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Nikita May 2015
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refridgerator.
Nikita Jun 2015
Its weird how you can have so much
and not be happy
whereas a child with a stick
and sand
is the happiest kid in the world x
Nikita Sep 2018
The decision was final
But it wasn't mine.

An empty womb
An empty tomb

Not sure if it was their death
or mine?
Nikita Jan 2022
People notice.
Their eyes and minds,
Focused on you.
Like a street lamp,
Judgment flickers,
Off and on.
You have a reason
That I understand?
No judgement.
You have an excuse
That I can't relate to?
Fix yourself.
Work on yourself.
Blame yourself.
Shape yourself.
Wait.

You are not broken.
There is nothing to fix.
You are whole as you are.
Like Kintsugi
You put yourself back together.
More beautiful than you
Ever were.
I have been taking care of myself for the past 23 years. I am no longer accepting life advice from anyone who believes I'm a project to fix.
Nikita Jun 2015
Who I am is everything to me
Nikita May 2015
Everyone changes attitudes around different people.
Just make sure that,  they are only changing your attitude and not your •personality•
Nikita Jun 2015
Im always on the verge of tears.
My chest always feels too tight .
I dont even know whats wrong,
But nothing seems to be going right.
Nikita Jun 2015
Close your eyes
Imagine a perfect world
what do you see?
Because all I see is you and me.
Nikita May 2015
Its so hard to be happy when you're not here to distract me

But I know I'll be fine.
Nikita Jul 2015
I can be painted
I can be decorated
I can be destroyed
Or I can be taken down
Piece by piece

You can try to get over me
But you'll never be able to walk through me
You can talk but I wont listen
You can ask but I wont answer

I can look nice
I can look plain
I can look destroyed
I can look like nothing but a pile of bricks

It just depends on how you treat me
Nikita Jun 2015
~

Its like every time you talk to me you're singing

Its like whenever you look at me
You're staring

Its like whenever you laugh with me
You laugh harder than before

Its like whenever you smile at me
You look happier for once

Maybe its just my imagination
But by the way your acting
Its as though you could like me too

But I know that that's impossible
My lie caused you to slip away
Slip so far in fact I could never have you stay

That's what makes it so difficult
To hear you sing, to see you stare, to hear your laugh and to see you smile.
Because I know its not me that happy about
She's the reason you sing, stare, laugh and smile

At least imagination keeps me calm.
Nikita Jul 2018
one
two
three years
but who's counting?

i'm here now and i'm not leaving
I haven't been active on this account for three years. All I've done is get worse and spiral into depression. I need this outlet more than ever and as I embrace my past, I should embrace the arts too.
Nikita May 2015
I can only take so much waiting before i explode
Ugh
Nikita Jul 2015
Have you ever seen a diamond?
Its cut and rough
Imperfect
Yet still as beautiful as ever
Just remember that
Nikita May 2015
I always think of you
I shouldn't
I wouldn't
But I can't help it

Always wondering
"will  they  see  me?"

I wish I could stop
I wish I didn't care

It would hurt a lot less if I cared a lot less

But I think its **impossible
Nikita Jul 2020
It’s been two months
Two months
Since I
Heard your screams
Wiped your tears
Held you close
Two months
Since I gave you
Up

You begged
You pleaded
I had no choice
She’s your mother
I’m sorry
Nikita Jul 2015
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious, yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies, yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough, yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life, yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image, yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence, yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.
Nikita Jul 2015
I want people to look at me
And see someone strong

See someone funny
Beautiful
Graceful
Radiant
Happy
Loving

Instead I dont know how Im seen but I know at least they dont see someone beautiful.
Nikita Sep 2015
I'm trying I swear
I never wanted to the monster
I never wanted to cause fear

Its harder than it looks
Trying to keep a smile or a straight face
When you're seconds away from bursting into tears

I just want my family
I just want my friends

But I guess I'm too talented at ******* things up
****
Nikita May 2015
In another life I swear I would've been a chronic drug addict
I don't do drugs but if it weren't for my supportive best friend and my fear of needle, pills and hallucinations I'd be so hooked
Nikita Aug 2015
You know what hurts me?
So ******* much?

