Rise and shine,
Time to start a new!
Or as you could say,
How long till you go your way?

I'll be lucky if you don't start crying, whining or lying about your everyday work.
You could've found better but it's just the beginning so of course it's gonna have it's qwerks.

Barely the middle of it and I can't take ****.
Just take it down and trust me, it'll be real quick.

Quick, here's a tip, don't try to give lip when miss is sick of your trip to this 15 hour shifts cause you can't take a hint that this ain't it your gift or your payment, even though you've been ripped and played and yet you wonder why we shame your decisions.

Oh and don't worry, I'll be here contemplating when Daddy comes home and think, it's just his beginning to an end.

See you tomorrow cause it's the end of just one day.

A game of chance,
But a game of smarts.
So easy to play but easier to lie.
It's not your first time is it?

Not mine.

So great to see you again.
I know you've seen me even now and then. Yet you act like you're some stranger who's never been around.
Such a card.
I can't tell if you're 1 or 11
Switching back and forth till you've become aware of...

''Coffee?"

Such power it's had.
More than i can recall.
I said these things but
Dreams are just dreams
But love will remain unreal.

Before you never knew anything.
California showed me something,
I thought it was just a moment,
I didn't know what to do.
It only took years of sadness and self hate to really dig deep and tell you what you really meant to me.
God i don't regret a single word since then.
Yet i cant remember what I said.


You know more now.
And nothing will change
Except our friendship
******* ****
I just had to be weird and let my heart grip.
Let every word a rip!
What we said and what we did was true and i told you
Truthfully I do.
But you said no.


I wish i was back in cali and could confess those feelings sooner than later...
Now here i am,
5 am...
Wishing you were next to me in my bed.
Holding you tight,
Loving you close,
Not a worry in sight and making you blush.
You're beautiful
Breathtaking.
I don't wanna close my eyes.

Reality check...
Good morning...

You knew it
Said it
Better sometimes if it wasn't mentioned.
Reflection of my actions
Till before, I didn't get it.

Claiming a name to gain people's attention.
C and P are the letters,
That's who they credited.

I'll be better than you,
Boy was I the fool.
To think that I could try and be cool, changing the game to what I thought ruled.
Just remember me then and see me now for what I am.
A future

It's memorizing what's in you that bugs me.

Everyday just to start the shift and Remember where you are in my mind.

Just remember what they meant and you'll have no problem.

Take me to the bus
Hold my hand and tell me how you feel.
Because those moments felt so real.
Mommy and Daddy couldn't so you were my ones.

I can recall curling around your back,
Like a dog does on your bed just to feel that security.
Just teaching me about the world and seeing me reach to a new level of maturity.

Being there to hold my hand and show me the way was the life, until those nights where I said goodbye.
Even on this night it's hard to forget your love and affection.
Now I just long for that same attention.

Momma can't give it like you did,
Daddy can't make up for those moments we spent stealing grapes at the store.
I don't mean to make then sound so low but,
There's no way to without speaking these true words.

It's hard to believe or see the things the things I see.
Even though I'm no different
Feels like I'm living on a sheet.

I don't see things moving at the pace they should.
I'm frozen in this one simple frame and it's a bullet going through my brain.

If I try my best to zoom out I can see the things that have and can happened.
Almost as a third eye
Seeing this time line
Crammed
All in to one piece of paper.

My mind isn't straight
It's never been great
When the system is corrupt
And enough is enough.
When you flee and you run
From the sun
From them all
To be free, to be you
And now, to stay true
Not on me but on you
Cause you hold my mind
And you hold my soul
It's not me in control
It's just with a hole
It's just me as a shell
It's just me all alone


My soul is drained
And My body rots
I feel so dead
I'm tied in knots
I can feel my mind
Melting away
And as I look to you
I see you turn in shame
Now it's just me
And while it's mind that's wrank
I ask for God to take It
and make my mind go blank

Not enough
Not as tough
as you think that  I am
I'm just falling away from the brink
Just Sinking
I'm just drawing away
Falling in to my ways
Thinking I'm not enough
I'm not close that stuff
No hero
Just zero
Not here though
I flee though
I scream for
My freedom
Redeemer
My saviour from me
I beg and I plee
But she cannot hear me
Flying away
To not see the day
But now I await
Till I see her face
Till then I ask
To fill this space

