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jocethepoet Aug 2020
I’m not saying that I have a bad life
I have everything I need to survive
I have a job, roof over my head, support
I buy the things that I need and want
But for some reason I have a feeling in me that just does not want to leave me alone
I don’t feel like I’m worth it
Anything
I deserve nothing that would make me happy
Why? I honestly don’t know
No one understands what goes through my head
Im very insecure and constantly worried
I worry that people don’t actually like or love me
I worried that everyone thinks I’m annoying
Nothing helps me feel totally happy
Not money, family, friends, nothing
And I don’t know why.
I feel like I’m alone
No one is helping me fight my battle
A army of one
I have visions of me fighting
I have moments where I just sit in my room and drive myself crazy overthinking
I end up crying and fighting with myself
Yelling, punching things,  throwing things
And picking fights with my boyfriend
I love him I really do
But, I feel like my insecurities are pushing him away
He says he loves me but I don’t believe him
Why should I
I’m nothing, im not important to him
I feel like trash compared to the other girls he’s been with
He can do better then me

I want help and I need it but I don’t know where to get it
Self medication isn’t helping anymore
And it will get worse
I just know it
I know me
These days have been have felt like I am stuck in a Stanley Kubrick film
Just normalizing the traumatic events
I am looking for someone who is heaven sent
Who would let me vent
And sit in my tent of emotions
Dealing with all this commotion
Of the world falling
I need something calming
idek
AestheticAbi Jul 2020
stop I begged
I'm only twelve
I constantly said

Leave me alone
please I'm not the one
you want to hold

I guess I asked for it
even after I said
I didn't like it one bit

I guess what I didn't know
was everything meant yes
especially when I begged no

He touched me in places
and gave the
most horrid faces

he even wanted me to call him daddy
but the worst part of it all
is I couldn't bear to tell my mommy

so I'm sorry I posted pictures of myself
I just didn't know hed text me saying
hed think of me when touching himself

I didn't know a bikini
would hurt me so much
especially because I'm not skinny

like the other girls he said
I'm far from them
as he laid me down in his bed
rhionna May 2020
It's always give never take
giving out all my kindness
giving out all my love
giving out words of comfort
but for all that I give
nothing is returned
all give no take
a laugh can't help but to escape
ha, such a sad fate
Jules Oct 2019
Your incompetence
is no accomplishment
Your inhibition
is no excuse
What're you waiting for?
What're seeking for?
It's all a mess
What're you waiting for?
What're you crying for?
Get over it
Aaron LaLux Sep 2019
...on a tangent,
writing lines on my laptop as my emotions run rampant,
in a parking lot outside a Sprouts on Santa Monica Blvd.,
typing vows like they might make some kind of difference,
woke up, restless, on the wrong side of the bed today,
welcomed back, to this Waking Life with tightness in my chest,
& this relentless feeling of eternal loneliness I can’t shake,
which has got me thinking, maybe some souls can’t be saved,
& maybe that’s why I’m now sitting in my car,
with tears in my eyes & nowhere to drive,
because there’s nowhere I want to go,
other than back to the one place where my love was denied,

the only place I want to go,
is back into the arms of the one that let me go,
but she’s so far gone memories seem like only dreams now,
even though I’m not dreaming, I’m wide awake, woke,

I feel so far away from her, for real, it’s almost unbearable, tears start to flow, I think about taking my own life, but don’t,
instead I shake it off, write it down, get these words out of me, to show we all hurt & it’s okay to lose control,

& yeah I know I’ve got nothing really to complain about,
because I’ve got a great life & all that,
but knowing my life is better than most of those in this world,
doesn’t really make me feel better or enhanced,
in fact, it actually makes me more depressed,
it makes me wonder what hope we have left,
as the forests burn, the wars rage,
& the polar bears frantically panic on ever melting ice caps,
& I’m constantly aware of all of these obvious facts,
& maybe that’s why I’m in my car with tears in my lap,
lost with no motivation running out of time & patience,
can’t see a future, feel the present, or remember the past,
This Unruly Mess We’ve Made looks great, shout out to Mac,
but it wasn’t built to last so how much more can it withstand?...

excerpt from poem #63 of THHT3:
The Hollywood Hearts Trilogy Vol 3
available worldwide 9/9/19
Maddie Rea May 2019
Ready to give up now or never
Another way to make this river run
Not another cut let’s pull out this gun
Rays of yellow and gold cursing me again
The counter clicking closer
Blessed in another life please just bring me the knife
Piercing my veins again with the chemicals
One more bill to pay I won’t ever carry a tray
Don’t you want to hear me cry your name another to tally
It’s just a let down all this pain is temporary never reaching my limits
Wishing I could win this always deserving why can’t I earn this
Just one more battle know I will never win the war
The devil will have my soul another pill to swallow
Hoping only death will follow
Rachel Faith Apr 2019
S.
I found closure when you came back
   and I proclaimed back
   that I didn't want you back.
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
What day is it?....
Oh... !!!
Why couldn't it be yesterday?!
I survived yesterday.
Do you ever make a bad start to the day?
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