the half finished bottle of wine, the smell of your cigarettes in my hair, the sleeping couch

the feeling of
l o v e
spreading like a
venom through my veins
my hands are trembling
my body shaking
my head is dizzy

and in the end of the day
I only can think of
                                       you
you      
                    you
                                        ­           you
you
                                 you
        you
                                           you.

what if
the wounds won't heal?
what if
my heart keeps aching
so bad?
what if
my tears won't stop
flowing?

what if
I just give up?

while we
let the sun kiss our skin
we watched the sky
through the leaves
and talked
about the weight of the world
which is laying on the shoulders
of our generation

the only heart that will beat for you forever
is the heart in your own chest.

finally I can write again
I let the words flow
even though the sentences don't
make sense and the quality is low.
The poems might be
not so perfect,
lovesick & over-dramatic
but I started writing again
and I'm proud.

decide between stepping back
or jumping
to fall from
heights that used to scare me
because I'm not afraid anymore
to fall down and reach
the bottom
of
my soul

but it's easier
to just
fall asleep.

when you left
I searched every object in my room
because maybe one of them
still contains your smell.

what if God
regrets creating
a human
like me?

It is silent
but I feel like a thousand words are spoken
we don’t look each other in the eyes anymore  
we don’t touch
we only wave
from across the room

goodbye ¿

How can I save everybody else,
when I'm drowning myself?

I wrote a poem
about you
again.
You wouldn't leave my head
and when it was 4am
laying awake
i was drowning in the feeling of
love.
Just as all the love songs
suddenly made sense,
suddenly all the words I wrote
where about you.
I promise this will be
The last words I'll write
about you.
Goodbye.

sometimes I have a hard time
perceiving myself;
the person who I actually am,
I am used to be filled with negative
and draining thoughts
but who am I next to that?
some days I forget that I'm actually
me
under a surface of anxiety and thoughts
under a layer of the weird way my brain functions
maybe I find her again,
I hope to meet her soon.

do we fear the love
we think we don't deserve?

My feelings for you are like paper in the rain;
It will dry, but never be the same.

I want
the water
to boil me
to cook me alive
peel off all my layers

and reveal what I’ve been trying to hide.

home is
(the people I love)
my hand in your hand
when I lean in against your chest
and hear your heart beat

home is
a place without four walls
where I can close my eyes
and feel safe enough
to run
without fear

home is
the body I live in
(cry in, love in, die in)
where I exist and love myself

it’s the words that always will
remain unspoken
between us.
the undefined smiles,
and the acknowledged feelings
we never discovered.

eventually
everyone
will find someone better,
over and over.

I am so afraid of things changing
but I am also scared
that everything will stay the same.

I see you looking at me
in a broken mirror and
I promise to hold your hand
dry your tears
and I will make for you a
soft universe.

and then she showed love
to the body
I've been hating
for so many years.

I am afraid
the feeling of
loneliness
will never leave
my chest