Persistent in consistency,
And while eventful, still regretful,
Forever remember that day in December,
That cold night and those street lights
That once held all the dreams we might weld
And countless days of sunset rays,
Never forget, I'll remember you yet.

You can be alone,  
But not lonely,
The same way you can be lonely,  
But not alone.

I am a trebled teen;
Living the life of the kids who dare to play their music too loud.
We walk the halls and tickle our snares
While the clarinets whinny
And the flutes whistle a melody out of tune.
We purse our lips
And squeal a note or two:
We play flat and sharp but
We don't care.
My grades aren't the best
And I might hit the reef,
But music is there for me.
We spend Saturdays on a bus
And march in the cold,
Only to watch half a game and then head on home.
But we don't care about any of that
Because it's the music that matters.
It's the music that kept some of them around.
It's the music that lets us be who we are.

I am a trebled teen.

But words are more than sounds
And voices are more than vibrations
And every word you speak is more than a rhythm or a rhyme
But a symphony of sound,
An epiphany of vocalization,
A grand orchestra in a great hall.

Your words fall like velvet petals on my ears and entrance my bones into
Dancing the waltzes in which you lead me.
The structure of our movement is like the most graceful and complex string solo,
An explosion of wonderful cries to woo the hearts of every audience member,
And they see the intricacy of all the joints and muscles we use to enchant them.

Awed by the movement like fire, a swirling pattern moves around
Us and into the air like twirling, tapering smoke streams
Of many colors and songs.

Would it be correct to say that you are the only one I see?
And though my eyes work,
The vignette cannot be cured.
I cannot see,
But I have vision.
For you and only you,
My eyes seek.
I search,
Among crowds and static,
As if, also, your voice is the only one I can hear.
As if, as well, I may only smell your scent, a sweetness
And as if I can only sense you, feel your pulse beneath my own lips,
Taste you, from your mouth onto mine,
And understand you, better than I understand myself.
You are broken, as am I,
But flawed fruits yet prove themselves to be the sweetest.

I wonder where it came from,
Where the first idea began.
To help this man called Arithmetic
Find his ex.
When did this woman called Expressions become so complex?
What ever happened to simple,
And who is Domain?
I know a boy named Graph,
But I need to spend understand him better.
What of Range? He seems a bit simpler.
Hold on, now we're irrational?
Now there's an Imaginary?
I wish I could go back to the simpler times where Addition would hold my hand,
And Subtraction was a bit of a bully,
But only because he was misunderstood.

I won't tell them how much it affects me.
I won't tell them about every night I spent crying,
I won't tell them how much pain I really feel.
I'll just keep on acting like this is no big deal,
Like I'm fine and that you were just a good memory.
But at the end of the day,
My pillow is soaked,
My eyes are puffy and red.
I have to muffle my sobs for fear of someone hearing.
And when I'm calm, I lose myself to unconsciousness.

But regardless of how much I hate doing it,
And how much I want to tell them,
I know that in a few hours' time I'll be back at it:
Rereading our messages,
Recreating our phone calls in my head,
Remembering every kiss we shared.

And I'll still won't tell them.

I am a decade of broken.
Words laying on the cold ground,
Only to be frozen and forgotten.
Thinking that spring would soon come
And melt them away,
Bring them to light,
But they become buried.
The sunlight can't reach these words,
These painful words.
I can't throw these words to the wind,
They might come back at me.
And although I am silent,
My silence speaks for me.
Yet still,
Those around me are unable to hear what I say.
I am screaming these words,
But they fall like feathers on the ears of my peers asleep.
One day, had I opened my mouth,
Sound might have come.
But here I sit,
And there is no sound.
Not anymore...

