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bathed myself in bleach
and scrubbed my skin with rubbing alcohol
when i light myself on fire
i feel somewhat better
and i have swept the kitchen floor a lot
almost obsessively
but when i walk around i still feel dirt on the bottom of my feet
i am surprised i still have the ability to feel anything
i tried drinking gasoline and licking flames

i am a freak
a coward
so things didn't work out
i am used to disappointment
i am used to hating myself
I'm a monster, I'm a Pig, I'm Dirt, I'm nothing. How can I make anyone happy
Christopher Dec 2018
As she sings,
Letting her heart about,
It's a beauty to see her change into an outfit suitable for the occasion.
Of course she was somewhere else but they can't tell. That's how we all are.
It's one of my favorite things to see

Watching the two of you craft something new,
I know there's a future out there for both of you. Funny how they pull it off though;
Planning the idea but with few resources and actions.

And to see you paint a colored sky is enough to blind her mind.
Knowing it's just a hobby and I'm still waiting to see you get out and make a dime for these kids is a waste of my time. But it's my favorite thing to see

Especially when all four of you are just wolves deceiving the world. Just like me
I'd really love to run away and paint my sky. But I'd just make her cry.
Nomathemba May 2018
He came in looking like prince charming
Sold me dreams
Made me feel young again

Oh mama
He touched me

I could hear him breathe so heavily
I could feel his weight suffocating me
His filthy hands were on my body
When he was done, he chuckled
Gave a satisfied look
I turned away
Face wet with tears
A scream of cry came out
Instantly, he gave me
A daring look
And told me to hush little one
Fore he did me a favor

Oh mama
He hurt me so bad

Disgusted with myself
Walking around
And every man looks like him
Filled with anger
Burning desire for revenge
But instead
I was told to
Hush little one and to
Never speak of it ever again.
I realized that so many women are victims of **** and speaking about it is hard. I've seen women around me feel embarrassed and the amount of scars they carry everyday because of what happened to them; I decided to put myself in their shoes to try to capture the emotion behind such a disgusting and absurd transgression and wrote this.
Amanda Mar 2018
I am disgusted with myself
Under a disappointed stare
The agony clear and palpable
As it courses through open air

I cannot change the deeds I've done
Unspeak the weighty lies I told
I work towards a better future
To prove trust is something I can uphold

The idea of you wondering
If I am not who I am
Keeps me enveloped in fear
Words barricaded in a tricky dam

Together we can tear down obstacles
Defeat shadows and doubt
One by one I will fix the problems
We have been fighting about

My ghouls are running wild, exposed
By the knife plunged into your heart
I long to have you in close proximity
Yet keep tearing your love apart
You said that what I did was disgusting, I know you don't mean me specifically, but it still hurt at the time.
Kelly Weaver Jan 2017
As your salt stings my chapped lips and my open wounds I come less and less to you

You grit your teeth into dust that carries through your heinous breath that makes my eyes water and my heart ache

And I cannot believe not too long ago I turned to you for care and comfort and compassion but instead I was caught in a tight spot lacking wiggle room

I can feel you burning a hole through my chest as I ***** words and phrases that don't make sense when put together like

"I love when you make me cry"
Anna Sep 2016
What to say to an already devastated mind
What to preach who is already a disciple of harsh thought
What to  believe in the one who have vapoured their beliefs
What to teach who have already taught themselves to get corrupted...
L May 2016
If she hit you,
you would marvel
at your bruises.

The disgust that
has clinched my heart
since the first day you
ever said her name again,
would pull so tightly
I'd be in just as much
danger of dying
as you are.

You would run your
fingertips around
the rim of your blackened eye,
you would say,
"It's so beautiful,
how did she know that
purple is my favorite color?"

You would show it to the world,
proud, happy, relieved, that
you can finally put down
your razor blade, because
this time, she loves you enough
to carve her name into your skin
so that you don't have to.
I am so ******* tired of watching her use you.
KL Mar 2016
Your love is poison,
It spreads all through my body
Just like each goose bump
That remains on my skin,
Its the one thing that i can prove
That every inch of me
Is disgusted by you
You give me the coldest look,
I've never shivered so warmly.
— a song I will write when i have enough confidence to do so
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