My soul is drained
And My body rots
I feel so dead
I'm tied in knots
I can feel my mind
Melting away
And as I look to you
I see you turn in shame
Now it's just me
And while it's mind that's wrank
I ask for God to take It
and make my mind go blank


1 to 2
2 soon 3
This years gone by
I'm still a guy
Awaiting, still I'm
But living my life
Experiencing my world
Fulfilling my purpose
Cause in the end she taught me
I'm not worthless.
And this blank
That I say
That I stated of I
Resigns
No longer a thing of mine.
I have my value and have my worth
I just wish they knew
How much they've helped this squirt

Dream
You chose to and you believed
Now look at your ship all wrecked
Yet somehow you're alive

The seas have been calm but still ruffle every now and then.
Though the ashes of my dreams still scatter everywhere each time I remem..
Her...
Such a beautiful face I've seen and it's one that's different compared to the others.

She left me though just the others along time ago.
Soon I'll be up and running again so will the others
But we are dreams who've been here in the clearance aisle

Waiting to be shaken...

Life will continue and time will pass.
Like Vid-19
You'll only be remembered in class.
Mentioned in the worst ways and times.
¿Te acuerdas de tu hermano?
I'll hesitate and say I remember the time i spent contemplating if I'd ever get you or not.

I get it but why?
Leaving me a responsibility I never asked for.
He's mad and sad,
Doesn't even consider that fact I'm passed out
Blacked out
Crossed now
Passed out
Lost now
Rad.
Doesn't even know the blood forbade the name engraved, he was enslaved to and will change to a new.

Though it won't stay the same, I still hold the title and torch.
The one I'm expected to hold high with pride!
I won't let you down
But i will to him.

I'm sorry all we have is a blurred photo together and that all you could hear was gibberish from my mouth.
But know I love you.
Thick or thin

I watch the birds fly by
Thinking of where they’ll go
My naive mind in the clouds not worrying a bit
I still question though
What is it that this boy sees

Across from me he thinks
Unknowing his life and what he’s got to come.
His fingers pretending to run on string
Going to a place more than south
I can hear him sing a tune that’s familiar to my ear

Boy do I wish to be him
And never know of a dark time
Hopefully he doesn’t take a glimpse

Too bad we grew up with these same thinkings...

Everyday I swear is a hassle to just get up,
but it never stopped you from getting the mountains.
I cry and whine but really I'm just walking my mile for the first time.

Though my shoes are already,
seems like my gear is always falling off.
Trying so hard to keep it steady
I look at your directions on what you did but can't seem to see how you did it.

I see you napping on the bench
Right where he used to let watch cars go by.
His bus finally picked him up
So you decided to take his place and take a break.

So while you rest and replan your task's
I'll be on the side calling out your name.
Cause you set an example and set a route for me.

I'll run my course and set it out right
Pass the torch and send the map
Rest,
Can,
Man,
I will make this right so they can run their course with a guide.

You know a lot can be said about our beloved clouds
Seeing high, above the sky
Where planes and birds soar high.
And limits can be going higher everything time.

Even brains and faces are stuck up there.
Of course it's expected to seem them up there in nowhere.

Even we can be covered by God's beautiful gifts.
Saying it's doesn't harm us one bit.

And where I'm nowhere to judge how our clouds can help ease us through the darkest of times, with it's easing aroma,
It's hard to see a brighter side to the mind that can't go on and lights up the sky to to help him see life pass by for 2 hours so sorry I couldn't be the guy to secure you from the harsh crimes life wants to throw at you from front and behind...

Sorry, I got lost in the clouds so if you can excuse me...
Time to get back to reality

I'm questioning  me
To my understanding
To listen
To hear.
To comprehend.
The morality
Of reality.
Am I slipping through or am I phasing past?
Am I the first or just one of the last.
Together we fall, around sun and past the moon to our silence we withstand.


We aren't alone we stand United.
A force unbreakable
A veil inseparable
As you see
Broken we are
Stupid is we
No one said we were straight
We just contemplate
At our weight
At our fate
At out faith
Can we be
Can they change
From the error
Of our ways?