There is no sound,
To describe the pain.
When you are betrayed by someone you trusted with your life.
When they held you in your hands as you were young,
And in a moment they took that innocence away.
Wilted, withered, and wrought with fear,
Never could you see anything the same.
Young, but now not as young as you should be.
Tainted innocence becomes you
In a swarm of emotions.
Hatred, anger, fear, denial.
Wishing you could forget,
If only you could forget everything.
A rose, drooping beyond it's vase,
Falling petals,
Lifeless.

And in that moment,
It is set on fire.
Burning a great flame until it is only ash,
And burning still,
Until there is nothing more.
The fire is gone, and so is all fear,
So is all worry,
So is all happiness that once was,
That once existed.
Emptiness and blackness fill the shell of what you once were,
But now there is nothing.
Void is imminent.
Decay is predicted.
Death and salvation are implorable.

Thought of mine,
Stinging lie,
I implore you,
Leave me be.
I have no time
Nor the patience
Or the mind
To let you influence me.

-is what I wish I could say
on a day like today
where the clouds roll in
and I feel the darkness
grow.

It's been months.
I've not seen or heard from you,
And I still miss you.

Regardless of your current whereabouts,
I would still give anything.
I would drive all night just to see you for an hour.

Save me from your false enlightenment.
Spare me your condescension.

I don't want your 'salvation,'
I don't need your 'forgiveness.'

I am getting what I deserve,
And nothing can save me.

There's no point in trying to delay
My inevitable fate.

Words say nothing,
If there is no emotion behind them.
Poets cannot speak,
If they don’t have a paper or a pen.

Words help escape,
The great escape of me,
The only way to get out
Is to use poetry

Every word a world,  
Every line a century.
A story told in each stanza,
A new era unfurled.

Mirrors will never forget
The names I've called
And the fates I've met
From crying by myself.
I really don't know
What has become of me
Bloodshot eyes and deafening cries
And I scream and I scream again
Until long,
Nothing is left of my sanity
And I call your name once more.

Enough words said,
Enough lies spoken.
You did it again
So you get a token
To ride this train down
Right to the edge of town
To drop you off
You'll laugh, you'll scoff.
But if you think that you're so tough
"I'm mature like an adult cause my life's been rough"
Then take that train ride like a knife,
I promise you ain't ready for life
Because when that train comes down the tracks
Life's gonna get you like an axe.

I have a what
And his name is babe
I have a who
Who doesn't need a name.
I have a honey
Who's sweet and smooth
I have a dear
Who says "I Love You"
I have a man
Who's still growing up
I have a boy
Who is smart enough
I have a love
Who knows what to say
I have this person
Who always makes my day

Wow,
I am 18 years old.  
Wow,
How fascinating.
Wow,
Doesn't it feel great...
To be an adult,
To be 18...

slow down
Speak to me

slow down*
Walk with me

slow down
Please remember how to say my name.

You can be rebuilt.
You can be fixed.
You are broken, but you are not hopeless.

Now walk faster
You can do it.

And now try running,
I believe in you.

Once again you can sprint,
I knew you could.

So go, and live again as you used to.
Because you don't need me anymore.

You never needed me.

He liked one of the songs I played
So much
That he saved it
He plays it
Doing the dishes

He sways against me and sings in my ear
Softly, sweetly
Like a person discovering love
He sings songs he knows,
And songs of his own

Twisting his fingers with mine
Dancing,
Intertwined
Smooth and warm
On the palm of my hand

He is a constant concert,
I dance and hum in tune
The rhythm of his words
From the morning
To the afternoon

Dearest, where are you?
Please don't go.
Is your memory all that I will have?

Dearest, where are you?
I've begun to wander this lonely house at night
Have you really gone for good?

Dearest, where are you?
This place is too large for me all by myself.
I've no idea what to do.

Dearest, where are you?
Please tell me you'll return.
I need to feel you near me.

Dearest, where are you?
I'm soon to come visit you.
Will we be together again?

Dearest, where are you?
I'm arriving at the gates.
Will you welcome me in?

