you real?"

He takes her hand in his own and kisses across her knuckles, making sure that their eyes meet.

"I am real, darling."

I wish I had amnesia
Retrograde at least
I know it's strong,
But it won't be long
Till I'm falling to my knees.
The ghost of you surrounds me,
And in darkness I’m engulfed.
You mean so much more to me
Than the moon to a wolf.

I want to write you a love song,
But I fear I could not find the beat,
nor the melody,
or the rhythm,
or even the rhyme.

I have the words,
Or words intended,
If I knew what to say,
That would be splendid.

But here I sit,
Lonesome and gray.
I've run out of wit,
Gone by another day.

And I'll try to piece this song together,
But I know I will fail.
Because there is no proper way to write love,
And if I could not say the words out loud,
Then should I look for them above?

When the truth is,
Words cannot describe
How perfect you are,
How you saved my life.

I know I can try,
And try I might,
But this song isn't coming,
At least not tonight.

People often ask me
How I ward off my demons,
And I can never answer them.
It so happens the truth is that
I don't ward them off
When it is just easier
To embrace them.

And I will soon forget your name and face,
Just as you forgot I even existed.

A lonely world
Cold and dark

Cryptic answers
Never revealed

Hide all light,
Save for a spark

In time,
All wounds are healed.