What does it mean to be adult in this world? To be scared, scarred and broken? A protector of others without your own, buckled and bruised while smiling, hiding a crushed spirit behind a job. A job that doesn't pay, it takes all your time away head in hands tears only fall where no one sees Cold heavy worldly weight Lies heavy on small shoulders This is adulting
Please pardon me, I'm in my feelings tonight, (sorry not sorry) I'll write it out and feel better
the bathrooms need cleaned and we're out of milk there's dust on every surface two weeks' worth of laundry in a corner of the bedroom while I sit in the basement playing games and watching a tv show at the same time to shut off the feeling that
Years have passed, Seasons have changed. Am I an adult yet? Couldn't say. Relate?
While pain was brief, And a cleanse was needed, I still grow more and do my best to succeed. Did I pay a bill? Is it in the budget? Swear to God I could go for a 20 piece McNugget.
While I shift and work it out, I'll still ask myself am I good enough? When isn't your mind... What kind... Don't lie... Stop. Take a breathe and it's going to be all fine.
Is my flow still the same? Is my expression more better? Does it make any sense to you that im still explaining and continuously refraining from resaying a word by rearranging the framing of this here decree I'm declaring? No, not really.
With exercises and breakdowns, I've seen it in better ways. Still in chains, But looser around the brains. It's taken time, But I'm finally in control...
I'm getting used to... New.
David Bowie said it best about changes. So here's mine instead
and then i arose one day, to realize i'd lost myself in time perhaps i lost who i was because she's no longer here to find or not lost at all, but found a new home - of this, i'm not certain dwindling amongst the constellations comprised of all my other versions
but ****, i feel so free, i've found the keys to my own prison wasted time looking for a better life yet all the while i was livin' it let your soul live with intention, not in a state of suspension live your potential that brings your most enlightened peace live not to bridge the chasms in another soul's journey
put forth more energy to only that which serves you untangle yourself from that which does not deserve you don't let your waiting existence be made into a sport cause one day you'll wake and there'll be nothing left to wait for
The glow of city lights reflecting on the fountain waters it lighting up the grey brick floor. Renon is sleeping.
After the anesthesia wore off, it seems as if the Drawarapla is starring at me.
Are we all too entitled to be willing to “suffer” ? we're clay molded, put in the work?
There’s a fine line between submission and abuse.
090521 | 5:05PM Sunday afternoon well spent - my weekly guest come visit me again - anxiety. And I feel this sadness, weirdness, anxiety mostly in my stomach. About what? I don't know. Oh to be adults, to be "obligated" working all the time & live an unselfish life where you provide for ever else around you. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful to be able to work, but I think this is my hormonal talking. I have no energy whatsoever, could be effect of the vaccine. Now I'm rumbling.