Dearest,
I'm trapped in this cage. Can you see me?
Please forgive me, they say that I'm not well.
I'm told that you're alright. They told me that I will be fine.
Will I ever see you again?

Now that I have the time
Perhaps I will find the rhyme,
Or maybe I will sit and think
With my cold hands and drink,
Possibly I'll fall asleep
Then maybe I won't have to weep.
Then again I may just cry,
And I know I won't have any clue why,
But that doesn't mean a thing,
Just like when I wore that ring.

There never will be a day
When I don't wish you'd come my way,
And I'll never have an hour
When I am the one with power.
I wield,
Then yield,
Because I see your face
Invading my space
And I think to myself
How insane, I need help.
Is anyone out there?
Does anyone care?

Are you hitting on me right now?
While we're stuck in here together.
Are you really gonna do that?
Are you hitting on me right now?
It's kinda funny,
I know you're joking.
But it's kinda funny,
Are you?
Don't you dare,
You're ridiculous and not funny.

Congratulations to the angel that broke my heart,
He knew what he was doing but regardless carried on.
Merciless, overrated,
Love is just a knife, serrated
Ripping and tearing until there's nothing left,
Flesh and bone and soul and heart,
We used to joke and laugh and even bet
About who loved who more
And now we're just friends.

Cheap tattoo gun
"Will you be my canvas?"
Never your fault,
It's never your fault?
Always what's done and never what you do
I don't know if I want that tattoo.
What happened to your cars
Is that their fault as well?
Matching Grand Prix
Red, white, white, red
Two 'kickass' Nissan Maximas
And a five speed Dodge Neon that's falling apart.
What happens to plans when you cancel last minute,
How come it is that you never make time?
Work, work, work,
And then you're always late.
She told me to fix it or we couldn't date.
You need to be on time, is that too much to ask?
But whenever I do, I just feel like an ***.
I feel so terrible when I get upset
But I know I have the right and I know that I'm allowed.
I get so ******* when they complain that we're too loud
As if they have to listen
As If I really care.
As if they have no choice but to stay there.
The other day, he said you spanked me
But more of the time,
It just feels like you yank me
In different directions, so many directions,
Angry, sad, sadder, happy.
It feels like I don't know what to do and it feels like neither do you
It feels like we don't know each other, but am I lying to myself,
Do I only love the thought of you?

Rugged thief run,
Tear my heart in two.
I've had no fun,
Being here with you.
Some days I'm beauty and some days I'm grace,
Others I'll punch you in your face.
And most of them, well-
They're a living hell.
Why do I feel so out of place?
There's nothing wrong with confidence,
If only I weren't so dense.
Because beauty and excuses
Have no good uses
As long as we're broken and bent.

We are the light in the sky which is dark at times
And we are the street lamps that turn off when it's too light outside,
We are candles that burn brightest at night
And we are the lamp which lets you lose yourself in the pages of a book,
When you are entranced in the world and you have no way to get there in the dark.
We are the road which you remember,
But are not willing to travel,
The memory of good times and bad, best and worst,
And we are the feeling you get when you lose the one you love the most.
We are consequences, in all of their ugliness and wretched acts,
Where they steal you away into a spell
And shove apologies out of your mouth,
They spew and fly and are a mess of profuse "I'm sorry's"
Mixed with regret and a wish to go back.
We are freedom,
As well as it is but as perilous as it can be,
As dangerous as one can make it.
We are one and none,
Together and apart,
Me and you,
One and two,
But you may never see what I use as glue.
I use my soul and all of the promises she made;
That I would find what I have now and that it would last for me,
That I would always have it,
Please stay.

Tell me about the addiction.
About the ruin it has brought you
And all the destruction that you have witnessed
All because you thought you had to try it.

Tell me about how it feels
When your body gets that rush and
You can't tell where you are anymore,
You can't remember what you were trying to forget.

Tell me about the smoke curling in the air
As your mind starts to sprint in every direction possible,
Where there is no up or down
And there's no such thing as stability.