It's just us
No its them
They're the reason we can't think
You're the reason we can't trust
So who's to blame ?
Who's to claim?
The Shame
From their ways
That they claim
Was right
I can't change
Neither can they
Cause humans we are
We have all the flaws
No one was said to be the perfect
Not even in the eyes of God.
Sidetracked as this goes
This all goes with into one flow
The dead hideous
All hurendous , of course you can see
Are the out cast of this world
God I might hurl.
But the living is pure
They're as perfect as me
But why
Cause no ones as sane as the guy next to me
Cause they aren't as Holy as they seem to be
So dead as living and living as dead
Everyone's them
But the same in the end

I could never believe in such things.
Momma taught me to never make promises.
I'll only have what I make that I say can be,
Even if it means out bleeding the daily dosage than what's given to me.
I trust in it as much as I can.
Until it's like dad coming back with a pack of cigarettes.
It's just an Idea
But more make believe, ya?
Have it Or Not.
Make it or Forsake it.
Sometimes fantasy is better than the picture already given.

I know, I know!
It ain't what it seem!
But it's better just an Idea!

But it's better a fantasy than what you keep feeding me

Dope-a! Morph-a
Feel you in my spine!
I just saw you yesterday with huge *** smile.
But I still can't find you like the rest of my mind.
Incomplete.
But Not Obsolete

As she sings,
Letting her heart about,
It's a beauty to see her change into an outfit suitable for the occasion.
Of course she was somewhere else but they can't tell. That's how we all are.
It's one of my favorite things to see

Watching the two of you craft something new,
I know there's a future out there for both of you. Funny how they pull it off though;
Planning the idea but with few resources and actions.
Unbelievable!

And to see you paint a colored sky is enough to blind her mind.
Knowing it's just a hobby and I'm still waiting to see you get out and make a dime for these kids is a waste of my time. But it's my favorite thing to see

Especially when all four of you are just wolves deceiving the world. Just like me

All nasty and full of gunk.
I fogot my toothbrush at the complex.
One week I've waited and it's still in the same place.
Feels like I was here yesterday.
But I know it's gonna feel like forever leaving.
Thank god I can try to keep clean with my essential back in my hand.
But I still can't help the feeling...

I'm going to loose my toothbrush again.

Sing a hymn
Sing a song.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
A slave I am no more.
So now freely shall I roam

Onwards to a brighter future,
To a brand new start.
Pack your things and we'll tear away once that they had started.

But why?
Why burn something so nice?
Claim it for yourself.
Make something new!
Trust me why don't you.

Let's work it!
Keep it as it was,
Maybe place this chain here so I won't forget where I'm going.

Its okay, it's not a like it was before.
Just...

Different

Years have passed,
Seasons have changed.
Am I an adult yet?
Couldn't say.
Relate?

While pain was brief,
And a cleanse was needed,
I still grow more and do my best to succeed.
Did I pay a bill?
Is it in the budget?
Swear to God I could go for a 20 piece McNugget.

While I shift and work it out,
I'll still ask myself am I good enough?
When isn't your mind...
What kind...
Don't lie...
Stop.
Take a breathe and it's going to be all fine.

Is my flow still the same?
Is my expression more better?
Does it make any sense to you that im still explaining and continuously refraining from resaying a word by rearranging the framing of this here decree I'm declaring?
No, not really.

With exercises and breakdowns,
I've seen it in better ways.
Still in chains,
But looser around the brains.
It's taken time,
But I'm finally in control...

I'm getting used to... New.

Create and destroy.
My heart.
My mind.
My soul.
               Yet you couldn't see my scars
I cut my lip,
I held my hands.
Yet you couldnt see the blood pouring out of my vains.

No one cared.
No one's there.
I'm too ******* scared.






And I'm afraid to die.
My morphine is way over.
Dopamine.
More and more.  

Couldn't look up,
Even when he tried to step up.
Enough us enough.

Wrists have been saved
But my hands are damaged.
Lip overflowing with blood,
Ive tried to manage.

Remember these passages...


_ _ _ _

I don't know how to create poetry.
I've just used this place as a place for me to rant and try to do so so subtly.
This is the only place i could really say anything without getting shot at by my family and friends.

I just wanna feel like im doing something right for once without feeling like ****.

