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Remember the roast potato days,
try to feel them when they arrive
in a kind of “What is this life…” way

The days when a surfeit of crisp-crunch
surrounds a fluffy middle, robed in a gravy of any persuasion
placating even the glummest sentiments

When rains are driven off
by silken rice pudding
spiked with a sweet acid dollop of jam of any fruit

Recall the carbohydrate wealth
when the poor days come
and your heart-stomach rumbles

Butter fat richness will return
and learning to trust this
is an adult meal indeed
thoughts in my head clouding my sight
my anxieties keeping me up at night
constantly thinking you’re not on my side
thinking that all my demons will collide

there’s something in the water i drink
i know this because i fear what i think
you tell me i’m crazy and that we’re okay
are you tired of reminding me everyday

i spin further away from my truth
i dive deeper into the pain of my youth
digging and searching for some peace
but these voices in my head don’t cease

i remember the rush the joy the ache
knowing there was something at stake
self harm my absolute longest lost friend
i hope that we never ever meet again
to those who not born an aristocrat,
what it means to be a human-being?
a terrible exhaustion - result of attrition
soulless slave - six days a week
is there any other alternative, though
I cannot outstare the bill faces
rent will due soon
endless presentations
pointless meetings
118,000 unread emails
week long business trips
"bare minimum to get by" prohibited
I have lunch delivered
snacks delivered
dinner delivered
I have all the food inside my office
and a beautiful apartment facing the sea
with the sun rays peeking in through the blinds each morning
but I'm just too busy
hopelessly hoarding pennies
hopefully saving enough joy for the future
they say your hardwork will come into frution
repeating cycles of entire career till retirement?
050620 | 15:40 PM - sunday in transition season of cobid-19 pandemic
From the desk
her spine creaks,
each rubbery cartilage
like a phone pole.
each breath realigns
bone and belief  
she types away her thoughts
knuckles thinking faster than
brain cells, and with clacks.
it’s only been four hours,
starting into screen light
she wonders when she’ll see the sun.
Diamku itu
sebentuk kedewasaan
hasil tempaan semesta

Pura-pura rabunku itu
sebentuk kedewasaan
bisikan suruhan semesta

Jarak tubuhku yang sengaja kujauhkan itu
sebentuk kedewasaan
kesadaran yang ditumbuhkan semesta

Mungkin bumi terlalu banyak diputari bulan
mungkin juga ini jawaban doamu
sampai akhirnya membawaku padamu lagi
aku bisa saja menghampiri & menhakimimu
atau memuntahkan segala rasa & pikiran saat itu

Kedewasaanku itu
bukan hanya cerdiknya lidah bertutur manis
kau saksikan sendiri matangku

Memang masih sedikit perih
hantu kenangan buruk yang terpanggil dadakan

Kedewasaanku itu
adalah sebentuk ikhlas
adalah bentuk penepatan janjiku
bahwa tidak akan kuganggu dirimu
Kau tahu tidak?
290220 | 18:53 PM, JIEexpo Kemayoran Jakarta, panggung mld spot. God is strategic. Di tengah kesibukan di bali, tiba2 pgn pulang ke bandung & tp krn gaada flight yg cocok di kertajati dipaksa turun di jkt kebetulan keluarga memang mau ke javajazz dr bdg jadi bisa ikut pulang. Sm sekali at all ga pengen ikut kmn2 cm mau di hotel, atau mau berkelana sendiri main ke mblock & museum macan. Taunya akhirnya tetep ikut, trs di dalam gw & bokap kepisah sm nyokap & adik. Gw udah cape nyusurin booths, jadilah nonton faris rm padahal bokap males tp gw paksa tanpa ada ekspektasi apapun, toh udah bbrp x jg nonton faris di bali, tp namanya cukup familiar. Abis maksa bokap buat duduk sila di karpet, dia point out agak teriak gitu ke gw kalau ada muka familiar, trs gw memang sama sekali ga peduli, ga ngecek & anggep dia delusi krn lg gelap juga lightingnya. Pegangan gw adalah bener/ga bener pun, chapter buku yg memang udah selesaiya udah ditutup dan udh gw buang ke kolong pikiran, udh ikhlas ga berasa apa2 juga, masa pedihnya udah cukup berlalu hampir setaun yg ilang memang udah gw anggap mati sekalian. Abis nonton, keluar mau makan smbil menenangkan panic attack krn tetep ketriggered, sambil nelpon kesayangan di pulau sebelah, ada figur yg cukup familiar bulak balik dpn gw. Tapi yasud memang gw anggap dia hanya hantu seliweran. Ya gitu, semarah apapun, gw udah naik kelas, ga perlu ada yg dijelaskan kalau dari sisi gw, toh udah gw perjuangin sampai titik penghabisan pun malah dulu dilemparin kata-kata menusuk hati & minta dirinya ga diganggu. Mungkin dari sisi hatinya beliau yg belum damai mangkanya bulak balik mondar mandir kaya setrikaan. I saw you, I froze a little, tp memang kini sudah bukan pada tempatnya lagi, I'm happy & in love with A. You're a closed book E, I still care but what I'm capable is to pray & wishes you all the best from a far.  Sejujurnya, ga ngerti kenapa semesta bikjn ada plot twist kejutan ini, tp gw percaya rencana Tuhan ya yg terbaik.
melli7 Dec 2019
When I was small I said “Mom
my tummy hurts” and
then kisses and maybe a spoon of liquid
(icky) tylenol followed and then
All Better!