Tell me about the sensations you get,
Do you fly? Do you fall?
Do you lose yourself in color
Or does the world settle to a black and white film?

How long? And when?
The powder has you going too fast.
I can't keep up with you anymore,
And it's almost like that was your goal in the first place.

But I know better,
And I know you.
You might have your ailments,
But this is one you can defeat.

I'd like to see a flower
Blooming in the snow,

    Bright as the sun
      Vibrant as a cardinal
        And beautiful in its frailty.

But I'd love to see a flower,
Living in the cold,

    Steadier than a stone
      Stubborn in the face of death
        And dignified in its stance.

I wanna be riding a high
All the ******* time
If it means I can forget all about you
And who you are
And what you said
And the promises you made but never kept.

I wanna be stumbling drunk
If it means all I can smell is the liquor on my lips
And it means I can't remember your scent anymore.

I wanna lose everything so I know how good it was
And I don't think I want to feel good anymore
I think I just want to die
But I can't say that, can I?

"I feel great knowing I'm not trusted."
I followed you home because I know that you're going through some things.
I wanted to make sure you were okay.
I sped to catch you
On C towards your house.
I got to the blinking light before you did
And hit 100 passing a grand prix.
Behind you, I slowed
It took forever to reach you.
My car was screaming 'stop'
But I knew I couldn't.
It had been all day,
All week,
All month,
Since I had seen you.
And finally when I had gotten the chance,
It was stripped away because of time.
And little had you known,
I was in town the whole time.
I was in my car for 6 hours waiting.
I was waiting for you.

i'm on my knees now,
please stop existing
some way, somehow,
stop existing to me

Every time I see you
I want to cry.
I want to scream and yell
And I want you to die.
The things that you did
The things that you said,
They only fuel my fire.
Every time I come over
Every time I say I'm fine
I wish you'd just die.
Why can't you just die?
I was five, I was six, I was seven.
I blocked you out until I was eleven.
You took my childhood
You took it all.
And all the therapy sessions
That I have attended
They didn't help me at all.
I was too young;
I had no idea
But then I grew older
And soon that idea
Came to the front of my mind
And I knew that what happened,
That wasn't alright
It wasn't a lie
It deserved all my crying
And for years whenever I saw you,
I wished that I was dying.
But now I can see
What it really did to me
I cried but it's alright
Because now I can look at you
With hatred in my eyes
Not for myself, it wasn't my fault.
But for the monster before me,
Oxygen tank and all.

Let me go. I know I don't want

You to, but its best for both of us.

Never forget me, never forget my love.

Never forget our time.

They are loverlike,
And I know they don't try.

But every fiber of my being
Sees them as they are,

And before I know it,  I cry.

I remember the Sunday, and in your cold car,
We did all we could to look at the stars.
Without freezing our hands
And without getting out to stand,
We tried our best, and we were earnest,
But the stars were out of our reach.

There was once a time when I believed that I must do all I can to keep you.
But that was before I realized you didn't show me the real you.
So I asked, and I pleaded,
Please be who you really are.
And the day you did that,
Your eyes became the stars.

I can not cleanse my eyes from all that I have seen
I can not erase all of the places that I have been
I will never live completely clean
And I am of the belief
That no amount of grief
Will take this obscenity from me,
The disgusting side of me that people see
When they hear me speak,
In truth, I am weak.
I am cold and I do tire
Of the events that must transpire.
Of the vibrations of the wire
That make my ears bleed
And my eyes burn with a hellish fire.

Wish I could say I'm not,
Wish I could say I wasn't,
Wish I could say that it never had that effect on me,
But I'd be lying, wouldn't I?
I'm just an addict to you and everyone else,
If they only knew what it was like to be addicted to you.

And for a moment,
My quiet became a storm.
All I thought went from old to new.
And all I knew changed before me.

All I knew was that I wanted you,
All I know is that I still do.