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Christopher Oct 2020
I fell off and got up.
I ran away and found more junk.
Nothing's ever fixed and corrected because there's always more problems than what you expected.
But will you understand?
Will you cope?
Or will the chains of past have the last laugh when you made a promise to say no more?

Can these patterns continue or will there be a change?
It seems to me you have an understanding,  yet you act so deranged and estranged.
It's worse than our lockdown,
Yet that gave me more answers then than now.
It's like finding the rhyme to orange and then more and more words begin to pour and overflow, overload, self implode
Then no more...

There's an understanding to our problems and it's like a conspiracy,
We fear it in theory but really is it worth believing?
It's not complex as you think,
But it's not as easy as turning off the sink.
We find ourselves fighting more with our thoughts than the ******* government on what we can and what we cannot.

Understandings cannot be prevented, so fly with it and seek more truth. Otherwise you'll be nothing more than a buffoon. And that's on you...
Covid seems bad, but has shown us our ugly.
Christopher Oct 2020
They say self care is a main
To prevent you from becoming insane.
So let me lie back and figure it out.

Might take a smoke to or two,
Just to help the view.
Let's dive in deep and think of the sneak leek we seek like in a Disney channel movie.
There's a party and we're down barely floor one.
Let's check it out.

These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along.
It's something they're all used to dancing around.
Call it my song or call it my calling,
It's a ******* Siren Party.

Where or where have you gone?
It's been 3 months long enough.
It's time to be more than alone.
I'm not alone I got and him and I.
We party like nothing's gonna change.
Grab a cup, kick back, have a drink of the extinct.

There's so much banging at the door yet I dont bother to answer.
It's a party in here where nothing ever changes.
Not even the moves we make or the things we faced.
We're just more laced.

These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along.
It's somethings they're all used to dancing around.
Call it my song or call it my calling,
It's a ******* Siren Party.
We are aware of your precense yet we treat it like covid...
Christopher Oct 2020
I could never believe in such things.
Momma taught me to never make promises.
I'll only have what I make that I say can be,
Even if it means out bleeding the daily dosage than what's given to me.
I trust in it as much as I can.
Until it's like dad coming back with a pack of cigarettes.
It's just an Idea
But more make believe, ya?
Have it Or Not.
Make it or Forsake it.
Sometimes fantasy is better than the picture already given.

I know, I know!
It ain't what it seem!
But it's better just an Idea!

But it's better a fantasy than what you keep feeding me

Dope-a! Morph-a
Feel you in my spine!
I just saw you yesterday with huge *** smile.
But I still can't find you like the rest of my mind.
Incomplete.
But Not Obsolete
Im back
Christopher Apr 2020
Such power it's had.
More than i can recall.
I said these things but
Dreams are just dreams
But love will remain unreal.

Before you never knew anything.
California showed me something,
I thought it was just a moment,
I didn't know what to do.
It only took years of sadness and self hate to really dig deep and tell you what you really meant to me.
God i don't regret a single word since then.
Yet i cant remember what I said.


You know more now.
And nothing will change
Except our friendship
******* ****
I just had to be weird and let my heart grip.
Let every word a rip!
What we said and what we did was true and i told you
Truthfully I do.
But you said no.


I wish i was back in cali and could confess those feelings sooner than later...
Now here i am,
5 am...
Wishing you were next to me in my bed.
Holding you tight,
Loving you close,
Not a worry in sight and making you blush.
You're beautiful
Breathtaking.
I don't wanna close my eyes.

Reality check...
Good morning...
She means the world to me...
Yet the world ripped my heart.
Christopher Mar 2020
I don't know how to create poetry.
I've just used this place as a place for me to rant and try to do so so subtly.
This is the only place i could really say anything without getting shot at by my family and friends.

I just wanna feel like im doing something right for once without feeling like ****.
Christopher Mar 2020
Life will continue and time will pass.
Like Vid-19
You'll only be remembered in class.
Mentioned in the worst ways and times.
¿Te acuerdas de tu hermano?
I'll hesitate and say I remember the time i spent contemplating if I'd ever get you or not.

I get it but why?
Leaving me a responsibility I never asked for.
He's mad and sad,
Doesn't even consider that fact I'm passed out
Blacked out
Crossed now
Passed out
Lost now
Rad.
Doesn't even know the blood forbade the name engraved, he was enslaved to and will change to a new.

Though it won't stay the same, I still hold the title and torch.
The one I'm expected to hold high with pride!
I won't let you down
But i will to him.

I'm sorry all we have is a blurred photo together and that all you could hear was gibberish from my mouth.
But know I love you.
Thick or thin
11.1.19.
Sorry brother...
Christopher Feb 2020
You and I were close at a time.
Now I don't see a need for you in my life.
the idea that You were part of me made me believe
I was incapable of moving forward was nothing but A lie.

embodied in a wear of my faults,
I wanted to haunt me.
maybe I wasn't good enough.
I felt like a fool.
but You were all I knew.
All I could turn to and believe.
me...
Being Nothing.

scarred and torn, I moved on.
You existed
And Now just I.
1257 will always be engraved as your Grave.
Because I can move on as one.

Never again alone.
I will always fall into a dark part in my life and I will always come out. I needed you as a comfort but now i have something better. I'll feel parts of you now and then but I'll make it with them. 1257 my survivors.
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