⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ . ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ everything is living everything is fluid ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ we can turn nickel ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀into iron ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ a sunday ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀into a monday ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a kiss into a lie ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ listen, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ back behind the shot office ⠀⠀⠀⠀ where we waited ⠀⠀⠀⠀ in line for serum⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀dresses ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ flowed ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ across ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ the hills ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ and ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ unyielding nights ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ took in youth ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ and returned lovers ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ([angel.s] repented ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ for the sin of ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ purity AND [i] really do think it was understoo ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d ⠀⠀⠀⠀),⠀⠀⠀bu/t now we contend• ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀to ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀muddy footprints on courtroom floors ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀an old man getting older pleading his ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀case ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ to the laws of unyielding certainty that rivet the universe together ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
thank you for your love. Thank you for your guiding light. Thank you for being someone I could talk to when I couldn't sleep At night. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for letting me cry On your shoulder. And know I'll do the same for you When I get older.
in ninth grade i came to school everyday with cigarette smoke embedded in my clothes i wanted so badly for someone, anyone to ask why i smelled like a cancer ward.
i would write poetry about how much i hated myself thinking it would mean anything to anybody all the sharp parts of my body condensed into shot glasses overflowing and draining at the same time the chipped parts leaking ***** onto my bedroom floor that i'm afraid my mom will smell
when i was a preteen i promised myself, a pact only i can legitimize, that if i wasn't happy by 18 i would **** myself. i am a breath away from that moment within arm's reach of the edge of something-- whether it's a swimming pool's side or a cliff's face is up to me i guess.
here's the thing no one told me about life: nobody notices your pain no matter how much you want them to, and if they do they do it wrong. you won't be able to find the words in the moment they ask. you'll freeze up and your only language will be cigarettes blood stains and a faint smell of *****. it will seem romantic at the time but it is really, really not.
all it does is hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt. you will be scared when she notices the blood on your thighs/hands/heart and the black in your lungs/soul and you will cry. it will hurt.
but hey, so does everything else.
and if there's anything i've learned by now, at the precipice of 18, it's that cigarette smoke, the blood and *****, the black; it all comes out in the wash.
When I was younger I didn't understand the phrase "I wish I'd never been born." I thought it synonymous with "I want to die." In many ways it is. Yet the phrase is less saying "I want to die," and more saying "I wish my lack of existence wouldn't cause you any pain." It's saying, "only a few I love keep me here." It's saying, "I'd give up all I've lived to not have to go on any longer. But if not for you, I would choose an early out." It's as near sighted as any suicidal logic. But the depth is something, I've identified with in these later days.
I can’t spend all my time figuring out what you want when you don’t know it yourself I can only be gentle and kind the only way a regret won’t haunt is to just always be myself
I want to have a private moment A place rocks and arrows can’t find I wear no armor, only separation I’m not broken, I'm not chosen I need a soft voice but I’m not blind I have to change my expectation
I was thinking about you the whole way through I knew where I was going but I needed to know it’s true I changed my point of view not where my heart is pointing
It’s hard to grow old and follow I woke up a long way from here There was nothing but a reflection I looked hard but could only swallow I prayed hoping you would be there but you didn't understand my direction