Raised in my pact
Though I can't go back.
She told them it was the last.
I drove Rose to a point I can't go.
So many time do I feel like a fool.
But still I come running back to hear her cry.

No matter what time at night,
I'll run to your howl or cry.
It's not a siren
It's more than a cry
But I'll do my best to get there by your side.

I swear these ears are trained
It makes my head go insane to think if it was ever delayed that I would he too late.
No way.

They never cared and to them it was a whine.
But they've never heard a child cry a night.
I'll do my best to be here for you.
With all my power.
It's because of you,
I spend hours and hours to make a better season for my pups.
But let me hear your howl at night,
I'll be there in a minute with my heart and a knife.
I'll be here till the day you lie.

I swear these ears are trained
It makes my head go insane to think if it was ever delayed that I would be too late.
No way.

Someday a pact
Protect
Attack
Cover me.
Don't ever think
Don't ever go back.
Maybe you'll come to my
BACK.
Never give up.
Fight for them.
As I did for her.

The suspense kills them
Or at least the parents who support
Awaiting for the cue
If I don't in a few, I'm gonna pass out.
So without further a due
Breath and...

Tell me the truth.
Speak to to me how you truthfully feel.
You can't hide these things, they're real.
I would but it's not as you think

When you ask for a truth, you're asking for a newborn
When you want how I feel, believe me that the winds breeze could speak more than me
See these things could rain hell or something
So please, be warned

When you're asking for something you want to know, just know it's like any other person, it's complicated.

What I know is a lie


I only see a mask
There’s a prepainted face and the paint is chipping
All i can see is a layer broken and things have become clearer
Not on just him but them

I couldn’t see how much her beauty poisoned
I couldn’t believe her words would stay
I  couldn’t believe what i had done

Sometimes a chain still pulls
Let it be felt and known
But what do you know
My lies have tricked all
And so have theirs

I’m not too far off

They say a tree bares fruit
But it also holds vines
And you can’t let go on what you put yourself on
My view to see you guys in success but mourning pleases me
I’m not a worry
I’ve never been a need
I just wanted
Now I can no longer have


Knowledge

Where did I go?
Path ()
Why did I follow?
Regard ()
So why bother?
Care ()
It didn't matter as I followed my heart.
Lost without a thought.

Conned,
By my mind,
Thinking I was fine,
Following what I thought was right,
Right?

Hope ()
I ran
Mind ()
I have become the  past
It just felt great to think () when I was ****** into a great time.
Friends of mine,
Take me high,
High as I never did.
So now,
Brain () I feel,
So chained again not just by a king.
But the deceased.
Because of me,
And my decisions,
I feel

() and ()

Let me guide you,
Let me light truth.
Truth be told I'd rather just die
Cause I'm tired of lighting my mind.

Didn't mean to be harsh but I'm just tired of having the same idea in my head.
Positivity, enough of these things.
Let me see a darker tone to these poems.
Let me flow be heard and let the words be told.
Death, let it
Words, no credit
No time, nice try
Don't fight it.
Just try it.
Light it up.
Die trying.

I'm just tired of lighting a lie that I'll find my mind at ease.
It's a constant war to believe I'm loved and cared when all that's said are reasons why it didn't matter.

A constant energy sparking even when it's out of order.
My lightbulbs no more so consider me as one of the horde.

Please lord, help me to understand your true words...

Now when you paint, you've got to do it in a correct way. But make sure not to leave any lines. Otherwise you'll have to cover them up. If however you do, make sure you do it smoothly. That way no one could ever see them and your mistake will be hidden*


Blink
Now your mind begins to think
Did they see
Where could they be
EXACTLY!
Maybe I'm overthinking
What does it matter.
It's all the same.
It's blended as best as could be.
No one will ever know of the ***** deed that I did.


Up and down
Continous in repeat
May I speak
I fell in weak
Now I reek
I be
No wait
I bleed
These lines of imperfection
But twist them to a misconception
Addiction to it
I'm used to it

**** IT, AGAIN??
No worries. I'll just fix it.  


But what do they know
They can't identify
Someone of wrong
That seems right
But honeslty
They seep
And they're seen
For a Reason.
I bleed these
Because the tension is to hard for me
The vessel is corrupt
And enough is enough
But it's too rough
When these lines bleed
A release
Of ease
To please
Me
Of everything
That others don't see
Is pushed onto me
I'm free
I'm relieved
Wait...
He seen...