Now
when I’m bigger in shoe size, in brain
(in tummy)
Now when
my stomach starts to bubble and
roil and twist I know the source
is not candy and the
cure is no longer kisses and
I need so much more I need
slow breaths and
slower
thoughts
and
no maternal concern concerning
itself with my intestines, small or
large
Mudashi Nov 2019
I wish the world would give me one more chance
To paint outside the lines;
and have purple cows and red seas,
and green faces, and blue trees.
I wish the world would give me one more chance
To live through every minute of my dreams
With no worries, no fears;
No pressure, no tears,
I wish the world would give me one more chance
But this time make it a little bit better,
Cause I really hate it here.
Amelli Kay Oct 2019
Twenty years have passed
Aspirations were then categorized
The ambitious, the achievable

I wish I could play again
And dream again
Like a carefree child
Unbounded by limitations
Fueled by imaginations

I became so good at building my dreams,
That reaching them became too difficult, it seems

I was trying
It was tiring

I needed a pause to pursue
And a courage to continue
To walk through in this avenue
Of jumbled patterns
Ever so uncertain,

It might take a long while
But, I know, it will soon be worthy of all smiles
Rose Who Knows Sep 2019
It's not you it's me...
I'm sure everyone would hate to be on the receiving end.
Well, it is you, which is partially true, but I won't tell you that.
You just didn't make it on the list of people I want to invest my time in.
You seem nice, but you didn't win the lottery ticket.
Some other girl will award you her time, but not this girl.
Sorry not sorry.
Better than ghosting
KSC Sep 2019
My heart broke when you rode off on your motorcycle,
I think we both knew it was over when you left,
In retrospect our relationship was rather short,
Thinking it would last forever,
Ready to take vows and sign mortgage papers,
It was like wanting fireworks to last forever,
It's impossible to keep that spark going when you settle,
Which is what you did with me,
You could never admit it but you never loved me,
It's nothing to be ashamed of because in the many poems I have written for you,
And the many tears I have shed for you,
I have realized that maybe I didn't love you either,
The act of you riding away, spoke to me more than a thousand words,
That October you tried to end it,
I wish you had the courage to do so,
Because the truth is that I'm better off without you,
My heart broke slowly waiting for you,
I knew you were the type to never come back,
But I always hoped that you would,
The hardest thing to realize was that we would never be the same,
When the kids ask about you,
I want to jokingly say,
"He went out for cigarettes,"
I don't know if it was harder for them because they picked you,
But they still ask,
Maybe they will always ask,
To them I say,
"He's not coming back,
He never loved you,"
I like to think that I'm preparing them for the heart break they will feel when they grow up and lose a love that never was,
I hope they are not as stupid as me,
I hope they are not as ****** up as you,
This was for the best though,
I realized that my heart longed for another,
But he end up being a coward like you,
St. Thomas,
The Patron Saint of Indecisive Men,
May you be martyred by a too young pregnant woman,
Bound by your progeny,
To die with a wanderlust,
Unsatisfied,
With a love that does not suffice.
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