Is that the last time we properly talked
It was about my lungs
About how Im scared of young death

I trusted you enough to tell you
I trusted you enough to let it out

But not once.
Not once did you ask me how I was doing
Not once did you check up on me

And it hurts
It hurts
So much

That I could've died and it wouldnt have effected you at all.
Nikita Jul 2015
I feel ugly
I feel horrible
Im honestly such a mean person without ever wanting to be
I want to smile
I want to be kind
But honestly Im breaking inside
I honestly want to fling myself off a bridge
At least then Id stop hurting people
At least then I could join my nana and grand dad

But I couldnt and wouldnt
It would hurt too many people

So I guess I just have to continue waiting until my lungs take me
Which shouldnt be too long v.v
Nikita May 2015
You were my everything
Now you're nothing.

But it still hurts to see you again and again knowing I'm your nothing aswell.
:/
Nikita Jul 2018
Headaches
Come in all
Shapes
Sizes
Forms

Headaches
Come and
Go

They are tempory

Your pain
Is tempory too
We all have that voice that says we aren't sick, that we are acting. Mental illnesses are valid and they ******* us more than a broken leg ever could. With a broken leg we can't walk, but with a broken mind, crutches are harder to come by.
Nikita Jun 2015
They say we can be whatever we want
As long as your rich, above the law, highly intelligent and have no responsiblitys
Nikita Jul 2015
It's weird how you can miss someone, even though you see them everyday
Nikita Jun 2015
Tell me
What do you love to do?
What makes you happy?
Whats your favourite food?
Do you like to draw or paint?

Because life isnt just about work, relationships and media
Life is about creating yourself
And creating a life to remember
To look back on and *smile
Nikita Jul 2015
Yelling
Argueing
So many people
So much going on
I can barely think straight

You may enjoy the madness
Strike for chaos
But peace and order is what makes me feel safe

School
Home
Town
Wherever I go,
Everything has to be a show

I love people
I really do
But I fear chaos
And that's what crowds of people are
Chaos.
Nikita Nov 2015
If I've learnt anything from this year
Its that you need to plan ahead
Set yourself goals and stick to them

It may be hard
It may be boring
But in the end itll be rewarding
Nikita Sep 2019
Preparing dinner
Tying a knot
Swallowing medicine
Running a bath
Driving a car

Tools to live with
Tools to take life with
I want to block out the difference
Nikita Sep 2019
Flax blades
Howling birds
The tears of strangled mountains

Flip a coin
The land of the long white cloud
A sun so bright
The shadows are buried
7 feet below
Alongside those whose eyes
Were convinced
The coin only flipped one side
Suicide rates in New Zealand have doubled this year. Its a sad and tragic statistic that reflects kiwis struggle with mental health
Nikita Jun 2015
Just because shes confident with her body
doesn't means she's a ****
It just shows how much of a judgemental ***** you really are.

Just because he's into guys
Doesnt mean hes against god
It just shows how closed minded you really are.

Just because she dresses differently
Doesnt mean shes depressed
It just shows how obilvious you really are.
  
People arent what they seem
So stop labelling and start accepting.
Nikita Jul 2015
Breathe like the sea
Whisper like the trees
Dance like the wind
And let your journey begin
Nikita Jun 2015
Last night
I met two people
As opposite as can be
One outgoing, funny and talkative
The other shy, sweet and quiet
But somehow they still worked as a couple
In fact they seemed to get along better than most couples you would think to be perfect

This goes to show
Its not who you end up with
Its how you ended up with them
Nikita Jun 2015
I swear laughter is medicine
Nikita Jul 2015
All I need is someone to lean on
Im sorry if that drags you down
Maybe you could lift me up
Well if your strong enough
We could even take turns
I just want to know someone cares
It may be annoying
But ive been told im worthless my whole life

Im just scared
That one day
You really wont care
You will realise im worthless
And leave
Just like everyone else did
Nikita May 2015
You learn a lot from what people write

You learn about them
You learn about the world
And even yourself
Nikita Jun 2015
Equality is giving everyone the same thing
Justice is giving everyone what they deserve

You wouldnt give everyone ballet outfits because one person is a ballerina so why give a ****** the same sentence as a drug dealer.
Nikita Oct 2020
My wrists are limp.
Pearlescent and painful,
Imprints of rope have been
Tattooed into my skin.