WAIT PLEASE DON'T LEAVE

Lines that lie of his life
Of an addicts attic for a long time
Never enough
so bundle it up
Exposed to the lies
No more
I swear I'll try
But how can you say that won't
When you can go behind my back
And just take another pack
And just continue off track
From your pact


Ah forget it...it's useless

"Swear on your life you'll never tell a soul! SWEAR!"

The more they trust, the more I hear.
Sorry to make you repeat, couldn't hear you clear.
Yes I'll hold this dear,
But promise me you'll become clean.

What did I just see,
I didn't mean to hide these true things,
No I mean...please just hear me
Out...no please don't, there's no need to scream and shout!

I did it for you
I didn't mean to hurt your heart and send you into these deep thoughts.
I....

Such a day
Such a night.
Quite a sight to see my old friend,
Just like we have every night.

Clyde my friend it's been a while,
Yet I see you everywhere with a warm smile.
My inspiration and my pal.
My only one I can see when all are gone.

Not a word you say,
but if you could,
You would question of where I stay.

"Why so astray from all those who love you dear?
Is there something you fear?
Or something you despise.
Either way, I know how you lie so don't try."

Clyde,
Why should I see you and speak a word when all you do is see me sink in to the abyss of depression.
While I cry and try to think of why I don't need to waste time of making my mind believe there's some kind of guide or ally that I can rely on or whine on...

Clyde,
Why am I an oddity.
Why could I never lie down my life all those times I wanted to just...

Why...

Heh...

It's okay Clyde... I don't know why either.





Goodnight.

My pockets are full and anyone could tell.
Thank god they don't point it out,
Otherwise I'd feel like a clown.

Put it here,
Move it there,
Try my coat pockets instead.

My Pockets are full,
now you can see.
But still,
It's best you do not approach me.

For you see,
I would rather ignore it and take it on my own,
rather than someone pricking their hand on my broken pencil.

I know it's not right,
But it's my life.
It's hard enough when you have the need to have all these things in a space,
unneeded,
but believed to be needed because I don't need to believe that not everything is needed...

Including me...

My pockets are full,
It's more than I can handle.
So please step aside,
Because to you I don't matter

I remember with you,
In the summer of '08,
Life was never blue,
And life was great.

Fly ***** and Popcorn,
I bet I can eat the most.
Triple stacks, Laser Tag,
Whys Phineas's head a triangle eh?

A lot I recall,
And I lot I remember.
You're not a 2nd rate,
And most definitely a diabetic so stop lying and saying you're sweet.

It's hard to talk now,
And **** happens in life.  
Life has a weird way of making **** complicated with complications.
Ive got to say,
But for now I refrain,
So please wait till I say I'm okay, okay?
Great.

So while Nostalgia, was it? That reminds me of a better, understand I love you, even though I'm not comfortable in this weather.

Honor your mother and Father
It's a hard constant thought
It's been taught
So many times yet I can never keep that locked

I honor her even though she's dead
I honor him yet he's gone too
Seeing him though is a pack of lies
All I see is a glutenous fool
So spare your "tries"
I'm not your misconcepted tool
It's not what a dad does

You can call him by a title yet his colors will show another .

Sugar coat it like I'm a naive child but after a while
I saw that smile become a...
Liar.
Trust me you say
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THAT TODAY!"
s t o p  i t

I've had 3 and believe me they have names...
But they are set by me.
Grand
Liar
Tryer
And don't try buying tryer cause liar could never be the supplier like the grand who showed me I can go higher than all of...Cliars

But what does it matter when you're a brick wall who shuns me...

Chains no more,
I couldn't see beyond this cell.
Gave me hell
So I thought, oh well.
Define me as the silenced dreamer.
...clearer...

I thought you wanted me here,
You made it clear,
Be seen but not heard
I don't understand,
You never could comprehend.
Now you want me to stand...

I don't know how to feel,
This wasn't real,
Tape undone
Rewind, flashback.
It's in the past but time to let that,
be packed, in the back.

Sir...I didn't know how to tell you when your ignorance to me felt like your work meant more and that I was placed behind a caged door. But no more.

Thank you for listening and taking the time...

1257... Remember that

Again and again,
I'm stuck facing this brick wall in shame.
Me.
You.
My love.
My child.
I feel as if I've brough shame to all these names.
But then again,
Your knives arent exactly clean of blood.

So many times I stay awake thinking of the dreams and things I and we could've had.
****...
Unnecessary.
But, so was what we had.

I can't look back,
I can't fix what's broken
And I can't keep hooking on to things that I feel can't hooking a chemical that makes these me irresponsible.

So what do I do?

Even though a lion is trained to keep it's mouth shut, it doesn't mean it can't learn around it.
Stardust has seen and tried to stop me clean of these things that could be.

That blackhole won't solve anything,
Neither will exploding or imploding myself to wits ends.
So let me brief you just this once so listen good and listen well.

Like the lion, find your pack.
No matter how much the storms rain down hell, find a way to dispel.
Write these records, create a contraption to annoy the rains away.
But if there's nothing you can do, and trust me I know cause it's something we've all been through, go to shelter and let the damage be done.

Tomorrow we begin a new, and work around it with your crew, they may know what to do.
It's an experience we all handle.
It's a long life battle.

But at least we're not alone.

There's nothing really to be said.
Even though here you are,
Wondering what's going through my head.
Don't break a sweat because I said what I've already said.
It's the same beat and rhythm that we jam out to everyday.
Except you thought it'd be better to tune it to your liking.
Just sit back,
Relax,
Cause it's a way we live.
Dig?
Cause that's what we've always been about.
Carless and free.
So don't tell me I don't know what you're thinking.

Funny how we think we live and dance the same thing yet we dance all differently on a up or down beat.
Sometimes I feel like I'm jamming with the wrong guy.
Yet he could somehow follow my lines and ties that I've been providing all of y'all since I started to learn how to rhyme in my spare time.  
Truthfully being said, that's a lie.

The heat feels great but it's scorching my heart.
The cold clenches my brain yet I can still feel the pain

What happened to the flowers that bloomed all through the summer?
What happened to our weather?

Is this for the better that the seasons change this way?
Is today the day the leaves decay?

I just want them to stay.
Please don't take my sunshine away
God have it your way but let it pass today so I can sleep on the leaves one last time.

They say self care is a main
To prevent you from becoming insane.
So let me lie back and figure it out.

Might take a smoke to or two,
Just to help the view.
Let's dive in deep and think of the sneak leek we seek like in a Disney channel movie.
There's a party and we're down barely floor one.
Let's check it out.

These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along.
It's something they're all used to dancing around.
Call it my song or call it my calling,
It's a ******* Siren Party.

Where or where have you gone?
It's been 3 months long enough.
It's time to be more than alone.
I'm not alone I got and him and I.
We party like nothing's gonna change.
Grab a cup, kick back, have a drink of the extinct.

There's so much banging at the door yet I dont bother to answer.
It's a party in here where nothing ever changes.
Not even the moves we make or the things we faced.
We're just more laced.

These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along.
It's somethings they're all used to dancing around.
Call it my song or call it my calling,
It's a ******* Siren Party.

4 out of 5 become different.
But the one will change the world.
So why not me?

I've got the plans but no action.
Seems I'm no different than the 4 and 3.
Except I'm not dependent on chlorine or finding the right thing to make me happy.

1 and 2 just remind me that we can all fall into the ability of finding ways of not being so panicky.
Though hold your breath deep and hope these things will stay for a while.
So why not me...
Chlorine and the Right Thing seem so easy and the thing that keeps them from being shakey helps them.
So why not me?
I've already found my thing but the sad truth is there's no way out.

Counseling is a way
Sure talk about why it seems so wrong.
Even though I caught you looking at them the way I do, you still lecture me as if you're not doing it.
Hypocrite...

I admit I'm an addict
But could you blame me as they blame themselves.
Excuse this excuse that.
So why not me....

Center attention.
There's where you stand.
Look no further or less.
Break and you'll find X.

Understand we have to cover where you stand
Otherwise you'll be dragged into foreign land.
There you see just one belief.
Or else you'll be seen as the enemy.

I guess our house divided helped me see,
No one is correct.
Not even me.