I’m not one to let go.
Frantic and hopeless,
I’m a clinger.

To be seen and heard,
It’s what I deserve.

But I don’t notice.
I don’t believe I’m seen.
I don’t believe I’m heard.

So I hold on,
Hoping.
That all while I saw at the rope,
You will mend it back together.

But you’re tired,
I can see that.
I’ve seen it for a while.

I wanted to stop sawing.
I needed to let go.
I’m sorry.

Now,
You’ve cut the rope fully.
I can finally fall,
Free.
Nikita Jun 2019
When the sun rolls her eyes
A soft whisper reminds him
You’re home free once you lay inside

Barbed wires and lilac thieves
He's cloaked from head to toe
The Promised Land saws at his knees

Raising her head, she cries
Only not for stars or dreams
But to fill as though she is ten, not five

It’s the destination, not the journey they say
Preaching as though you don’t have soil to stay

Listening into the black and white picture screen
Ripples draped in red
They are not called she, he, only thing

Stripped of
Care
Consideration
Left less than animals

Tell me again why you believe this man covered in cloth
Is any less than the man who hides behind a rock
'A refugee is someone who has been forced to flee his or her country because of persecution, war or violence. A refugee has a well-founded fear of persecution for reasons of race, religion, nationality, political opinion or membership in a particular social group. Most likely, they cannot return home or are afraid to do so.'

https://www.unrefugees.org/refugee-facts/what-is-a-refugee/
Nikita May 2015
Whatdo you see?

An ocean of green and blues waves
Or a blank, distance grey?

Magnificent and vibrant colours
Or just green decay?

Do you see me like I see my­self?

Or are my eyes brighter than anyone else?

Can I
trust you to look into my eyes
Or will you just see the
ugly* me I claim to be.
Nikita May 2015
I know what its like to almost die
To think you're going to die

Its not scary

It just makes you feel numb
Like the type of numb when you've had the ice pack on for a tad too long
Or when you sleep on your arm

I think what made me most afraid was the constant reminder

Rise and fall
I would breathe in and out
Hearing myself slowly die young

That was what frightened the **** out of me.
Nikita Jul 2015
It seems like I have noone
Noone to back me up
Noone to trust anymore
I feel alone dispite being around people 24/7
All of my friends just seemed to fade into nothing
Noone asks about me anymore
Noone invites me anywhere anymore
And if I am invited my family will sure as hell ruin that too
All I want is at least one mate I can rely on
One mate that understands
But I guess thats too much to ask for.
Loneliness is when you are surrounded by people but still feel like noones there
Nikita Mar 2020
You’re back
You’re back and it’s strange
I’m so happy but so calm
I’m so content but also anxious
Will you stay?
Will you please-

Your words sing to me
Your laughter ignites something within me
I feel light
I feel safe
I feel at home with you

You’re here
You’re here and it’s strange
I’m so happy but so calm
I’m so content but also anxious
Will you stay?
Please, will you love me?
Really?
Nikita May 2015
On the verge of crying
On the verge of dying
But its okay
I'll just smile it off anyway

A smile is my natural mask
Nikita May 2015
Her body was the canvas
Her emotions were the painting
And his knife was the brush
"What doesn't **** me makes me stronger"
May
Nikita Jun 2015
May
I may look strong
I may smile brightly
But Im just as fragile as the next person
Me
Nikita May 2015
Me
*******, cunty ******= I love you.




Im such a sweet person ♥
Nikita Aug 2015
If I have ever told you
"Ily" or "love ya"
Then you probably mean alot to me
Its one of the hardest things for me to say
Even when its meant casually
Because Ive been rejected so often
That Im kinda terrified to be rejected again
Nikita Nov 2015
Feeling forgotten
Feeling replaced
Im in a daze and feeling out of place

Need some people who want me around
I guess I just feel
Completely ignored

But I guess its just a taste of my own medicine
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